by J B Heller
I sighed to myself. Looked like Bob was going to be getting a workout tonight.
The first week passed quickly. Jake had helped me move the TV out into the living area, and each night we would either sit and watch How I Met Your Mother or Big Bang Theory together on the daybed or sit at the table drinking wine and talking about everything and nothing.
When I arrived at the Den this morning, Ash was in a foul mood. He had been one of my closest friends until Jake arrived. I felt bad that I hadn’t made time for him since I now spent every lunch break with Jake, and every evening too. I tried to joke with him to cheer him up, but he wasn’t interested in anything I had to say. It soon became apparent that he was mad at me. He was chatting normally with everyone else, just not me.
Ash hadn’t spoken to me all week, and I hated that I had upset him. So I sent Jake a quick text.
~Can’t do lunch today. Been neglecting my friends. See you tonight. X~
His reply was almost instantaneous.
~Ok Sweetness. I’ll miss you. X~
I felt my heart flutter in my chest at his simple words. My feelings were just as strong for Jake today as they were all those years ago.
Ash and I had become friends over our lunch breaks. We both had the two o’clock slot, so we started eating together and we really clicked. I felt awful that I hadn’t given him two thoughts in the past two weeks.
I waited until I had a small break between clients to approach him again. He was just finishing up a full set on a petite Asian woman. I tell you, nobody could do nails like Ash and Nate. They were perfectionists and the ladies loved having their nails done by fine-ass men. The boys were almost always booked out.
When the lady went to the reception desk to pay Reagan, I jumped at my chance to talk to Ash before Reags sent his next client through.
“Hey, Ash, you got a second?” I asked him timidly.
He rolled his eyes before looking directly at me. “Oh, you have time for me now, do you?”
Nate elbowed him in the ribs before I could respond. “Stop being a dick.”
“No, it’s all right, Nate, I deserved that,” I told him.
“No, you didn’t, fairy girl, you’ve been going through a lot, and we all know that. He should be more understanding instead of being a prick,” Nate fumed.
“Honestly, it’s fine, I’ve been a bad friend” I replied, then directed my attention back on Ash. “Wanna do lunch today?”
Ash glanced out the window, staring off at nothing for a minute, then snapped his head back to me. “Just us? No lover boy?”
I smiled, that was as good as a yes. “Yep, just us.” I kissed him on the cheek and skipped back to my station. My next client, Vixen, was already waiting for me.
“You look happy, Pix, what’s going on? You upgrade Bob to a real man?” She laughed loudly.
I joined in her laughter. “Something like that.” I winked at her and began undoing the complicated upstyle she had her long red locks done in.
Her eyes widened. “Oh, I need details!”
Tay cut in from the station beside mine, “Good luck with that, Vix, I’ve been trying to get details out of her all frigin week and the prude won’t budge.” Then she pulled her phone from her pocket and showed Vixen the screen. “But whatever she’s got going on, it’s with this fine piece of ass right here,” she said as Vixen examined the phone.
I snatched it out of her hand to see a candid picture of Jake as Tay’s wallpaper on her phone. “Taylor Jane! Are you for real? When did you take this? Do you know how creepy that is?”
She took her phone from me and slipped it back into her pocket, shrugging like it was no biggie. “Not all of us have a piece of candy like that to keep us warm at night. I get lonely Pix, and this picture keeps me company.” she said with a roll of her eyes.
I cringed. “Are you telling me you’ve flicked your bean to that picture? Sick, Tay!”
Tay turned her attention back to her own client and spoke over her shoulder. “A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.”
“Unbelievable,” I replied, shaking my head. My friends were all crazy.
Vixen thought our little exchange was hilarious, going as far as to snort while laughing her head off. “You right there, Vix? Need a glass of water or something?” I asked, sarcasm dripping from my voice.
“I’ll take an ice water with a side of that guy, thank you very much,” she continued to chuckle.
“I don’t share.” I poked my pierced tongue at her in the mirror.
