by A. A. Milne
You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in
some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest
him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for
it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood
more approbation than ever proof itself would have
earned him. Away!
* * *
SIR ANDREW
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
Exit
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
capacity and breeding; his employment between his
lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this
letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no
terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a
clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report
of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his
youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous
opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.
This will so fright them both that they will kill
one another by the look, like cockatrices.
Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA
* * *
FABIAN
Here he comes with your niece: give them way till
he take leave, and presently after him.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
I will meditate the while upon some horrid message
for a challenge.
Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA
* * *
OLIVIA
I have said too much unto a heart of stone
And laid mine honour too unchary out:
There's something in me that reproves my fault;
But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
That it but mocks reproof.
* * *
VIOLA
With the same 'havior that your passion bears
Goes on my master's grief.
* * *
OLIVIA
Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,
That honour saved may upon asking give?
* * *
VIOLA
Nothing but this; your true love for my master.
* * *
OLIVIA
How with mine honour may I give him that
Which I have given to you?
* * *
VIOLA
I will acquit you.
* * *
OLIVIA
Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:
A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.
Exit
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Gentleman, God save thee.
* * *
VIOLA
And you, sir.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what
nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:
dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for
thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.
* * *
VIOLA
You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel
to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from
any image of offence done to any man.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
your guard; for your opposite hath in him what
youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.
* * *
VIOLA
I pray you, sir, what is he?
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on
carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and
his incensement at this moment is so implacable,
that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.
* * *
VIOLA
I will return again into the house and desire some
conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard
of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on
others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man
of that quirk.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a
very competent injury: therefore, get you on and
give him his desire. Back you shall not to the
house, unless you undertake that with me which with
as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,
or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you
must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
* * *
VIOLA
This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
my offence to him is: it is something of my
negligence, nothing of my purpose.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this
gentleman till my return.
Exit
* * *
VIOLA
Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
* * *
FABIAN
I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a
mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.
* * *
VIOLA
I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
* * *
FABIAN
Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by
his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,
bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly
have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
can.
* * *
VIOLA
I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one that
had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I
care not who knows so much of my mettle.
Exeunt
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a
firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and
all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal
motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he
pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they
step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
* * *
SIR ANDREW
Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can
scarce hold him yonder.
* * *
SIR ANDREW
> Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so
cunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ld
have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,
and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show
on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.
Aside
Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA
To FABIAN
I have his horse to take up the quarrel:
I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.
* * *
FABIAN
He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and
looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
[To VIOLA] There's no remedy, sir; he will fight
with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better
bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for
the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.
* * *
VIOLA
[Aside] Pray God defend me! A little thing would
make me tell them how much I lack of a man.
* * *
FABIAN
Give ground, if you see him furious.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;
he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has
promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he
will not hurt you. Come on; to't.
* * *
SIR ANDREW
Pray God, he keep his oath!
* * *
VIOLA
I do assure you, 'tis against my will.
They draw
Enter ANTONIO
* * *
ANTONIO
Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
Have done offence, I take the fault on me:
If you offend him, I for him defy you.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
You, sir! why, what are you?
* * *
ANTONIO
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
They draw
Enter Officers
* * *
FABIAN
O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
I'll be with you anon.
* * *
VIOLA
Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
* * *
SIR ANDREW
Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you,
I'll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily
and reins well.
* * *
First Officer
This is the man; do thy office.
* * *
Second Officer
Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.
* * *
ANTONIO
You do mistake me, sir.
* * *
First Officer
No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
Take him away: he knows I know him well.
* * *
ANTONIO
I must obey.
To VIOLA
This comes with seeking you:
But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
What will you do, now my necessity
Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
Much more for what I cannot do for you
Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
But be of comfort.
* * *
Second Officer
Come, sir, away.
* * *
ANTONIO
I must entreat of you some of that money.
* * *
VIOLA
What money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,
And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my lean and low ability
I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
I'll make division of my present with you:
Hold, there's half my coffer.
* * *
ANTONIO
Will you deny me now?
Is't possible that my deserts to you
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.
* * *
VIOLA
I know of none;
Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.
* * *
ANTONIO
O heavens themselves!
* * *
Second Officer
Come, sir, I pray you, go.
* * *
ANTONIO
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,
Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
And to his image, which methought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
* * *
First Officer
What's that to us? The time goes by: away!
* * *
ANTONIO
But O how vile an idol proves this god
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.
* * *
First Officer
The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.
* * *
ANTONIO
Lead me on.
Exit with Officers
* * *
VIOLA
Methinks his words do from such passion fly,
That he believes himself: so do not I.
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll
whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
* * *
VIOLA
He named Sebastian: I my brother know
Yet living in my glass; even such and so
In favour was my brother, and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.
Exit
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than
a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
his cowardship, ask Fabian.
* * *
FABIAN
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
* * *
SIR ANDREW
'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy swor
d.
* * *
SIR ANDREW
An I do not,—
* * *
FABIAN
Come, let's see the event.
* * *
SIR TOBY BELCH
I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.
Exeunt
Part IV
Scene I. Before Olivia's House.
Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown
Clown
Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
* * *
SEBASTIAN
Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:
Let me be clear of thee.
* * *
Clown
Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.
