A Tale Of Transformation

by Alexa Stewart

  A NEW DAY emerged, from a dreamless night. Ann opened her eyes to the sun rising gently and brilliantly into the morning sky. She was elated that she hadn’t returned to the vivid dream of the night before. She still wondered what she was like inside, if God found her wanting. But, she let the thought dissolve into the gentle atmosphere of the summer day dawning outside her window. She closed her eyes, allowed her body to relax, and felt the warmth of the sun spilling onto her bed.

  When she wasn’t called to work, Saturday was her favorite day of the week. Ann chose to do nothing on those days. No job, no work, no responsibilities. Monday through Friday, she worked hard to provide for her small family. Sunday was church and getting ready for the work week. But, when she could, she loved to set aside a Saturday, just for herself. This was one such day. It was her day. She felt happy to be alive in her safe, cozy little room. She closed her eyes and rested.

  Around ten o’clock a small, soft breeze moved her curtains, stirring her back to life. Jumping out of bed, she headed for the shower.

  Marty and Matt were playing quietly in the living room, watching Cartoon Network. Marty knew her mother liked to sleep in on Saturdays, when she could. It was important that Mommy be able to sleep and get up happy. It really upset her when her mother was sad.

  All the tears and crying from her mother when her daddy went away broke Marty’s heart. Marty remembered crying too, especially at night when she was alone in her room. She didn’t understand why her daddy wasn’t around anymore. He just left and didn’t come back. He never came to see them. She missed him. Not having a daddy left a hole in her heart which hurt every time she thought about him.

  Now Mommy needed her to be a big girl, to help out around the house, and to be brave. It was a big burden for such a little girl, but Marty would do her best. She had to be a good… so her mommy wouldn’t go away too. Marty tried not to be afraid, but sometimes she was. And when she was afraid, she wanted her daddy, but he was never there.

  Ann came out of the bathroom, wrapped in her robe, a towel around her wet hair, and went over to the open window. Keeling down, she put her chin on her arms as she rested on the window sill. Closing her eyes, she let the cool summer breeze blow softly across her face. It felt good to be alive and loved by God. She breathed deeply of the fresh air and gave a contented sigh.

  She wanted to do something special today, but what? A picnic, she thought with a thrill. What a great idea. It’ll be such fun! She could hardly wait to tell the children.

  With a light step in her heart, she dressed in her Bermuda shorts, a cotton blouse, and quickly went to find the children.

  “Good morning,” Ann said as she entered the living room.

  “Mommy, Mommy,” squeaked Matt as he ran and jumped into Ann’s outstretched arms.

  “And how is my little man this morning?” Ann asked, kissing him all over his little face. “What are you watching this morning?”

  “Bugs Bunny,” answered Marty with a big smile.

  “How would you like to go on a picnic today?” Ann asked with excitement in her voice.

  “Yowwee!” and “Yes, yes, yes!” was heard from the bouncing bundles of joy.

  “How about Lakeside Park?” she asked the children. With their affirming voices ringing in her ears, she told them. “Well, get your jammies off and change into something for the beach.”

  With a great deal of giggling and chattering, the children ran into the bathroom. Ann followed to help Matt brush his teeth, wash his face, and change into his clothes.

  As soon as Marty was done, she ran to the kitchen and went to the closet for the picnic basket.

  “Mommy, where’s the picnic basket?” Marty yelled in confusion when she couldn’t find it. It was usually jammed into the bottom of the closet among a lot of other things. But, this morning the closet was clean and organized.

  What was Mommy doing last night? she wondered.

  “I put it out in the storage shed, sweetie,” Ann said as she entered the kitchen with Matt. “What kind of sandwiches would you like to take on the picnic?”

  “Can we have chicken and corn on the cob?” Marty asked with her head cocked to one side, her large green eyes looking just like a little puppy asking for a treat.

  “Chicken, chicken,” echoed Matt, dancing around the kitchen table.

  Ann thought for a second. With a warm smile she replied, “Okay. Let’s go to Auntie B’s Country Chicken and pick up what we need. I think I can afford it this week.”