She huffed dramatically. “Boo!”
I shrugged and focused back on my task.
When two o’clock rolled around, I strolled into the back room to grab my bag. Ash was already in there waiting for me, wallet in hand. “Ready to roll?” he asked, presenting me with his elbow to loop my arm through.
“Sure am. Where to today?”
“Well, I was thinking the deli, but lover boy has ruined it for me. So now I’m thinking burgers and chips from the café.”
“I could go for a burger,” I told him. I chose to ignore his comment about the deli.
We walked the short distance to the café and took a table out front on the sidewalk. I relaxed back in my chair and kicked my feet up on the seat next to me. Ash learned forward, resting his elbows on the table, staring at me intently.
“Spit it out. I know you have something to say, so just say it,” I told him.
He didn’t take his gaze off me for a moment. “Why him?” That was all he said.
I scrunched my eyebrows. That hadn’t been what I was expecting. I thought he was going to rip me a new one for my bad form in the friend department lately. “What do you mean? Why not him?” I countered.
He shook his head, making his shaggy blond hair fall in his eyes. “It’s different, with him. You’re different. Why? What’s so special about this douche?”
That statement didn’t sit right with me at all. “Don’t call him that, Ash, you know nothing about him. I’ve known Jake for a long time, we have history that not you or anyone else could possibly understand.”
He snorted. “That so, huh. And if he’s so wonderful, where’s he been all these years and how come you’ve never mentioned him, huh?”
“It’s complicated, Ash. Please, just drop it.” I rubbed my temples; if he kept going at me like this, I was going to get a tension headache.
He pushed his hair back away from his eyes. “I can’t drop it, Pix, he took my girl and I need answers. Why the hell are you with him right now?”
I balked. Say what? “Excuse me? Your girl? Since when? You’re one of my best friends, Ash, what’s this really about? I know I’ve been caught up in Jake lately and I haven’t been spending any time with you, but I promise I’ll fix it.”
Sadness swept over his features. “You have no idea, do you?”
Now I was confused. “No idea about what?”
“You’ve been my girl in my eyes since we met,” he replied.
My jaw dropped, then slammed shut again. “What exactly do you mean by your girl?”
A humorless laugh left his lips. “Clearly I’ve left my grand gesture too late, and this isn’t how I planned on telling you. But he came along and everything changed so quickly.” He paused, looking down at his feet. When he looked back to me, his eyes were filled with what he had yet to say.
Before he could continue, words tumbled from my lips. “But you’re gay!”
He burst out laughing. “Yeah, so I thought. But apparently my anatomy has other thoughts on the matter when it comes to you, as does the rest of me. When I started falling for you, I thought I was getting sick or something. I have never even been slightly attracted to a woman before. EVER. So the first time I got a boner and you were the only one I was with, I thought it was some kind of weird erectile dysfunction. You know, like in reverse or something?” he continued, laughing.
My feet dropped back to the floor as I sat there slack-jawed, not sure what to say. I had no idea. I thought he
was gay, like 100% into dudes. “Why are you laughing?” I finally asked.
“At this point, with the look on your face right now, if I don’t laugh I’ll likely punch something,” he said, all humor gone from his voice.
“I…you’re…goddamnit! Just give me a second to get this straight in my head. Forgive me for not expecting my gay friend to tell me he loves me in a non-plutonic way,” I fumed, suddenly angry with him for springing this on me. “I mean, what the actual fuck, Ash. You’ve seen me naked! I wouldn’t have pranced around without my clothes on if I thought you were getting off on it. You lied to me!” When I finished my tirade, I was heaving for air.
His eyes had bugged out at my outburst. I wasn’t one for cursing. “Are you seriously pissed about this, Pix?”
“Yes! How could you!” I yelled.
He held his hands up in front of himself. “Whoa, it wasn’t like that, Pix, I swear. You know me! You know I wouldn’t do that.”
“You were supposed to be gay!”
