Don't want to ever let him go. Have to touch him. Everywhere at once. Fingers in his hair. Combing through his wings. Her nails scraping down his chest. Oh, sweet fire, her hands wrapped around his steel-hard length.
Greedy girl. One at a time. She started with his hair, sifting her fingers through the silky strands. He growled his approval as her passion forced her to tug a bit. Encouraged, she made her way to his ears, then down the taut muscles of his neck, before moving on to the down-soft feathers of his wings. So many sensations, each adding fuel to her scalding desire.
"Your freckles are delicious." He kissed her jaw, her throat, using tongue and teeth, and a fever flushed her skin, made her bones ache.
She loved it. Loved the heat and eroticism. How had she gone a year without a man? A year without pleasure and comfort. A year of dreaming and wishing and denying and suppressing. Now, every need she'd ever ignored came roaring to the surface. To touch and be touched. To give and to take. To live and to feel. Oh, to feel.
"Thane," she said, a command for more. She rubbed against Thane's erection, up and down, sloooowly at first, so slow and leisurely, easing herself into the riotous sensation, allowing her to savor, even while her mind demanded she hurry. Her neglected body could barely process its reactions to him. But raw, animal passion was driving her deeper and deeper into a world of carnality, making her desperate for some measure of relief, and she increased her speed.
"Incredible," he said, and never had she heard such a ragged tone.
Faster... "Yes." Her thoughts centered around three words: more, now, need. A little faster... Every point of contact wrung a frantic gasp from her. Faster still... "More."
"More than just first base?" His tone was teasing.
"Now!"
"With pleasure, kulta." He set her a few inches away, ending the sweet, sweet undulations.
"But..." She whimpered. "I need."
"And so you shall have." Going caveman, he ripped her shirt and bra away, and threw the material to the floor.
Yes!
He swallowed hard as he took in the sight of her. His thumbs circled her nipples, making them pucker, as he palmed her bare breasts. "So beautiful. Won't let myself mar them."
His absolute reverence nearly undid her, even as the words reverberated in her desire-fogged mind. Mar them. The punishment she deserved for betraying Bay. The thing she needed to stop herself from repeating this experience.
"Do it," she commanded.
He went still. "Do what?" The words were quiet, laced with menace.
How could she explain?
"What do you want, Elin? For me to throw you down? Sink inside you?"
Yes! No. Maybe. Ugh. Definitely yes.
"Because I don't think you truly want what I think you're trying to tell me you want," he finished.
Thoughts of elucidating her need to experience pain, to ease her guilt for feeling so overcome with lust for this man, vanished. Instead, a plea escaped. "Please. I'm so close already. I just need to...have to... It's been so long."
His expression softened. "I'll take such good care of you, kulta." He gripped her backside and pulled her into his erection with one hand, while the other pressed into her stomach and urged her backward, until she sat at an incline on his thighs. He bent forward and sucked one of her nipples into his mouth, hard, harder, before flicking his tongue back and forth, easing the slight sting.
Slight, and yet sharp pleasure cut through her. She cried out. More. Please, more. He turned his attention to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment.
Desperation was making her frantic, and she tried to move against his shaft, to rub again, she had to rub, but she couldn't move her hips with his weight bearing down on her.
"Thane," she moaned. Never had she wanted a man--a climax--so much.
He lifted his head, his lips red, moist and kiss-swollen. His gaze met hers, his irises blazing with a hunger that was a mirror to her own.
All at once, he stood with her clutched against his chest, her legs wrapped around his hips, and turned toward the bedroom. The Room of Sweet, Sweet Horrors.
Reality pimp-slapped her. Just. Like. That. Not much time had passed since this man had banged another woman and left her a boneless heap on the bed. A boneless, bruised heap. The things he must have done to her...everything Elin thought she wanted. And yet, panic doused her wanton desperation and ruined her pleasure, memories of her captivity overtaking her. She felt as though she'd been drenched with dirty ice water.
What had she been thinking, kissing him? Begging him?
"No." Elin fought his hold. He frowned at her but allowed her to settle on her feet and back away from him. "No. We can't."
"No?" His hands fisted at his sides. "Not no."
"We can't," she repeated. "Please, understand."
"We shouldn't," he corrected coolly. "But we definitely can."
The evidence of his words was straining against his pants. Her body pleaded with her to agree. "Thane--"
"I wanted to stay away from you, kulta. I tried. I failed. Now...now I would like a chance with you."
A chance at a relationship? Killing me all over again.
"You liked what I was doing to you," he continued. "I could smell your arousal--I still can. If I were to feel between your legs, I know I would find you wet. Ready for me."
Treacherous heat bloomed in her cheeks. "It's true." Like she could really deny it.
"And still you say no?"
Do it. Confirm. "Correct." Don't whimper.
His eyes narrowed, but he said, "Let's talk about your concerns, then. Your...weeds?"
"No. Yes. Gah!" She breathed in and out with purpose, trying to calm her riotous pulse, and decided to start with the simplest problem. "I don't know you. Not really. And what I do know..."
He nodded stiffly. "You don't like."
