by W.H. Harrod
~~ Chapter Thirty-One
Allison awakened from the longest, most peaceful nap she had enjoyed in her adult life to the sounds of voices coming from the next room. It took her a moment to orient her thinking. After she recognized her surroundings, the next thought that came to mind brought a smile to her face. The oppressive weight of hating and resenting the pathetic, unrepentant man who almost destroyed her life had vanished. It was a wonderful feeling of freedom she experienced now that she no longer hated. Hate sucked energy out of a person, and Allison had worked doubly hard over the last thirty-four years to compensate for the time and energy she lost hating her rapist, a sad, stupid, poor excuse of a human being. No more.
She couldn’t believe the time, almost 8:30 p.m. She and Bobby had spent the greater part of the afternoon, following the confrontation, enjoying the sites of the city. They strolled along the shopping districts looking for places they might recognize from earlier times. They drove to the bay and enjoyed coffee while watching sail boats glide effortlessly along the waterfront. They put the rainbow wagon through its paces climbing the steep hills above the city searching for lookout points offering scenic vistas of the bay. She topped off the afternoon with a long cell phone call to her husband during which she cried more than she talked. In the end though, she told him how much she loved him and that her long nightmare had ended, no more a presence to steal precious moments from their life. One more day of protesting in the city, and then she would head for home.
Exiting her room, Sam’s frenetic movements came into her line of sight first. He prattled away to a befuddled Bobby as he went about the kitchen and living room depositing his personal items. On the dining table, more of Lia’s delicious Italian food awaited her inspection. She could make out the pizza box easily, but the other container held a surprise. She overheard him telling Bobby how much he enjoyed the day’s experience and how interacting with people again on a more personal and basic level invigorated him. His most glowing compliments, of course, were for Lia. Unless Allison read the signs wrong, this budding relationship was gaining momentum. After a time, Bobby noticed her presence and gave her a pleading look that begged her to take this master of jabberwocky away so he could eat a piece of the delicious Lia Special pizza sitting on the table right in front of him.
“Well hello there, Mr. Happy. How did your day go?” asked Allison as she walked into the room.
Sam halted in mid-sentence and turned his attention towards her. “Hey Allison, come on in and have some pizza. Boy, do I have something to tell -”
“I heard everything you said, Sam, and I am so happy you’ve found something that is reengaging your wonderful mind. I’m confident you and the rest the world will be much better off for it, especially if you and Bobby decide to get involved in the production side of the industry. So, when’s the wedding?”
The comment surprised Sam, but after a moment, his whole face turned into a smile. “You don’t miss much, do you? Don’t you hate not having surprises in your life? But to answer your question, I’m going slowly with this deal. No pushing things along, but rather I prefer they take their own course, if you know what I mean.”
Allison started to say something cute about how obvious his actions were but thought better of it. This wasn’t the time for cute, this was the time to rejoice in her friend’s happiness. She smiled instead.
Sam slapped his head as if he had forgotten something. “Hell, why am I rattling on here and not asking you how your day went. That’s what’s important. So tell me, did you do as I hoped and go over there and knock the jerk on his butt, cut his testicles off with dull scissors, and then stomp on them as he squealed like the pig he is?”
Allison’s smile became a scowl as she listened to Sam describe the imagined mauling of her old nemesis. Before she could give him a factual account of the confrontation, Bobby jumped excitedly to his feet and gave his version of the story.
“Man, you should have been there, Sam. She had the guy so scared he was crying all over the place. I swear, I think the guy messed his pants. I mean, she had his balls in her fist, and every time she squeezed, he’d let out another yelp, and she still wouldn’t let up. I thought I was watching a television show where the cop has figured out all the angles and smacks the bad guy upside the head when he tries to lie or bluff his way out of the mess he’s in. This guy begged her over and over, and she kept giving him that Allison look. You don’t ever want to see this one coming at you, Sam. I swear it scared me so bad that I almost got up and ran out of the room. Finally, after she described in detail how she planned to take everything he had, she got up and told the sniveling weasel he was so unimportant he wasn’t worth the trouble of her going to the little bit of work it would take to destroy his pathetic life. We walked out of there leaving him wallowing in his own filth, bawling like a five year old. Man, it was great!”
Sam turned to Allison displaying a look of approval.
“That’s not exactly my recollection of the meeting but suffice to say, it felt good to see the man begging for scraps. The best part is, it’s over, really over. The guy no longer means anything to me. When I arrive back home, I expect to have forgotten even his name. So please, after I, or rather Bobby, goes over it one last time for Ernest’s benefit, let’s not speak of that sub-species ever again.”
Sam crossed over to his friend and gave her a hug. “You got it. Only please don’t ever give me that look Bobby’s talking about, okay?”
