by Matt Kahn
If there are words that others did not say that you wanted to hear, then they become your brand-new personal love statement that can be spoken to yourself as often as necessary.
One inspired choice at a time, you increase the likelihood of having a positive experience with anyone you meet. No longer will the conditions of their ego limit your reality because only your choices and perceptions can determine the quality of your experience.
A Willingness to Be Honest
The cornerstone of conscious communication is a willingness to be honest. The importance of honesty cuts to the core of how much you have placed all your faith in the greater cosmic picture of the Universe. While so many people know that life has a bigger role for each of us, the only way to demonstrate, anchor, embody, and trust in life’s supreme plan is to be totally honest.
When you are honest, you honor whatever response comes as a result of your most authentic sharing. Despite how drastically the snow globe of your reality might get shaken up, this only occurs in order to guide your journey in an exciting new direction. In time, you may see how this redirection was always meant to guide you into a far greater reality than you may ever have found without trusting the perfection of the Universe.
One moment of honesty at a time, you allow the precision of life to swiftly deliver you into the paradise of your highest destiny. In order for such a destiny to unfold in the most elegant and miraculous way, it is important to allow the wisdom of your heart to become your inner compass. When you are willing to speak your highest truth in the presence of another with the utmost love and compassion, it demonstrates how much you trust your divine guidance to reveal the exact words you need to hear.
If through your honesty, you end up losing opportunities or relationships, those may appear to be worst-case scenarios when you are attached to outcomes that differ from life’s supreme plan. Even when the odds seem stacked against you, that could only be a brand-new chapter of growth and expansion revealing itself out of the ashes of what you thought was supposed to occur.
The Integrity of Honesty
Before you can be honest in the presence of another, it is essential to learn how to be honest with yourself. This requires a courageous depth of integrity to become aware of how you want others to treat you, so that you can be that way for others whether or not they’re able to do so in return for you.
As a way of understanding what it means to live in integrity, you can ask yourself the following questions: “How would I like someone to listen to me when I am in the depths of turmoil or writhing in pain? If I had something to say, how would I want others to listen as a way of helping me to feel heard, nurtured, and cherished?”
Whatever comes to mind in response to these questions becomes the gifts of integrity that you are destined to provide to others. This can help you uncover the true meaning of integrity as a willingness to act, speak, engage, and listen in exactly the way that you would want anyone else to be with you. By maintaining integrity as a conscious communicator, you always create opportunities for everyone to evolve, even if the behavior of others does not meet the standards of your values. Even when it’s your turn to speak, integrity invites you to declare, in the presence of others, your unwavering trust in the supreme plan of the Universe by how passionate, transparent, and honest you’re willing to be.
The Healing Practice of Frequency Matching
Whether between friends, coworkers, lovers, or parents and children, there is an energetic practice, called frequency matching, that can inspire more conscious communication. Regardless of the type of relationship, frequency matching establishes an agreement that whenever one person feels unheard or disconnected, it invites both hearts to work together to find a common vibration.
As part of this practice, either partner has the right to say, “I’m feeling disconnected from your heart,” or “I’m having a hard time connecting with you.”
In response to this feedback, both partners engage in frequency matching by holding hands while looking into each other’s eyes. The objective is to match each slow inhale and exhale of your partner so both are breathing at the same relaxed and gentle pace at the same time. As both partners align their breath for a minute or more, a common vibrational frequency allows their hearts to entrain and feel supported so that deeper conversations can resume.
As a healing exercise to help you open to the practice of frequency matching, you can look into a mirror and take a few moments to gaze into your own eyes. If you find it difficult to make full eye contact with yourself, simply slow your breath and look for as long as you can. The point isn’t to resist blinking or to gaze with any strain, but to open up to a more fulfilling connection with your innocence by facing yourself directly.
The more often you face yourself, the easier it is to welcome the vulnerability of others without a fear of being hurt or rejected. Expanding the potential of any personal encounter always begins by establishing a more intimate relationship with your heart. Through slower breaths, engaged listening, repeating your personal love statement, complimenting your innocence, and being more honest with yourself than ever before, you become the first person you are sure to heal as a way of inviting your light to shine.
From this space of vibrational alignment, relationships become the redeemer of truth and the transformer of victimhood. No matter how misunderstood you seem to feel, you can infuse any experience with heart-centered consciousness simply by choosing a more inspired way to respond.
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The Importance of Slowing Down
WHETHER AS A CATALYST for awakening or as a way of discovering the passion, happiness, inspiration, and excitement dwelling within you, each spiritual aspiration is fulfilled by cultivating greater integrity with your heart, which begins by slowing down the pace of your life.