The hurt in his eyes nearly buckled her knees. "I didn't mean it that way," she said. Just say what you've been thinking. Let it out. "Thane, when you sleep with women, you're done. Totally and completely done. You'll fire me to get rid of me. I've already been warned."
And if he slept with her and later found out what she was? He would feel betrayed, and punish her worse than the Phoenix in the courtyard.
He popped his jaw, but whether he was irritated with her or himself, she wasn't sure. "You have my word. You will not be fired."
Yes, but how would he treat her? As if she didn't exist? As if he wished she would leave? That might be exactly what her vow to Bay required, and might even help her continue to hide her origins, but wow, she was so tired of being the outcast. And what would happen if--when--Thane turned his attention to another woman? Perhaps even the very next day. Elin would have to watch, helpless to do anything about it.
Already the thought of him with anyone else turned her stomach, and they hadn't even slept together.
"What else?" he demanded.
Even talking about it was almost more than she could bear. Words made it real, rather than an action fueled only by passion. And stupidity. "I've never had a one-night stand, and while that's all I think I should allow with you, and all you'll probably want, I don't know how I'll react afterward. What if I..." she shuddered, saying, "cling?"
He rolled his shoulders, little ripples working through the feathers in his wings, mesmerizing her. "You will never hear me complain."
Her heart hitched at the words. Never hear him complain--which meant he could do it, just not when she was around.
"Would you prefer to have a commitment from me?" he asked.
No. Never! "Yes," she found herself saying. "I mean no." Make up your stupid mind! "I don't know. I promised myself I'd never do another commitment."
"No one-night stands. No commitments." His eyes narrowed. "You aren't leaving me any options."
That was the point. No options. No sex. "Maybe that's for the best."
"Maybe your promise deserves an amendment," he said quietly, almost menacingly.
"Like
, in my heart I will always stay true to Bay, but my body is up for grabs?" News flash. I already had a meeting with my board of directors and voted that one in, big guy.
He arched a brow, all, what do you think?
She sighed. "Have you ever been a part of a committed relationship?"
"No," he admitted.
"Ever wanted to be?"
"No."
At least he was honest.
And why did any of this even matter? This wasn't a road she would travel. Was it?
He gently pinched her chin and forced her head to lift, her gaze to meet his. "Everything is different with you. Nothing is what I'm used to." He paused as she absorbed those wonderful, beautiful words. "But none of that compares with one fact. I want you, Elin." A flicker of unease flashed in his eyes--and of hope. "Do you want me? Because the answer is the only thing that matters right now."
His unease nearly undid her. He was that anxious to hear her response? But it was the hope that sealed the deal. When it came to Thane, she was weak.
"I... Yes," she admitted softly. "Yes, Thane, I want you." Why couldn't she be that certain about everything else? "I think I proved that."
The hope intensified, only to fade in a blink. "Tell me, then. What is it, exactly, that you expect from me?"
Confused, she said, "What do you mean?"
"You saw the Harpy," he intoned, his voice going cold, hard. "She was shackled."
"Yes," she rasped.
"You saw her condition."
"Y-yes."
"That is what I've always needed. Absolute control...absolute pain."
"Always?"
He released a breath. "Until you."
What? she almost squeaked. What made her so special?
"But when I had you in my arms," he added, "you made it seem like you might actually desire a little pain and bondage."
She peered down at her feet, embarrassed. Did he have to be so frank? "You're saying you won't shackle me, even if it's what I claim to want."
"That's right. I won't."
That was good.
No, that was bad.
Actually, she didn't know what it was. "Why?" she asked. "And what about the other thing?"
"The desire simply isn't there. And I won't beat you, either." He reached out, traced his fingertips along her cheek. "You've had enough of that."
Yes, she had. And yet...
She wasn't sure what to think about any of this. "Has the desire ever been absent with another woman?"
"No."
"Because they didn't have a past like mine?"
A flash of guilt in his eyes, quickly gone. "I'm not sure. At the time, I didn't care to know. With you, though, I care. I crave every detail."
He cares. Why not tell him everything? Just put it all out there? He could get a peek at the overrun garden in her head. He might run.
What if he stays?
"You're correct about my wants. In part."
His brow furrowed. "Explain."
"At camp, I was slapped, pushed and whipped by the very people responsible for the death of my father and husband. I was called names, and treated like an animal. But that wasn't the worst of the abuse." She drew in a deep breath. Held...held... "They taunted me with details of my family's death. They wouldn't allow me to speak to my mother, or her to speak to me. But I should have risked punishment, and talked to her. She needed me, and I was too afraid to help her."
Emotion darkened his features. Emotions she couldn't read. "And now you think you deserve more pain?"
"Yes. But I also thought... I mean, if sex could be an experience I hated, I'd never again want to betray Bay."
He backed away from her, severing all contact, taking his wondrous heat.
"Thane?" she asked as a tear streamed down her cheek. He's sickened by my acceptance of my fate. He considers me a coward--because I am. "I'm sorry."
"You need to leave, Elin. Now."
"But--"
"Now," he roared.
She raced from the room.
CHAPTER TEN
HER TEAR...that one lone tear... I'm gutted. It brought Thane to his knees.
