by David Parker
When I make it my mission to seek and destroy dusty surfaces, the “do”-er part of my mind perks up. In fact, it doesn’t matter if I’m dusting, arranging photos in an album, or taking care of any other small task that I find, because the moment that I begin taking care of that task, I’ve also begun taking care of myself. As a result, not only do I begin feeling better about myself, I start feeling more capable as well. Just like the action of creating a snowball and making it larger and larger, when I make myself do minor tasks like mopping my floors, arranging my shoes, and tidying up my home, I’m not only preparing myself to “do” more, but to handle more too.
The Best Antidepressant I’ve Ever Found Has Been My Filing Cabinet
In the past, I envied people who had neat and organized homes. They seemed able to find almost anything instantly, whereas I had a difficult time finding things in just a small studio apartment.
You might not think there could be that many places where important papers could hide, but there were times when I would forage high and low for receipts, wage statements, owners manuals, and warranty cards.
During those frantic paper hunts, especially around tax time, there was an atmosphere you’d expect to find at a search for forensic evidence—no stone was left unturned. During those times that I would repeatedly ask myself:
“Why did I put that there?”
“What made me think that that was a good place to store something as important as this?”
And, of course, “What was I thinking?”
By using a filing cabinet, you’ll know where all your important papers are. Just think about how much more neat and organized your living space could be with the addition of a filing cabinet. Your home doesn’t even need to take on the look of a business office, because many filing cabinets now come in different sizes, shapes and colors. As far as I’m concerned, because of all the organizational power and neatness that my filing cabinet has provided me with, I consider it the best antidepressant I’ve ever found.
Develop a Mantra of “Patience”
Although the topic of developing a mantra using the word “Patience” was mentioned in the previous chapter, I believe that it’s worth repeating in slightly expanded form because of the profound experience that I have had as a resulted of slowly chanting the word “patience” to myself.
We all have times when we encounter the feeling of frustration head-on. Sometimes frustration is like an ocean wave coming over us: there’s nothing we can do except to prepare ourselves for it by turning our backs to the wave and letting it come over us. Frustration provides us with the perfect excuse for giving up on our tasks and calling it a day. However, I’ve found the one thing that almost always gives me a second wind: it’s chanting the word “patience” to myself. Here’s why it works:
Chanting “patience” momentarily distracts me when I feel frustrated.
Just as the thought of dealing with some tasks can get me bent out of shape for a few moments, I can just as easily calm myself down by chanting “patience” to myself.
Shortly after I start chanting “patience,” my mind regains its perspective. Once my frustration dissipates, I often begin thinking of a similar task that I accomplished in the past, and then I get down to business.
This method can work for you too: start out with “patience,” or choose another calming word that will help you focus. Slowly chant your word to yourself a few times in a low voice, just as if it were a mantra. Speak slowly and calmly. Try this when you’re frustrated, and see how it provides you with a few moments that you can use to refocus your mind back onto your task.
Here Are Some Additional Advanced Techniques for Overcoming Procrastination:
Become Willing to Make Sacrifices
Sometimes the only way that you can get a task done is by focusing all of your attention on it, and only it. There are times when I need to go all out, which means shutting off the radio or television, shutting all my lights, and then sitting at my desk with just a desk lamp lit above my workspace. There are times that I simply can’t afford to have any distractions, and it’s during those times when I need to be willing to make sacrifices—because in order to gain something, I need to be willing to give up something else.
Luckily, after having changed from a habitual procrastinator into a non-procrastinator, you may not find it as easy to waste several hours in the same way that you once did. The thought of spending endless hours watching television may not seem as attractive as it did before your changeover. This is because you now feel a sense of responsibility towards yourself, as well as to others.
Remember that whenever anyone wants to make a change, personal willingness makes all the difference. As long as you remain willing to make sacrifices, you’ll have much more success in becoming the new you.
Learn to Prioritize by Adopting an Attitude of “First Things First”
What does “First Things First” mean? It means taking care of the most important need that you have first—with everything else coming in second place. Whenever you have a pressing task, take care of that task first, and everything else should be relatively easier, because less complicated tasks should require less mental and physical energy.
Moreover, many of our second-place tasks are really just distractions that have more to do with escaping and floating than anything that might result in a well-earned accomplishment. When we adopt an attitude of “first things first,” we put our needs ahead of our wants. Remember, by making something a priority—it becomes a priority.
Eliminate Conflicting Priorities By Deciding Which Task Has the Greatest Potential To Cause Depression
When faced with conflicting priorities, many procrastinators prefer to go into shutdown mode, reverting to their alternate state of being by becoming Human Ostriches.
However, having come this far, you’ll no longer want to go through that sort of reversal. Still, when faced with conflicting priorities, you may occasionally find yourself stuck in the mud. So, if you have several less than desirable tasks, how do you decide which task to deal with first?