The three of them enjoyed fellowship, great pizza, and talked of their past without the usual ‘60s baggage clogging up the good memories of their too brief period in the sun. Very few things are quite as good or bad as they seem, including their youthful experiences. Often it is only a matter of changing the emotional lens through which one chooses to view past experiences. If depression and resentment are the prevalent feelings, then the recollection of an earlier event will be somewhat altered towards the negative. Conversely, if optimism and goodwill are prominent in a person’s thought processes, then a more optimistic lens will be chosen for viewing. They chose to reminisce through the clearer lens of gratitude. It felt good to feel good.
“Oh, and don’t anyone try to get away from the table without trying Lia’s Italian chocolate cake. She made me promise to report back on what you think of it. Each of us is responsible for one quarter of this baby,” said Sam.
After the first bite of an ample slice of dark moist chocolate cake the process became simple. Get as much cake on the fork as possible, put it in your mouth and close your eyes as you sit back and moan with delight. Repeat the above steps until the piece of cake is gone.
No sooner was the last morsel of individual slices ingested than the apartment door opened and Ernest walked into the living room and collapsed on the couch with a thud. He looked haggard, like he just got off a forty-eight hour shift in the emergency room. Given the sensitive and professional nature of his presence in Berkeley, no one attempted to impose upon his privacy. The three people at the dining table waited patiently for their friend to begin talking.
“Well, I’m still not going to do it. They tried hard to bring me around to their way of thinking, and I have to admit I almost gave in after seeing his condition, but I still believe my job is to save lives.” Ernest looked towards his three friends for the first time since he came into the apartment. “I don’t ever want to go through anything like this again. It’s much too difficult on an old man like me.”
His friends waited to see if he had anything left to say on the subject. Allison certainly wasn’t happy to see him in this depressed state, but at least he talked about it. If he needed more time, they were perfectly willing to wait. But in the meantime, she would get him to eat something.
“Ernest, it looks like you’re in luck. Lia sent your favorite pizza home with Sam, the pizza deliveryman. Can I put a piece on a plate for you? As you can see we’ve almost eaten the whole thing. You better hurry.”
Ernest looked at Allison. “Maybe
later, I’m not hungry right now.”
This bothered Allison. Ernest does not turn down good food.
“Well then, I’ll put the remaining pieces along with this piece of chocolate cake in the fridge for you, okay?”
“Thanks, maybe I’ll eat a piece later.” Ernest’s slumping posture was totally out of character. This matter with the professor weighed heavily upon his shoulders. “Oh, before I forget, the professor wanted me to give you this.” Ernest reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a sheet of rolled up writing paper tied with a blue ribbon. Before he could get up from the couch and take it to Allison, she rushed to where he sat and retrieved the eagerly awaited missive. She turned and went directly into her room without closing the door behind her. As she seated herself on the bed and prepared to untie the ribbon and read the letter, she heard Bobby launch into his rendition of their earlier meeting with the former rapist turned solid citizen. That should keep them busy for a while, she thought as she loosened the ribbon securing the letter.
It required all of her imagination to make out the barely legible words. My dear sweet Allison, it began. The rest of the letter had been written in someone else’s steadier hand. How wonderful and thoughtful for you to come back to see your old friend. I have thought of you often through the years. The image of those sparkling blue eyes residing so confidently amidst the fairest features ever parceled out to a mortal seraph, yet hastens the pace of my tired old heart. Your presence and friendship brought such joy to my life for the brief moments you blessed our community. And now that you have returned, I feel twice blessed.
Much has changed in our lives since last we visited. Unfortunately, not all has been for the good. Therefore, I must beg your kind indulgence and ask you not to insist upon seeing me in my present deteriorating condition. Alas, as we, through good fortune, ascend into the furthest latitudes of our life’s journey we must learn to contend with our physical mortality. Mine is presently upon me, but that is not my point. I weary of the destruction of castles I have built in the air. As I lie here during my waning hours, it is the dreams and remembrances of long ago sunny days and pretty girls’ faces that bring me joy. Please, leave me the memory of our sweet spring when you so kindly befriended a fellow traveler in his full stride, not the residue left behind by a malicious disease intent upon doing its worst. Remember me as you met me, and when I’m gone take that vision along with you from time to time as you walk amidst your own castles built upon high. I wish you the sweet joy of eternal springtime. Scribbled below in his own weakening hand was the author’s name, Helmuth.
Returning to the living room with a look of sorrow, her friends halted their discussion and turned their full attention to Allison.
“He’s not going to be able to see us after all,” she said in a quivering voice returning to the living room. “Thank you, Ernest, for not telling me how bad it is. The professor wants us to remember him in an earlier time, and that’s what I intend to do. I’m sorry you have to carry this burden alone, Ernest. I had no idea it would be like this.”
