“Thanks for coming to meet me,” he said. “I know it wasn’t the best way to show up. I just didn’t know if you’d talk to me otherwise.”
“So you booked a tattoo with me?” I laughed. “Yeah, it probably wasn’t the best way to reach me. You know, you could have called or emailed sometime in the last five odd years.” I tried to hide the bitterness in my voice but was failing. What did he expect though? I might have gone on with life and ignored the fact my own father had been such a disappointment, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still angry about it. Especially not after he’d dragged Jay down with him. “Why are you here anyway? What do you want to talk about?”
“I know. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I know that I wasn’t exactly the best dad. I wasn’t there for you and your brother, but I hope you believe how sorry I am,” Rex said. For once, I almost believed him. I couldn’t forget that we was a professional liar, however. My father was a conman. He’d lied to our mother for the twenty years they’d been together and he’d been lying to Jay and I our entire lives. I didn’t even know who my father really was.
“That’s why you’re here then?” I asked. “To apologize?” I knew there was more to it than that. Rex Hogan didn’t just show up out of the blue without a good reason.
“Part of it. I want to make amends with you, Brooks. And I want to help you, too. I heard about Jay,” he said.
I looked around the bar. It was still early enough that after office drinks hadn’t started, but I wanted to make sure no one had the chance to hear in on our conversation anyway. “And what exactly did you hear?”
“That he’s doing time for some burglary mess,” he said curtly. “And that you’re paying off the Outlaws to look out for him inside.”
That he knew that information could only mean two things; that he was still involved with the Outlaw Angels, or that he was somehow keeping in touch with Jay. I wondered what else he knew.
“Are people following me?” I asked. “Pyro said something the other day…”
“I had you watched. Not for any other reason than to make sure you were okay,” he said. “I was worried once I got the news about Jay. I didn’t want him getting back involved with these kind of people.”
That made no sense to me. Why wouldn’t I be okay? Why would he even care?
“So you know then,” I said, thinking about Leo. That was why Pyro had made the comment at Leo and I. That he knew we were together because my father had had me followed. “About my boyfriend?” Or ex-boyfriend now. I wasn’t going to let him know that though.
“I do. And I know I have no right to comment on your life. I know you probably don’t care what I think, anyway,” he said. He was right about that. “But I want you to know, I’ve changed. I’ve met someone and she’s helped me a lot. She’s made me open to these sorts of things. I’m in a good place, Brooks. I’m clean. At least, after all this I will be.”
“That’s great dad,” I said it with a hint of sarcasm, wishing he’d get to the point. “I still don’t get why you’re here.”
Rex looked like he was struggling with what to say next. I just sat there, drinking my beer. Waiting for him to say something that would make sense. He pulled out a large brown envelope and slid it across the table to me. I picked it up and peeked inside. It was full of stacked hundred-dollar bills. I looked back at my father trying to figure out why he was handing me an envelope full of cash.
“I’ll be taking care of Jay from now on. You don’t have to deal with Pyro or any of the others. And there’s what you’ve paid so far,” He said.
I wasn’t sure I could believe what I was hearing. My useless father was finally stepping up. Finally taking some responsibility for what he’d put Jay and the rest of our family through.
“What do you mean?” I asked. I wanted him to be crystal clear.
“I mean, I’m going to finish off the payments to the Outlaws. I’m going to make sure Jay stays protected in prison and when he gets out, I’m going to make damn well sure he stays out of trouble this time.”
Could it really be that Rex Hogan was turning over a new leaf?
“I don’t know what to say,” Was all I could manage. If this was true, then it would change things for me. Dealing with Pyro and his boys was wearing me out. The stress of worrying about Jay and if he was okay. Maybe I’d finally be able to come clean to Leo. Maybe I could win him back. We could move on with our lives. Together.
“Say okay,” Dad said. “This whole mess is my fault. I know I can’t change the past but I sure hope I can change the future. I want to help my sons. I don’t expect you to welcome me back into your lives with open arms but at least let me do this for you.”
“Okay,” I said, hoping that this time I could really believe him. “Just… please, don’t let me down again.”
