‘Poor Rufus nothing. He’s on my lap right now and I swear if he could purr he’d be doing it.’
‘I know the feeling,’ she murmured, and he groaned, the flashback to his bedroom so vivid he felt his heart pound.
‘Don’t. That’s torture, Ellie. I’m trying so hard not to think about our weekend and that really doesn’t help.’
He heard the rueful chuckle. ‘Sorry. I’ve been doing the same, and I’m not having any joy with it either. I didn’t mean to torture you.’
‘Good, because our next weekend seems an awfully long way away.’
‘Tell me about it, and it’s only Monday. We’ve got another eleven days to wait,’ she said in a wry and slightly despairing voice, and it was his turn to laugh.
‘We might have to get creative at work. Lock ourselves in a cupboard or something.’
‘Like we have time.’
‘Yeah. Ah, well. We’ll have to make do with phone sex.’
He heard a splutter of laughter, and he grinned.
‘I thought you said you weren’t a hormonal teenager?’ she said, still laughing, and he chuckled.
‘Did I? I might have to retract that.’ His smile faded, because it was true, he had said it—said it, and believed it, and it seemed he’d been wrong, because all he could think about was being with her and it was killing him.
‘I tell you what,’ she said. ‘I’ll make your life easier and get off the phone. I’ve got laundry to sort before I can go to bed, and I’m shattered.’
‘Yeah, me, too. It was a long day. See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.’
‘You, too.’ There was a tiny pause, and for a second he thought she was going to say something else. Something on the lines of ‘I love you’? But then the line went dead as she hung up and he felt a curious sensation.
Relief? Or disappointment?
He had no idea, but it was oddly disturbing, whatever it was, and he went to bed wondering exactly what it was she hadn’t said.
* * *
Judith Granger’s results came back, and there was blood in the faecal sample and she was quite severely anaemic.
Nick was in the staff room when she went up there at lunchtime on Friday, and he frowned at her, instantly picking up on something, as he always did.
‘You OK?’ he asked softly.
‘Judith Granger. You were right. I’ve put in an urgent referral request to the colorectal team. She’s got an iron deficiency and they found blood.’
He nodded slowly. ‘Doesn’t surprise me. Have you told her yet?’
‘No. I got Katie to call her and ask her to come in and see me again, and she’s got an appointment this afternoon. I don’t want her wondering what they’ve found all weekend. She needs to know—but then of course she’ll spend the next couple of weeks until she sees them wondering what they’ll find.’
He smiled understandingly and turned on the kettle. ‘It’s always the way. There’s no easy way to break bad news, or even to hint at it, but she struck me as someone who’d want answers.’
She nodded. ‘Yes, she is. Thank you for picking it up. I’m kicking myself for not chasing it earlier.’
‘Hey, you didn’t miss anything. I read your notes. They were thorough, and she didn’t have any symptoms severe enough to indicate cancer. You haven’t let her down, Ellie, and she might not have it. There are all sorts of other things it could be.’
She wasn’t convinced, though, and it took Judith herself to point out later that day that things had changed quite rapidly in the past week or so, which made her feel a little better.
‘I’m sorry it’s not better news, though, Judith,’ she told her, but the woman just smiled.
‘That’s OK, Dr Kendal. I thought you might find something, and in a way I’m glad. At least now I know I wasn’t imagining it and I’m not wasting your time.’
‘No,’ she said vehemently, shaking her head. ‘It’s never wasting our time if you think something’s wrong. You know your body better than anyone. If it’s telling you something, there’s a reason, and it’s far better to get it checked out than to wait until it’s too late, and very often it turns out to be something much less significant, as it might well do now. That’s why I’ve referred you. You should see someone within a week or so.’
‘So what will they do?’
She ignored the time pressure and talked Judith through all the possible diagnostic tests she might have, the imaging techniques they could use, and assured her she could come back at any time if she needed to talk about it. It put her behind, of course, but that was the story of her life, and she ended up running to nursery and collecting the children five minutes late.
And then, because it was the weekend, all Maisie and Oscar wanted to do was play games on their tablets, even though Oscar could hardly understand what he was meant to do and Maisie was getting increasingly frustrated.
Not as frustrated as she was, and if it wasn’t for the ensuing row it would cause, she would have put the wretched things in the bin on Saturday morning.
David had a lot to answer for.
She got to her feet. ‘Come on, guys. It’s a lovely day. Let’s go for a walk along the beach.’
‘I don’t want to go for a walk. I want to play the unicorn game!’
‘No. You’ve done enough, Maisie. It’s time for some fresh air and sunshine.’
She rounded them up, put Evie in the backpack and chivvied Oscar and Maisie into shoes and jumpers, then headed out of the door. And of course once they were out it was fine, the children running along the pavement towards Jacob’s Lane because that was the way they always went to the beach, with her following.
Would they bump into Nick and Rufus?
Maybe. She wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or not. Probably not, but although her mind was telling her that, her heart and her body seemed to have a different view.
