For the Hope of a Crow

by T. S. Joyce

  Vina gripped his wrists to keep him there because, oh, his touch felt so good. “What did I do?”

  “You stuck up for me. You had my back. You didn’t think I was an idiot for bonding to someone who didn’t bond back.”

  Vina rubbed her cheek against the palm of his hand. “I was married once.”

  “What?”

  “Married and divorced. He was human. So you see, I know all about bonding to someone who can’t bond to you back. You can’t help who your heart picks.”

  Realization swam in his eyes, and he straightened up to his full height. “That’s why you wanted a crow?”

  She smiled sadly. “Getting destroyed by a man wasn’t my favorite life experience. It’s not exactly something I would ever want to repeat. I wanted someone to bond to me back. I wanted to be all that a man saw, but he picked someone else before he was even done with me. I was soooo replaceable, and it did something bad to my head and heart for a long time.”

  His eyes filled with sadness. Regret maybe. Yep, there it was. He knew he couldn’t give her that just as well as she did.

  Ramsey turned and walked to the side door of the clubhouse, and she followed along slowly, thinking she’d been dismissed. But when he got there, he opened it wide and waited just inside the open frame, his eyes darkening like storm clouds but holding steady on her. And when she said “thank you,” and passed through, he pulled her to a stop by the arm, gripped the back of her neck roughly, and then kissed her so hard his teeth made her bottom lip throb. She stumbled back a step when he released her from the kiss, but his grasp in the back of her hair brought her close again. Inches away from her face, he growled, “If anyone in here lays a hand on you, tell me, and I’ll deal with them.”

  Muddy-minded, she murmured, “Maybe I’ll find my real mate tonight.”

  His eyes morphed to black. He gripped her waist and gave her the devil’s smile. “No, you won’t, and it’s best if you don’t joke like that with me.”

  “I thought we were just friends,” she popped off as he walked away.

  “Go ahead and test that theory, Vina, and see whose face I smash tonight.”

  And there were those butterflies in her stomach, and there was that smile on her face, and there was that feeling she was getting addicted to—hope.

  Possessive man. That’s what she needed. Not the wishy-washy maybe I like you, maybe I don’t. She needed a man to point at her in a crowd and say, “That’s mine. She’s under my protection. Everyone else fuck off.”

  Jonathan had never once stuck up for her or protected her from overzealous boys when they were out. And there had been many of those situations since he never acted like he was with her, so she looked single. She’d always had to get herself out of uncomfortable spots. He’d never cared enough. But Ramsey—big, dominant King of Crows—had just told her she was his. And he was willing to reprimand his own people if they crossed a line.

  Safe.

  Safe.

  Safe.

  The second she walked in, she stuck out like a sore thumb. Along the bar, intermingling with the burly bikers, were four Crow Chasers in shredded black tank tops and T-shirts and high heels she’d only seen on strippers in movies. And there was a moment when she paused in the entryway that she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, she did not belong here.

  But then she saw Ramsey. He was a few yards ahead of her, watching her reaction, his eyes such a vivid blue now they looked unreal. There had been so many times when she’d had the opportunity to bolt, not dig into his life deeper, but just like all the other times, she took a step forward instead of a step back. With a shy smile, she stretched her fingertips for his offered hand. He didn’t hold onto her long, just enough to get her moving toward the bar. A few seconds of warmth, and then he released her hand and made his way to a cluster of bikers greeting him. They were all manly hugs and gritty-voiced hellos. The dynamic here was unexplainable. It was happy and somber all at once. It was relief that their Alpha was here, but with undertones of discomfort, too. There was something in the air she couldn’t describe, and it left the fine hairs on her forearms electrified.

  “Hey there, Soccer Mom, where’s your gift?” Rike asked as she sat in a stool at the bar near a couple of the Crow Chasers.

  Vina looked around but didn’t see anyone else with presents. “What gift?”

  “At a celebration of life for crows, it’s customary for strangers to bring a gift for the mate of the deceased.” His dark eyes softened. “And if the crow is unpaired, like Grant, like all of us, you bring a gift to the best friend.”

  Vina’s heart sank to her toes. “Who is…?” She cleared her throat and corrected herself. “Who was Grant’s best friend?”

  Rike pointed to a man alone in the darkest corner of the room, sitting in an old chair, elbows on his knees, hunched forward, staring with an unreadable expression at where Ramsey was greeting his Clan, strangling the neck of a half-empty beer bottle he held in his hands. “Grant’s best friend is his murderer. That’s Kasey.”

