The more I moved, the more my brain came back to life, and suddenly Matteo was all I could think of. I ran down the hall and into the kitchen. “Matteo! Did you call him? I need the phone, we have to tell him that the Kings Ranch people are going to kill him, that they know he’s alive.”
I must have looked crazy because Kevin stood still without movement for a long moment before finally opening his mouth. “Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?” He walked towards my shaking body and pulled me into his chest.
I conceded, collapsing against his strength. “What? How long have I been asleep?”
“It’s only 11 AM. You had a panic attack yesterday. I called a doctor. You just need to eat, sleep, and rehydrate.”
I pulled away from Kevin’s chest and looked straight up into his steely gray eyes. “Have you talked to Matteo? I must have dreamt it… but it felt so real.”
“I went to see him this morning. He’s fine. He was going to get Jake. They are on their way to Europe. He’s taking the jet.”
“What? Why? Didn’t he want to say goodbye, or tell me he was going? He promised he would tell me when he left!” Anger filled the spaces in my heart where worry had been.
Kevin shifted away from me, busying himself with pouring tea and buttering bagels. “He knew you needed your rest. I just wanted to update him on the basement cameras.”
I sat at the kitchen counter and took a small bite of the cinnamon bagel Kevin pushed towards me. “Good! So, you got into the cameras?”
He sliced another bagel and popped it into the toaster. “No. It turns out Kings Ranch has videos of young girls on their computers and I don’t want to be wrapped up in that kind of stuff. So, I let Mat—”
“How is he going to help Jake if he doesn’t have access to the basement?”
Kevin stopped and squinted his eyes as though I were missing a piece to the puzzle. “I don’t know.” He buttered the other half of his bagel. “Has it crossed your mind that Matteo only cares about himself? That he’s not ‘helping’ Jake, that he’s using him to get to Kings Ranch? I mean, he was going on this ‘mission’ before Jake showed up.”
Fury bubbled beneath my skin. I ignored it and took a sip of tea. When Matteo explained it, I understood why he’d gone off to the ranch. I understood that he felt he was fighting for his freedom. But when I was alone, I questioned everything. I couldn’t understand why he would choose to risk his life for something we could have if we just pulled away and changed our identities. I would do anything to have him alive next to me and it scared me that he would so foolishly run off and put that all at stake. But Jake blurred those lines, he made Matteo’s reasoning seem noble. Still stupid—but heroic in a sense.
I lifted my teacup to my lips, blowing on the warm liquid before taking a sip.
Kevin crunched into his bagel, swallowing before he spoke. “Hannah, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t know why he’s doing this. He could be helping Jake. I just—”
“No. I know he has other motives. I know.” I said choking away tears.
Kevin leaned onto the counter towards me with narrowed eyes. The white t-shirt he wore tightening on his taut, muscular shape… I hated that I noticed this. “You’re going to be okay. Whatever happens… you’re strong.” He lifted his hand to my face and wiped away the tears. “Matteo made his decisions. Now you have to make yours.”
I wanted the tears to stop, but they continued.
Kevin circled the counter and pulled my wet face back onto his chest. I tried to hold it in, but instead, cried my eyes out as he rested his chin atop my head.
“Kev, I just don’t get it. He promised he would let me know before he left. He promised he would discuss the plan with me so I knew… so we could decide if it was worth the risk… he promised.” I looked up at Kevin with swollen red eyes as though he had the answers, then buried my face back in his chest, calming myself to the rise and fall of his breath.
He placed his hand on the back of my head, holding me gently in place. “Like I said Han, you have to make your own decisions. You can’t let him dictate your life. You didn’t want him to go, and your reasons were valid.”
I didn’t want Kevin to be right, but he was. I’d known Matteo long enough to know that he did things on his terms. And this stupid fucking leaving for Europe without telling me thing was a perfect example.
Matteo was a force of nature… a man with a mission; and I just a girl with love and sentiments on my mind. I couldn’t hold a man like Matteo. Fuck, I couldn’t even get him to say goodbye before he left on a suicide mission.
Kevin’s hand slid down the back of my hair onto my back. “What if we got away for a bit? Maybe head to Monterey. Get your mind off things. You said before that was one of your favorite places, maybe it would be a good distr—”
I lifted away from his core and looked up at him, my arms still wrapped around his waist. “Actually, that sounds nice. Let’s get the hell out of here.”
Chapter Fifteen
Matteo
We’d been in the air for nearly an hour. Jake had settled into the large leather seat near the front of the jet. I’d offered him the bedroom, but he insisted on waiting up while I filed through the videos Kevin had given me. I sat two chairs behind him, torturing myself with the sick reality of what was happening. Video after video, each nearly the same: a young girl on display. I glanced down at the picture Jake had given me of Cora. She was nearly 18 when she disappeared but she looked much younger. She was petite and thin, with long amber hair—a wispy, fairy-like girl. A chill went up my spine, she looked frail even in good conditions.