  “Yowwee!” and “Yippee!” was heard all the way to the car as Ann picked up her purse, car keys, locked up and almost leaped down the stairs after the children, her heart so light and happy.

  They arrived at the beach in the early afternoon, the sun hot, and the water looking lovely and inviting as it lapped gently in small waves on the sandy shore. Ann parked in a shady spot, took out the wonderful smelling food from the car, and strolled across the lawn to a vacant picnic table overlooking the lake.

  Under the shade of a large maple tree, the old table, dusty and littered with leaves, was quickly cleaned off. Placing the bags of food on the wooden surface, the children quickly found their seats, while Ann served up the food, being sure to supply plenty of napkins.

  Swinging his little legs back and forth, Matt sat on the old bench chattering away with a mouthful of food, pointing to the ducks pecking at the lawn one minute, or squealing with delight watching a black and white Border collie chase a Frisbee. Marty talked of school and her friend Maggie.

  Ann soaked up the joy of the moment, enjoying the company of her two most brilliant and wonderful children.

  Soon lunch was over and the children were eager to get into the water and play.

  “We’ll have to wait about a half hour before we can go in,” Ann informed them, not wanting to take any chances going into the water so soon after eating.

  Both children whimpered and begged.

  “I know, let’s wade in the water along the beach for a while. We can come back and swim in the roped-off area later,” Ann suggested.

  “’K…,” Marty and Matt echoed each other.

  Packing away the food, organizing her things at the end of the table, she left her book and beach blanket on top of the wooden structure, proclaiming that space was still in use.

  The children ran to the water’s edge, with Ann close behind. The small group turned and waded along the shoreline to their right, joyously splashing in and out of the water. The children picked up pretty stones here and there, with some of them getting tossed back into the water in the children’s attempt to skip stones.

  Ann enjoyed watching her children at play. The day was bright, hot, and just right for making good memories, memories she would keep in her heart for as long as she wanted them.

  The fine dark brown sand, wet and squishy, oozed between their toes, as they walked along the beach, leaving footprints behind. Large pieces of driftwood, along with a few large boulders, visually flowed along their own shoreline a few hundred yards away from the water’s edge. Behind this rugged shoreline, a lush, green park lawn rose to meet the cool, dark forest, filled with tall, pine trees, sprinkled throughout with alders and maples. The forest rose high into the bluffs, and among the cliffs.

  It’s so beautiful. What a magnificent God we have. Nothing he makes ever looks bad. His colors never clash and nothing is created the same way twice. A deep sense of love and contentment embraced her.

  Ann strolled along in the water feeling its coolness refresh her hot feet. Once in a while she kicked up a spray of water into the hot summer air, enjoying the sparkling liquid light as it fell back into its home, the children, animated and happy, playing ahead of her.

  Rounding the corner where a bit of land jutted out into the water, Ann heard someone call her name.

  “Ann? Ann Wesley, is that you?” spoke a beautiful woman from her table under a grove of trees.

  Ann turned to look and thought she recognized her, but wasn’t su
re.

  “Yes, I’m Ann Wesley, though I go by Ann Henderson now,” Ann replied.

  “Oh, I thought that might be you,” the woman responded. “I recognized you from the home studies my husband held, years ago.”

  Ann’s face brightened as she realized it was Mrs. Tennyson. She smiled at the memories flooding in. She recalled the happiness she felt at her teacher’s concern for her, the games they played after the study hour, and the laughter she experienced with her fellow students in play. These were some of the few good memories she had of her high school years.

  “How nice to see you again Mrs. Tennyson,” Ann replied with a great smile. “I just loved coming to your home on those study nights,” she told her. “It was so much fun.”

  Ann couldn’t help remembering that vivid dream and what had happened to Mr. Tennyson. A prickle of fear walked up her spine. She shook her head to clear the memory, shoving the image aside, and thought with irritation, When will this dream stop haunting me?

  With a sigh, she started up the slight incline, with the children in tow.