“That’s the last thing I want, Brooks. I just want my family to be happy.” Then my father did something that surprised me. He reached over the table and put his hand on mine, giving it a squeeze. It was a quick movement and even quicker sign of affection but it still meant something to me. It gave me an inkling of hope.
I left the bar, heading straight to my motorcycle that was back at Sacred Skin. I felt a huge weight had been lifted off of me, but that wasn’t the last thing that needed to change today. I needed to see Leo. I was done trying to pretend that my life could go back to how it was before him. The truth was, I didn’t want it to. I wanted him back and if I had to, I was going to fight for him. I wasn’t going to give up on Leo Cooper. He might have expected me to bail but it wasn’t going to happen. I was in love with him and he needed to know it.
25 Leo
Aria was out and I had the house to myself for the first evening in a while. I had my Netflix queue set up and half a bottle of wine on the coffee table. All that was left before I got started, was for my double-cheese pizza to be delivered. When a knock came at the door, I grabbed a twenty-dollar bill and went to answer. Instead of finding the pizza delivery guy though, it was Brooks who was standing there. He held out the pizza box to me, this sweet yet slightly reluctant smile on his face.
As soon as I saw him, I wanted to cave. He looked even more gorgeous than I had remembered. My first instinct was to reach out and touch him. Just to make sure he was real… He always looked otherworldly but standing there like a fucking Greek god, staring at me with those mystical silver eyes and giving me this look that said a thousand words like sorry, I love you, take me back, made me feel like I was melting.
“What… what are you doing here?” I asked, stuttering my words like I’d forgotten the English language.
“Well, you haven’t been answering my calls… or replying to my messages. Aria said you were home tonight and I need to talk to you, Leo. I come in peace. Please. Can I come in?” Brooks said as he handed me the pizza box.
I found myself nodding, not knowing what else I could do. I knew if I ever saw Brooks again, I wouldn’t be able to put my foot down. I was too weak. Especially for him.
“Thank you,” Brooks said, walking into my living room.
“Wine?” I asked, gesturing to the bottle on the coffee table. What was wrong with me? Alcohol was the last thing this situation needed. I couldn’t afford to lower my inhibitions around the guy I was currently trying to get over.
Brooks shook his head, which was a relief. “No thanks,” he said. “Mind if I sit down?”
“Sure. What is it you want to talk about?” I asked as Brooks sat down on the sofa. Our apartment was pretty sparse furniture wise so I was forced to sit next to him unless I went on the floor, which would seem too much like I was trying to keep my distance.
“What do you think?” Brooks said. “I came here to talk about us… About what happened.”
I sucked in a breath. I should have known Brooks Hogan wouldn’t give up that easily. “What about us?” I asked.
Brooks rolled his eyes playfully. “You’re not going to make this easy for me,
are you?” he started. “Leo, I miss you like crazy. This whole breaking up thing isn’t right. I know I screwed up by keeping things from you but you never really gave me a chance to explain. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry that I hid things from you but I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. I realize my mistake now. I just don’t want this to be the end of us, Leo. I care about you so much. Don’t you get that? From the moment I met you, Leo Cooper, I couldn’t stay away.” Brooks stopped and took a deep breath, looking at me. I wanted to avert my eyes but I was caught up in everything he was. All his beauty. All his strength. “I’m in love with you.”
The words hit me like a hammer, the air being knocked out of my lungs in an instant. Brooks loved me. He was in love with me. “What?” I tried to keep my voice level but as usual I failed, the crack of emotion so blatantly obvious. There was a strain in my throat like everything inside me was being pulled tightly.
Brooks slid off the couch, dropping to his knees in front of me. He was right at my feet, as if to grovel for forgiveness. “I love you, Leo. I did the moment you walked into Sacred Skin. I knew it the moment we shared our kiss and everything that’s come after that only cemented those feelings. This last week has been absolute hell without you. I don’t want to walk away without you knowing all these things and I hope like hell you’ll give me a second chance. I don’t want to do this without you, baby, please.” Brooks wasn’t even trying to hide the emotion in his voice. He was trembling. I realized right then that anything he was saying wasn’t a lie. I really had made a mistake. A huge mistake. Brooks was none of the things I feared. He was this sweet, beautiful and genuine man and I had walked away from him, possibly at a time he needed me the most.
