by David Parker
• While stuck in negative and defeating self-talk, many procrastinators constantly compare themselves to fellow students who seem better than, or more capable, than the procrastinator believes himself to be. This practice is called “Compare and Despair,” and more can be read about this in Chapter Nine, within the section entitled, “Try Not to ‘Compare and Despair’.”
There are also times when a procrastinator has put off such a large number of tasks that:
• He doesn’t feel up to dealing with any of his tasks, because he believes they’re all equal—meaning, they’re all too difficult for him to accomplish. As a result of his loss of perspective, the procrastinator can’t determine which task should be dealt with first. This is a very important life skill, commonly known as “prioritization.”
• Not wanting to deal with any of the tasks he’s already put off, the procrastinator continues doing the only thing he knows how to do well; he procrastinates even more. Then, while continuing this new round of procrastination, he berates himself non-stop for not yet having taken appropriate action. Thus, his negative self-talk becomes a substitute for action.
• When he’s forced to deal with an unpleasant task because of a deadline or some other kind of external threat, the procrastinator surprises himself by taking appropriate action. Then, instead of congratulating himself for meeting the deadline head-on and completing the task, he now berates himself for having had the ability to deal with the task all along. Many procrastinators in this situation will say things to themselves along the lines of, “It was so simple. Why did I make such a big deal out of it? I’m so stupid!”
• For more information on how procrastinators think, read Chapter Four, “The Characteristics, Behaviors, and Traits of the Human Ostrich.”
One way you can help your teenager overcome procrastination is by showing him a process called “The J.O.T. Method™,” which is discussed in detail in Chapters Ten and Eleven. “J.O.T.” is an acronym for “Just One Task” and put simply, The J.O.T. Method™ helps train a procrastinator to defeat perhaps the greatest barrier to productivity—that of feeling overwhelmed.
The J.O.T. Method™ works by teaching a procrastinator to focus on “just one task” by breaking a task down into its simplest components, strategically accomplishing each component, and then rewarding oneself for each small victory with proof of the procrastinator’s newfound abilities. You may find that in becoming familiar with The J.O.T. Method™, you’ll not only be able to help your child with their issues involving procrastination, but with any of your own as well.
It’s important to teach your teen to see their tasks as manageable, because with a positive outlook upon life, they’ll be more likely to develop the confidence that they’ll need, and hopefully, they’ll have an easier time standing on their own two feet when they reach early adulthood.
However, while keeping an eye out for your teenager’s own internal reasons for procrastination, it’s also necessary to watch out for any external reasons for procrastination. For example:
If technology is driving your teenager to distraction, you may wish to consider the following suggestions:
• If your teenager has the latest smart phone, the one with all those flashy gadgets that make communicating almost addictive, you may want to drop by a shop that sells used cell phones and purchase him a dependable “retro-model.” If you’re paying your teen’s monthly cell phone bill, remind him that the primary reasons for his having a cell phone is for you and him to be able to contact each other, and so he can call for help in the event of an emergency.
• Do you know what activities your teen participates in outside of school? Does he allow countless hours to roll by while watching television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, or doing almost anything but his homework or household chores? Then try these possible solutions:
• Limit home computer and television time. If necessary, go to an electronics retailer and buy timers so you can prevent these devices from being turned on while you’re away.
• If your child shows little regard for his time away from school, you may need to institute some form of monitoring by having him show you his completed homework or home-based tasks.
• Remember: If you don’t show an interest in your teenager’s schoolwork, how much of a chance is there that your teenager will?
Is your teen under too much pressure to achieve? Does he complain about any of the following conditions:
• Fear of failure: Is he unwilling to try because he’s afraid of failing?
• Fear of success: Is he unwilling to try because he’s fearful that a positive outcome means the prospect of greater responsibility, at the expense of his freedom?
• Does your teenager have enough free time to act his age and have fun? If not, he may try to borrow time away from his schoolwork or home responsibilities.
• Is your teenager rebelling against demands that he must live up to academic or vocational expectations, or the need to carry on a family tradition by entering a line of work that he has no interest in pursuing?
Does your teenager engage in so many extracurricular activities that he fails to devote adequate time to his studies?
• Your teenager may not necessarily be a procrastinator if he’s giving his all to a school-based club or team; however, his number one priority should be to his schoolwork.
Does your teenager exhibit any signs of the use or abuse of alcohol or recreational drugs?
• Do you know the signs of alcohol or drug abuse?