Clicking through the next few videos, I quickly checked each face before moving on. Finally, near the bottom of the list—number 48—Cora. Shaking in a short red dress, she moved into each position being shouted at her. The basement Hannah and I knew too well the backdrop for the video. I looked away and called for Jake before I lost the nerve. No father should have to see his daughter this way, but he deserved to know the truth.
He stood, made his way to the back of the plane, then settled in the seat opposite mine.
“I know you want to see this, but I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s… it’s dark.”
A bead of sweat had formed on his face. “No! Let me see it! I want to see what they’re doing to my girl!”
I hesitated. “Jake, listen. I’ve been in your shoes. These same people had a video of Hannah. I thought I wanted to see it… but when I did—”
Jake lifted slightly from his seat, yanked the open laptop from my hands and pressed play. His face turned nearly ghost-like before it began contorting with rage as he watched the child he thought was dead come back to life in the vilest way.
I stood and reached over him, pulling the laptop back from his hands. “You shouldn’t watch anymore. You know it’s her.”
For a moment, he sat with an un-gazed focus at the seatback in front of him. Then all at once began spilling confused emotion. “It’s her. It’s her… she’s…” he paused, forcing back the rage and tears that had caught in his throat. “…she’s…that’s her.”
I stayed behind him silently with my hand on his shoulder.
“She’s… how do I… I’m going to fucking kill them. I… let me off this fucking plane.” He stood and began running towards the emergency exit without fear as though it made complete sense to jump off the jet in the middle of the Atlantic.
I rushed behind him, pulling his weak body against me as he struggled. “You’re going to be okay. You can’t jump. You won’t do her any good out there. Right now, you should rest. When we get on the ground in Ireland you can use all that anger to probe for whatever intel you can get. The bars in town will be a good place to start.”
I wanted to remind him of our mission, hoping it would ground him.
Jake tried to gather control of his body, but his legs now trembled so much that walking was difficult. I stood at his side, taking the wei
ght of his body in my arms, and guided him towards the bedroom near the back of the jet.
“I got it from here,” he said, laying his colorless body onto the bed. “I’ll be okay. I just want to be left alone.”
Leaving him alone sounded like the worst idea, but I wanted to respect his need for space. “I’ll leave, but I want to be able to see you in case you need anything so I’m leaving the door open.”
He nodded with little inflection as he rolled onto his side.
I wanted to say something more but was unsure of what combination of words to use. “There is no ‘good’ in any of this. Except we know she is alive. The video was dated just a week ago.”
He stayed silent and unmoving on the bed. He was in shock, I needed to give him time. Leaving the door open, I moved to the seat closest to the bedroom and pulled my phone out to comfort myself with old texts from Hannah. Sliding through the messages, I stopped at a series of pictures she’d sent right after I’d come home from the island. She was on her hands and knees but looking up into the lens—her breasts buoyant on the sheets as her ass sat high. The Message:
Hannah: I need you… come home!
Me: What do you have in mind?
Hannah: We have this magic carpet thing up next up on the list. I need you… hurry!
Me: Touch yourself.
Hannah: Already am.
Me: Pictures…
Hannah: Hurry, I’m getting close.
Me: You look so good.
Hannah: Come taste me.
Me: Walking in now.
This was us at our best—high on sexual energy—doing what we both loved most. I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. I was foolish to leave her. I should have paid someone to hide us. I’d thought Kings Ranch wanted my horses for the breading rights, for the money they would bring. But they already have the money, they needed a front. I just happened to be an easy target. Now, my elementary search for revenge has found me twisted in international kidnappings, sex trade, and God knows what else. I glanced back at Jack, still shaking on the bed, then back at Hannah’s photo so seductive and serene. For the first time since I got back from the island, I felt scared for my life. Kings Ranch would most definitely kill Jake and I both the first second they got. Then, they’d go after Hannah and probably Kevin for being wrapped up in this as well. My thoughts jumped to his daughter and how she’d have to grow without her father.
All of this because I couldn’t let it go. If I’d just listened to Hannah we’d be lost off-grid with new identities by now. I glanced back at the sexy photo of Hannah in an attempt to find peace of mind, but the further I fell into the rabbit hole, the less it helped. I wanted her soft body next to me. I wanted to touch her and feel the stress melt away, but I was too invested in Jake. The look on his face after he saw that video complicated my reasoning—I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t help him. He needs his daughter. And I need to get home to Hannah. One way or another, we have to make both those things a reality.
Chapter Sixteen
Kevin
We packed light and piled into the truck. Monterey was a good five hours drive, but the scenery was some of the best the area had to offer. The road snaked around the mountain, through groves of pine that had been scratched by bears and gave way to dramatic sweeping drop-offs.