He threw his hands up in the air. “I am gay! Or at least I was. I’m the one who should be pissed here. Do you have any idea what it’s like to go through life without your family because they can’t stand the sight of you? You have no idea what my life was like, growing up in a religious family who believes that your sexuality is a choice. I didn’t choose to be gay, and I sure as hell didn’t choose to fall in love with a woman after living through all that!” Now he was the one yelling.
“Shit, Ash, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go postal on you, but what the hell. I can’t get over it. I think I’m in shock.” That tension headache was in full swing now.
His nostrils flared as he released a deep breath. “You’re in shock? How do you think I feel?”
I didn’t want to fight with him anymore. I didn’t want to fight with him at all. I reached across the table and took his hands in mine. I bought them to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “I’m sorry.”
We sat there like that in silence for a while, letting our food go cold and untouched. I hadn’t even noticed the waitress bring it over.
“So, what now, little blue?” he asked me. I loved his pet name for me.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I mean, obviously this changes things between us.”
“You’re not going to give me a chance, are you?” he sighed.
Tears built in my eyes, as I shook my head again. “I can’t. I just got Jake back. I love him, Ash, I always have. I can’t walk away from that, from him. I did it once, and it’s my biggest regret.” As I spoke my tears leaked from my eyes.
Ash got up and rounded our little table. He lifted me with ease into his arms, then took my seat, holding me in his lap. I snuggled into his neck as I wept for him. This must have been hard for him to tell me, and I reacted like a total bitch. I hurt for him, for everything he had been through, for everything he must now go through.
When I settled, he kissed the top of my head and smiled sadly down at me. “I love you. I had to say it out loud at least once.”
Fresh tears gathered. “I love you too, just not the way you want me to. I’m sorry, Ash, I really am.”
“Shh, it’s okay, little blue. I’ll survive. I’m strong and shit.” His smile was reassuring this time, but I still saw the pain in his eyes.
We walked slowly back to the Den arm-in-arm. When we got inside Ash kissed me on the cheek like he always did, but this time his lips lingered a little longer. “Just be happy. That’s all I want for you,” he spoke softly in my ear. All I could do was nod my head and watch him walk away.
Things between us had changed, and I knew I was going to miss the way we used to be so comfortable around each other. I hoped we could hold onto our friendship, but I didn’t want to make things harder for him.
When I got home later that afternoon I was emotionally drained. All I wanted to do was sprawl out in my bathtub and sleep. But that was not how things went down.
I was met with a stony-faced Jake when I walked inside, sitting in the armchair in the far corner of the room. “Hey,” I said as I dumped my bag on the dining table. He didn’t reply. I turned around and smacked straight into his solid chest. I stepped back, looking up into his stormy blues. He was angry, really angry. The only other time I’d seen his eyes like this was after I told him about the dates my father made me attend.
“Jake, what’s wrong?” I asked, placing my hands on his chest. His heart was pounding beneath my palm.
He raised a single brow. “I don’t know, how about you tell me.”
“I’m not in the mood for cryptic, Jake, I had a hard day. If you have a problem, just tell me, please. I’m not into guessing games,” I told him.
His chest rippled with laughter, but not that of the happy variety. “Really? You’re not into games? That’s funny, ’cause right now I feel like I’m being played.”
I furrowed my brows. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I replied honestly.
“So you didn’t go to lunch with another guy today and you weren’t kissing his hands and sitting in his lap with his arms wrapped around you?” he accused.
My eyebrows shot up to my hairline. “Were you spying on me?”
“Just answer the question, Pixie,” he demanded.
“Yes, I went to lunch with my friend Ash today. Now you want to tell me what the hell you were doing spying on me!” I was furious.
“You looked pretty cozy with your friend. I missed you and I was bored. Your lunch break would have been nearly up so I thought I’d drop by and say hi. You can imagine my surprise when I rode past you sitting at a table with a guy, and then you started kissing his hands! What the hell was that?” he yelled.