  “Oh, my gosh. He murdered him? Why?”

  “Get used to it, Soccer Mom,” Rike said grimly. “We will all be murderers by the time our caskets drop.”

  “Why? Because you are all bad? I don’t believe that.”

  Rike shoved a shot of what smelled like cheap whiskey across the bar counter at her. “Ain’t no good men in this Clan, so get that out of your head right fuckin’ now. We’re all headed to Hell. Ramsey is just leading us there a little faster than planned.” He turned to a tall man with long hair and brown eyes like Rike’s. He was sitting a few chairs down from her. Their features were similar. Maybe they were brothers. “What can I get you, Second.” The way he said the last word sounded like a cuss word it was spat with such vitriol.

  “Don’t start shit with me tonight, Third,” the man said in a soft growl. “You know I don’t want to be in this position. Give me the bottle.”

  “Fuck you, Ethan. Get your own bottle.” Rike gritted his teeth and looked like he wanted to spit. His soft brown eyes had turned black.

  Ethan pointed to Vina. “She shouldn’t be here. Red Dead Mayhem only tonight.”

  “Yet you let the Chasers right in, and ain’t none of them Mayhem.”

  Ethan slammed his fist on the bar and leaned closer to Rike. “So you think it’s a good idea for her to see what’s happening?”

  “She’s a shifter,” Rike said with a shrug and gave Ethan his back before he began to dry wet glasses near a sink against the wall.

  “What’s happening?” Vina asked.

  “None of your fuckin’ business, Normie,” a blond with painted red lipstick to match her red nails gritted out from a couple chairs down. She looked mad as hell. What was wrong with her? Vina had never even talked to this girl.

  “I’m not a Normie, whatever that is.”

  “Well, you ain’t one of us.”

  “What the fuck is the problem?” Ramsey asked from across the room where he’d migrated to talk to Kasey. His black eyes locked on the Crow Chaser, then Rike, then Ethan, and lastly, Vina. “Have some manners around Vina, or you can leave. In fact, Hannah?” Ramsey pointed to the door. “You can see your way out. Your presence here isn’t necessary tonight.”

  “You didn’t think I was unnecessary when I blew you in the bathroom.”

  “Oooooh,” some of the men jeered.

  Ram straightened his spine and stalked toward Hannah, but the stupid Chaser didn’t duck her gaze or back off. She stood and crossed her little arms over her big chest. “I have every right to be here, Ram. If I’m good enough to suck your dick, I’m good enough to stay for a celebration of life. I have way more right than this bitch.”

  Red fury sizzled up Vina’s spine. Jealousy and rage warred in her, and she clenched her fists on the bar top, barely resisting the urge to split the Chaser’s lip for calling names. For touching her Ramsey. Her Ramsey. Hers. Vina jerked her gaze from the blond hellcat and leveled Ram with a look.


  “Two years ago,” he said simply.

  Didn’t matter if he fooled around with this woman twenty years ago. Vina wanted to put a hoof through her face anyway just for bringing it up.

  “Your eyes look freaky,” Rike said to Vina. Was that a smile in his voice? “Mostly dark gold with a thin whiskey rim. They glow on the outsides. What color do yours turn, Hannah? Oh wait, they don’t turn because you’re the fuckin’ Normie around here.”

  Hannah huffed a breath. Two of the other Crow Chasers, two brunettes, click-clacked toward her. “You gonna piss on the girls who keep you and the boys happy?” the shorter brunette asked, venom in her voice.

  “Yeah, Rike,” Ethan said. “You gonna take this stranger’s side over the girls who have been loyal for years?”

  “I ain’t takin’ sides, Second. Or if I am, it’s Ramsey’s side. He brought a girl. A good one. A fuckin’ soccer mom, not some ho lookin’ to suck off a crow for attention. Good on him. And bonus, Vina ain’t the Origin.” Rike spat on the floor, and when he looked slowly back at Ethan, his eyes were black. “At least he’s got enough faith in himself to try to save us.”

  “He ain’t saving shit, and you and everyone here knows it,” came a slow, steady drawl from the other side of the room. Kasey. His eyes matched the shadows he sat in, but his hate-filled glare was trained on Ramsey, who had come to lean on the bar and watch the arguing with a suspicious frown on his face.