It is natural to feel hesitant about approaching your life in a more relaxed and gentle way. When run by an inflamed personality, it can be easy to believe that the best opportunities may pass you by if you don’t do everything in your power to keep up. In a world where people have been conditioned to accomplish tasks by any means necessary, the purpose of your journey is to learn how to be as aligned with spirit, as you are inspired, thriving, and productive.
Whether you discover an unshakable desire to live more mindfully or find yourself exhausted by the demands of each day, life will unfold in a way that guarantees the growth and expansion of your highest evolution. If the way you are living is out of harmony with your natural state of being, the Universe may create unexpected shifts in your circumstances as a way of interrupting the chaos of your momentum. As a result, you will be slowed down by the perfection of grace until you are able to welcome each experience with kindness, humility, and appreciation.
As slowing down occurs, you will find yourself more spiritually aligned with the flow of the Universe, so you can take your time with each step forward. This helps you make more inspired, heartfelt decisions while growing in a way that allows your innocence to feel safe.
Living Your Life at a Slower Speed
Cultivating integrity with your heart is a decision to live in a more relaxed, conscious, and heart-centered manner. While it may come naturally for some, for others it’s a necessary way of proving how impossible it is to miss opportunities you are destined to encounter. Since you cannot miss out on experiences that you are always meant to have, every breath offers you the chance to put your faith into the hands of the Universe to remember how blessed, supported, and divinely guided you already are.
It may be difficult to imagine a trusting Universe or to know how much you matter when living at a frenetic pace. Once you slow down, something more than the ups and downs of personal gain and loss can shine through. A clear sign that you are becoming more aligned with your heart is a feeling of relaxation. When relaxation is felt, it reveals your true masterful ability to be in tune with the flow of the Universe while also being an active participant throughout your day.
Relaxation is
always the preferred rate of speed for any level of spiritual exploration. Anytime you rush through your journey, direct experiences of transcendence are replaced with shallow degrees of understanding. Because certain stages of awakening can drastically slow down the pace of your life to nearly a standstill, the Universe often prepares you for such a path by making it nearly impossible to keep moving at an unconscious speed.
When a feeling of relaxation seems regularly absent from your activities, this is a sign to make the necessary changes to slow down and lighten the load of your schedule. Not only is slowing down essential for merging your mind and heart as one, but also for the benefit of a spiritual journey you may not have realized you were already on. It may come as no surprise that when loving what arises, more relaxation enters your field of experience. This invites your heart to feel safe enough to open as relaxation confirms how aligned and balanced you have come to be. Whether your goals are spiritual, personal, or professional in nature, you can no longer fool yourself into thinking how much more relaxed you’ll feel once you have earned a certain achievement, especially if the way in which you approach each task pulls you out of balance along the way.
As relaxation indicates that you are successfully maintaining integrity with your heart, your nervous system unravels to free you from the heaviness of guilt, shame, fear, victimhood, and obligation. When you slow down and relax into a more natural rate of speed, you create the perfect climate for life’s most incredible discoveries to unfold.
When relaxation becomes your doorway of awakening, you discover a more honest relationship with life. Instead of dragging your innocence along for the ego’s adventure, you are guided to soften into each breath so your mind and heart can be on the same page. As a way of integrating this truth, I invite you to repeat the following healing mantra:
I acknowledge that it is essential for the evolution of my being to slow down the pace of my life, no matter the pressures that call out for my attention. In support of my highest evolution, I accept that life will create whatever reality is necessary to give me countless opportunities to reunite with my heart. As I slow down, I welcome the choices that only my heart knows are aligned with the highest perfection of the Universe. In discovering my heart as the home I never left, I allow my true innocent nature to feel safe enough to merge into the light of my being, as the love that I am.
Honoring the Speed Limit of the Heart
It can be quite exciting to discover the magic and miracles that surface when living in integrity with your heart. Whether you notice this as a perfect assembly of synchronicities, an increased flow of intuitive guidance, or even the ability to manifest help and resources from others before you even ask, a remarkable version of life dawns once relaxation has inspired you to move at a more conscious rate of speed. This allows each task to become an ongoing practice of energetic alignment.
While success in many areas of life may be contingent upon getting things done, the rewards of spiritual evolution are discovered when the way you approach each task is equally as important as the goal at hand.
When you are able to be relaxed during your daily activities, your heart tends to open more freely. This allows your mind to rest in a natural state of silence so you can focus on being as thoughtful and caring as you are driven to thrive and succeed. Even when you notice how tense, rigid, frustrated, or short-tempered you seem to be, this can only be a reminder to slow down into a more harmonious flow.
In every chapter of your life, there is no wrongdoing or mistakes to confess. There are merely opportunities to notice suffering, stress, judgment, aggression, or pain as signs to balance your assertiveness with heart-centered care.