  “Please call me Beth,” Mrs. Tennyson said, as Ann walked up to the table.

  Ann introduced her children. “This is my little girl, Marty, and my son, Matthew, though we call him Matt most of the time,” Ann told Beth with a warm smile.

  “How do you do,” Beth responded sweetly.

  “Would you like to sit and talk awhile?” Beth asked Ann.

  Ann could see a longing and sadness in Beth’s eyes that compelled her to stay.

  “Sure, if we aren’t interrupting anything,” Ann replied.

  “No, not at all, I would love the company,” Beth said sincerely.

  “Mommy, kin Matt and me go play in the water?” asked Marty.

  “Sure, but stay in sight and don’t go above your waist, okay? And you be sure to watch Matt. Make sure he stays out of trouble,” Ann told her daughter.

  “’K,” Marty and Matt echoed each other as they raced to the water’s edge.

  Ann walked around the table and asked Beth if she could sit beside her, so she could watch the children better.

  Beth welcomed her with a gentle wave of her hand to a seat beside her.

  Sitting in the shade of the trees, the women conversed together on that warm summer day, watching the children play.

  But, if someone had been watching Ann’s face as the time wore on, they would have seen the happiness slowly drain from her face. They would have seen a deep sadness take its place. Suddenly Ann told Beth she had to go.

  “I think I’d better get the children home and into the bathtub,” she told Beth. “They’ve been in the sun too long and we need to get back to our picnic table.”

  She stood up with a look of concern, but it wasn’t for the children, it was for Beth. Beth had been sharing things with Ann that was breaking her heart. She couldn’t absorb anymore. She wanted to go home and think over what she had learned.

  With a troubled heart, Ann turned to Beth to say good-bye.

  “It’s been so nice seeing you again. I hope we can get together sometime soon,” Ann offered Beth.

  “I’ve enjoyed our talk,” Beth answered. “Thank you so much for listening to me, though I don’t know why I’ve told you so much. Maybe it’s because you have such a kind face, and you knew me in happier times. But, please don’t tell anyone else. I just want the pain to go away and to get on with my life,” she begged Ann.

  Ann leaned over and gave Beth a big hug, one from her heart.

  “I know how you feel a little, with my own experience of divorce. But what’s helped me the most is finding God in the midst of it. It’s brought a lot of healing.” Ann told Beth gently. “I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to know the love of such a wonderful God.”

  Beth’s face darkened as she gave a weak smile.

  Ann could tell by her demeanor that she didn’t want to hear anymore “religious talk,” as her mother would have called it. So she just added, “Please call me anytime you want to talk. I’d love to hear from you again. We did share some good times together, didn’t we?” Ann offered.

  Beth eyes brightened and she gave a sincere smile. “I’d love to talk again, if you don’t mind. Can I call you next week?” asked Beth.

  “Anytime,” Ann said warmly as she called to her little ones.

  Marty and Matt came running, all wet and sandy, as huge grins and giggles emanated from their little bodies.

  Avoiding the shore, they took a shortcut through a wooded trail, across the park lawn and back to their picnic table.

  The children expressed their disappointment when they learned they would be going home, instead of swimming in the lake. However, the whining and protests soon turned into eagerness when their mother offered to stop for ice cream cones on the way home. Bribery is such a wonderful idea, on special occasions, she thought with a large smile.

  Late that afternoon, with the remains of their ice cream cones in their hands, the children ran up the steps to their apartment. Ann opened all the windows and doors, turning the ceiling fans on to get the air moving in the hot rooms.

  After getting the children cleaned up, the clothes in the washer, and dinner done, Ann sat the children in front of the TV and started a movie for them.

  Going over to the kitchen table, she sat down by the small window, where a random breeze softly blew. Looking out onto a small patch of lawn, she was soon lost in thought, ignoring the cars driving by, or the people walking under the shade of a few scant trees along the sidewalk. As the sun dipped behind her building, casting its long shadow over the street onto the buildings on the other side, she thought about what Beth had told her that day.