They passed the beach huts under the trees at the top of the cliff, then the houses beyond them set back from the road towards the cliff edge, and then they were there, turning onto the small gravelled road that led past his house and round the corner to the top of the steps.
There was no sign of him at the house, although she looked up at his sitting room windows on the way past just in case, and she felt a twinge of disappointment.
Stupid. Why did she want to see him when she was smothered in children? Unless she wanted to put him off her completely, of course. Not that she wanted a relationship with him that included the children because, as he’d pointed out, they had a father, and even if he was an idiot, he was still their father and they didn’t need another one.
Oh, why’s it so complicated?
And then she turned round to see where the children were, and he was there, rounding the corner, Rufus trotting happily beside him, his ears and undercarriage sopping wet, his tongue lolling. He caught sight of her and came running, ears flying, lead trailing, and she bent down and made a fuss of him.
‘Morning.’
She looked up—past sodden trainers, up long legs clad in dripping jeans, to a smiling face.
‘You got them away from the tablets, then,’ he murmured, and she straightened up and smiled at him a little self-consciously.
‘Yes. I thought I’d drag them out for some fresh air.’ She glanced down at his wet legs. ‘It looks like you got caught in the surf,’ she added, and he gave her a rueful grin.
‘Yeah, that wasn’t planned. I saw a wave coming and grabbed Rufus before he got washed away. He doesn’t mind wet feet, but he panics if he’s out of his depth and it’s a bit rough today, but it was quite chilly. So this must be Evie. Hi, Evie,’ he said, smiling over her shoulder at the baby in the backpack, and she turned and scanned the lane for the others.
‘Kids, where are you?’ she said, feeling a moment of panic, but then she heard a giggle and there they w
ere, tucked behind a shrub in the entrance to his drive, hiding, and the breath left her lungs in a rush.
‘Monkeys. Come here!’ She turned back to him. ‘Sorry about that. They don’t understand the laws of trespass.’
He chuckled and looked round as the children emerged from the undergrowth and ran up to them.
‘Who are you?’ Maisie asked, looking up at him curiously, and Ellie’s heart sank. This was not meant to happen!
‘I’m Nick. Who are you?’
‘I’m Maisie, and this is Oscar. Why are you talking to Mummy?’
She dived in fast. ‘Nick’s a doctor, too, and he’s just started working in Yoxburgh, so I know him.’
‘Are you at Mummy’s work?’ Maisie asked, studying him intently, and he nodded.
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Is she your friend?’ Oscar asked him.
She saw his mouth twitch. ‘Well, sort of. We see each other at work a lot and I suppose you could say we were friends. We’re colleagues, really.’
‘Collies? Like the dogs?’
She rescued him before it got any worse. ‘Not collies, Maisie. Colleagues. That means people you work with. It’s like I work with Lucy and Dev and the others,’ she explained. Except of course it wasn’t, not anything like it...
‘Can you fly a plane?’ Oscar asked out of the blue, and Nick laughed and shook his head.
‘No, I’m afraid not.’
‘My daddy can,’ Maisie said proudly, and Ellie frowned.
‘I don’t think he can.’
‘He says he can. He’s got a friend with a plane and she lets him fly it. What’s your dog called?’ she asked, moving on abruptly as children did and leaving Ellie wondering who the friend with the plane was. And...she?
Not that David’s friendships or private life were any of her business, any more than hers were his business, and besides, coming from Maisie it was as likely as not all a work of fiction.
‘His name’s Rufus,’ Nick told Maisie, and met her eyes over the children’s heads. ‘Fancy a quick coffee?’
‘Oh. Um—we were heading to the beach—’
‘Can we have a snack?’ Oscar asked, looking remarkably like Rufus when he was begging, and Nick’s lips twitched again.
‘That’s up to your mother, but I’m sure I could find you something if she says it’s OK.’
‘’Nack,’ Evie said from behind her ear, and before she knew it they were all inside his house and the children were clustered round him as he investigated the contents of a cupboard.
‘For a doctor, you have an astonishing collection of unwholesome rubbish,’ she said drily, and he grinned at her.
‘Don’t I just?’ he said unrepentantly, and pulled out a giant packet of crisps.
Not that unwholesome, though, she realised when he handed them to her and went to change, because they were lightly salted and oven baked, and he’d also dug out a punnet of blueberries and put them on the table.
Two minutes later he was back in dry clothes and they were kneeling up on his dining chairs with a little bowl of crisps, a handful of blueberries and a drink of water each, and Rufus, who obviously had a great understanding of small people, had stationed himself between Oscar and Evie, as if he knew they were the most likely to drop things.
‘He’s not stupid,’ Nick said drily, noticing what she was looking at, and she laughed.
‘No, I can see that. He’s definitely an opportunist.’
‘He’s also on a diet, but he’s nearly down to what he ought to weigh. Mum and Dad were spoiling him a bit.’
‘I can imagine. It must have been hard for them, the last year or so.’
He gave a soft snort and poured hot water into the cafetière. ‘Try thirty-nine years. They don’t quite know what to do with themselves now, but the grandchildren keep them busy.’
‘Little people have a way of doing that.’
