This male is on me before I have time to blink. He’s got me one way, then the other, as he’s trying to pin me against the mat in some kind of ninja move. I wiggle out of his hold only because I’m stronger, but he manages to catch me with an elbow to the lower jaw near my ear that makes me see stars.
He’s quick as he assaults every inch of my body.
“Do you want to quit? All you need to do is tap out.” Cash has his eyes on me, looking, waiting for an answer.
“No.” I face this little wolverine head on. He pounds on my body again and again. The Nature of my Wild is not happy about this little male hurting the skin side. She slowly starts to make an appearance. A growl rumbles out with our displeasure.
“Rya, no wolves here. Put her away.” Cash takes a step toward me, and I try to rein her in, shaking with the effort.
This male seizes his opportunity and lays me out hard, falling to the ground. He’s on me in an instant, no mercy. He has my arm, angling it up in such a way that if he continues, it’s going to break. The pain is too much, and my hand goes to tap out. Before I do, I notice the way Cash is looking at me, as if he knew I would just tap out. Like he is expecting this. So I grit my teeth in my jaw and take this pain; I take it because I can. It’s actually not as bad as the whip against my back.
“Tap out.” The little male’s voice is in my ear as more pressure is exerted on my arm. A groan tumbles out, and he pleads with me. I don’t think that this male wants to do what he’s been trained to do. I try to break the hold, I try to get out, to fight against this hold, but I don’t know how. At least I am trying.
“Please tap out.” There’s a desperation in his voice now. I think only I can hear it, he’s whispering to me so quietly. His face is red in concentration, and I’m red with the effort I’m putting up. I’m trying with all I have to break his hold, but I just can’t, and the snap echoes inside the building as all eyes are on the fight, everyone cringing with the sound.
Cash is instantly on me.
“Why didn’t you tap out?” He’s shocked.
“I’m not a quitter.” My voice travels between the spaces in my clenched teeth.
The small juvenile wolf rocks back and forth in dread. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” He looks like he’s going to get sick.
A trickling of older wolves starts to circle around us as they hear about what just happened, how I wouldn’t submit, that I just kept on fighting until I couldn’t anymore. Hushed whispers: Is that her? What did she do? She never gave up?
Their voices circle around me. The pain starts to set in, and I feel slightly nauseated with it.
“Can you get up?” I shake my head no. I can’t move as I lay there holding my arm. I can feel the blood soaking into my shirt, onto the mat. I can’t look; I know the bone is out of my skin.
Closing my eyes, I try to breathe through the pain the same way I tell my laboring females to do.
It’s a concentration of wills, my will against the pain’s will. I don’t make a sound, just bear it.
“Rya, can you open your eyes for me?” I do, and it’s a nice older wolf with silver hair. He’s got kind, caring eyes.
“I need to take your shirt off and look at your arm. Is that okay with you?”
“Yes,” I hiss out.
“Cash, come help me sit her up.” It takes two of them, as I am stiff and just need to breathe.
He opens his black bag, and a needle plunges into my good arm. It stings slightly with the medication he’s using. Next, he brings out scissors, cutting my shirt off from the back and down the side of my arms, so it easily peels off my head.
“What happened to you?” the kind doctor asks as my back is exposed for everyone’s eyes. This is the first time more than a handful of wolves have seen my back. Voices grow stronger, disbelief of what they are seeing on a female’s back.
Cash looks toward my back, eyes dilating slightly. I’m not sure what’s worse in his mind: my arm bone sticking out of my flesh or the lasting kiss the whip’s mark left on my pristine flesh.
“What happened?” Cash’s voice sounds far away, the medication taking its hold on my system. It’s making my vision fuzzy, my tongue thick; all the moisture has left my mouth.
“It was from the effort I put into my fight for what I thought was mine.” The words come out thick, slightly slurred. The effects of the medication raging in my system.
He can’t look in my eyes and I can’t hold his as the pain medication takes its hold on me.
“Cash.” That Silverback male’s voice tone is harsh. It’s the first time I have heard sound waves make the wolves freeze.
Cash squares up his shoulders to his father, like a male ready to receive his punishment.
“Father.”
“You call him, tell him you allowed his female to fight before she was ready, and she got hurt on your watch.” Cash nods his head to his father in agreement.
Chapter 3
We Get What We Deserve
Guilt pours off of him as if it were sweat.
“I did it on purpose. I thought you would just give up. I was wrong.” It’s just Cash and me in the clinic room. He asked if he could speak to me alone. His parents walked out, not very pleased with their third born.
He’s sitting there in the orange plastic chair with his elbows on his thighs, hands gripped together, looking down at the floor.
“I’m sorry, Rya.” His eyes lock with mine, no more menace left in them.
“It was easier to blame you than her. I just couldn’t believe—” Unclasping his hands, he presses the palms into his eyes, as if trying to stop the tap that wants to open up.
“Everything she’s said about me has come true. I’m a weak wolf. I knew exactly what I was doing. I let my family down, you down, and myself down. I acted without honor.” This savagely beautiful wolf is giving me a hard look at how horrible he feels in every way.
Love twists your soul, spiraling you into something different, something you thought you would never become.