  So much of it was pain and hurt from a man Ann thought she knew, but clearly didn’t. Most everyone thought of Mr. Tennyson as a good man, even Beth said he was in every way, but one. It was his hidden secret that had destroyed their marriage. Only a few friends and family know about it. He loved pornography.

  Beth said he could never get enough of it. Eventually it had made her feel ugly and unwanted. Beautiful, lovely Beth Tennyson was unable to compete with that ugly world her husband had chosen, and now they were no longer married. They had gone their separate ways.

  Beth had to leave the man she loved because he wasn’t satisfied with the woman he had vowed to love and cherish for the rest of his life.

  Ann hurt for Beth. She thought about the type of men they had married… different, but the same in many ways.

  They are both selfish. That’s for sure, she reasoned. What a horrible waste. Why do things have to turn out the way they do? It isn’t fair, but I guess in this world a lot of things aren’t fair. That’s how it is when evil creeps into the lives of good people who don’t have God to guide them out.

  Ann bowed her head, “Dear Lord, thank You for loving me, finding me, and forgiving the weakness in me. Thank you for leading me out of my messy world and showing me how to live a good life by Your standards. And most of all, thank You for taking care of us. Please be with Beth now and help her find healing and strength in Your love and the hope You offer in Your Son, Jesus. Amen,” she said softly.

  Raising her head, she realized that although Mr. Tennyson had appeared to be a good man, he had hidden something very ugly and deadly inside of himself.

  That dream! she thought with concern. Could it be real? What does it mean? She shuddered again at the memory of him going through that curtain. Chills ran down her spine at what she remembered, and tears blurred her eyes with dread and sorrow.

  Why don’t I know what I’m like inside? I mean really know. I don’t like what this dream has done to me and the doubts I have about myself. Concern filled her heart.

  I need to talk to Pastor Henry, she thought with conviction. I have to tell someone about this dream. Why can’t I shake it? Why is it such a living thing in my life? It must mean something, but what? I need to know why it’s still haunting me and if I am really all right with God.

  Her
need to know… had now grown to maturity. It was time to find out. She was determined to find peace, somehow, if possible.

  Over the weekend, things seemed to get in the way, obstacles bared her efforts to call, and time slipped away. Before she knew it the weekend was over and she had not called Pastor Henry. On Monday morning, during a lull at work, she made the time.

  “Pastor Henry, do you have time for a talk anytime soon?” asked Ann over the phone. “I need to talk to you about a dream I had which is really bothering me.”

  “Well, I’m running late today with appointments I have, and tomorrow I’ll be busy at the hospital. Let me check my appointment book.” Silence emanated from the phone for a few moments. “Actually, I don’t have time until the end of the week. Will that be okay?” he asked her.

  Ann gave a deep sigh and said with a sad voice, “Okay, I guess that’ll be all right. What time?”

  There was something in Ann’s voice that made Pastor Henry stop. Something seemed wrong. A small gentle voice inside, a feeling really, told him this was a little more serious than he thought.

  “Ann, would you like to come by after dinner tonight? Tiffany and I would love to see you, and you can share with us what’s going on,” he offered.

  “Pastor, this dream has really frightened me and I really don’t know what to make of it. I’m embarrassed to even share it with you, let alone anyone else. I love Tiffany, but can we keep this just between the two of us for now?” Ann pleaded.

  “Sure Ann, no problem. How about eight o’clock? We can talk in my study.”

  “Thank you.” she answered with relief. “That’d be great.”

  “I’ll let Tiffany know. This isn’t the first time I’ve had someone in my study after hours. But it’s certainly the first time I’ve done an evening session to discuss a dream!” He laughed gently, trying to make a joke of it.

  Ann laughed weakly and said, “I sure hope you can help me. I’m getting worn out thinking of it.”

  “Anytime, Ann,” he offered. “See you tonight.”

  She hung up, and when Shelly returned to her desk, Ann asked, “Shell, do you have any plans for tonight?”

