“I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t.” He pounds the table with his open palm.
“I don’t know what to do.” He screams it out, and the birds take flight from their perches in the naked trees. The echoing of his voice crashes against the still morning silence. I want to get close to him; I want to hold him in my arms the way he held me. I want to do what he did for me so long ago. The way he hand fed me, he never gave up on me when I gave up on myself. I try to speak, whimpering, barking, trying to communicate with him. He’s still looking away in his own world.
He gets up, pausing before leaving. “I’ll bring them to see you. They look like her.” His shoulders are shaking while he walks away.
It’s lonely out here without my family, without the ones I love. I miss Rya. Out in the wild, I only thought of how to get my next meal, about surviving. It was nice to take a mental break from the skin side, but now all I can do is think in terms of skin.
Cash and my mother bring me breakfast the next day holding both pups in their arms. They stretch their fingers out toward the Wild that holds completely still. They grab onto ears roughly, pulling and tugging, yet the Wild doesn’t make a move. It puts a nose against them; they smell as if they are being raised by many wolves instead of a mated pair. The Wild gives them each a playful lick before one grabs onto a lip, pulling roughly, making me take a step back from tiny pinching hands.
We play for a little while before they pull them away from me. I want to tell Cash that he’s right, they do look like her, except they’re smiling and happy.
My father comes the next day, crouching down, testing us. We are no threat to him. We aren’t naïve now to the nature inside of him.
“You remind me so much of me when I was your age, it’s scary. One day you will have it all, but do you really want it? Do you really know what all this means?” He stands to his full height, arms outstretched, doing a small circle around until he faces me again.
“You were just a small pup when I beat my father. Just so small you fit in the palm of my hand.” His lips turn up in a smile that makes his face seem less lethal, but I know better.
“I knew a day would come when we would have to spar. It’s inevitable. That’s the way packs work, but when I tell you you’re not ready, listen to me. I will never lead you astray. I’m going to teach you everything I know, everything my father taught me, and his father has taught him, but you have to be prepared to listen and take advice.” His hand goes behind my ears, scratching them roughly as if to say, No hard feelings. I handed your ass to you.
Cash comes again the next day. “I understand how you could have done it. I never could understand what would make someone try to take their own lives, but I understand it now. It’s such an empty feeling you have inside. It hurts right here.” He points to where his heart beats in his chest.
“Thank the moon for my pups. It’s funny how bad you can hurt but at the same exact time feel so much joy. It’s hard for me. Do you know what Rya did for them?” I shake my head while stretching my limbs that are in need of a good run.
“We didn’t have enough to feed them. I knew they were going to die. I knew it. Everyone knew it. I could see it in their eyes. Part of me was contemplating putting them out of their misery quickly than letting them die that way.” He stops to take in big breaths of air, pushing them out as if they are emotions he’s trying to release.
“The next day, someone was at our borders saying they needed to see the Luna, that they had a gift. It was enough milk to last a week. They wouldn’t tell us where they were from or why or anything, just that they brought us a gift. They wanted nothing in return, just dropping off the coolers that were filled with ice, and they left promising to come back the next week with more. As the weeks kept coming and the pups needed more and more, the supply increased with their needs. Never a week was missed, the couples that delivered them either in heat or already pregnant. They just said it’s a gift, not revealing anything. It’s as if they were scared to give out any information.” A single tear slips out of eyes that must have cried rivers.
“It was Rya who did this. She is the one who feeds the twins. She hated Kennedy, yet she took it upon herself to save her young like they were her own. She texts me all the time. I just don’t know how to thank her properly. What do I say, thank you? I just feel it’s not enough. I can’t repay her for what she’s done for me. I have nothing to offer her that she would even take from me because she isn’t that kind of wolf, is she?” He knows her well. She is the least selfish wolf I have ever met, and I let her slip through my fingers.
Caleb is here in the morning, a little later than usual, smelling of old whiskey and dirty crotch. My brothers should thank me for having the basement; I was the reason why they finished it in the first place. Those days are over with. Never again will I do that.
He looks tired, like he hasn’t slept all night. No bowl in hand. My stomach has gotten used to this time of feeding; even my mouth is dripping with anticipation of being fed. He’s carrying a flowered silk robe instead.
“Mom said to untie you.” He looks a little put off by this. His phone chimes. Before releasing me, he takes it out of his pocket, and a wicked smile comes across his face as he throws the material at my face.
He’s laughing to himself, texting something into the phone.
“Look at her.” He holds up the phone for me to see feet in the sand with water lapping at her ankles.
He reads the screen before typing again.
“Wait for it,” he says to me. “There it is, she’s asking if you’re back yet. Hold still. I want a good picture of you for her. She’s going to have a lot of questions why you’re collared and tied to a pole.” He’s laughing while taking my picture, and the wolf in me crumples with what she’s about to see.
He texts something back to her.
“I can’t wait for her to see this.” He’s staring at the screen, waiting for her response. He unlocks the clip, that’s attached to the collar. He frowns slightly.
“She must have thought your picture was pretty ugly. She couldn’t even comment on it.” He places the phone in his pocket.