My hands found their way to his head, stroking the blunt strands of his buzzcut the way I used to after we’d slept together. “I believe you,” I said. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a fool.” I could feel the tears fall down my cheeks as I blinked. I didn’t bother wiping them away. I didn’t have to hide from Brooks. I should have known that. In a way, I did. I was just too fearful to ever admit it.
Brooks went on to explain everything. About the man I’d seen at his shop being Pyro, an Outlaw debt collector. About paying off people to keep his b brother safe. Things were starting to fall into place. I could see why Brooks thought it would be better to keep that information to himself. That he didn’t want to put me at risk of any possible danger. Then Brooks told me about his father coming to see him and my heart churned.
“Do you believe him?” I asked, holding Brooks hands in my lap. He was still on his knees. So vulnerable.
“I want to,” Brooks said. “I didn’t realize just how much I wasn’t coping.”
I nodded. It was a feeling I knew all too well but I never would have thought Brooks was going through the same thing. He always seemed so together. So strong. And he was. But even strong people needed support. I regretted so much that I hadn’t stuck by his side through all of this. Just being there, letting him know I was here if he needed me.
“I’m so sorry,” I told him. “I hate that I’m this way. Hate that I couldn’t let myself trust you. Believe me, I wanted to. I’m just so used to getting hurt. I never thought anyone would truly love me. Not without strings attached.”
Brooks shook his head. “Are you kidding? How could anyone not love you, Leo.” He kissed my hands. “What happened to you? Who hurt you, baby?”
Who didn’t? I knew if I stuck with Brooks, eventually I’d have to tell him about my past. About all the men who’d come and go from my mother’s life. About Caden. Brooks must have sensed my reluctance because he moved up beside me and pulled me into him.
“It’s okay. You can talk to me,” he said, softly. His voice was like a plush blanket, wrapping me up and making me feel safe.
“Growing up, it was mostly just my mom and me,” I started. “But every now and then, she’d fall in love. My mom wasn’t always well. She was depressed a lot. If she wasn’t depressed, she was manic. I hate saying that because maybe it sounds like she wasn’t a good mother which couldn’t be more untrue. She was the best,” I told him.
“You’ve only ever told me good things about her. I know how special your relationship was,” Brooks said.
I was relieved he understood. I knew he would. Brooks didn’t have a judgmental bone in his body. He could understand.
“Well, like I said, she’d fall in love with these men. She was very fragile. My grandparents basically disowned her when she got pregnant with me and my father was out of the picture as soon as he found out about me too. She was on her own, she put everything into raising me but she never really had anything for herself. So when she’d meet a guy, she’d lose all common sense and think he was the one. She’d believe everything they told her. Problem was, these guys weren’t in it for the long run. They didn’t want to deal with a single mother and her gay son,” I wished my mother was still alive today. I would have been able to look after her. I could have helped her. When she was alive, I was too young to know. It was the thorn in my side knowing that my mother’s life had been full of so much pain. I knew she wouldn’t want the same for me. She’d want me to be loved. She’d want me to stay with Brooks. “They didn’t treat her well. She was this beautiful, kind woman with so much love to give and they took advantage of that.”
“I’m so sorry, babe,” Brooks said, squeezing me tighter. “They didn’t… hurt you or her did they?”
That’s when my mouth went dry, my throat aching. I’d only ever told my therapist in the centre about it. It was something that I was too scared to say. If I thought about it. If I said it out loud, that made it real. I nodded. “Sometimes.”
“Fucking bastards,” Brook stood up and paced the living room. His fists were clenched by his sides. He looked like he wanted to punch something.
“It’s okay,” I told him. “That was a long time ago.” I said it because I didn’t want Brooks to be angry. I’d spent a lot of time filled with rage but I really just wanted to move on with my life now. With Brooks.
