Looking her in the eyes, I say, “I could help you if you want. I could give you what you want most.” Her eyes dilate, and she breathes in.
The alpha grabs my chin hard in his hands, barely able to control his rage.
“You need to leave now!” He flings my head back as he releases my jaw.
“I’ll leave now.” Getting up, I quickly move away from the beast that is barely able to control his shift. His mate rubs his chest, kissing his mark.
“Don’t leave, wait,” she calls out to me, halting my progress.
“How can you help me?” I need to think fast…I don’t want them to know what I am. Looking at the fortune teller’s sign again, an idea comes to mind.
“I’ve got special tea. It helps females with your problem.”
“Liar.” The Alpha pounds his fist on the table. “We have been to healer after healer—nothing has worked.”
He looks so upset, and she looks so hopeful, as if maybe this time something might work. He seems as if he’s had his heart broken one too many times, believing in something that just can’t happen.
“I’ve helped a few females in your condition, and I’m offering my services to you if you want them. If not, I’ll be on my way.” A few weeks’ delay is just a detour. Maybe I could use my gift for others. Maybe this was my path the whole time and I was just too blinded by my personal grief to not really look and see how I can help others with a gift that was blessed to me by the moon herself.
“If you’re lying in any kind of way, I will eat you alive, consume you slowly, feet first. We’ve been through too much.” He’s looking at his mate with a fierce protectiveness.
“I’ll have to stay with you for a few weeks. My tea needs to be made fresh every day. It’s a special combination of herbs that I use, a family secret.” I’m trying to sound mystical, but I want to laugh at myself. I know that lots of wolves would be interested in the gifts I possess. I’m not a fool.
“What do you want from me?” Keen eyes peer at me, waiting for my request.
“I get to move freely on your land. I need a place to stay, preferably by myself. Keep all other females away unless they are sterile, then they can come and have tea with us. No one is to know that I’m here. You can’t talk about me or else I’ll never come again.” He looks amused; I think maybe he thought I was going to ask him for large quantities of money.
“Is that it?”
“That’s it. You either take my offer or leave it. Your choice.”
She pulls him away, taking a few steps off to the side. I can hear the way her voice pleads, the way desperation is noted in each word she uses. “We have to try.”
“I can’t watch you go through that again. I can’t.”
They argue back and forth, one point made, another uttered until a conclusion is made.
“Welcome to our pack.” She greets me cheek to cheek, taking my smell in as I take her sourness in. Only a male deep in love can tolerate a smell like that.
The next day has me driving to a tiny house that they assigned to me. It’s old and somewhat rundown but filled with character. It’s how you have to look at things. Old and rundown doesn’t mean that there is not character to be found; it just needs help shining again.
They left me brochures of places to go while I’m here, the big sights of the town and the surrounding areas. There are old mines to explore, a national park that belongs to the pack territory. Lots of things to go have a day adventure and I have a home base to do all this. Cuts down on the expense of hotels, so I take advantage of all that there is to do. All I have to do is have tea in the morning and evening with the three female wolves. There is a male in the group who is sterile; he holds himself like a male, but at the same time, he has hunched shoulders. I bet as a juvenile he was teased constantly for this by the male wolves in the pack.
I couldn’t promise that the tea would work for him because I have never had a sterile male around me before. I made sure to have his mate at our teas, saying that she needed to drink as well. No one questions me, thinking that I know what I’m talking about, hoping the magic will work, and it does. The second week I’m with them, I can smell their scents changing, a sweetness gradually replacing the souring nose-curling smell.
During my visits with these females, I get to learn about them. Their culture, how they met their mates, that not everything is perfect all the time, that things can be a struggle.
That things are hard.
The Luna of this pack tells me that she refused her mate for many years, knowing she could never provide him with an heir, that he would be better off without her. She was mean to him, and for a few years, they ended up hating each other, doing things to each other that were hard to forgive. But as time went by, slowly they became friends and somehow trusted in the moon that their path was supposed to be together instead of apart. I cried while she was telling me this along with the rest of our little group.
I’m so emotional these days.
Waking up, rushing to the toilet, I heave my stomach contents out into the porcelain bowl. Violent waves of gastric contents rush up and out from deep inside with such force my eyes are tearing up, and I dribble a little urine out from it.
Sitting on the floor after I’m done, I feel slightly better. An odd feeling comes over me, a little nipping thought in my mind that’s trying to whisper to me. Taking deep breaths in through my nose, I smell of vomit, but something else…that’s when I start to shake. My whole body tenses up with what I’m smelling on myself.
No.
Impossible.
No.
There’s no way that’s possible.
No.
I’m pregnant.
Chapter 17
A Wanderer’s Home
Rya
First light of the day filters in through the blinds, its beam unhurried while it travels across the wooden floor in a show of time crawling slowly forward.
Fingers probing low, I feel for that hardness that’s just below the surface of the skin. The telltale sign of a lining that’s building a nest for my future inside me. Feeling it, just the slightest, barely there swell. Not noticeable if I wasn’t trained to look.