When your most profound spiritual adventure is decorated as the comings and goings of everyday life, each task becomes a chance to work in harmony with the Universe in a more thoughtful and courageous way. This makes it essential to view your heart as the speedometer of your energy field, whether at work, in your personal relationships, or throughout your spiritual path.
By living at the speed of heart-centered consciousness, you are able to make peace with your inner child once and for all. When the importance of being relaxed is as essential as the goals pursued, your heart is able to feel safe throughout the duration of each encounter. If relaxation seems absent from your experiences, it becomes a signal to slow down the pace of your life by loving what arises.
One “I love you” at a time, you invite greater support from the Universe so you can celebrate each moment with everything to welcome and nothing more to prove.
No Longer Speaking the Words That Hurt You the Most
Another essential step in cultivating integrity with your heart occurs through the exploration of an important question. Similar to your personal love statement, this question can bring greater healing into your life.
With the utmost honesty and compassion, ask your innocence, “What are the words that you remember that hurt you the most?”
Perhaps those were the words or phrases you heard that created the greatest amount of pain, devastation, and disappointment for you earlier in your life. Please do not justify or try to explain why those words were spoken to you. This is an opportunity to transform any lingering traumas by remembering the most hurtful words that shaped your sense of self in such a painful and limiting way. As those words bubble up to the surface, a new level of healing is ushered in by giving a voice to the pain and disappointment that has gone unrecognized for far too long.
Maybe they were such as: “Not now, honey, don’t bother me. Please go away, I can’t deal with you right now. You’re too much for me. You weren’t supposed to be here. It’s your fault. You were a mistake. I don’t know how to love you. You made me do it. You’re annoying me. Please stop talking.”
Whatever the most painful words were, your adult mind doesn’t have to rationalize what may feel so painful for your heart to remember.
As you explore the most hurtful words that were ever spoken to you, it is understandable to feel blame, anger, and resentment toward those who spoke them to you. If this rings true for your experience, always know that you can hold a space for healing to occur by allowing your innocence to speak the words it never had a chance to say in response to such hurtful interactions. In order for the most profound transformation to unfold, a voice must be given to your pain to express honestly toward your perpetrators from the past. While those may not be words you are likely to speak publicly, speaking them allows a voiceless, suppressed, and victimized innocence to finally be heard. Whether expressed in the form of a letter that you shred or delete upon completion, an art project conveying pent-up feelings, or singing aloud the words you never got a chance to say to the person who hurt you, true healing often occurs by providing a platform of self-expression for the aspect of self that felt it never had a choice or a say in the matter.
Because you are consciously allowing such words to be spoken, without needing to specifically address the particular person in question, there is no judgment occurring. With every sincere expression that doesn’t have to involve anyone else directly, more space opens up to inspire your own heart to open.
Once you have made contact with the phrases that have affected you in the most painful way, another important step in cultivating integrity with your heart is vowing to never speak those words to yourself or anyone else again. While each memory celebrates a moment in time that you were always powerful enough to survive, the most profound form of spiritual redemption is breaking the cycle of cruelty by no longer passing along the hurtful words that were ever spoken to you.
Loving what arises is not only rooted in saying the words you’ve always wanted to hear, but also in eliminating from your vocabulary the words that were so painfully remembered from the past. When you are willing to spare yourself and others from the phrases that caused such pain and despair, you are beginning to view life through the eyes of the Universe where the vulnerability of all can be embraced as One.
From this
space, the mastery of relationships is no longer such an unattainable goal, but the most natural way of interacting with life.
Making Peace with Your Inner Child
It can be nearly instinctive to dwell on the cruel words others have passed along to you when further healing is required. Perhaps the painful words or actions of others can only affect your experience when you either match another person’s vibration of insensitivity or refuse to be more loving toward the one who lashes out. Whether you are able to welcome life from a spiritually aligned perspective or get triggered by the actions of others, the most important thing is making peace with your inner child.
When rooted in heart-centered consciousness, your innocence interprets the world as a reflection of your patience, kindness, and care no matter how unconscious anyone seems to behave.
One of the most direct ways to make peace with your inner child is to communicate with it on a regular basis. Whether it is repeating your personal love statement throughout the day or finding a quiet space to silently allow your innocence to speak the unfiltered words it was never able to say in the past or saying “I love yous” to your heart, you are able to resolve every point of contention by becoming the acceptance and support that others haven’t provided you.
Another way of making peace with your inner child is by no longer defining your sense of worth or measuring your spiritual progress by the actions of others. While we are One in our essence, we are unique as individuals.
By supporting the aspects of yourself that have never been heard, respected, accepted, or adored, you invite the highest intelligence within you to emerge. As your inner child is honored and respected as the form through which the Universe is revealed, you are guided through every twist and turn with harmony, peace, ease, and joy.