He'd known in that moment, as Elin left the suite, that a female's weeping would never again arouse him. He would always associate the action with his little human's soul-crushing anguish.
Elin is just like me. She thinks she deserves punishment, not pleasure.
Had his other women felt the same? He'd wondered before, but the truth had evaded him. Or maybe he hadn't wanted to face it. Now, the answer was clear, and undeniable. They had. He hadn't chosen females based on their exterior--tall, strong and stalwart. He'd chosen those with shadows in their eyes, because deep down he'd known they'd hoped to exorcise figurative demons, just as he had.
They'd all failed.
Thane punched a hole in the wall. Right now, he had to concentrate on Elin. His sweet mortal was in need of comfort he wasn't capable of giving. When she'd talked of her time with the Phoenix, his rage had been so great, he'd nearly stomped from the room to murder every man and woman in his courtyard.
Then Elin had listed her second reason for desiring pain. Even as she'd talked of commitments and clinging, she'd wanted to hate being with him, so that she would never again be tempted to betray her husband.
Her dead husband.
His hands curled into fists. If Thane were to harm her, even at her request, it would change her. It would dull her bright smile. Never again would she feel at ease enough to tease him. Never again would she bake him a cake or pull weeds in the garden with him. Never again would she speak so freely with him. She would flinch from him.
And if another man were to harm her...heaven and earth would tremble from the effects of Thane's wrath.
Have to prove she deserves good things. Have to make her crave good things.
He headed into town to buy chocolates and romance novels. Several hours ticked past as he selected the very best of both. A man devoted time to what mattered to him--to what he deemed worthy of his attention.
When he finished, he tracked down Merrick.
A man guarded what mattered to him.
Shame Spiral was performing at another bar that night. Bodies danced, and strobes flashed rainbow-colored lights in every direction.
Thane didn't bother pushing through the crowd. He flew above it and landed on the stage.
The moment he was noticed, the music stopped.
Thane locked eyes with a confused Merrick. "Stay away from the girl."
The male frowned and moved away from the mic, coming closer. "You'll have to be more specific. What girl?"
"The human. My human."
The confusion intensified. "I have no idea who you're talking about."
As if he hadn't noticed Elin. Only a blind man would pass by her--but he would backtrack when he caught hint of her scent. "Go near her, and I'll give you more of this." Thane hammered a fist into the Sent One's jaw.
Merrick's head whipped to the side, and he stumbled. Straightening, he narrowed his gaze on Thane. The other band members abandoned their instruments to flank their friend.
"I'll let you have that one," Merrick said, rubbing his jaw, "because there's a good chance I slept with her and forgot her."
"You didn't."
"You sure? Because it happens. A lot."
"Do you want me to kill you?"
Merrick shrugged. "There are worse ways to go."
How did you frighten a man like that?
Frustrated, Thane left.
At the Downfall, he plucked the fullest, brightest roses from the garden and arranged them in a diamond vase; the action soothed him.
The next morning, he had the gifts delivered to the kitchen, where Elin was busy baking.
This time, he included a note. It read, I've never believed everything that happens is meant to be. Fathers and husbands aren't meant to be murdered, and mothers aren't meant to die in front of their children. But I do believe something good can come from somethin
g bad. You, Elin. You are my good. Give me a chance, and I'll prove it.
*
LATER THAT EVENING Thane and his boys flew to Rathbone Industries in New York. They were systematically checking off names from their part of Jamilla's list. So far they'd come up empty.
Number seven was Ty Rathbone. Once lauded for his calm under the worst kind of pressure, now known for his violent temper. The switch had happened in mere moments, his closest friends had stated.
Demons were definitely involved. But was it one of Germanus's killers or just some minion?
Thane's wings glided seamlessly through the night-darkened sky. Wind cut through his hair. He rolled to avoid a flock of birds, even though he would have ghosted through. He was still in the spirit realm, the birds in the natural. Spirit and flesh were not solid to each other.
Your time with the human didn't go well, I take it, Bjorn said inside his mind. Judging by the sounds I heard--no, I didn't eavesdrop, but, yes, you should be quieter--I expected you to be in a much better mood.
The male had recovered from his time with the shadow demons, at least. We ended...poorly. And she had yet to respond to his gifts.
He should have been relieved, he supposed. Elin was kindling and salve, and he despised both. One pushed him past the limits of his control. The other made him crave the things he'd never before wanted. Connection. Communion. A future.
He would have blamed Kendra's poison, would have claimed it was still at work inside him, pushing him toward the human, but he'd consumed more Frost, and the fire for Elin wasn't even close to banked.
She spurned you? Xerxes asked, incredulous.
No.
I don't understand. What's the problem?
She wants what I give everyone else.
Xerxes frowned. Again I have to ask. What's the problem?
I want to give her more, he admitted.
Shock registered. Can you?
His hands fisted. Maybe. For her--probably.
For the first time in his existence, he'd lost himself in the beauty of a kiss, in the decadent taste and carnal touch of the female in his arms. In the breathy sounds she made and the way her heart careened out of control. He'd had no need for pain. Not to arouse him, and certainly not to keep him aroused.
Had Elin lost herself in him, too?
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