“Don’t worry about it. It goes with the job. Don’t think you aren’t helping me, because you are, all of you.”
“Well then, where do we go from here?” asked Allison wanting to get her mind off the letter for the time being. She would give the letter her full attention but not until she was home, away from the storm building up strength across the bay.
“Unless there is something someone has not brought up, I believe for the most part the personal reasons we came back here have either been resolved completely or they are being dealt with to an acceptable degree. Am I correct?” inquired Sam.
The other three agreed.
“Okay, then. That leaves one additional event on our list for us to participate in, and that’s the organized demonstration against the war scheduled for tomorrow across the bay. Are we ready to talk about this? I, for one, think we should. I haven’t heard today’s reports, but all week long it’s become more violent.”
Ernest spoke up first. “I think I’m going to have some of that pizza now, but before I do, I will once more reiterate that I don’t protest. If you guys decide to go, I will go and standby in case any of you get hurt again. You three will have to make this decision. Excuse me, while I get that pizza.”
Surprisingly, Bobby spoke up next. “I’ve already made my speech. If you guys are going, I’m going. I’m opposed to using our troops for purely political as opposed to defensive purposes, and I’m prepared to wear my Vietnam colors into the street to say that publicly. That’s pretty much all I have to say, other than I think Sam has some good ideas as to what we have to do as a country to fix things.”
Sam and Allison looked to each other to see who went next. Sam nodded for her to go first.
“I’ve never experienced a day in my life when I have been confronted with so many critically important issues. Today, I finally got up the nerve to confront the man who almost ended my life the first time I came here. The unfathomable relief I experienced from resolving that thirty-four year old hatred is indescribable. Then I receive a letter from a dying friend that I will carry with me next to my heart forever. Now, I am faced with a decision that frightens me to no end. As I have watched the reports from across the bay, my concern grows. I’m becoming more and more afraid of what might happen to me, to us, if we go over there. I have a wonderful family waiting for me back home, and I want to go home this second. I miss them terribly. As I look around at the three of you, I see the same things. We came here with personal issues that are now resolved to the extent that we can go forward with our lives. All of us succeeded with the personal challenges that faced us when we started out, so why not go home and leave well enough alone? We’ve already fought our war and marched in protest. Let this generation handle it this time, if they even want to.” Allison halted for a moment before continuing.
“I believe what Sam said is true. If all we do is go there and risk our lives marching, it will be for nothing because the underlying reasons for our country being in this mess in the first place will continue to exist and cause similar military interventions to happen over and over again. If we don’t plan to promote changes in our way of life, we can march and get beaten up forever, and it won’t make any difference. It requires a grass roots effort, and it has to start with individuals, with us. As frightening as the whole thing is, I’m prepared to dedicate my life to making it happen. Our founders made their policy decisions based not only upon the effect their decisions had upon their generation, but equally as important, upon future unborn generations. I would do well to keep that in mind during the coming days. If that’s the case, then I have to be there in the streets tomorrow to talk to people and tell them violence is not the way, and that the best way to effect change is to change ourselves first. I will be afraid tomorrow when I go into the streets, but knowing you guys are with me, I will find the courage to do what is right. That’s about it for me, I guess. Sorry, I got carried away there.”
It was Sam’s turn. “I can’t say it any more eloquently than you guys did just now. I’m in! For the first time in years, I’m excited again about what I’m doing. I see purpose in my life, and I want to thank each of you for helping me to find my way back. We have our work cut out for us. The corporate establishment and their government stooges aren’t going to roll over and give up. They will fight us all the way, starting with tomorrow’s march. We represent a threat to the status quo. They will come after us with everything they have: money, power, lies, and threats of physical danger, imprisonment, and more. We have to stay committed. Ernest, don’t be fooled for there are no innocent bystanders in the vicinity of a political protest. When frightened, pissed-off cops start swinging their sticks, they aren’t caring about whose head gets hit. So, one more time, who is getting in the bus tomorrow for a little ride across the bay?” Sam paused and looked around.
“I see four hands counting mine. Great! Let it be duly noted for the record that all the Dandel
ions will be present and accounted for. I, for one, intend to watch the news to see what went on today and then hit the sack to be rested for the big day.”
No one else had anything to add. They knew what they were getting in to. Allison looked around at her old friends thinking about what might happen tomorrow, which brought a favorite English poet’s verse to mind.
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day,
To-morrow will be dying.
For a brief moment she felt overcome by the growing fear and recalled a day during her adolescence when she foolishly swam further out into a lake than ever before. A feeling of panic had come upon her when she realized how afraid and tired she was and how far she had to go to get back. At the moment, returning home safely to her family seemed just as far away.