  “This a coup?” Ram asked slowly. His voice sounded terrifying, as if he’d come from the depths of hell.

  There was something different in the air. Some dark power that made Vina want to curl into herself and retch. Was this what evil felt like?

  No one answered the Alpha, so he flexed his broad shoulders, held his hands out to his sides and demanded louder, “Is this a coup?”

  The others were gathering closer now, like hyenas on a lion kill. All eyes were black. All souls felt black. Vina swallowed hard, stood slowly, and inched toward Ramsey’s side. It wasn’t so he could keep her safe. No, it was because she would unleash Hell if they warred.

  “Oh, what are you gonna do, cow?” Hannah asked. “That’s what girl mooses are called, right? Cows? You gonna run around and break shit? These are crows. You have no business in the ranks here.”

  Vina gave her an empty smile. “It’s moose, you bimbo.”

  “What?”

  “The plural isn’t mooses. It’s just moose. And yeah, I guess I’m pretty good at ‘breaking shit.’” She used air quotes on that. “‘Shit’ being people like you. Take one more step toward me, and I’ll escort you out of here myself.”

  Hannah laughed and looked around at the men still creeping closer to Ramsey. “He can’t protect you. He made everyone like this. You know what a Clan of crows is called, Normie? A murder of crows. And Ramsey made them all murderers with his bad decisions.”

  “Mmm,” Ramsey said, his chin high, watching his Clan advance. “Something tells me Vina didn’t pick me for protection, though she has it. Y’all wanna fight?”

  “Yep,” Kasey said, making his way through the crowd. “There’s blood on my hands because of you. I woke up standing over my best friend. I woke—” He choked on the last word. “Where did I go? Where do we all keep going? You think you’re the only one who blacks out and flies to Two Claws Woods? You’re the only one sleep-flying?” Face turning crimson, Kasey screamed, “Wrong! You’re killing us all.” His voice dipped to a whisper. “One by one, you’ll kill us all. And for what? Love? Get a grip, Alpha. Love is poison. Same shit you’ve been preaching your entire rise to the top. We got no mates because you said no, but you go and choose the worst one, some squirrel bitch who doesn’t even care about you back. Some legendary Alpha you are.” Kasey pointed a finger at Ethan. “Challenge him. Kill him. I’m already in hell—I’ll be haunted by Grant.” He twitched his head to the corner where he’d been sitting in the shadows. “He’s sitting over there right now, eyes on me. Always on me. Empty eyes. Bleeding everywhere. Can you see him?”

  Chills rippled up Vina’s arms as she glanced at the dark corner with the empty barstool. Nothing was there except that awful dark feeling.

  “Yes, I see him,” Ramsey said. “I see all of them.”

  The hate in Kasey’s glare faltered.

  “What?” Rike asked, making his way around the bar to stand beside Ramsey. “All of who?”

  “Every crow who has ever bonded to me and died in my Clan. Every life I’ve taken. He jerked his chin toward Grant’s corner. “Grant.” He gestured to the pool table. “Barret, Noel, Hatchet, Wright.” He jammed a thumb behind him. “Bentley likes to watch me from behind the bar. Thorn is always in the bathroom. The woods outside? Every crow who has lost a challenge to me over the past fifteen years. Congratu-fucking-lations, Kasey. You get to see your first ghost.” Ram cocked his head in a bird-like manner. “I see dozens. I’m never alone. I’m never at peace. Some Alpha I am? Where were you when you came to me? Strung out on meth, alone, no protection, you’d pissed off an entire MC, couldn’t even ride your Harley ten feet without laying it down, and what did I do?”

  Kasey took a step back and looked uncertain.

  “Say it or I will,” Rike gritted out from Ramsey’s other side.

  “What did I do?” Ramsey yelled suddenly, filling the entire bar with his commanding presence.

  Kasey swallowed hard and dipped his gaze to the scratched-up wood floors. “You killed the men who were after me and my kid.”

  “Why did I do that?”

  “Because…”

  “Why?” Ramsey demanded louder.

  “Because you said you saw something in me worth saving. You said my boy deserved to have me here.”

  Ramsey jammed his finger over to Grant’s corner. “Do you know who stands with Grant?”

  Kasey squeezed his eyes tightly closed as he shook his head. “The Daybreaker Clan?”

