by David Parker
Instead of worrying over everything you haven’t done, you can focus your attention on your list of accomplishments.
You gain confidence in the decisions that you’ve made.
You restore confidence in your decision-making ability.
You restore balance in your life.
If you feel low, like you haven’t accomplished anything because you’ve felt incapable, you can look at your J.O.T. list, see some accomplishments, and say to yourself, “Well, I got a few things done!”
Eventually, you begin to see that you’ve been developing self-discipline from all this “do”-ing.
Over time, you notice that you are routinely able to do more than you ever could.
“Do”-ing used to be “bor”-ing, but doing it “just one task” at a time, The J.O.T. Method™ way, makes it an interesting challenge!
You learn that when you write a task down, that makes it seem more important than almost anything else. You then use that knowledge to your advantage by continuing to write your tasks down, which motivates you to “do” even more.
Keep With It!
Remember that The J.O.T. Method™ is also a tool that will help you develop your overall level of patience, and as stated many, many times before, patience is the enemy of procrastination.
Keep using the same notebook because in time your J.O.T. list will become a record of your accomplishments. It will prove to you time and time again that you persevered and followed through with your tasks until their completion. As your list of accomplishments grows, your list of undone tasks will become shorter—and as that burden recedes, it shouldn’t be surprising that you’ll probably feel a lot better about yourself.
If you experience any difficulty with The J.O.T. Method™ at this point, try not to become too concerned. Keep tasks simple for now and get used to “do”-ing. The present time may not yet be the right time to reconcile your last six months’ worth of bank statements; however, you can always work on building up to that. The most important thing to “do” right now is to become accustomed to doing in this new way.
Chapter Twelve
Dealing with Setbacks
NO ONE SETS OUT TO become a habitual procrastinator—instead, we develop procrastination as a method of coping with life’s obligations. It might not be the best way of dealing with things, but for better or worse, it allows us to continue functioning. In a sense, habitual procrastination is akin to alcoholism because while no one ever sets out to become a problem drinker or to develop a drinking habit, it happens because no matter the downfall, drinking offers some degree of comfort, relief, and escape from life’s obligations. Despite all the misery that such a lifestyle begets, the alcoholic grasps his lifestyle in the same manner with which he clings to his bottle, because no matter the consequences—comfort, relief, and escape are all that he believes he needs.
Problem drinkers sometimes find their way into treatment for one reason or another. It might have been a court-ordered mandate, or they could just find that a folding chair at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting offers more support than a tavern’s barstool. However, not every problem drinker gets it on his first time around. Sadly, sometimes the saying, “Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t” holds true. Why is this the case?
One reason is because we’re human, and in spite of whatever might be best for us, or our best intentions, we can slip back into familiar ways that while negative, may hold us in their spell of attraction. Just as no social drinker ever sets out to become an alcoholic, no one who puts off a task ever intends to become a habitual procrastinator. Unfortunately, it happens all the same. So what are we frail humans to do? Sometimes, the only thing you can do is to lick your wounds, and then re-commit to working on yourself.
Changing away from a long-held habit like procrastination isn’t as easy as changing from one pair of shoes to another. Change happens as part of a process, and while The J.O.T. Method™ will work if it’s applied in your life, it cannot work if you fail to practice it. While there may be days when you fall back into old ways, should you string a few of those days together, you may soon feel as if the method is no longer working. Changing from life as a habitual procrastinator—into a “do”-er takes time, practice, and, above all else, the willingness to stick with the process.
What follows are some of the most common situations that cause habitual procrastinators to stumble on the road to recovery. We’ll also discuss suggestions for overcoming these trip hazards.
Unrealistic Expectations
As recovering procrastinators, one of our greatest potential setbacks is our penchant for expecting more from ourselves than is reasonable for particular situations. We suffer from this problem because our past habit of procrastination has shaped the ways in which we perceive our tasks. Even if we eliminate procrastination to the best of our abilities, our old ways can still occasionally crop up in our thoughts, especially when a task seems complicated or boring.
Here are some examples of our self-talk when we react to our tasks with unrealistic expectations:
“It’s going to take forever to get done!”
“I cleaned all morning, but there’s still more to do.”
“I’ve got too much to get done, it’s no use!”
“Only I could get so behind on things.”
We always need to remember to focus on what’s in front of us, rather than looking at the big picture, which is how we looked at our tasks in the past. On the occasions when we find that we’ve slipped back into our old ways of thinking, we need to stop, and take a moment to think up an internal rebuttal to the thoughts that pollute our minds and stop us from taking action. Here are those same thoughts from the above examples, along with positive rebuttals to those thoughts:
Unrealistic Expectations Positive Self-Rebuttals
“It’s going to take forever to get done!”
