“You want to leave because of Peter? Rich will be written up for his insubordination, but I know I’ve had you working a lot lately. You need a break. I’ll put you on leave. Go home and rest.”
I could have left everything like that, but I didn’t.
“That won’t be enough for me anymore. I can’t live with my hands tied. I’m sorry. I’m going for my Juris Doctorate next semester and putting in my notice today. I love and respect our police work, but I need to make a bigger difference.”
“But you are making a difference here. You’ve made a huge impact, and there has been a great improvement. We need your help right here.”
I stood my ground. “Sorry, Dad, but it won’t be me. I’ve reached my end. I’m not giving up service. I just need to find my own path.”
He took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. “Okay, son. I see, I can’t stop you. I did this work because I loved it, and it’s my choice. If that’s not your calling, I accept it. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“Because I didn’t want to let you down,” I said, looking off.
“You’ve never let me down. I love you. I’m proud of you in all that you do. I couldn’t ask for a better son.” His phone rang, and he answered.
I rose to leave, but he held up his hand.
“Amber wants to make a deal. She said she has information on the drugs found in Shana’s purse. As long as we agree to let the rest go.”
“Of course she does. Could you please do me one favor and include making her tell Shana the truth? It’s the least we can do after all she’s been through.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
I walked out.
I got in my car and was about to drive away when I received a call from Mrs. Wilkins. She didn’t usually call unless something bad happened at the home.
“Hi, Nathan. I’m sorry to call at this hour,” she said.
“It’s all right. Did something happen?” I asked.
“Yes. A couple who lives next door to the group home came over to talk to me tonight. They were worried over a video their security camera picked up and were unsure if they were making more of the situation than necessary. The recording showed Kylie putting the deposit box in the trunk of her car.”
Mrs. Wilkins sounded tearful. She, like all of us, really liked Kylie.
I sighed heavily. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”
“I’ve called the police department and we’ll file a report. I had to tell the social work department.”
“You did the right thing as always. Thank you. We’ll get a counselor and talk to the girls together.”
What the fuck had she been thinking? She’d never work as a social worker again. And for what?
My head hurt.
And as much as it was a relief to tell Dad about what I wanted, my heart still ached for Peter, and his unknown future without his mom.
But right now, all I wanted was to go home to Shana, although she wouldn’t be there. I only hoped that as I walked forward into my new path, I’d have the woman I’d loved for seventeen years by my side.
But life was full of unknowns. Sometimes, the pain won.
Shana
I’d spent the night serving and helping with the cleanup after everyone left. Even after they removed most of the event stuff the next day, the house was still a mess. I bowed out in the afternoon, leaving the rest to the professionals.
The night had been a success, and Jackson would have loved it. All his friends and family were there and partied to the early hours of the morning. The best part of my evening was dancing with Nathan. He left early and hadn’t come back. I kept checking the news to make sure he hadn’t run into danger. I didn’t want to lose him or leave things the way we had left them before the party.
Before I went to bed, Sunnyville’s social media news provided a grim update. A neighborhood-watch captain had died, leaving behind her child. Nate probably knew them. His big heart never tired of jumping in to help everyone. He’d done the same so many times for me, but last night something changed. He seemed resolved to let me go. Fear latched on to my mind and heart. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having him. However, with my case—theft, and drugs—I couldn’t blame him. Nothing ever seemed to go right for the two of us. He deserved better than me.
“Shana,” Amber called and met me the rest of the way up the path along the side of the house. What the hell was she doing here?
Unlike her usual glamour, she was without makeup, and had on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I had also been alerted on social and by text from Chatty Cathy that Amber had been arrested for drunk driving last night. Sometimes being in the local gossip network wasn’t all bad.
“What do you want?” I asked.
She lowered her brows. “Wow. So that’s how you treat me now? I’m the one who should be upset. You should’ve called and given me a heads-up before going to the police. Everyone agrees that you blindsided me.”
I snorted and folded my arms. “I don’t give a damn what you or your friends think about me. I did what I had to do and what I should’ve done when you came to the group home and stayed. You have everything, and they have nothing, but you still stole from them and my mom when she was distracted with grief and her fundraising event. Now that you’ve said what you didn’t have the nerve to say last night when you ate and drank at our party, you can leave.”
I turned, but she gripped my arm.
“Wait.”
I glared at her hand until she dropped it. “What else?”
She blinked. “Seriously, you don’t know? Nathan didn’t tell you?”
“No, he didn’t. Did you embarrass yourself by coming onto him again, or is it something else?” I asked in a sharp tone.
Her mouth dropped open. “I don’t understand why you’re so hostile. I just helped you.”
I raised my brows. “What do you mean?”
Her eyes darted. “First, you should know I never expected things to go this far. I don’t know why the police went so hard on you. They had no real evidence, and your dad is a judge.”
I rubbed my temples. “Just tell me.”
She played with the necklaces around her neck. “Well, I don’t know if you know Skelly very well. He’s kind of a nerd and recently started his own company. Like you, he experienced a setback. I put him in contact with Evan, and he offered him a side-gig of selling a little ecstasy. That’s where we received the ecstasy for the party at the club.”