“How old were you when you found out he was your mate?”
“I was sixteen.”
“How long was it after you shifted?”
“I shifted that day, early in the morning. It was awful, but my family was there to support me.”
“What happened to you?”
“I saw him. He was with her. It’s as if they expected this. They stood shoulder to shoulder as I approached, and honestly, I thought I had a chance. The thing is my chance was gone before it ever began. I know that now. I wish I would have known this at the time. I think I would have done things differently. I would have been prepared, but I never was prepared to handle the rejection. I was on the A side of life back then, before him, before them. I was happy, and I think more than anything, looking back right now in this moment I did give up. I gave up on me. Not him, I just rolled over and gave up on me. I’m my biggest supporter, and I failed myself.” It’s as if a light bulb just turned on in my mind.
It’s funny how if you talk about certain traumas in your life enough, it somehow gets just a little easier to come to grips with what was done. It’s hard, but it’s part of my history, like my own personal cookbook that makes me who I am. My past recipes, some good, some sour, some terrible, some burned and charred. My future recipes are still being written on the blank white pages; hopefully, they will be robust and full of a life I think I deserve.
“I didn’t get that chance, so I turned on Kennedy. She was my easiest target, just like I am to you. I kicked her ass that day. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, regardless of my fighting skills. I was the stronger wolf back then.” It’s true back then I was stronger than her.
“I was punished for going after her, then I became a ghost. I was really never there anymore. I checked out. No one cared, and I hate to say this, but neither did I. I stopped believing in myself. When I came back to the pack after my training, it was your brother that helped me. He saw something in me that I still don’t se
e in myself. He saw a life that just needed a chance to breathe again.” Cash’s emotions are twisting and knotting around inside him. He nods his head, as if he understands what I am telling him.
“I was the one who found Dallas. He was almost dead. He could hardly even speak anymore. He couldn’t move. I made a tourniquet for his arm, screaming the whole time for help, but we were all alone in that house we built for them and their future. Do you know what that did to me, seeing him like that? I have nightmares still to this day. I called my father. I had to wait for help. He looked into my eyes, told me he loved me, asked me if I loved him.” Cash’s voice breaks with hard emotions that he’s trying to stop from seeping out.
“Of course I said yes. I was holding his head in my lap. He just looked at me, and with his soul, he asked me to untie his arm. He begged me and begged me until he passed out.” Now I can’t stop the tears from coming down, that burn coming up from the pit of my stomach to rest corrosively at the back of my throat.
“When he healed, he never came back the same. We referred to him as the ghost because he was around but not really there. So when you said you felt that way, I saw him be that way.” I nod my head in agreement. I understand the feeling very well.
“He went away soon after. My parents pulled some strings, got him into a good university as soon as he told them what he wanted to do. After he left, he has only been home twice. We always went to him. It was just better that way. No pressure on him, no expectations put on his shoulders. He always promised he would come back. He just couldn’t say when.” Cash has a faraway look in eyes that can’t keep the tears away.
“I was there when he called my dad saying he met someone, that he was thinking of letting his hair grow out again. There are only two times that my father has actually cried in front of us, and that was one of them.” His truths are tumbling out his mouth as I feel slightly nauseated with all these feelings that are being caught and swallowed down my throat.
“My biggest fear is that you reject him and he does what he tried to do but succeeds. I just don’t want him to get hurt because, in the end, you have a mate. I know what they say about you being moon blessed, but what happens if you chose him over my brother? What happens to my brother?” Those last words hang between us while Cash wipes away his own tears.
“Rya, Cash, time to go.” The Silverback male looks at the both of us with our red puffy eyes, and something filters across his face, a slight smile.
“Your brothers should be arriving within minutes. Are you ready?” Cash stands up, back straight. He looks on with grim determination, as if he’s going to take bitter medicine and swallow it down.
“Is someone with Kennedy?” His first concern is her, and I eye him suspiciously. A contradiction in how he’s behaving, he acts as if he doesn’t care, but deep down he does.
“Your mother has her.” Alpha Clinton stares down this male who can’t look his father in the eye.
“Can you walk, or do you need to be carried?” He’s ready to scoop me up in those solid arms of his.
“I can walk.” A chaos of fluttering butterfly wings tickles the inside of my stomach at seeing Dallas again. I actually give a little giggle of giddiness that has both males looking at me oddly.
“Sorry.” I try to calm my face, but I can’t. My smile is beyond control, beyond hiding. It’s out there for everyone to see. I try to hide it behind my hand, but the Silverback pulls my fingers away.
“You have nothing to apologize for. Don’t hide that; it’s beautiful. I think this is the first time I have seen you smile. No shame in smiling. Come, let’s greet your male.” My heart is fluttering inside my chest, a slight shakiness in my gait. His big hand goes to my arm to steady me before he moves it quickly away.
“Rya, are you sure you can walk?’
“Yes, Alpha Clinton.” He gives me a look, not believing a word I say, but he allows me to try and walk on my own.
