by Ella Maven
“You don’t have nothing,” he said softly when my sobs faded to whimpers. “You have me.”
I peered up at him, my eyes adjusting in the dark, to see his chest markings were shimmering again, making him glow. His eyes burned into mine. I sniffed. “But why do you want me? I don’t even know if I want myself because I have no past and no memories of who I am.”
A muscle in his jaw ticked, and I knew I was about to get a Cravus lecture. He speared me with a look so intense that it took my breath away. “You don’t need any of those. A name is just a name. The past is the past. They don’t matter because I know who you are. You’re a selfless female who instinctively protected a tiny turret despite not remembering kindness yourself. You saved me, a warrior who you didn’t know or were sure you could trust just because your conscience couldn’t leave me alone and dying on a battlefield.
“After all you’ve been through, tilting your face to the sun to feel its warmth still brings a smile to your face, and braiding a few flowers together and wearing them on your head makes you laugh. So even if you don’t know yourself, I’ll show you who you are, because I see you bright and clear, kotche. Bright and clear.”
The weight of despair ballooned into elation, so much I swore I was floating. The loneliness I’d felt since I woke up in a cage had withered to a tiny, barely-there ache in my heart. How could I still feel helpless when I had Cravus at my side? There was nothing wrong with asking for help, and so I’d take what he was offering. I’d get to know myself again. I would never be the same person I was before, even with all my memories back—not after what I’d gone through. I sniffed. “You really see me that way?”
“Yes,” he answered definitively.
I nodded, feeling a big weepy still but much more optimistic. “What does kotche mean?”
Confusion flickered across his face. “Where did you hear that?”
“You called me kotche just a minute ago.”
His mouth opened, and then he quickly shut it before dropping his gaze. “It, uh, it means mate.”
“Is that what you see me as?”
He reached for my hand. “I need you to understand something important. Us Kaluma can form linyx bonds. It doesn’t always happen with our mates, but usually the first sign of the bond forming is visuls. Visuls, as I understand it, are like your human dreams.”
“So, if I dream, it’s the sign of a bond forming?”
“No, it’s when you dream of… your mate.” He swallowed. “When you dream of me.”
He’d been in every dream since I first saw him outside my cage. “You’re in them all the time now.”
He inhaled a shuddering breath. “Once the bond is confirmed, your visuls will often tell the future. Right now, they are probably a mix of past and present.”
“Did this happen to the human you know with her mate?”
“Yes.”
I knew instinctively this was not a human thing. We formed emotional bonds, but they didn’t cause clairvoyance. “So how do we confirm the bond?”
He hesitated for a long moment before speaking again. “A full mating when I release my seed inside of you.”
I hadn’t expected that answer. I felt my mouth round into an O.
He gave me a small smile and continued. “That was why I had to be careful in the mopew. I couldn’t do that without your consent.”
“Yes, I appreciate that. I was a little out of my mind.”
“Because it wasn’t your choice to be here in this galaxy, to have this life, I’ve felt it was important to give you choices during your time with me. But Bloom, if we confirm the bond… you’ll have to stay with me—at least until one of us dies. Separation from each other will eventually drive us mad. The visuls will take over and we’ll have a hard time distinguishing what is real and what is not.”
My heart pounded, and goosebumps broke out on my arms. The finality of it felt a little too real. A little too much. I trusted him, but I didn’t fully trust myself to make the right decisions. “So, I could never return to Earth?”
“No,” he said on a pained rasp. “You wouldn’t be free to choose another mate…” he swallowed. “I’m the only male you met. Maybe someone else is who you want—”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t want anyone else.”
He didn’t bother to hide the obvious wash of relief washing over his face. “Okay, Bloom.”
I couldn’t explain why the idea of commitment made my chest tight. “I think I’m worried about losing myself completely. I’d just be Cravus’s human mate, former caged mouse.”
“Everyone will get to know you as I do. They’ll see you are your own person. If you can’t remember the goals for yourself that you once had, we’ll work on new goals. I promise I’ll give you room to grow and won’t stifle you.” He squeezed my hand. “I’ll be a good mate to you, Bloom. But if you don’t choose to confirm our bond, I’ll still be by your side. I won’t leave you until you decide it’s time.”
Commitment might have made me nervous, but the idea of Cravus leaving me took my breath away. No, no way. “Do I have time to decide?”
“Yes.” I thought he’d elaborate, but his answer was short and to the point.
“Thank you for explaining it to me.”
“You’re in the dark about enough of your life. I want you to have as much information as you’re able going forward.”
He was a damn saint. “I appreciate it.”
“Let’s rest for now. Tomorrow we’ll get across the sands and then we are only a rotation or two away from Haliya.”
“And then we go to your home?”
He smiled. “It’s your home too.”
Cravus
We lay under the arch of a rock formation. Bloom at my side and Skags sleeping above our heads. The air was cool, which I appreciated on my heated skin since my proximity to Bloom was wreaking havoc on my body.
I had explained as much of the linyx bond as I could, but I wasn’t fully aware of all that it entailed when it came to the bond when shared between a human-Kaluma. The mind was a tricky thing, and her confusing, distressing visuls concerned me. Could the bond be halted here? Or once it had started, must it be confirmed or drive us both insane?