I shrugged. “What does that have to do with me? So what if Skelly sold drugs? He seemed like he was on them and acted like an ass when I ran into him.”
“Well, nothing exactly,” she admitted. “Evan liked how easily he moved drugs and gave Skelly harder ones to move. I mean those no one touches unless they are a heroin addict.”
“Is that what Skelly’s on now?”
She nodded. “At the club, Evan made Skelly accept more drugs to move for him. The cops showed up, as you know. Evan, being the deputy mayor’s son, was allowed to leave. If the police arrested Skelly, he’d go to jail and get real time, not voluntary community service and stuff. But, if Skelly took all those drugs home, he’d overdose on them. He could have died. So, I told him—”
“To dump the drugs on me, and my dad would get me off like he’d done for you. Except my dad doesn’t ignore the law for me.” I glared at her.
She frowned. “I still don’t understand why your dad didn’t help you. Anyway, Evan was mad that Skelly lost the drugs and made him leave his condo. His life is really messed up . . .”
This was the first time in forever I’d seen Amber care about someone besides herself. I was almost happy for her, except she screwed up my life because of it.
I put my hands on my hips. “So bottom line: you decided to fuck me over for Skelly.”
“I never expected any of it to go this far. I wanted to fix it, and my mom tried to get your parents to make this all go away,” she babbled.
“You found
out my dad doesn’t break the law for me. You used me and let me go to jail and destroy my already shitty reputation to save Skelly. He’s an ass.”
“He’s not. He told me you were confrontational, just like you’d been with me. He’s nice and was there for me after you left. You called, but you never invited me to visit you. Life wasn’t easy here, and Skelly and Evan didn’t put pressure on me like everyone else.”
In Amber’s head, they were better friends than I was, and I had to accept that. Then again, when I left, I left everyone behind. Skelly sounded like me after Jackson died: broken, lost, defensive. Amber seemed to find us and support our vulnerability.
“Honestly, I thought after all you did, the charges would go away. I really didn’t think things would go this far with the drugs. The police are going after me now, and the jewelry was returned. They are insane.”
“I get it, and thanks for telling the truth finally. You can go and don’t come back. We’re no longer friends.”
“Oh, come on, Shana. You ratted out me too. We messed all over each other. A couple hours ago, I gave the police the texts, photos, and everything—”
“To save yourself,” I huffed.
“Not just me. I helped clear your name. I didn’t have to come over here, but I came anyway so we can start a real friendship from here,” she said without humor.
Amber actually believed what she said. After putting me through hell, upending my already messed up life, she thought I’d get over it.
“I don’t want to go back, Amber. I’m ready to move forward with my life, but not with you.”
I left her standing there and didn’t look back.
A few minutes later, I received the same information from my lawyer. He planned to move to dismiss the case.
I could leave Sunnyville.
Zander: Now or never, we need your answer on the app.
I left a message thanking Nathan for letting me know he was safe, but he didn’t call me back or invite me over to see him. My heart ached not being with him. I wanted to go over and talk to him about the case, but I didn’t know what to tell him. I still had things I needed to do outside of Sunnyville. Would he wait for me again?
I texted Zander back, put my phone away, and pulled out my suitcase.
“You don’t have to leave now,” Mom said as she watched me put my clothes in my bag.
“Do you honestly want me to stay, Mom? You spent little time with me here and didn’t even want me to lunch with you and your friends.”
“I did spend time with you. We had lunch together.”
“Once,” I added, folding a pair of jeans. “Don’t worry. I won’t go back on my word.”
“I can’t believe Amber stole my pearl necklace. Loren was so apologetic. She’s trying everything to make it up to me. As for the lunches, you never invited me out. You can blame me, but you never made things easy between us.”
“Jackson wasn’t easy, either, but you loved him.”
I know that now. I realized I had altered my memory of Jackson too. And talking about him had become less painful. My dreams of him weren’t nightmares, but full of the good times we spent together.
“I-I care for you too, Shana. You just always pushed me away. Jackson let me wipe his scrapes. He joked, laughed, hugged me. You haven’t taken a hug from me voluntarily since you were seven.”
“You didn’t want one. You always yelled at me and told me I didn’t do anything right.”
“I wasn’t perfect. And yes, I do want you to come back, not just for the transplant. I never knew you worked so hard. You jumped right in and did it. I didn’t know you—”
“Yes, you’re right. You don’t know me.”
“Do you need help with the app? We can hire some help,” she offered.
“I want to see what the offer is and look into a few other ideas I have for other apps.” What better time to ask about other ideas than when I was closing a deal on the one I was selling? I needed to feel in control of my life after months of being out of control. Still, she offered, and for that, I was grateful.
“Thank you, Mom.”
I opened my arms, and to my surprise, she came over and hugged me. She was small, almost fragile in my arms.
“Nathan said the truth, you tried to hurt yourself. That hurt . . .”