  “Why? Are we going somewhere?” she asked with an expectant grin.

  “I’d like to talk with my pastor tonight, if you can watch the kids,” Ann explained, trying to keep the concern out of her voice.

  “Sure, I’d love to watch them. I don’t think Jim and I have anything planned,” Shelly said warmly. “But can I help with anything? Do you need to talk?”

  “No, that’s okay. It’s just something I need to discuss with Pastor Henry. It shouldn’t take long.”

  How in the world could she explain to Shelly about the dream? No, it was Pastor Henry or no one.

  Later that night, Ann drove the children over to the Fergusons. They lived in Richmond Heights, which boasted moderate-sized homes, large yards, tree-lined streets and wide sidewalks. It was an old, established community -- clean, neat and beautiful.

  Driving through the streets, she noticed the warm glow from the windows in the homes she passed and imagined what it would’ve been like to grow up here, instead of the small, dingy mobile home and the poverty she had known. This was a recurring daydream. She sighed and let the daydream dissipate as she drove up the driveway in a large cul-de-sac, to her best friend’s home.

  Ann walked the children to the big, brown door at the front of the large, two-story brick home. The children were with the Fergusons so frequently that they were calling them Aunt Shelly and Uncle Jim.

  When Shelly answered the door, she greeted them warmly with a large smile and hugs all around. The children darted inside to turn on the TV and give Mr. Fuzzy a hug. Mr. Fuzzy was Shelly and Jim’s jet-black Persian cat with enormous yellow eyes. He was gentle and loving, for a cat, and lay on the couch in imperial comfort, purring loudly from the children’s attentive affections. Jim came up beside Shelly and gave Ann a warm smile and a gentle hello.

  “How are you doing, Ann?” he asked.

  “Just fine, thank you,” she responded. “Do you have anything special planned for the children?” She asked suspecting he would soon be on the floor playing games with them. She envied the laughter and amusement she knew her children would experience before long.

  “Not sure just yet, but we’ll find something to do,” he teased. “I’ll go see how they’re doing. Talk to you later.” He turned to follow the path the children had taken.

  “You have the number of my cell phone, don’t you?” asked Ann absentmindedly.

  “Of course I do,” Shelly said. “Don’t worry. Just give me a call if you’re going to be late. We can put the children to bed here, if we need to,” Shelly responded with some concern, for she could see that Ann was preoccupied.

  “I don’t think it’ll be necessary. At least I hope it won’t take that long,” Ann said, still thinking of other things. Then she focused on Shelly, gave her a big smile, and a hug as she said good-bye.

  I wonder what Pastor Henry will think of me and what he’ll make of the dream, she wondered, lost in thought again.

  Backing her car out of the driveway, she headed for her pastor’s home.

  Tiffany greeted her warmly at the door and invited her in. The pastor and his wife made small talk while they entered the kitchen with their guest, offering her a cup of coffee. Shortly, Pastor Henry and Ann left the kitchen for his study.

  Night had arrived outside and the study was warm and cozy. The desk lamp light, reflecting off the black window, added a soft glow to the room. The world was shut out now, and the two were left alone to talk and reason together.

  Pastor Henry’s study was a welcoming place. A large maple desk dominated the middle of the room, with a computer set in the corner and a green-shaded desk lamp illuminating the leather writing surface. Every available wall space, from floor to ceiling, was lined with beautiful bookshelves. These shelves held all kinds of books, large and small, thick and thin. Pastor Henry loved to read. He admitted to Ann that it was a passion, though he tried to keep it in perspective. Ann was glad he liked to read. Maybe in his extensive reading he could come up with some answers for her.

  “Well Ann, what’s this all about?” her pastor asked, sitting in his leather office chair.

  Ann curled up on a small couch across from his desk, holding the coffee cup in her hands, its warmth giving her comfort.

  She sat there for a second trying to decide where to start, and finally said, “I had the most vivid dream a while ago. I have never experienced anything like it before. I could feel, taste, and touch things in this dream. It seemed so real…” she said, as her voice faded into silence.