I wished I asked Bosa more questions, but I never thought I’d form any sort of bond with anyone—let alone a human. But he was home, unreachable, and probably worried about me. I imagined Karina was too. Gurla. Wensla. Sherif. I missed them too.
“You mentioned one time that your ex-pardux went mad,” Bloom said in a soft, sleepy voice. “What actually happened?”
This wasn’t anything I liked to talk about, but she had to know since she’d be joining me there. The choices of our ex-pardux, Varnex, unfortunately still lingered to this day, and would for many, many cycles to come.
“Our former leader lost his oldest son and wife, and in his grief, he made a lot of decisions that were not in the best interest of the settlement. He took all the unmated females for himself, regardless of their consent, and isolated us until we had no allies, no means of communication with the outside world. It happened gradually, and respect for our pardux is tantamount to the Kaluma, so resistance took too long to gain traction. I was young when it all began, but even when I was fully-grown and able to fight back, I didn’t. I believed in his delusions. It took an enemy turned ally to defeat our pardux—all over a human female actually—to finally break us free.”
Her eyes were wide and no longer sleepy. “I’m so very sorry.”
“I hated my part in it and carry the guilt with me. It’s one of the reasons I chose not to take a mate. I didn’t deserve one. I still don’t think I do.”
“You can’t change the past, but Cravus just like you see me… I see you. And the warrior you are now wouldn’t let that happen again.”
I touched her face, the skin soft beneath my calloused palm. “I think you had a big family who loved you, Bloom.”
Her lips parted on a soft gasp.
“I can te
ll that you were a wonderful daughter. A beloved sister. A caring friend. I’m sorry that your family is likely in pain over your disappearance, but I’m not sorry that I get to benefit from having you by my side.”
“Cravus,” she whispered, eyes filling. “Sometimes I’m glad I don’t remember them. It’s less painful.”
“You honor them,” I said. “Just know that who you are, the heart of you, hasn’t changed. They’d be proud of you.”
“What about your parents?” she asked.
“My mother passed away, and while my father is still alive, his mental state is fading. I grew up with Bosa and Sherif. They are like my brothers.”
“I’m eager to meet your brothers. And your father.”
“They’ll see you just as I do.”
“I hope,” she whispered.
Bloom
The sands were still cool from lack of sun at night, but the temperature was heating up fast. I was thankful for my short hair because I remembered how the dark mass of locks had been heavy and hot. I rubbed at the back of my neck, where sweat was already beginning to gather, and wrinkled my nose at the lungful of hot air I inhaled.
My foot caught on the edge of a peaked ridge of sand, and I stumbled. Curved into the sand was a giant S pattern, about as wide as Cravus was tall. At first, I contemplated that a breeze had made it, but the air was still, and that didn’t look like anything done naturally.
“A croyc made that mark.” Cravus said, pointing to large indents on the sand on either side of the S curve. “That’s where it digs in its spiked feet and pulls its body through the sand.”
I didn’t like the sound of any of that. A creature big enough to make this mark… I shuddered. Spiked feet and massive body? “Is it… dangerous?”
“Yes,” Cravus said. “Very.”
I looked up to the sky for patience before muttering, “You didn’t have to be so honest.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Can we, uh, walk far away from this thing?”
“It’s long buried in the sand now. They only hunt at night.”
Oh lovely, it was hunting. “Are there more things to be afraid of in this desert?”
“Yes, but most are nocturnal. It’s why I chose to make this portion of the journey in the day.”
Again, that only sort of eased my fears. I was not even close to an apex predator on this planet. In fact, just about everything seemed above me on the food chain. I stuck to Cravus’s back like glue as we kept walking. He constantly scanned the horizon, and walked with his weapon in his hand, not loaded on his back. He was ready to defend us, and I hoped he didn’t have to do that because I was really, really tired of seeing Cravus get hurt.
He reached into his pack and withdrew a fabric wrapped bundle. Pressing it into the palm of my hand, he gave me a quick nod. “Keep this out and ready.”
I unwrapped the bundle to find the small dagger I’d seen him use before. Well, it looked small in his hand. The blade was about the length of my forearm. “I won’t lose it.”
“It’s yours now,” he said.
“Are you sure?”
“There’s plenty more where that came from.” He straightened his shoulders and shot me a look over his shoulder. “That’s what I do at our settlement. Make weapons.”
“Really?” For some reason, that struck me as… well, really hot. I could just imagine him bent over a fire, plunging his blade into the flames and then beating it flat, while his muscles shifted beneath his torso streaked with soot and glistening with the water he used to cool the blade.
I ran my finger along the flat of the dagger, marveling at how well it was made. The handle was smooth and had a curved design in it I realized matched the white marks on his chest and neck. Matz, he had called them. And the spikes on his shoulders were spiks. I hadn’t asked yet about the marks on his cock…
Finding a grip on the blade that felt comfortable, even if the dagger was too big for my hand, I forged ahead. The sun was so bright now, it nearly blinded me, and I fashioned a sweatband out of the dagger’s fabric covering that gave me a little shadow over my brow. The cloak weighed me down and made me sweat, but I didn’t dare take it off and expose my skin to the sun’s rays.