I’ve found that what works best for me is to decide which task poses the largest risk of causing me depression. Whatever the other negatives might be, if one task has a higher potential to cause depression, then that key indicator tells me that task is the one that I must deal with first.
Think “Beginning and End”
There are times when we only see a task as something that’s large, formidable, and looming on the horizon, and it’s at times like those that we may become prone to feeling overwhelmed.
Those are the times when it can be especially difficult to believe that the task ahead not only has a natural life span, but also has an end to its involvement with us. If you should ever lose that perspective about an approaching task, then challenge yourself to come up with a reasonable end to it. Be creative and write that ending down in your notebook, and always remind yourself that your task will not take forever. As long as you remember that your task has a definitive life span, you’ll have a much easier time dealing with it.
Compromising Doesn’t Need to Feel Compromising
Sometimes when a habitual procrastinator finds himself faced with a difficult task that he’d rather not deal with, instead of finding a workable solution, he may decide to walk away from it by saying that he “doesn’t want to make compromises.” The procrastinator may see compromising as “giving in,” something he might say is personally distasteful. While at first glance, the procrastinator may look like a principled person, his refusal to compromise is merely just one of the creative ways that his mind has come up with as a defense against the tasks he’d rather not deal with.
If this describes you, take heart in the fact that compromising doesn’t necessarily mean “giving in,” it’s actually about coming to a decision, and that’s what overcoming procrastination is all about: decision-making.
If you think about that for a moment, how could compromising be anything but a good decisi
on? So, the next time you feel that you must compromise in order to get something done, remember that compromising is really just the act of making a decision, much like any other decision that you might make.
The Best Cure for the Worst Tasks
There are tasks, and then there are tasks. I can recall one time when I reluctantly agreed to an evening shift of transcribing a long audio recording. Transcription was something that I really didn’t like; however, I needed to pay my rent and, not seeing a future in the field of bank robbery, I took the job. When I arrived at the office, I discovered that the transcription was not going to come from a secretarial audio playback unit, but from a common DVD player. While secretarial playback units are purpose-built with a foot switch and automatic tape reverse to give you a chance to see where you left off, I had no such luxuries and had to deal with what I had been given for that eight-hour shift.
I was faced with pressing the “Play” button with one hand and then getting that hand back on my keyboard as rapidly as possible in order to type a few quick words, only to then hit “Stop” and “Rewind,” and then hope I had found the spot on the DVD where I had left off. As far as temp jobs went, this was “the job from hell.”
Luckily, I had learned some time before that when I’m faced with a difficult task the best tactic is usually to work fast and accurately; and that’s just what I did—I kept my head down and buried it in my work, and that tactic worked just fine. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, remember that sometimes the only way out—is by moving forward.
Reward Yourself for All the Hard Work You’ve Been Doing
Don’t be afraid to reward yourself for all of the hard work that you’ve been doing. At this point, having an enjoyable break is something that you might want to start incorporating into your activities. In the past, we procrastinators would take a break and never return to our duties. While the thought our old ways of life may keep you on the straight and narrow, you will eventually reach a point where a flat-out break is warranted.
Always remember that a restful break is different from goofing off. In addition, if you’re concerned that when you take a break you’ll have a difficult time returning to your tasks, then use an alarm clock to set a time for returning to your task, and make a promise with yourself to return to it when the alarm rings. I’ve found that one of the best rewards for my own hard work is placing my right hand atop my left shoulder and tapping that shoulder three or four times to say, “Well done.” Find a reward that’s meaningful to you, and use it as positive reinforcement when you complete your tasks.
Chapter Fourteen
The Procrastinator’s Relationships with Significant Others
UP UNTIL NOW, OUR FOCAL point has almost exclusively been on the procrastinator’s relationship with himself or herself, as he or she has been transformed from a habitual procrastinator into a non-procrastinator. We’re going to depart from that slightly in this chapter as we look at people who interact closely with habitual procrastinators. In other words, we’re going to take a look at what happens to people in interpersonal relationships with habitual procrastinators who haven’t yet begun their transformations.
When someone who doesn’t regularly procrastinate interacts with a habitual procrastinator, the non-procrastinator may feel frustrated by the behavior of the procrastinator. If the relationship between the two dictates that the non-procrastinator needs to depend upon the actions of the habitual procrastinator, such as when a non-procrastinating buyer agrees to purchase from a habitually procrastinating supplier who puts off replenishing his stock, the relationship can become strained. However, if the non-procrastinator and their procrastinating counterpart are in an even closer relationship, such as being married to each other, or if the non-procrastinator is the supervisor of a habitually procrastinating employee, the atmosphere between them can become downright combustible.
In order to examine these relationships, we’ll first see how a habitual procrastinator might be viewed from the perspective of a non-procrastinating spouse, and later, by a non-procrastinating supervisor in the workplace.