  Then, she told him every detail of the dream, from beginning to end, for she couldn’t forget any part of it. Of the strange world she’d found herself in, of the cold and fear, of the wondrous living wall of light and the shock of seeing what had happened to Mr. Tennyson and the little girl in the wheelchair, of how genuine it all seemed. She hesitated, and Pastor Henry could tell she was struggling to go on.

  “I was so terrified. I couldn’t go through that curtain of light!” she finally said. “I don’t want to find out what I’m like inside. I feel so ugly and unworthy. I don’t like myself at all.” she confessed.

  Continuing, she explained, “I know Jesus has died to cover my sins, but the truth is, I’m afraid of my failure. The failure I feel day after day to be good, to do good, and to help someone if I can.”

  “I know I carry anger in my heart toward my mother. And I’m supposed to forgive Sean and not hate him, but how can I, when I’m reminded daily how he has deserted us? My resentment toward him is strong and I hate how he has left me to struggle, taking care of the children alone. They’re his children too! Why am I left alone to do it all? How can the guilt and failure I feel be washed away so easily by the sacrifice my Lord gave for me? I don’t feel ‘good.’ I don’t feel saved! I don’t feel complete at all!” Ann sat with tears streaming d
own her cheeks as she stared into her coffee cup.

  “Ann, do you know what faith is?” Pastor Henry asked.

  “Yes, you believe in something you cannot see, touch or feel, but you know it’s true.”

  “Yes, that’s part of it. But it’s much more. Faith is offered to us by God. It’s a gift. And it’s up to us to exercise it, so it can become strong. You need to feed it by studying God’s Word, and exercise it by putting His principles into practice, which help it to grow.”

  “Faith is also trust. It will be tested to make it strong. Faith will cleanse your heart of what doesn’t belong to God. It will help you find a deeper walk with Him and His Son.”

  “You also need to read God’s Word and learn about Him. The Ten Commandments are a measuring stick of how we are supposed to live, a reflection of God’s character. And when we fail to live up to it… it shows us how much we need Christ and why we can’t do this alone. Christ is the cornerstone and foundation of the church, Ann, but faith is its mortar. Trust it, use it, learn how you can make it grow in your life, and your doubts about yourself will ease. Someday you will be able to forgive more, love more, trust more, for that is the desire of God, to make us complete in Him through our faith,” Pastor Henry said.

  He watched Ann taking it all in. “It’ll take time, Ann. But, it will bring you great peace and joy,” he added. “Does this help you?”

  “Some,” she said. “It’s hard to take it all in.”

  “Baby steps are good,” he added with a big smile. “Take it one step at a time, one day at a time.”

  “I will,” she said. “But that was the strangest dream I have ever had!”

  Pastor Henry reflected silently for a second, then asked, “Ann, do you know the difference between a dream and a vision?”

  “No, I don’t,” she replied, surprised.

  “I’m not sure myself, but it seems to me that a dream that vivid and with such a powerful, spiritual message could be from God. I think I’d call it a vision and not a dream,” he said.

  “Really?” she said softly. “Wow. That makes me feel differently about it somehow.”

  “We’ll have to look at it in the light of Scripture. Everything in life should be measured by the Word of God,” he concluded.

  Their conversation continued, talking warmly and excitedly about the things of God. It lit a desire in Ann to learn more. Soon, she noticed the clock on the wall showed 9:20PM. It was time to let Pastor Henry get some rest, and she needed to go home to think things over. Ann thanked him for all of his help and got up from the couch, preparing to leave.

  “Ann, let’s pray about this,” he offered.

  They bowed their heads and Pastor Henry asked God for His love and guidance. He asked that in the coming days and weeks, Ann would have the opportunity to see her faith in action and to see it grow strong and full.

  Ann kept all he had said in her heart. She mulled it over in her mind as she drove to pick up the children. She thought about it that night and in the days to come.

  Little did she know a test of faith was coming, a test that would break her heart and shake her faith to its core.

 

  Winds Of Change