As the day went on, the terrain began to change. Large rock formations rose out of the ground, some arching a building’s height over us, while others were low and flat. Spiked plants littered the landscape, and I eyed the sharp oily tips. Cravus warned me they were poisonous, but he didn’t have to tell me twice. I wasn’t coming within ten feet of those things.
We stopped for some food and drink, but the heat was getting to me. It looked like it was getting to Cravus too. While he didn’t sweat like me—he fluttered his scales like air vents—his eyes were brighter than normal, and his skin had darkened. He licked chapped lips and rubbed at his forehead before running a frustrated hand over his short hair. We sat in the shade of a series of rocks shaped like a triangle, although the one on top seemed about to topple over.
“Are you okay?” I handed him the canteen of water and urged him to drink more.
“This is taking longer than I expected,” he gritted his teeth. “We might have to find somewhere here to rest for the night. I don’t think we’ll make it to the edge of the sands by sundown. And we can’t be caught on this surface in the dark.”
I had images of that slithering croyc chasing me and shivered. “That sounds like a plan.”
“It’s not a good one. I would have preferred to be out of here.”
“Am I slowing you down?” I knew he had to take smaller steps so I could keep up.
He shook his head. “No, the sands stretch longer than I studied. Or maybe they’ve expanded since the map was made that I had.” He shook his head. “Either way, I’m going to find us somewhere we can be undiscovered. I’ll stay awake and guard too.”
“Cravus, you have to sleep too.”
“No, I don’t. As long as I’m not injured, I can stay up for many rotations if needed.”
Well, that must be nice. “If you’re sure.”
“Stay here. Keep your dagger ready. I’m going to look for a place for us that’s safe for the night.”
I nodded, although I was terrified to be alone. At least I had Skags. Cravus paused and then leaned in, pressing a kiss to my temple. “You’re all right, Bloom. Just scream if you need me. I’ll hear you.”
He strode off, and I peered out from behind the rocks to see him searching a cluster of arches and boulders. Sliding back into the shade, I scratched Skags’s ears as he snoozed in the sling on my chest. His little furry body was another layer of heat I didn’t need, but alone in the shadows, his presence was comforting.
I scooped up a handful of sand and let the red granules fall from between my fingers. The feel of it brought back a blurry memory and the faint smell of salt water. I closed my eyes. My toes in the sand. Collecting shells. The taste of coconuts and rum.
I opened my eyes and let out a sigh. No matter what memories I recalled, they felt like they belonged to someone else. Lily. But I was no longer that person, and I’d never be again. I’d been through life-altering experiences. Happy-go0lucky Lily with my toes in the sand… that wasn’t me.
But I still liked the feel of the sun on my face, and I enjoyed weaving the flower wreath. Those must be Lily, the Lily inside that was still present. How did I blend that with the Bloom I was now?
Suddenly a large shadow fell across the sand in front of me, and I let out a squeak before I looked up into the blue eyes of Cravus. He smiled. “Found us a spot. Ready?”
It was a trek there, and by the time we arrived, the sun was halfway hidden on the horizon, tinting the sky into streaks of orange and pink. Cravus had found us a little cave of sorts, and he rolled a boulder in front of the entrance with just enough room for us to slip through. “This should keep out any predators I can’t kill quickly,” he said, which actually made me grin.
After a quick meal, I fell into an exhausted sleep w
ith Skags burrowed into my side.
My feet pounded the wet sand, and my lungs burned, but I couldn’t stop running. I had to keep going. “Bloom!” A deep voice called from behind me, but if I looked back, then I’d stop. Then I’d never know… I’d never know who she was.
“Bloom, come back!” the voice said again. “Kotche, please.”
Tears streamed down my face, and I sobbed as my steps faltered. “I have t-to,” I stuttered out. I could see a figure just ahead, long hair blowing in the breeze as the ocean waves crashed along the shore to my left. I reached for her. “Lily!”
But as soon as her face came into view, I realized she was crying too. Swiping at her cheeks, she shouted in an angry cry. “Why are you doing this? I don’t matter anymore. The you that matters is the you now.”
I fell to my knees just as she turned her head and vanished. I didn’t reach for her anymore. My hands fell in my lap, and I stared at them. These hands had done a lot in another life, but now… they scratched Skags’s ears. They touched Cravus’s face. They wove flower crowns.
“Bloom!” The voice called again, louder this time.
I turned around and smiled at Cravus. “I get it now.”
But he didn’t seem to care, his expression was thunder. “Bloom, run to me now!”
And that was when the sand swallowed me whole.
Eight
Cravus
I didn’t think I’d ever run that hard in my life, even when I heard that Bosa’s aircraft had crashed on our planet. I’d been standing outside our hiding spot for the night, Bloom and Skags asleep inside—or so I thought. She somehow slipped out past me… I’d figure it out later. What mattered now was getting her back to safety.
I called to her, and she turned around, an elated smile on her face just as the sand beneath her gave way. “Bloom!” I cried, diving onto the sand and grabbing her wrist just before she fell out of reach.