“Little Moon, I want you to know that a lot of the pack is waiting for you outside. They couldn’t stay away. They are very curious about you. Don’t feel intimidated…shoulders back, hold your head high. Nothing can touch you with me beside you. Show them the female who ate with the wild wolves in winter, show them the female who didn’t quit, fought to the very end, even though you had no hope of winning.” Pride is now in his voice, the same pride that Dallas has in his.
A blanket is over my shoulders, arm in a blue sling with two pins sticking out of my skin holding the bone in place. I feel no pain because of the nerve block I was given. The doctor said it would last at least eighteen hours. Then the pain would start to come back with a punch; at least he told me what to expect, so I wouldn’t be so shocked when the pain comes barreling in.
Walking out the door, instead of the faint blues and pinks of sunrise, the deep reds and purples meet me with sunset. Lots of wolves are milling about in the parking lot. Snowflake after snowflake drifts effortlessly down from the heavens, dusting the heads and shoulders of these people who came to see me, combatting the cold for just a glimpse.
Wolves begin to hush. Those juveniles who were there are in a small cluster together, huddled in their own little side pack. That wolverine in the middle of them as if they are protecting the weakest from something.
Taking the steps one at a time, a single clap rings out from the crowd, followed by another clap, then another until everyone is cheering for me. I stand a little straighter. A good job thrown out of male voices, good effort, repeated throughout the females.
The Silverback Alpha never leaves my side until I see his oldest. Standing there watching me, clapping his hands with the rest of the pack.
Arctic sea meets glacier blue as the crowd shifts away.
All I hear is the blood rushing in my ears, swooshing with the beat of my heart.
He doesn’t take his eyes off mine, a little scruff on the side. I can’t wait to feel that against my skin. I love the way his dark jeans are hanging so delicately off his hips; the stretch of his soft grey sweater across his chest has me wanting to inch it up to expose his muscled torso, run my fingers over his v-shaped lower abdomen.
With each step he brings himself closer to me, I can’t help the tremors that are taking over. My eyes are for only him. My attention is captivated by him.
The single foot that separated our bodies is gone as soon as his arm wraps around my waist, pulling me up and into him. His scent seeps from underneath his skin. Did someone just pluck a guitar string? Because I am vibrating, humming, as his nose goes to the base of my neck, inhaling deeply. Teeth, I feel them at the base of my neck. I still, and so does he. He doesn’t puncture skin, but he could easily. He places a soft kiss instead, another kiss on my jawline until his mouth finds mine.
He kisses me, long and slow. He is in no hurry to let me go; he doesn’t care who is watching, who is present. He’s making this moment the last chapter in those fairy tale books that I have always wanted but never had.
This is a special, one of a kind moment.
Pulling away, he sets me carefully on the ground.
“Why are you here?” I whisper, looking at him.
“You’re my female. I needed to come. I wanted to see you, make sure you’re all right.” His words are soaking into every crack of my skin, and my happiness is shining out for everyone to see. Very carefully he brings me into his chest, hugging me close, making sure not to touch my bad arm.
“I missed you.” His voice tickles my ear, yet it shivers my skin. The effect he has on me has grown, become more powerful. Potent.
Aching for another taste of his warm lips, I focus on them. Bending his head down, he gives me that compelling taste; his eyes are laced with his own obvious desire.
“If you weren’t hurt, I would show you how much I’ve missed you.” He nips my ear, whispering his words for only me to hear. “Are you in any pain?”
“No, I can’t feel anything.”
“Good.” Another inhaled breath on my skin. He pulls the blanket tig
hter over my upper body as the ends slowly flutter open in the light wind.
Stepping away, he takes a stance as a predator eyeing something that he is intent to have.
“Cassius.” Turning my body, I face Cash. He’s standing there, holding himself in position. The crowd that was slightly pressing in is now taking steps back, giving space to full-grown males that are about to use fists of war instead of teeth of death.
Cash keeps his body straight, taking a deep breath in. “I knew what I was doing.” A twitch in his jaw, a brace in his stance.
“Then I’m going to give you the same chance you gave her. I expect a perfect effort from you, Cassius.” He doesn’t wait for an answer, attacking Cash with savage brutality.
Cash might have grace and edge on everyone here, but against his brother, he looks like he is no more than a juvenile fighting a fully trained fighter. The Silverback male’s eyes do not leave the fight; it’s as if he’s taking some kind of notes. Eyes observing this, not as a spectator, more like an assessor of skill. A scout looking at a potential prospect for the team.
Once Dallas has Cash, he holds him pinned to the ground. Face pressed into the light layer of snow that has accumulated, both males breathing heavily. Cash is fighting to get him off him, red face straining with the effort. Cash does not give up as Dallas takes his arm in the same lock that small juvenile had mine in.
Dallas is merciless with his grip. “Tap out,” he spits at his brother, but Cash continues on, trying with all he has to break the hold. Dallas continues bruising flesh and breaking bone. The snap is heard, the reaction the same, a sickening gasp in the crowd of watchers. The juveniles stand open mouthed while Cash still continues to try and fight. The bone does not break through flesh like mine did.
He catches Dallas with an elbow to the jaw. He has a merciless sneer, and I watch as his fist comes down as if it’s going to drive through Cash’s face. He is knocked out completely, body limp on the ground.
The Wildflower Series Page 25