“It’s not okay. What they did to you was not okay,” Brooks said, rushing back to me. “I hate that you had to go through that.”
“Thank you,” I said. “It means a lot to know you care. I haven’t been entirely honest with you, either. About my relationship history. I did have a boyfriend once. It was a while ago. Between my mother’s death and me finding Aria and Evania.”
Brooks looked like he was about to explode but he remained calm, seated back next to me and listening intently. “What happened?” he asked.
“Let’s just say, I never learned anything from all the mistakes my mother made with men,” I sighed. “I thought it was love but he didn’t give a shit about me. Made a million promises he never kept and the whole time he was sleeping with other guys behind my back.”
“Fuck, Leo. I’m sorry.” I knew when Brooks said it that he really meant it too. “But I’m not him. I’m not like that. I wish you could believe me. I know it’s hard with your history but it’s true. The last thing I’d ever want is to hurt you, Leo.”
“I know,” I assured him. “I want to trust you, Brooks. I want to be with you. Like you said, you knew it the moment you met me. It was the same for me…” I knew it was time to tell him how I really felt. Brooks had been so brave. He walked in here and owned it. He’d told everyone in his life the moment we got together. “I love you too, Brooks Hogan.”
26 Brooks
Leo’s words echoed in my mind. His voice was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard and it filled me like a flare, igniting my entire body. I was comforted and aroused all at once. Leo was the answer to everything I never knew I wanted. I loved him and he loved me back. There was nothing in the world that could put me more at ease than knowing that.
“Say it again,” I said, knowing I’d never get tired of hearing Leo’s voice tell me those three little words.
Leo laughed softly. The last hour had been so intense and emotional. We’d go
tten everything we needed off our chests and now all that was left to do was to kiss and make up.
“I love you, Brooks,” Leo said again, his voice weak and dream-like.
I closed my eyes. No one ever told me how good that would feel.
“I love you, too.” I leaned in to kiss Leo. I was gentle, just wanting to embrace him. To remember what it was like to have his lips on mine. Not that I could ever forget. I just wanted to hold him tight. Keep him safely on the ground. Next to me. Always.
“Don’t break up with me again,” I said. “I don’t think I could survive my heart being broken a second time, Leo.”
His eyes fell to his lap, his golden lashes filling with tears. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed in an instant. “So fucking sorry.”
I lifted his chin with my fingers, forcing him to look at me. I was done with tears. Neither of us deserved them. I just wanted us to finally be happy. We had each other now. We were back together. That was all that mattered.
“Don’t cry,” I said, kissing him again. I could taste the salt of his tears. “There’s no reason to cry anymore. What’s done is done. Just be here with me. Right now.”
Leo nodded, swiping his hair behind his ears and regaining composure. “I know,” he took a deep breath. “I just feel like such a huge fool for ever doubting you.”
I smiled at him. He looked like an angel that had fallen from heaven. Leo caught me staring at him and he sniffed, trying to conceal his emotions. “My love,” I said softly, stroking his face.
“Can we…” Leo sniffed again. “Can we go to bed? Please?”
I nodded. “Of course.” I stood up and reached my hand out to Leo, who took it graciously. I pulled him up and into my arms. Bed was the best idea ever. I wanted to lie with him. Clothed or naked, it didn’t matter. Just feel the closeness of our bodies. Just be together.
When we got to Leo’s bedroom, I helped undress him. I took extra care removing each item of clothing off his body. He suddenly appeared so fragile, like the slightest knock would shatter him into a million pieces. I was now aware of just how hard this last week had been for him too. How it had taken a toll on his body. When he was in his underwear, I lowered him onto the bed. Leo lay there, looking up at me with half-shut bedroom eyes as I removed my own clothes. I climbed onto the mattress and lay next to him, skin to skin. Leo shivered, goosebumps appearing on his body as I stroked his arm tenderly. We lay like that for a while, just holding each others gaze and relishing the moment. It was the kind of intimacy that only existed between two people who really, truly loved each other. I knew it because I could feel it in every fiber of my being. It was corny but it was true. Leo and I were made for each other. Our bodies fit so easily together like they were destined to.
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