by Lee McIntyre
Tugg was flying his colors, but Adam wore a plain leather jacket. Apparently one could ascend only so many levels of cool in 24 hours.
Adam scanned the low, flat mesas and reminded himself that they weren’t in Reaper territory. But the sun was getting low and it’d be hard to see what was coming at them once it got dark. The bike carried a real sense of vulnerability that he hadn’t thought of before he’d tried it. The freedom was great, but it came at a cost.
Tugg fell back a bit, then shot forward at what looked like 80 m.p.h., then he fell back and shot forward again. He must be going crazy. Finally, Tugg signaled and pulled off to the side of the road. Adam pulled up behind him and shut off his bike.
“I’ve had it, we’re done for the day,” Tugg said.
“What? There’s no place around for miles. We’re still 90 miles from the reservation.”
“That’s why we’re stopping.” Tugg took off his helmet. “For God’s sake, Adam, you just got your legs back under you this morning. Don’t push it.”
“I haven’t been.”
“Yeah.”
Adam took off his helmet. “But I thought I was doing well.”
“You are, but have some pity.” Tugg got off his bike and turned his back to take a piss.
“Where will we sleep?”
Tugg zipped up and turned around. “Out there.” He gestured toward a flat area near some rocks and a couple of scrub trees. “I’ve got some blankets, food, a lighter. Trust me Adam, I do this 365 days a year.”
Adam nodded.
Tugg mounted his bike and fired it up, then pulled off the highway and rode toward the rocks. Adam followed, bouncing over the scrub brush.
Where was the XR-200 when he needed it?
Adam hadn’t been camping in twenty years. But this was real camping. No tent. No sleeping bags. Just a campfire and some blankets and your best friend leaning up against his motorcycle, picking his teeth.
“Good meal?”
“Sure.” Adam tried to sound enthusiastic. Peanut butter sandwiches and a little diced ham weren’t bad actually, under the circumstances.
“Why didn’t we cook something over the campfire?”
“Too hard.”
“So why the campfire?”
“You really want to know?”
Adam wondered if it was time for ghost stories.
“Cougars and coyotes.”
“No shit?”
There was a crescent moon overhead but the entire sky was filling up with stars. Millions of them. Stars you never saw in the city.
“Cooked food would just attract them, but a campfire means smoke. They’ll smell the ash, even when it’s out. They won’t come near us all night.”
Adam’s eyes flashed in the firelight.
“And I’ve still got the Remington, my Glocks, and the Ka-Bar. I think we’ve got it covered.” Tugg took a swallow of water, then doused the fire in a hiss of smoke.
Adam had just enough light to find his blanket and spread it on the grass next to his motorcycle. “Guess we should sleep,” he said.
“Your ass is going to wish you had in the morning. You’ll feel it when you get back on.”
Adam looked up at the brilliant sky. With no fire, the stars were even brighter now. How could he sleep through this?
“Guess you didn’t get too much sleep last night, did you?”
“What do you mean?” Tugg said.
“Candi.”
“Adam, please. We’re both tired, okay?” It was silent for a minute, then Tugg started again. “I didn’t sleep with Candi last night, if you gotta know.”
“You didn’t?”
“No.That girl is seriously fucked up. She’s like an animal looking for shelter and it wasn’t gonna be me.”
Adam kicked off his boots.
“But you could’ve had her just for one night, right?”
“Women aren’t that scarce. And I’ve got a simple rule: don’t dip your dick in crazy.”
Adam saw Tugg’s lighter flare, then the red tip of his cigarette.
“It’s just not worth it,” Tugg continued. “Not fair to her or to me.” Adam heard Tugg exhale, then saw the tip glow red again. “Some things just ain’t right.”
Adam had been with Kate so long he couldn’t remember what it felt like to be with another woman. He’d had his chances, but Tugg was right. Some things just weren’t right.
“Most men don’t learn that until they get married,” Adam said. “Some not even then.”
“Yeah, well my wife’s dead and my daughter’s gone.” There was a silence as Adam saw the tip of cherry red in the darkness. “But that’s all history. I never told you because it happened while I was in prison.”
Adam waited a second, then filled in the obvious. “This was after the plane went down.”
“Yeahhh.” Tugg’s voice was flat and hollow. “After the plane went down.”
Good Lord. Any piece of Tugg’s story by itself would have been enough to explain the PTSD. The plane crash, prison, the war — but Adam knew this was something deeper.
“Look, do you really want to hear this?” Tugg said. “You’ve got a wife and daughter of your own now and you don’t want this rattling around in your brain, trust me. Let’s just get Emma back. Then you’ll be all right.”
“And what about you?”
“I’ll be okay.”
“You’re protecting me again. You don’t need to do that.”
Adam saw the lighter flare. Third cigarette in ten minutes.
“It’s my job to protect people. That’s the problem. When you’re in prison, you can protect yourself just fine. But what do you do about the people you leave on the outside?”
At first Adam thought that Tugg was laughing. What the hell? Then he knew what was happening. He heard Tugg spit and suck in a shuddery breath.