I tried to let go. “He was angry.”
She held on to me. “No. He cares and spoke the truth. I didn’t know what to do. You were my babies. I felt like I failed to protect my children, like I’d died, but never did I not want you. You’re my daughter and I do love you. I’m sorry . . .” Her voice was barely audible, but in my heart, it was amplified, wrapping around my deepest pain. She told me what I’d wanted to hear for so many years. She spoke my deepest wish. She said she loved me too.
I started to shake. “I love you, Mom.”
She held me for as long as I needed, which took time. But we didn’t stay in my room.
“Will you come with me?” she asked.
I followed her out of my room to Jackson’s. We sat side by side on his bed. We didn’t talk, but she let me in. She told me she loves me.
“Where are you headed now?” she asked when we returned to my room.
“I need to see Nathan.”
I went to my desk and took out a notepad to write a letter. What could I say?
I didn’t know what to tell him, because I didn’t exactly know what I planned to do. I just knew I needed time.
I drove to his home and took the letter to the door. Before I could slip it through his letterbox, it opened. Nathan stood before me. My heart moved up to my throat. Being with him had been so special to me. He looked gorgeous as always, though scruffy with his hair tousled and hair growth on his jaw. His blue eyes met mine, and the sorrow there made me hesitate.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Too much. Your case is solved.”
“Yes. Thank you. Amber came over and told me. I can and can’t believe what she did.”
Nathan gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “What’s next for you, beautiful?”
I fiddled with the button on my jacket. “I’m headed back to LA. I have a meeting about selling my app. I’m going to pitch some other ideas too.”
“Sounds good.” He gave me a small nod; his hands pushed his hair back.
We stood there quiet for a few heartbeats.
I frowned. “What happened at work?”
“I told my dad I quit. A good friend died tonight . . .”
The neighborhood watch captain I heard about. I held my arms out, and I wrapped them around him, holding him tight. His chest heaved in my arms.
“I’m sorry, Nate.”
“Me too.” He slowly let me go.
“Why not come with me to LA since you have time?”
“No. If you decide to stay in LA, I’ll have to say goodbye. I can’t do that,” he said just above a whisper.
“Maybe you’ll like LA,” I half-joked.
He shook his head. “Sunnyville is me. I like eating with my sister, playing ball, swimming in the ocean, and barbeque summers. Your dreams may be bigger than I am.”
My eyes darted over his face, and my heart turned over. Is he saying goodbye? No. He can’t. “What do you mean by that? I just need time to think. I just need some time to fix the things I left. Give my head some time to process everything, see if I can fit in here and what it would mean for us together—”
“You see, that’s the difference between the two of us. I’ve been in love with you for most of my life. I never had to think things through when it comes to you, I just feel my heart . . .”
His voice broke, and he lowered his head. His Adam’s apple bobbed.
I touched his face and met his eyes as tears flowed down my own. “You give me this time, and you’ll see me again.”
“Maybe, you don’t know yet. All . . . all I want is for you to be happy, Shana. You take your time. If you decide it’s here, come back. But if you do, you wil
l stay with me forever. Because”—he sucked in air and pinched the tears in his eyes—“you, baby, are my forever.”
I grabbed hold of him, and I held on tight. “Don’t give up on me, please.” I can’t lose you now. I will come back. Please, Nate.
He cupped my face and wiped the tears with his fingers. “Just know whatever you decide, I love you. Always.”
He went back inside and shut the door.
My hands flew to my chest as I struggled to breathe around the pain in my heart. These last three years, Nathan had stayed suspended. He had a life, but like me, his life didn’t feel complete. He needed me.
Don’t give up on me.
I rose to my feet and took the letter from my back pocket and put it in the door. There were only a few words written.
Wait for me.
This time I promise you’ll see me again.
I love you,
Shana
Shana
I wanted to stay with Nathan and make him happy. But, like I told him, I needed time. Not because I didn’t love him. I did. But we both needed me whole.
I promised not to take too long deciding what to do. My life in Sunnyville was good, but I’d spent most of it living in fear. The life I needed to make was one I gave myself fully to, a life in which I no longer lived in the past, but looked forward to the future.
I had a few days before I needed to meet with Omni Corporation to sell my company. With the release of my allowance, I could have bought another condo, but stayed in a nondescript hotel. The rest of the time, I drove in my car, passing old haunts that I had thought essential months ago. I took out my phone and stared at it a few times, but realized I had no one to call. No one missed me here. No one really knew me. Partly because I’d lied to them all. I didn’t share my life in Sunnyville or that I’d even had a twin brother. I wanted to talk about Jackson. I wanted him not to haunt but to be a part of the good I had.
I quickly realized that I loved the me I found in Sunnyville. The Shana that ate and laughed with Maeve and played baseball with the girls. The person I became that could hug my mom and swim in the ocean with my dad. The me that saw Jackson, Nathan, and me in many places around town didn’t hurt anymore. The Shana that loved Nathan Donleavy.
Command: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World) Page 30