  “And have I ever made you feel bad for that? Have I ever laid the burden of what I did for you at your feet, Kasey?”

  Kasey ran his hand down his face and then wiped the palm of his hand on his jeans. He sniffed and shook his head.

  “I’m watching your little boy grow up with his dad around, and now ask me Kasey. Ask me if I would do it again. Ask me if I knew then what I know now, that I would be haunted by them, would I still see the potential in you? Would I still kill ’em?”

  Shaking his head, Kasey ran his hands back and forth over his hair. His shoulders were shaking. He tried and failed to get a single word out. Finally, he croaked out, “I killed him. I killed Grant. I was so mad. So mad and I couldn’t stop.”

  Ram pulled him in suddenly, clapped him on the back so hard the bar echoed with the sound. “Grant’s blood ain’t on your hands, Kasey. It’s on mine. Look at him now. Who is he looking at?”

  When Kasey turned to the corner, Vina could see a single tear streak down this big, burly man’s cheek. “He’s lookin’ at you.”

  “Let him go, Kasey. He’s my ghost now. I’ll take ’em all to save y’all pain. They’re all mine.”

  Vina was crying. She couldn’t help it. She’d just got a peek at the raw. She’d just witnessed part of what made Ramsey the Alpha of all Alphas for the crows. He sacrificed himself daily but had never voiced it until now. Vina reached in her pocket and pulled out her old, tarnished lucky penny with the heart cut out of the middle. With a sniff, she formally said to Kasey, “Crow, my dad gave this to me when I moved out and told me it was lucky. I’ve carried it in my pocket all this time.” She squeezed the penny one last time just to feel the comfort of it. How many times had she held it in painful moments? She closed the three steps between them just as Ramsey released Kasey from his embrace. And then she held it out on her palm. This was her offering to the best friend of the deceased.

  Kasey stared at it with shock in his black eyes. He glanced up at her, his head cocked, and then back to the penny. Swallowing hard, he took it gently from her palm and nodded once, slightly. Hi
s eyes were full of phantoms as he met her gaze again. “You gonna save us all, Normie?” he asked softly.

  She wished she could say yes. She wished so hard, but she wasn’t a liar. Ram was bonded to another. The one who could save them was happily nestled with her mate in the Two Claws Clan. “My name is Vina.”

  A woman’s booming voice sounded from the stairway. “Give your gifts, and then let’s do this celebration of life up right. Grant deserves it.” She was statuesque and straight-spined, dark hair with blond streaks, perhaps in her mid-fifties or early sixties. “Ladies, you all need to leave. Ramsey already told you this is Clan only.”

  “Leave forever?” Hannah’s voice pitched up in a whiny tone.

  “Ask one more fuckin’ question, Hannah, and yes, I will ban you forever,” Ramsey growled.

  “Fine.” She grabbed the short brunette’s hand and then Vina’s hand and yanked them toward the door.

  Rage rippled up her spine, and Vina nearly yanked that little tramp’s arm out of its socket escaping her grip. Hannah’s nails scratched deeply into her wrist, but Vina didn’t care. Her hand was on the wench’s throat and her fist was already poised, reared back, ready. God, her moose was right there, ready to stomp this little hellion into a smear on the floor.

  A big strong hand cupped her fist and stopped her progress. There was a smile in Ramsey’s voice when he told Hannah, “Touch her again, and I won’t stop her from rearranging your face next time. I’d bet my flight feathers mooses are tougher than fragile-necked little Crow Chasers.”

  Hannah was making little choking sounds and staring in shock at Vina’s fist all wrapped up in Ramsey’s. Vina released her throat slowly. It would’ve been so easy to pop her stupid little head from her neck. Geez, she needed to Change soon. Her rage was too easy to access right now. “I’ve got a little temper problem,” she admitted. “Perhaps stop testing it. I’ll leave here on my own.”

  “Nah,” Ramsey murmured, pulling her fist to his lips. He kissed her knuckles in the gentlest gesture a monster could make. “Vina stays. She’s my shot at burning that damaged mating bond. Until I dig out or you boys have to put me down? She’s my lady. I ain’t quittin’ yet, but I need help. Can’t do this on my own, as much as I want to. I need the Clan. I need this girl. I need time. I need to rip this goddamn broken heart out of my chest and grow another one, and until I figure out how to do that? Vina is queen. Let her try and save me.” He looked over at Rike. “Shots for Grant. You know what he liked.”