The Habitual Procrastinator and His/Her Significant Other
Meet Colin, a frustrated non-procrastinator and Patricia, his glum procrastinating spouse. Part of the frustration that a non-procrastinating significant other like Colin often feels, comes from his bewilderment at how his habitually procrastinating mate Patricia routinely goes about her tasks—or, perhaps more aptly, sprightly dances around them. For while Colin has lived his adult life in accord with mottoes such as “make hay while the sun shines,” or “a stitch in time saves nine,” he’s begun to realize that his significant other does not share his beliefs.
Moreover, while Colin might try to offer Patricia useful ideas and suggestions for putting an end to her procrastinating ways based on what he believes is common sense, Patricia does not seem to appreciate what Colin has to offer. “Try looking at it this way,” Colin said one day, in an attempt to boost Patricia’s sub-basement spirits, “After you’ve balanced your checkbook, you can say to yourself, ‘Well, I’m glad that’s done and out of the way!’” However, not unsurprisingly, Patricia doesn’t see things the same way due to her belief that many of her tasks are far too complex for her to deal with, let alone successfully complete. You see, deep inside, where her core beliefs lie, Patricia is so utterly convinced that she’s incapable of generating a successful outcome, she’s unwilling to give almost any task that requires effort an honest try. As you can imagine, this causes Colin immense frustration.
What Colin is unaware of are Patricia’s self-beliefs and internal talk that support her habit of procrastinating. For example, Patricia not only believes that she’s incapable of certain tasks, she’s also concerned about what might happen if she were to accomplish any of her “impossible tasks.” This is due to of a variety of reasons:
Patricia believes that if she were to successfully complete a task she previously though herself incapable of completing, she might be asked to take on other unpleasant tasks.
Patricia also believes that if she completes tasks she’s avoided up until now, she’ll no longer have the crucial evidence she needs to prove her assertion that she’s incapable of tackling certain tasks. Ironically, Patricia doesn’t seem to realize that the crucial evidence she holds onto doesn’t really exist. After all, if she never tries to complete an unpleasant task, that doesn’t necessarily prove that she’s less capable than someone else is; all that means is that she’s never really tried.
Patricia also worries that if she ever were to accomplish one of her impossible tasks, she’d be disproving her worst critic, “herself,” which to her would mean: she could have done them all along.
Over time, Patricia has grown dependent on Colin to take care of the tasks that she’d rather not deal with. Having this luxury, Patricia may not be too interested in regaining her adulthood, her independence, or her freedom because she’s become comfortable with having her needs taken care of. However, what Patricia isn’t aware of is that Colin harbors resentments against her for what he believes is her refusal to pull her own weight.
Patricia’s way of thinking is understandable—after all, she’s put a great deal of effort into avoiding whichever tasks she finds complicated, annoying, or are boring to her in some way. This is because, deep down, Patricia doubts that she has the ability to act like a “normal” adult, like her counterpart, Colin. And, why shouldn’t Patricia feel this way? After all, who among us would want to disprove something we’ve worked so hard, and for such a long time, to believe in as true?
In addition, Patricia perceives of her tasks as her problems, and she drags her problems around with her, day-in and day-out, refusing to deal with any of them until she’s forced to acquiesce by an external entity, such as a payment due date, or an application deadline. Patricia’s reliance on this kind of deadline alarm clock still isn’t guaranteed to be effective. As she’d ruefully admit, there have been many times when good op
portunities have slipped through her fingers, just like cans of food going past their expiration dates simply from sitting unused. Sometimes, this has less to do with procrastination, and more to do with the fact that Patricia never learned good or practical organizational skills.
How the Procrastinator’s Significant Other May Feel
Colin is not amused by Patricia’s behavior, and in the time that he’s come to know her, he’s begun wondering whether she might be using him because he sometimes feels like he’s being taken advantage of. Moreover, Colin’s not only noticed that Patricia handles fewer and fewer household chores, he’s also picked up on the bleak outlook upon life that she seems to have acquired as of late. As a result of this observation, Colin now misses the old Patricia that he once knew, the Patricia who was joyous and seemed to beam with light.
What Can the Procrastinator and Non-Procrastinator Do To Strengthen Their Relationship?
Colin needs to talk to Patricia about his feelings of dissatisfaction and his concerns about being used. If Patricia willingly listens to Colin and takes into account that he feels that he’s been unfairly burdened, that would be a great start. Then, it might be helpful if they put their heads together and made a list of some of the relatively easy household tasks that Patricia could take responsibility for. Patricia’s decision to undertake her tasks could go a long way towards relieving Colin of the resentments he’s felt as a result of shouldering all their household chores. In addition, when Patricia demonstrates responsibility for those tasks that she has agreed to, both she and Colin will feel that their partnership is stronger than ever.