“Tugg?” Adam waited for a reply through the blackness. “Tugg?”
Adam had the eerie feeling that he was alone. He found his way over to Tugg’s empty blanket, then stood up and looked out over the landscape.
There he was, about twenty feet in the distance, standing on a little hill. Adam never would have seen him, except there was a Tugg-shaped hole in the middle of the starry sky.
Then there was no mistaking his location.
The scream must have echoed for miles on the open desert. Adam wondered if he should go to him, but then another scream came and then another. Tugg would come back when he was ready. Some losses you wanted company for and some you didn’t.
Adam listened for an echo in the distant hills, but he couldn’t hear any coyotes.
Chapter 41
Kate was running so fast. She still had two laps to go but her nearest competitor was back on the straights and Kate was already at the half turn.
The crowd was going wild.
DART-MOUTH! DART-MOUTH!
Senior spring and Kate was about to win the all-Ivy championships, which put her in line for Nationals and maybe a spot as an All-American.
It didn’t get any better than this.
Adam looked around the stadium. Students holding banners, laughing with their friends, spilling beer, a couple of bright green painted faces. Desperately hanging onto the last few months of adolescent freedom before the real world closed in.
Who was this girl?
They’d been together two and a half years and Adam already knew she was the one.
Smart, beautiful, and a loving heart the likes of which Adam had never thought he’d find.
Just lost her parents last year in a car crash. She went to the funerals, cried, came back to school, and just kept going. How? She’d said that Adam was her life now. There was nothing to stay home for. Adam sure didn’t have anything to return to at the Cedar Shade trailer park. He was going to propose on graduation day, then they’d build a life together, just the two of them, come what may.
Kate was smooth as glass as she approached the full turn. Thighs glistening. No sex for two weeks
before the matches! They’d have time tonight after she won. Adam was already out of the competition long ago, sitting in the stands watching Kate work.
C’mon Kate.
The girl behind her was closing.
Kate didn’t look back. She never did.
The crowd erupted.
FAS-TER! FAS-TER!
Suddenly Kate stumbled, like she’d caught her foot on something.
Adam shot to his feet.
The girl behind rocketed forward as Kate took another bad step.
What the hell?
It was like she’d tripped. Or had a muscle pull or something.
C’mon Kate, keep going!
But then, to Adam’s horror, he and the crowd could only watch as the nightmare unfolded: Kate started to swivel her hips hard, from side to side, taking big exaggerated steps like she was having trouble just staying on her feet.
The girl in second place had long since passed her. And now, one by one, the girls from the other schools were shooting by too.
Even from this distance, Adam could see that Kate was crying.
She was still moving, but her steps were getting weirder.
Was it an electrolyte thing? Like that woman at the marathon a few years ago?
Whatever it was, Kate was in trouble.
Adam raced down the steps and looked for his opening to get onto the field.
Adam broke through the scrum just as Kate was waving away the medic and her teammates. She sat crumpled on the in-field grass, sobbing.
“Adam!” She could see him now. “Just come here and hold me.”
“Kate, what the hell’s the matter? Are you all right? Why aren’t they taking you inside and figuring out what’s wrong?”
The tears were still glistening on Kate’s cheeks, but her mouth was resolute.
“All I need is you,” she said. “I already know what’s wrong.”
Adam looked at her uncomprehending as she continued to wave everyone away so he could come over to the grass and sit down next to her.
He held her for a long minute as she sobbed again. Then she looked him directly in the face and the awful secret came out. She’d known for about three months now. Had suspected, really, for most of her life after she’d gotten the test when she was twelve. Her parents would never tell her; said they’d do it when she was 21. Then they died with the result. How could they do that to her? Every twitch and glitch for the last ten years she’d panicked, hoping it was just her active imagination. That she wouldn’t have to live with what her aunt Kathy had been through. But now the dreaded day was here.
“Kate, my God. Why didn’t you tell me?”
The stadium erupted in a burst of cheers as the next race began. The forgotten couple sat together on the ground, heads close, lost in their own world.
“I thought you wouldn’t love me or something. Shit, maybe I thought I wouldn’t love me. I don’t know. If I didn’t talk about it, maybe it wasn’t true.”
“So you kept it inside all this time? Worrying?”
Kate nodded.
“You think I’m some shallow guy who can’t handle tough times? After what I went through with my Mom? You and I have a lot more than that, Kate. A lot more.”
“I know it.” Kate looked so defeated that Adam just held her and kissed her forehead. “But I thought you’d want to have kids,” she continued.
“Yeah, well, I DO want kids. I want YOUR kids. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. How the hell does that grab you?”
Kate looked up and smiled through her tears.
“Yes, Adam. Yes! You know I want that too. But our kids would be at risk. You know that, right? If we had a daughter she could end up like me. She could –”.
“Yeah, well I hope she DOES end up like you. In every way but one. And if she does have MS we can cope. Just like we cope with everything. You can’t stop living, right? You’ve got to keep going. And you know I’ll always protect my family. No matter what.”
Kate lurched forward awkwardly and threw her arms around Adam’s neck, knocking him back until she was laying on top of him on the grass.