How could I have been so blind about myself?
How did I miss all the signs that were in front of my nose?
Looking back, I put each piece together. The big neon sign in my mind going off. I’ve been an idiot not to recognize what my own body was telling me. Everything made sense: the increased appetite for food, then seeing Dallas, how my appetite grew for much more than food. How he fed my body over and over again with his nutrients.
Sometimes the most educated wolves are the most blinded when it comes to themselves.
Part of me wants to keep this little secret safe and secure for just a few more weeks. There’s time to tell, but do I really want to tell?
Do I want Dallas to forgive me because I’m carrying his future? Maybe he will only take me back out of obligation, staying with me because of our young. I don’t want that for him or for me. I want him to want me without knowing this. But then I shouldn’t keep this from him either.
Decisions.
Picking up the phone, I dial Luna Grace. I hold my breath. Please be home.
There are a few rings before a tired voice answers the other end.
“Hello.”
“Hello, Luna Grace, this is Rya.”
“Rya.” A little crack of her throat. “Thank you for calling.” It’s as if her voice is on autopilot, as if someone else is guiding her to say the right words for the occasion.
“Luna Grace, are you all right?” I’ve never heard this side of her before.
“Rya, you haven’t heard?” My heart starts to tick just a little faster, apprehension prickling the back of my neck.
“Heard what, Luna Grace?” I can’t control the rise of panic coming through in words. The wobble of anxiety, the small tremor in fingers that holds the phone.
A pause.
Mu
ffled cry.
“Rya. I’m so sorry to tell you this, but…” I could picture her sitting down with what she needs to say, the heaviness so great in her voice it actually weighs me down into a sitting position.
“Rya, Kennedy had the pups late last night—” Luna Grace begins to paint the picture in words of grief.
“The pregnancy was hard on her body, weakening it. The labor was long. She just wasn’t strong enough with the demands of having twins.” Another pause, trying to get tight emotions under control.
Bracing myself for the next sentence is like trying to stand against a sledgehammer aiming at the center of my chest.
“She just couldn’t push the first out. The twins were in distress. She started to hemorrhage. They couldn’t stop the bleeding.” It’s as if she’s reliving it again. Cries so deep, short intakes of breath. Her words become unclear, my vision blurring and unfocused, words slipping into one another with the strangulation of breath.
“A decision was made to use silver. She couldn’t push them out. We had to take them.” She stops to gather herself, sniffling into the phone.
“She already lost a lot of blood. She understood what was happening almost to the very end, until she couldn’t keep her eyes open. She put her best effort to stay with us, with them, with Cash.” It takes Luna Grace time to rein in the storm of emotions. “She was able to see her beauties before—”
Wiping away my own tears, it’s hard to swallow with the constriction I feel in my throat. Luna Grace takes a few minutes to regain her composure just enough to say the next line.
“She passed away in Cash’s arms last night.”
Crumpling, the sledgehammer strikes true, dead center.
“Cash, my poor Cassius.” Luna Grace’s pain is a horror to my ears.
“We don’t have enough nursing mothers in the pack to support two pups. I don’t think we can even support one.” Hearts know pain, and mine is now experiencing pain on a whole new level.
The realization of life hitting me in the face, how life easily begins to quickly end.
Mothers have a hard time sharing what is meant for their young. Survival of the fittest. If you can’t provide, then yours die. Every feeding is needed to a growing pup. To take one away is not noticed, but to take several feedings away, then the growth and development are affected. No mother will endanger her pup for someone else’s, no matter whose it is.
Instinct.
“They’re beautiful, Rya. They look like Kennedy. They have her eyes.” Another muffled cry and I cry along with her.
She has now become that funeral hymn that they will sing about.
“What can I do, Luna Grace?” I feel helpless, useless.
“Pray to the moon for them.” That’s all she can say, knowing what the future will bring to her grandchildren who has no one to feed them.
“I’m coming.” I need to be there for Cash. We had a rough start, but our ending was what mattered.
“Don’t. There’s nothing you can do for the dead. Cash won’t even notice you’re here. Continue on with what you’re doing. Caleb told us you left the pack, that you are wandering. There’s no need to come back. My oldest won’t be back for a long time. Live that life you need to live. It’s too short, Rya. Do all the things you want to do before it’s too late. You just never know when it can end.” Another fresh rack of sobs renders her speech garbled and hard to follow.
“Little Moon.” That Silverback Alpha’s voice is steady, sturdy.
“Alpha Clinton.” I can hear Luna Grace’s cries that are muffled sobs; he’s probably holding her against his chest.
“Little Moon, you’re on your wandering journey. Stay on course. You need this just like my male needs his journey. We’re proud of you, Rya. If you need anything, please ask. Otherwise, we will know you’re doing okay.” I contemplate telling him the future I hold inside me, but for some reason, I don’t.
“Can you tell Cash how sorry I am for him?”
“We’ll tell him.”