• Does your son or daughter hang out with or associate with friends who are known in the community as drinkers or drug users?
What Can a College Student Do to Avoid Falling Into Procrastination?
The difference between high school and college is akin to the difference between day and night because of the new experiences, freedoms, and responsibilities that college brings. These changes can cause some students to feel overwhelmed and, in turn, they may resort to procrastination as a negative coping measure in order to deal with the stress they feel. Later on in this chapter, we’ll provide a few suggestions that students can utilize for coping with college life; but for now, let’s take a detailed look at how a freshman college student’s life can differ from past educational experiences.
An entering freshman needs to understand that he might not only face academic challenges, he could also encounter social challenges that may require a certain amount of adjusting to. Here are a few of those areas, accompanied by strategies and solutions:
For students attending college away from home:
• You’ll likely reside in a dormitory, and you may find yourself sharing your room with one or more of your fellow students. Therefore, you might want to polish your diplomatic or interpersonal skills.
• If one of your roommates likes to listen to loud music at certain times, you may want to find a dependably quiet area where you can study undeterred. Even better, see if your school will allow you to put in a request ahead of your first semester for the kind of roommate that would be a good match for you.
• You may be allowed to prepare microwaveable dishes in the dormitory, which could help you save money; however, you wouldn’t want to exist on a diet that consists solely of reheated frozen dinners. So, it might be a good idea to take a cooking course before leaving for college. Fresh food is often cheaper than prepared meals.
In many, if not all colleges, students set their own schedules by picking which classes they’ll attend and at what times. Learn how to do this ahead of time by asking someone who’s familiar with the process, and keep the following suggestions in mind:
• In order to make your first semester as trouble-free as possible, have an idea as to what courses you might like to take, and have second choices at the ready.
• Be sure to fit study time into your overall schedule.
• Learn how to use a class syllabus ahead of time. It will help you to stay on-track during the entire semest
er.
Be aware of the following potential hazards:
• Avoid the temptation to load up your schedule with relatively easy classes, which could make future semesters more difficult.
• Avoid the temptation to socialize at the expense of your class work, especially on weekends.
• Avoid the temptation to skip lectures or classes where attendance is not normally taken.
Here are some suggestions that may help college students avoid acquiring bad work habits:
Try to get a realistic picture of college life and expected class workloads before your first semester starts by inquiring about them when you visit schools that you’re considering.
Find out who your faculty and student advisors are, and seek their counsel.
Join study groups because you’ll share study time with fellow classmates and have an opportunity to share ideas and make new acquaintances.
Be certain to:
• Eat well.
• Get adequate rest.
• Exercise in order to stay fit and to defeat stress.
The Need To Make Sacrifices
While writing this book, I worked as an administrative assistant in order to pay my bills. Once, while having a conversation with a kindly lawyer that I was working with, I mentioned how many activities I’d given up in order to write this book. I then asked him whether he had ever made any sacrifices during the three years when he attended law school.
After gently laughing, he said, “There are times today when I feel like watching a movie at home. Sometimes I’ll notice a film in the listings that has a good story line or some great actors in it, and I’ll think to myself, ‘That’s funny. I don’t remember that movie.’ And then I’ll look at the year the movie had been released, and I’ll say to myself, ‘It figures! It came out when I was in law school!’” He then went on to explain that during those three years of post-graduate education, he made a firm decision to put his social life on hold in order to concentrate on learning the law. That made me feel much better about the many sacrifices that I had already made and would continue to make in order to complete this book. For more about this concept, you may wish to read the section “Become Willing To Make Sacrifices,” which appears in Chapter Thirteen.
Procrastination and the Returning Student
By definition, a “returning student” is an adult who has been away from school for a number of years. Adults return to school for a variety of good reasons—here are a few of them:
To obtain a high school general equivalency diploma (G.E.D.)
To acquire new skills for use in the workplace.
To pursue a college degree while working full-time.
Because returning students are adults, many of them have responsibilities that younger students don’t yet have, such as:
The need to hold down a job to provide income.
Paying a mortgage or rent, in addition to car payments, insurance, and household utilities.
Taking care of children or other dependents.
Just like their younger counterparts, returning students also need to be wary of falling into procrastination, but for different reasons. Let’s look at each type of returning student, and what they need to be concerned with in regard to procrastination:
The G.E.D. student may have dropped out of high school because he or she fell so far behind in their studies, they reached a point where they decided to leave school rather than to continue battling with academic subjects.