He takes the collar off, and the Wild contemplates biting his hand, but my mother would end me if I did that. So I shake out my fur until I feel the cool wind on my skin. I wrap up in this robe that hardly covers my ass, and he’s trying to take my picture again.
I get into his space quickly before he apologizes. “Sorry, it was a joke. Why can’t anyone take a joke around here?” he mutters while walking beside me.
Walking into the house, my father yells to me, “Call Rya. She needs to talk to you.”
Up in my bedroom, I change into clothes that my mom must have put away for me. The phone’s on my bedside table. I call Rya, letting it ring and ring until it goes to voice mail.
“Hi, Rya.” I pause, not knowing what to say.
“I heard you wanted me to call you. I’m back, so if you want to give me a call…” I end it awkwardly, where before there was never any kind of awkwardness once I got to know her.
Later on that day, I try to call her again, but she doesn’t answer before bed. I leave another message, but she doesn’t reply. I don’t blame her.
Waking up early, I try to call her again. Still no answer. I check my phone for any messages. Clayton is the first message I listen to. It’s from the day I left her crying on the ground.
“You are a worthless male.” His accusations fling at me like blades.
“Do you even know what you have done to her? She doesn’t deserve this, not again. That kiss was a mistake. It was wrong. I don’t know what happened, but it did, and it will never happen again. You better come back for her. She needs you.” The phone slams down, hurting my ears.
“You’re a cruel bastard. She’s better off without you and me.” Another bitter message from Clayton. I think if I were there, he would have given me the fight that I wanted, then walked away.
Message after message of h
im seething strong words into the phone.
“She left. She left and won’t be back, and I’m glad. I’m also glad you won’t be in her life, either. She’s better off without you. I can only hope she finds someone who makes her soul happy.” Again he hangs up. I contemplate calling him.
The week flies by, and still, she doesn’t answer my calls. I keep calling and calling. She must have rethought what she wanted to say to me. Maybe she has nothing more to say.
“Caleb, have you talked to her lately?”
“Who?” he says with a straight face. I just look at him until he pulls out his phone to text her.
“She must be busy.” He shrugs it off but texts her again.
A few more days pass until a delivery of milk comes our way. The wolves who are carrying the coolers are a mated pair. The female is pregnant. She holds her hands crossed over her chest as she looks around.
“Where are you guys from?”
“We brought you a gift.” She smiles sweetly at me.
“I asked you a question. Where are you from?”
“We brought you a gift,” she says more firmly, mouth forming a straight line. Her eyes look at my eyes, surprise on her face taking in the glacier blue irises that freak all wolves out, except me because I know she hasn’t marked anyone else yet. They will change back to my normal color once she takes a mate.
Her mate comes back, carrying a cooler that they must exchange every visit. I block his way to the driver’s side door.
“What pack are you from?” Again I ask the question.
“We’re here to deliver a gift. We want nothing in return.” It’s as if that’s the only thing these two can say.
“Do you know where Rya is?” Both postures pause a fraction of a second too long.
“We need to leave now.” The female’s hands go over her belly protectively while she scurries to get inside the vehicle.
“You’re not leaving until you tell me where you’re from.” Leaning against the driver’s side door, I make a show of crossing my legs, getting comfortable. I have all the time in the world.
“Get away from the car.” Cash comes out carrying both the pups. They wiggle and try to angle their bodies toward the ground. Almost seven months now.
Stepping away, the frightened male yells out to Cash. “Keep him away from us next time.” There is an undercurrent of a threat in the tone he uses. I eye him up and down, ready to make him tell me.
“Step away from the car.” Now it’s my mother’s icy voice hitting the back of my spine. It’s dripping in malice.
“We apologize for this.” She’s trying to smooth over their ruffled fur. Taking me by the arm, she leads me away like a bad juvenile. I’m just thankful she didn’t pinch my ear in front of these wolves.
“Stay away from them until the twins are weaned.” She walks away, and I take the little female in my arms. Giving her a little cuddle helps calm me down. She smells slightly like me now; they both do. I make it a point to take my turn with them. Getting up in the middle of the night to do a feeding. They still don’t sleep through the night. I thought they would by now. They’re greedy with the way they demand food. Always someone jumping to meet their demands.
It’s hard to go into their room. It reminds of Kennedy, the way she painted the walls with her love for them. She could have been a great artist. A single picture of her is on the wall; it’s her holding her giant belly with a smile on her face. It even reaches her eyes. She looks excited in the picture. Her hair is long enough to tuck underneath her ears. She looks as if she’s glowing.
“Cash, have you talked to Rya yet?”
“No, not yet. I was thinking of calling her soon.”
“Could you call her for me? I need to talk to her. She won’t answer my calls.” He looks at me hard.
“I’m not your back and forth guy.” He smiles at me instead of scowls with his little joke.
He lets the phone ring and ring, but she doesn’t pick up.
“Maybe she’s busy?”
“Maybe.” It barely comes out of my mouth as I walk away from him. I can hear the phone ringing again until her voice mail comes back on. He makes another call, only for her messages to keep playing again.