“I’m looking at the big picture, and I need to refocus my attention on handling just one task at a time.”
“I cleaned all morning, but there’s still more to do.”
“Look at how much I’ve gotten done. Not everything has to be done in one day.”
“I’ve got too much to get done, it’s no use!”
“I need to stop looking at the big picture, and deal with my tasks on a one by one basis. It would be helpful if I wrote down what I get done, so I can see my progress.”
“Only I could get so behind on things.”
“I’m only human. I need to be a bit more gentle with myself.”
The above examples serve to point out why it’s important to write down your achievements, which is what takes place when you use The J.O.T. Method™. When you write down each task before it’s begun and then put a line through that task after it has been taken care of, you not only wind up with completed tasks, but your J.O.T. list also provides you with a written list of your achievements. This not only shows you what you’ve done, it also trains your mind to see your unaccomplished tasks as the smaller components of your larger needs. No matter how large a task may be, it can always be broken down into smaller parts, and no matter how small a task may be, if it’s dealt with, it’s an accomplishment!
Reconsider What a “Reasonable Goal” is to You
Related to the problem of having unrealistic expectations, many recovering procrastinators put themselves under unnecessary pressure due to the unreasonable goals they put on themselves. This behavior is like that of a person who’s recently given up smoking, but still leaves home with his cigarette lighter in his pocket. If that person is going to live life as a non-smoker, it’s probably best that he chuck the lighter in the trash in order to avoid playing games with temptation. In the same way, if you are going to live your life as a newly minted non-procrastinator, in order to experience the growth that you desire, you’re going to have to accept a few challenges until you become acclimated to them.
If you spot a task that needs doing, but instead of taking action, you find yourself gett
ing lost in unimportant distractions, try listening in on your internal dialogue. Do you ever tell yourself anything like, “This Saturday, I’m going to clean out the garage,” or “I’d like to lose ten pounds, so I’ve got to exercise like crazy.” Yet then you wind up sitting on the living room couch with a tub of ice cream in one hand and the television’s remote control unit in the other. If so, you may be giving yourself unreasonable goals.
Remember, one of the chief reasons that procrastinators put off tasks is because we often give ourselves vague or conflicting instructions for accomplishing our tasks. If that’s the case, then we need to work on our goals, and the best way to do this is by putting them down on paper. On paper, our thoughts are less fleeting and scattered, and we have an opportunity to rework them to give ourselves a better chance of accomplishing what we really want to get done.
Here are those two unreasonable goals from above once more, but now they’ve been reworked as realistic goals, as you’ll see in the right-hand column:
Unreasonable Goal Realistic Goal
“This Saturday, I’m going to clean out the garage.”
“If I can clear up four square feet of space in the garage over this weekend and the next one, that would be great!”
“I’d like to lose ten pounds, so I’ve got to exercise like crazy.”
“If I want to lose ten pounds, then I’m going to have to dedicate myself to that goal by watching what I eat and getting thirty minutes of exercise, three times a week.”
Your internal dialogue sets your goals, and it has the power to tell you what not to do, or what to do. So listen carefully to the things you tell yourself, and decide whether you’ve been flying on auto-pilot. If you don’t like the direction you’re headed in, then retake the controls and chart a new direction by deciding to take on the things that you can manage. It’s good to challenge yourself every now and then, especially when it comes to the way in which you approach your tasks. This will often require you to break your larger tasks down into smaller pieces. Like the old saying goes, “How do you eat an elephant?” The answer is simple: “One bite at a time.”
What To Do When Frustration Gets the Better of You
If there’s anything that can stop a habitual procrastinator in his tracks, it’s the feeling of frustration. In fact, there’s nothing else that puts the brakes on action quite like frustration. Frustration is a potent adversary, but luckily, there are some things that we can do to neutralize its unwanted effects. Here are a few of them:
Frustration Fighters How They Help
Exercise.
There’s nothing that can get you moving, like moving will. I can’t tell you how many times I got up from my computer keyboard while working on this book, if only to stand up and move my legs up and down. It didn’t burn too many calories, but it got my blood moving; most especially, to my head. As stated earlier in Chapter Eight: “Move a muscle, change a thought.”
Lower your expectations.
You’re human, and like it or not, you can only do so much in one day; so try not to overwhelm yourself with unreasonable expectations. Be happy with what you can honestly get done, and take note of those things that you can’t, because you can always do them tomorrow. In this situation, getting to them tomorrow isn’t procrastination; it’s being realistic.
Reassess your goals.
Have you set a goal for yourself that may not be possible at the moment? There are times when recovering habitual procrastinators will raise the bar too high, because now that they’ve begun getting things done, they feel invincible. Don’t allow yourself to fall into that trap. Write your goals down, execute them using The J.O.T. Method™, and remember there are times when we need to crawl before we can learn how to walk.