• They see that decision as having been poorly thought-out and impulsive because they are now at an economic disadvantage, and they now see obtaining their general equivalency diploma as the first step towards securing a better future for themselves. These returning students need to avoid repeating the mistakes they made in high school, and key among these choices is staying on top of their studies to avoid falling behind in their class work once more.
• What might best help the returning G.E.D. student would be to find a specialized tutor before returning to school, for lessons on how to become a more effective student.
Some adult students return to school for a short time in order to acquire new workplace skills by entering into “certificate programs,” where the student is awarded a certificate that attests to their knowledge and/or vocational skills after passing a qualifying exam, or a series of exams.
These courses are often taught at a fast pace, and the school may wish to maximize the number of students in each class in order to maximize their profits. So while each student is given an opportunity to learn, they may not have as much of an opportunity to ask questions as they’d like, because their instructor may be under pressure to move forward. This can foster pressure within any student who isn’t prepared, which can lead to procrastination, poor performance, or even withdrawing from the course. However, there are a few things that a prospective student can do to increase their chances of success:
• Prospective students can choose their school wisely by personally visiting a few schools and interviewing their faculty, rather than simply relying upon school catalogs or brochures.
• In addition, because these programs are often taught at a quick pace, students might want to begin familiarizing themselves with the course’s materials ahead of the first day of classes. One good starting point would be to see if you can purchase the books and instruction materials that will be used in the course in advance, and to then familiarize yourself with them before classes begin.
Pursuing a college degree while working full-time is an undertaking that requires commitment and the willingness to make sacrifices over the long-term. In order to be successful, returning students could benefit from the following:
• Support from their immediate family or loved ones. This could mean asking the kids to cooperate by keeping quiet when their parent is studying.
• Having a quiet area in which to work, with a good desk, chair, and proper lighting.
• Making time to enjoy life, and to get into the sunshine every now and then.
One final subject area that we should examine concerns the relationship between procrastination and academic competition.
Some students not only want to garner their own best grades—they also want to out-“do” their fellow classmates. However, when the shoe is on the other foot, and it’s the highly competitive student who has been outdone, that student may feel envy, contempt, or have a resentment against those who did better than he or she. While these negative emotions are part of the human condition, they don’t necessarily help us because of their ability to distract us from our primary purpose for attending school—which is, to learn.
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to do one’s personal best, anyone who has had a history of battling procrastination may want to be on the lookout for signs of perfectionism within him or herself. For example: feeling the need to catch up with a classmate’s grades, or having an overwhelming interest in the academic ranking of their fellow students.
One way to fend off these negative feelings of envy, contempt, and resentment is to turn the situation around by looking for the positive qualities that your fellow students have, and to then consider incorporating those attributes into your schoolwork. Always remember—your willingness to improve upon your life, is your greatest attribute.
Chapter Sixteen
Review
A HABITUAL PROCRASTINATOR IS LIKE a sniper who never pulls his trigger, while forever waiting for a better shot. This is because a habitual procrastinator’s initial approach to his tasks is usually to hesitate and evaluate, rather than facing and embracing those tasks he considers boring, complicated, or otherwise unappealing. This makes procrastination one of the only aspects of human behavior that is dependent upon someone not taking action.
Many habitual procrastinators only take action when they have no alternative but to deal with a task they’ve worked hard at evading, and usually expend much more mental and emotional energy in avoiding it than they w
ould have if they’d only dealt with that task in a timely manner. As a result of this, habitual procrastinators often feel as if they’re continually being hounded into taking action by creditors, spouses, bosses, governmental agencies, and other externalities. This causes procrastinators not only to have resentments against these external forces, but against their tasks as well; in turn, this can make a procrastinator feel like fleeing from just about any form of personal responsibility.
However, as the habitual procrastinator evades more tasks, he builds up a plethora of things that await his action, and the more he avoids, the less capable he tends to feel. This situation often reaches a point where the procrastinator begins to believe that he is a defective person. “After all,” he thinks, “Other people seem to get their tasks accomplished, other people have homes that are clean and organized; and, other people get things done.” If a procrastinator thinks along those lines for long enough, he will not only lose confidence in his abilities, he can also lose his self-esteem and fall victim to mental depression. In addition, with the unrelenting pressure that comes from an ever-mounting burden of undone tasks, many habitual procrastinators also face difficulties with feelings of anxiety.