“Can you tell Dallas when he comes home to call me? I need to talk to him.” I try to stress the importance of my words, but I think it’s lost in the events of grief.
“We’ll tell our oldest, but it’s his decision whether to call you or not. We hope he does call you. Sometimes things just need time to get over.”
“I understand.”
“If there’s anything I can do for Cash, call me.” I really mean it. I will drop anything to be there for that male who’s probably completely ruined.
“We will, Rya, thank you.” His voice is deep and comforting, a rock in turbulent waves that you can hold onto.
“Goodbye. May the moon be good to you, Rya.”
“You as well, Alpha Clinton.”
Hanging up the phone, I’m a mess. Even though I don’t like that female, even though she was the thorn that pricked deeply into my heel, I can’t bear what her death means for everyone, especially those pups.
They don’t deserve a hunger that can never be satisfied. Not only does Cash have to burn his dead mate, he has to listen to those pups cry and cry from the hunger. Their cries will get weaker and weaker till they are only whimpers.
Looking at my phone, I send Clayton a text.
Rya: Are you okay?
Clayton: No.
His reply comes a few minutes later.
Rya: I’m sorry.
What more can I say? His everything forever gone, her happy ending never finished in that fairy tale book of hers. Did it ever really have a chance to begin in the first place? He doesn’t say anything else. No more replies from him.
I contact Caleb next.
Rya: How is he?
Caleb: Taking it bad, both are. I’m heading back in the morning. Cash needs me at home.
Rya: Tell Cash I’m going to help him somehow. I’m going to find a way to help him.
Caleb: Rya, you should come back here. Clayton needs someone.
Rya: I can’t Caleb, I can’t go backward. He’s going to be fine he just needs some time to handle things himself. I can’t hold him while he cries for her. I don’t have that in me.
Caleb: I understand.
Rya: Safe trip.
Caleb: You too.
His final words to me as we end our conversation.
I’m glad I made peace with her, at least that part of her and me I won’t regret. I said what I needed to say, and I won’t have that regret over my head.
A knock on the door brings me out of my own thoughts.
“Rya, it’s past our meeting time and—” The Luna of this pack looks me up and down, taking in my appearance.
“Your eyes!” Surprised, she takes a step back from me. I forgot to put my contacts in before answering the door.
“You swore to secrecy. You can’t say a word. I will never come back here, and I can take away what I brought. I can end the future inside of you. I have the power,” I lie. She doesn’t know that I hold no power of destruction, only the power of creation.
“You’re moon blessed.” Instantly kneeling down, she touches her forehead to my bare feet.
Awkward.
“You can’t tell anyone, not even your mate. Do you understand?” I try to make my voice sound deeper, more menacing, flash fang.
“Now stand up.” She’s looking at me as if she’s looking at a god. Her whole stance changes, nervous energy pulsing off her body. I think she’s frightened in a way. Leery movements, not walking fully into this house. Standing on the outside of the door, refusing to be cornered inside with me.
Again she assesses with cunning eyes. The keenness in them dilates the irises black.
“Are you all right, Rya?”
“I just got some bad news from a pack that I was with for a while.” A tear that I don’t want to show trails down my cheek. Strong arms pull me into her. Hands rub my back. She just holds me until I can let go of her.
“What can we do for you?” She pulls herself away from me. Her beautiful sweet scent fills the
room. Her lips are a shade darker, her cheeks flushed, her heat coming in hard.
I know now what I can do for Cash, for that family who has given me so much. I will provide for them in their time of need. I’m going to be the bringer of food.
“I need your help.”
“Ask anything.” Her debt to me knows no bounds.
“This pack that I have spent time with just lost a mother of twins.” A sad intake of breath from the Luna’s throat, she understands the dire need of those pups.
“They don’t have enough nursing females to handle the strain of two more mouths to feed. In a few months, they will have plenty of females to help provide for those twins, but in the meantime, they need help. Can you provide them with what they need even if it’s only a little bit? Anything will help.”
“Do you know what you’re asking of the mothers?”
“I do. I’m just asking for one feeding, that’s all. One feeding to go toward the twins’ needs. I need you to freeze the milk, then have someone drive straight through and deliver it before it thaws. Can you do that? Can you help?” Wisps of sound come out as soft desperate pleas from my mouth.
“I have favors owed to me, not only in this pack, but the surrounding packs. I will call in every single one of them. I will have my mate call in all his favors with different packs. He will do whatever you ask of him. I will arrange a shipment by tomorrow morning. Then I will arrange one every week after that. You can count on me. I just owe you so much more than this.”
“No, this is enough. Any help you give them is more than what they have. Thank you.”
“Rya, I have a favor to ask you.” She looks slightly nervous.
“Ask.”
“I know of two females three hours away. One is the Alpha’s youngest daughter. I was wondering if you could go and see her. Do what you did for us?”
“Make the arrangements, tell them my demands, and also about needing the milk. I won’t go unless that demand is met. Also, you need to tell them the importance of secrecy. No one is to know about me. Can you keep my secret?”
The Wildflower Series Page 38