Try working at your task in silence.
One of the most common problems habitual procrastinators face is the need to deal with tasks that are complicated, boring, or seem to drag on. To fight the boredom that sometimes accompanies such tasks, procrastinators will often employ playing the radio, music, or even the television in order to liven things up or to feel less alone. Unfortunately, such tactics usually backfire on us for a plethora of reasons. We’ll discover more about that in our next segment.
Increase your capacity for patience.
Always practice patience, not just because patience is the enemy of procrastination, but because you will increase your tolerance for the world as it is, as well as for your own frailties. The less that we fight reality, the more we accept it. One of the best methods that I’ve found to increase patience within myself has been to slowly chant “Patience” to myself a few times in a low voice, as if it were a mantra. “Pa-ti-ence, pa-ti-ence, pa-ti-ence” slowly and calmly. Try it yourself and see how it provides you with a few moments that you can use to refocus your mind back onto your task.
When it comes to fighting the feeling of frustration, what’s truly important is to find what works for you. Think back to a time in your life when you felt the same way, but persevered. It may have been when you were in school and had to study for an important exam. Or, perhaps as an adult you needed to acquire a professional license in order to qualify for an employment opportunity that you wanted. Remember what you did in order to stay focused on the task at hand. For example, while writing this book, I was faced with dealing with the noise that came from living in an apartment building. I then recalled that I had a pair of noise-canceling headphones in my closet that were just gathering dust, so I put them to use. It seemed a bit odd at the time, to be wearing headphones and to not have them plugged into anything, but I needed silence in order to do my best work. Today, those headphones are always at the ready to help when I need to concentrate while working in noisy conditions.
While noisy conditions from the outside world are one thing, there’s another source of noise that stops many people from taking action; however, it’s one where they have all the control, provided they’re willing to reclaim it.
All I Get From My Television is “Interference”
If there’s anything that interferes with getting tasks accomplished, it has to be squandering of hours by aimlessly watching television.
Many habitual procrastinators find that their television set is an enormous barrier to productivity, and for good reason; yet they always seem to have good reasons for keeping their television on. Here are just a few of them:
“Television covers up my loneliness. My home is lonely if I don’t have the television or radio playing.”
“Watching television keeps me distracted from all the things that I don’t want to think about.”
“Television immobilizes me. It hogs my attention more than radio ever could because television almost requires that you watch it.”
“Sometimes, after I’ve been out for an evening, there’s a part of me that wonders if I missed anything on television.”
“Television—seriously, my life revolves around it.”
“Television acts as my security blanket.”
“The time I spend watching television could better be spent doing other things.”
“Sometimes during the week, I record more than I can realistically watch, and then new programs air over the weekend that I also want to watch.”
“On weekends, I escape by watching television.”
“I know I was supposed to get around to my chores, but there were so many television programs that I might have missed.”
Almost ironically, the advent of the DVD hasn’t helped us because, instead of using them to watch what we want, and when we want to, we often continue aimlessly channel-surfing. No matter whether we watch DVDs or regular TV, once we turn our televisions on, there’s often little chance that we’ll turn them off until just before bedtime.
By engaging in aimless channel surfing, we are involving ourselves in a behavior that we’ve explored before: floating. Planning free time is very difficult for procrastinators; in fact, it’s one of our toughest challenges. This brings us back to one of our
older questions, “Why am I a ‘do’-er at work, but not at home?” The answer is because we have not planned out our free time at home.
In short, watching television aimlessly for hours at a time is like consuming candy bars in place of a proper meal—you’ll find yourself temporarily feeling filled and satisfied, but you’ll feel sick and empty a few hours later. Television temporarily satisfies you by making you feel as if you’ve been productive; after all, you really have done something—you watched television for several hours. However, there’s no real payoff because nothing in your living environment winds up getting taken care of.
Many of our tasks require concentration if we are to accomplish them. Television not only diverts our attention from our more complicated tasks, but it also soothes us by temporarily allaying our fears over our unproductive ways by diverting our attention away from our real needs. In a sense, our television sets are like adult pacifiers. Just as prescription sedatives can calm our nerves but carry the potential drawback of addiction, television can also soothe our nervous systems, but it too can lead us down its own path of addiction. When our televisions are on, it’s difficult to shut them off because that might leave us facing our undone tasks. So, the best thing to do is to leave your television off for a set amount of time, especially when you arrive home from work, and have a plan (such as your J.O.T. list with one or two tasks to take care of) and then plan out your television viewing.
If you believe that you’ve lost control of your television viewing, here are some suggestions that may prove helpful:
Try not turning your television on the moment you arrive home. See if you can go thirty minutes without it, and use that time to complete a few items from your J.O.T. list.