For a long minute they just lay there, gently kissing.
Adam could hear a few whistles and cat-calls from high up in the stadium, all but drowned out by the cheering as Dartmouth took the lead in the 440 relay.
“So can you walk at all or do I have to carry you?”
“Oh, I’ll be able to walk,” Kate said. “It comes and goes, but it will probably deteriorate over time. Eventually I’ll need a cane, then maybe – if I’m unlucky – a wheelchair. But that’s not for years. As long as I don’t push myself, I should have a few good years left.”
“They’re all good years,” Adam said. “You don’t know what the future brings.”
“Neither do you. It could get bad. Worse.”
“For better OR worse. That’s what I want.”
Kate nodded her head. Just once.
Chapter 42
Adam opened his eyes to the sound of wood snapping and the scent of instant coffee in a metal cup.
The sun wasn’t quite up yet, but it was already pretty bright. Tugg had his gear laid out on a blue plastic tarp, packing it neatly.
“How’s your ass?”
Adam was grateful for the question. Any dialogue was hopeful after how things had ended last night. “Don’t know yet. How should it be?”
“Still attached,” Tugg said. “You’ll need it today.”
Adam sat up and looked at the horizon.
Another two hours on the motorcycle meant two hours in a bubble, unable to speak to Tugg. He’d better get it out now.
“You okay?”
“Yeah fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Adam accepted reality for what he needed it to be.
“So what’s next after the reservation?”
Tugg looked over and spilled the dregs of his cup onto the ground. “Depends what we hear.”
“No, I mean after that. Now that we’ve talked to Wanda, we’re done with the club, right? You’re out from under?”
Tugg shook his head. “Not hardly.”
“What do you owe them? You don’t want to go back, do you?”
“No, Adam. Were you listening last night? I don’t trust people. The military. A motorcycle club. It’s all the same thing. You think I want to be a part of that?”
“So don’t go back then,” Adam squinted into the sun. “We’ve got what we need.”
Tugg laughed, but his eyes were pebbles. “It’s not my motorcycle anymore, remember? Yours either. Not to mention the cut I’m wearing. They’d crawl through hell to get that back, and I mean that literally. They’d find us. Even if I gave everything back at this point they’d want to know a reason. And they’d kill us if they knew the truth.”
Adam shook his head. “So how are you going to pull out once we find Emma?”
“As long as I don’t get my full patch, there’s still time. Once that happens, it’s over. I might as well be back in prison. Or dead.”
Adam shook his head. “So don’t go back then. Let them come find us. We need the bikes and we need the cover. I say we go to the reservation, then find Emma, then deal with the club later on, if we have to.”
“You don’t know shit.”
“Maybe not, but I’m still right.”
Tugg cinched a rope around the blue tarp and carried it over to his saddle bag.
“Yeah, I guess you are. Dead now or later, there’s not much difference. But we’ve gotta find Emma first. Then I can make my peace.”
Adam stood up and walked over to his friend.
“I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay? The club isn’t gonna get you and I’m not going to let you kill yourself either. We’ll find a way.”
Tugg looked over and forced a smile that his eyes couldn’t match.
“You’ve come a long way, dude. You finally got your priorities straight. Emma comes first. You aren’t conflicted anymore.”
The same lazy fan was still pushing hot air from one side of the room to the other. Adam held out his hand to Edward White Robe and nodded toward the stove.
“You still serving breakfast?”
Edward gave a firm grip and a tiny smile creased his face.
“Got addicted to that free Indian food, huh?”
Tugg and Adam headed over to their table near the window.
“Looks like you’ve made a few changes since last time,” Edward said. “New motorcycle, new man?”
“Something like that,” Adam said.
“Might not have recognized you without him here.”
They both glanced at Tugg. “I do tend to make an impression.”
Adam and Tugg took their seats as Edward disappeared in back. This time he came out with all of the fixings at once and started in.
A portable black and white TV was set up in the corner of the room with the sound on low. “Wheel of Fortune.”
How to broach the subject? Ask more questions about the reservation? Casually bring up the foster care issue?
“We went to The Longlane Home, but your friend’s grandsons weren’t there,” Tugg said. “I talked to someone who said they were adopted last year. I’m sorry.”
Edward looked over cautiously and then back at his frying pan. He flipped the eggs and remained quiet. “You didn’t have to do that,” he said.
“Yeah, but we were already there.”
Edward brushed the back of his hand across his face. “You’re good men.”
“You gave us a free breakfast.”
“You were good before that.” Edward turned off the stove and spooned the eggs onto plates. He walked over to the table, then grabbed his stool and pulled it toward his customary spot.
“So you didn’t go to The Longlane Home just to look for Hinney’s grandsons, right? There must have been a reason —”
Tugg looked at Adam, whose eyes gave permission.
“We were looking for his daughter. CPS took her a few weeks ago. We thought she might be there, but she wasn’t.”
“Your wife an Indian?”
“No,” said Adam.
Edward nodded and looked lazily out the window. “I’m sorry you didn’t find her. Did you come all the way back just to tell me about the twins?”