‘Tell me about it.’ He pressed the plunger and handed her a coffee, and they stood side by side leaning against the worktop and watching the children eat while they munched on the left-over crisps.
‘Where are your parents?’ he asked quietly. ‘You haven’t mentioned them.’
‘Oxfordshire—well, my father is. I don’t see him very often. My mother died when I was fifteen, and since he got married again it just doesn’t feel like home any more.’
‘When was that?’
‘When I was nineteen? I was away at uni, and I came home for the summer and the whole house was redecorated and all trace of my mother was gone. The only room left untouched was mine, but he’d let her do everything else.’
And it had hurt. Hurt so much that she hadn’t gone home again for three years, and then only very occasionally since.
She glanced up at Nick, and he was studying her thoughtfully, his eyes concerned.
‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured. ‘That must have been horrible.’
She swallowed. ‘It’s fine. I’m over it,’ she said, not quite truthfully. ‘And I’m a grown-up. I have my own home now, and even if it’s inadequate in many ways it’s still mine, my sanctuary, the place I can relax and be myself, and it might not be perfect, it might not be immaculate or particularly restful, but it’s still home, or the closest thing we have to one, and in the grand scheme of things we’re really very lucky. We could be a great deal worse off.’
Maisie pushed her bowl away and looked across at them.
‘Mummy, can we go in the garden?’
‘That’s up to Nick. He might be busy—’
‘No, you’re fine,’ he said, and before she could say any more, he slid open the door in the hall and let them out.
They stayed for an hour, the two older children exploring every inch of the garden with Rufus running around with them and wagging his tail furiously while he and Ellie sat on a bench with Evie close by and kept an eye on them, and then she took them away and he watched them go with mixed feelings.
They were lovely kids, but like all small people they were a challenge, and she was right, he did have things he should be doing. Things like sorting through the boxes in the first bedroom—although maybe not today.
Instead he gravitated back to the kitchen, staring out of the window and trying to process what she’d said about her mother, and her father’s new wife.
How had it felt, going back to her home and finding all trace of her mother had been eradicated from it by her replacement? Dreadful, even if it had been four years later. And although she’d said she was over it, he didn’t believe it, not in the slightest bit. Losing her mother at fifteen must have been devastating for her, and he thought back to her words on—when? Monday?—when he’d asked after the widow of her patient who’d died.
You know how it is. Even when you know it’s coming, it’s always so final, and we’re never ready for that.
He’d thought she was talking professionally, but she hadn’t been, of course. She’d been talking about the loss of her mother.
Poor Ellie. And her words about her house, or at least her home, being her sanctuary. He could understand that, too, because he’d lost his home when he and Rachel had split up and he’d moved back home to help his parents with his dying brother, and although this house wasn’t yet as he wanted it, it was definitely his home, his sanctuary, the place he could go and be himself, to borrow her words.
Although at least he liked his house. He got the distinct feeling she didn’t like hers at all, but maybe he’d misunderstood because she’d certainly described it as home.
Home is where the heart is?
Not that she’d said that, not in so many words, but it was where she was bringing up her family and, with the possible exception of Maisie, it was the only home they’d ever known.
He poured himself another coffee and sat down at the kitchen table with the last of the crisps and watched R
ufus, who was sitting at attention by the front door and looking hopeful.
‘Rufus, they’ve gone, go and lie down, mate,’ he said gently, but Rufus didn’t move, and every now and then he gave a little whine.
He knew just how the dog felt. Even though he’d wanted to be alone with his thoughts, suddenly he didn’t, and the house seemed huge and empty and soulless without them all.
Although that was what he wanted, wasn’t it? To be alone? But perhaps not quite this much. Not that he wanted the children, lovely though they were. He didn’t need that in his life, didn’t want any more responsibility or involvement, didn’t need anyone else depending on him or coming to rely on him in any way. He was done with that.
But Ellie—Ellie was a different matter altogether. She didn’t want that sort of relationship from him either, and this time next week the children would be with their father and he’d have her to himself again. He could hardly wait.
He pulled out his phone and started looking for things that they could do, and then gave up, because he realised it didn’t matter what they did as long as they were together. Maybe a stroll around the town, to help him get to know it, or a trip across the river on the ferry—whatever. He didn’t care. He just wanted to be with her.
And if he had a grain of sense or any instinct of self-preservation, he’d be worried about that, but he wasn’t, because he was having way too much fun and it had been a long time coming. This was his time, and he was going to enjoy it if it killed him.
CHAPTER SIX
THE WEEK CRAWLED BY, but finally it was Friday and she dropped the children’s bags off with Liz and Steven, took the children to nursery and bounced into the staff room with a smile.
‘Someone’s happy,’ Dev said with a grin, and she beamed at him.
‘Because it’s the weekend, and David has the children, so I’m going to crawl into bed when I get home and stay there until Sunday,’ she said blithely. Well, it wasn’t a lie—
‘Sounds like an excellent plan. I might do that myself.’
Nick’s voice came from over her shoulder, and she felt a startled laugh bubble up and caught it just in time.
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