The twins pass their seventh month, and Rya has not made any kind of contact with any of us.
“I think I want to go find her. I want to hunt her up just to make sure she’s all right.” I say this to everyone at the dinner table.
“I’m going to need some help. I want you to come with me, Dad. I want to take the lead, but I need you with me when we go to other packs asking questions. Can I count on you to take my left?” A glimmer reaches his eyes.
“It won’t be easy to find a she-wolf who doesn’t want to be found,” he challenges me.
“There is always a trail. You just have to know where to look.” I’m confident I’ll be able to hunt her up.
“Then I think we should try to see what our Little Moon has been up to.” His voice is steady and calm.
“I’m coming,” Caleb begs to the both of us.
“You can take my right, Caleb, but I swear to the moon, if you screw this up for me, I will not be easy on you.”
“I’ll be good, I promise.” Both my father and I give him suspect looks.
The wolf is excited about the chase. I’m excited to try and get my female back.
Chapter 19
Trail Of A Wolf Part Two
Dallas
Leaving in the early morning, my mother has been up leaving messages for Rya to just call her. Cash, Caleb, Carson all call Rya leaving messages, but she’s not answering any of our calls.
This leaves us all unsettled. It isn’t like her not to answer her phone.
The ride is full of laughs along the way. My father is a funny wolf when he wants to be. I love when he tells his stories before he met my mother. He always starts off the story, “I really shouldn’t be telling you this,” or “don’t tell your mother, but…”
He’s telling us stories we never heard before as he looks out the window, laughing to himself. It’s quality time spent with my father that I haven’t had in a long time.
The snow now changes to rain that batters and whips against the windshield, making the highway look washed in a tide of water. The windshield wipers swish fast and furious, back and forth, working to keep up with the deluge.
The lightning is so close all our hair stands on end. It’s as if nature is having a great big temper tantrum at the moment.
Stopping along the way for food and gas has any wolves keeping their distance that we bump into. Not one approaches us. They leave us alone, we leave them alone; it’s a written rule to highway driving.
No wolves’ land.
Pulling off the highway now has us in territory that we aren’t familiar with.
The time crawls by as the rain still beats down against wipers that are furiously trying to keep up. Flooding, turning fields into small lakes, the weather warming slightly. I should be able to taste it in the air, but all I smell is Caleb’s ass. He had three burritos that didn’t agree with his stomach, and we had no choice but to roll the windows down as he kept apologizing for how rotten he smells.
“It’s not like I can hold that in. I’ll get cramps,” Caleb says as he lets another one rumble out of him that pollutes the air with a gagging quality.
“Sorry.” He’s waving his hand in front of him. “I think I can taste the burrito in it.” Smacking his lips together, he scrunches his nose, but I know secretly he likes to smell himself.
My father turns around in his seat, reaching a giant hand toward Caleb’s neck, pulling him by his shirt so their eyes meet. My father says no words, but Caleb understands he’s not to let us taste what his ass is serving up.
A little longer in the trip, he’s now holding his stomach, looking pale, begging for me to stop so he can defile a toilet beyond cleaning.
“Please stop. I don’t think I can hold it any longer.” He’s sweating. My fat
her’s trying not to laugh, but every now and then he lets a little chuckle out as we pass by a gas station. That one looked too clean for me; I’m trying to find one that’s old, worn down, where even the soap container looks too dirty to wash your hands after.
“We’ll stop at the next one, I promise.” I can hear his stomach gurgling loudly as he groans to himself.
He’s deep in a mind’s concentration not to fill his underwear.
Finally finding the perfect spot, we stop to stretch, get gas, and have Caleb expel those burritos. The bathroom that he’s using is not clean. I can even smell it before he enters it. My father and I laugh at his expense.
“I feel dirty.” That’s all Caleb says before slamming the door shut.
A car pulls up for gas that’s the same car that was at our pack house. The wolf gets out, going to the gas pump before stopping to look around. I’m still pumping my gas as I wave hello to him. With a speed that surprises me, he gets back into his car, driving away quickly. I guess we’ll have a “welcome to our territory” party at the packhouse.
Pulling up to the pack house, we’re met with their warriors. A lot of males line the driveway, watching us come to a stop in front of the doors.
“This is my hunt. I’ll take the lead. I just need you on my right for the intimidation factor.” My father says nothing to me, his whole body changing from relaxed and carefree to one that’s on guard and dangerous.
“Caleb, you keep your mouth shut.” He gives me a hurt look but says nothing. I like when he follows orders.
We get out as one body, closing the doors together. Walking slightly in front of my father, he’s on my right, brother on my left. I wonder what kind of picture we make as we approach the Alpha, who’s trying to puff himself up the best he can.
His pregnant mate is slightly behind him.
His eyes take in Caleb, flickering over him, unconcerned. The Alpha’s eyes land on me longer, staring at my eyes, but it’s my father who keeps his attention. The warriors around us bristle, posturing skittishly as Caleb holds each one of their gazes until they look away.
The Wildflower Series Page 41