I wasn’t afraid of Jake’s temper; I was, however, afraid of mine. I blew a deep breath through my nose and closed my eyes and began counting backwards from ten. When I opened my eyes, Jake was still standing close to me and his chest was heaving.
“Ash is gay. He’s going through some things and needed to talk them out,” I said, trying desperately to keep my calm.
Jake stepped back. “That guy’s gay? He doesn’t look gay.”
“And what is a gay person supposed to look like?” I asked. I couldn’t keep the venom from my tone.
“I don’t know,” he said softly.
“I never picked you for the judgmental type, Jake, you never used to be. You know what, maybe we’re jumping into this too quickly,” I replied.
“Hey, now, don’t go sayin’ shit like that. You’re angry right now and I understand why. I’m sorry I jumped the gun. But when I saw you with him, and the way he was looking at you, I lost it. I have never been a jealous man, but you bring things out in me that nobody else can. I’ve only just got you back, I can’t lose you.” He wrapped his large hands around my shoulders.
And just like that, my anger dissipated. “I suppose I can see how it would have looked on the outside. To put your mind at rest, I am not now, nor have I ever slept with Ash. He’s one of my closest friends, and you’re going to have to get used to that if we’re going to give this a real shot.”
A seductive smile lifted one side of his mouth. “Done,” he said, then he swept his arm around my waist, pulling my body into his. “I missed seeing that fire in your eyes.” Leaning down, he took my mouth with his in a fiercely possessive kiss. His tongue forced its way into my mouth, claiming me as his. And I was all for that plan. I melted into his large frame, wrapping my arms around his neck.
A moan escaped me as he walked us back against the wall by the dining table. He grabbed my thigh and tugged it up his waist, and I obliged by wrapping it around his back, digging my heel into his firm butt. He groaned as I rubbed myself against the hardness in his pants.
Tearing his lips from mine, we were both panting. “If I don’t stop now, I won’t be able to stop until I’ve blown my load deep inside you.”
I usually wasn’t one for dirty talk, but those words stirred something primal inside of me. I slid my hands from behind
his neck, taking his face in my palms. “Maybe I don’t want you to stop.”
“Don’t.” His voice was deep and gravelly. “You don’t mean that. You wanted to take this slow, and that’s what we’re going to do.” He closed his eyes tight, resting his forehead against mine.
I wriggled against him. “You can’t get me all worked up like that and not put out!” I whined, sliding my nails up into his hair, grabbing two handfuls and gently tugging.
“Shhiiiitttt,” he breathed against my lips. “You’re not playing fair. I’m trying to be good right now. I’m trying to give you what you wanted.”
I panted. “I changed my mind.”
“No, you haven’t,” he chuckled. “You’re just horny. But maybe there’s something else I could do to alleviate the situation without having sex.” His smile was mischievous and I liked it. I liked it a lot.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked coyly.
Jake secured me tighter in his arms then turned and walked over to my daybed at the opposite end of the room. When he reached it he slowly lowered me down, laying me on my back against the soft velvety fabric. He placed one knee between my legs and opened my thighs. Bringing his body over mine, he rested one arm up beside my head, his other palm pressed to my now exposed thigh.
His thumb was caressing me, edging closer to the place I wanted to feel him most. Blue flames burned in the depths of his eyes. His desire for me was as much of a turn-on as his torturously slow movements. I lifted my hips, hoping to make him reach his destination sooner. But his long fingers dug into my inner thigh, halting his progression.
“Please, Jake,” I begged. I didn’t care if I sounded pathetic, I needed him. My body craved his touch, the touch I’d been denying myself since he walked back into my life.
“Patience is a virtue,” he smirked, before bringing his lush mouth down on my neck. He nipped, kissed and licked a trail to my mouth. When his lips pressed against mine, his thumb traced the outside of my underwear and a wanting moan escaped me. As he deepened his kiss he applied more pressure as he caressed me, still on the outside of my panties.