Hannah rolled down her window taking in the dark scent of the forest. “Ugh… I’ll never get sick of it.” I glanced over, taking in her beauty as the wind blew back her hair.
She stayed settled like this for a moment then turned towards me. “Sorry, I’m not very good company right now.”
“That’s okay. I’ve booked whale watches, an aquarium tour, a trip to see the seals, and a fire on the beach tonight. You don’t have to say a word. Just show up.”
I wasn’t trying to romance her; I was trying to make things as easy as possible. She was vulnerable and sensitive. The last thing I wanted to do was manipulate her or take advantage of the situation—losing her completely. Besides, Matteo did enough manipulating to confuse all of California.
Hannah turned up the radio and began poorly singing some Maroon Five song I hadn’t heard yet. I listened to her voice but kept my eyes steady on the view. Once the song ended, she turned towards me, her gaze unfocused.
“Why does he keep doing this?” Her statement seemed out of place.
“What do you mean?”
“I just don’t get it. We’ll have these days where everything is perfect and the world seems to spin just for us. Then, he blows everything up… and the worst part is… he broke his promise to let me know before he left. I just wanted a say in the plan.” She bounced her leg as she spoke.
“I don’t know Han… I think he thinks he’s doing this for your future.” I immediately hated myself for standing up for him.
“I’m over all this worrying and wondering and heartache.” She turned her body towards me, still bouncing her leg. “What do you think would have happened if I’d have stayed with you instead of agreeing to marry Matteo?”
I snapped my head towards her quickly, then back at the road. I’d almost forgotten about the wedding. “I don’t know Han…where’s your ring anyway?”
She looked down at her hand, “I took it off before I left the cabin. I didn’t want it on with everything going on… just made me more upset.”
I nodded slowly, and took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly across the span of a few long seconds.
Hannah pressed on. “Really though, if I’d let Matteo go… how would this have ended up?”
I was a pretty relaxed guy, and I was trying to play it cool, but her questions boiled my blood. “Hannah, what are you doing? You don’t get to ask those questions. You did go with him. You went with him, then you agreed to marry him. There wasn’t even a doubt in your mind—”
“No… but now there is.” She was looking straight towards me from the side.
I turned down the radio and bit at the inside of my lip. “Don’t say things like that. You don’t mean them. You’re angry that Matteo left and you’re just saying things. You chose him, you love him… you’re marrying him.” The words got stuck in my throat. I wanted to let her be impulsive and smile as she fell back into my arms. I wanted to feel her smooth skin against mine in the dark, even if it was only for the few days we were in Monterey. I loved her so much, I’d have happily been her second choice, her shadow man on the side, the guy that swept her up when all the other shit fell apart. Because feeling love, then having it ripped away like that, leaves you with an ache you’d give anything to fill.
She turned back towards the window. “I’ve been careless with you. I know. I just—”
“If Matteo hadn’t come back, you and I would be engaged and we’d be planning our wedding. You have to know I love you. I can’t stop… I want too… I’ve tried…” From the corner of my eye, I could see she was still looking towards me, so I continued playing her dangerous game “Where do you think we would’ve been?”
She stayed quiet for a moment, then spoke slowly. “I… I think you’re right. I think you, Sophie and I would all be at Disney right now instead of this… this mess you got wrapped into.”
Doubt twisted in my stomach; she’d been all I’d thought about for months. I knew how unstable she felt right now, but I didn’t want to lose the energy I felt passing between us.
I pulled the truck into the rest stop just ahead overlooking a steep wave of pines dipping into the valley and turned towards her. “What if then, for this weekend, we pretend things were as they used to be. We pretend that this… you and me… is all that matters.” I held my breath waiting for her response, but she stayed silently fixated on my eyes.
A tear peaked through and dripped off her cheek. “I’m mad at him Kev… but I still love him. I’m worried sick he won’t come back. I can’t just pretend he never came back.”
“You’re not pretending he didn’t come back. You’re pretending his coming
back didn’t change how we felt about each other… and I know there’s a part of you that feels something for me. You wouldn’t be here otherwise.” I reached for her hand, hoping she wouldn’t pull away. She didn’t.
“Then what? What happens when Matteo comes back? What happens when I take this too far? How do I explain myself to you… to him?”
“Does it need to be explained? We’re human… this is what people do to survive… they love each other, they hold each other.” Our eyes stayed steady on one another as tension rose.
“You know I have this sex addiction. You know I’m mad at Matteo. You know I’m scared. You know I—”
“I know you’re confused. I know you need someone to hold you. I know you need someone to tell you it’s going to be okay… and mean it.” I motioned for her to slide towards me.
She relented and slid under my arm. Blood stayed steady in my heart, drowning the beat as she positioned her head against my chest and rested her hand on my leg.
“Kev… why didn’t Matteo call me before he left? It was all I asked from him.” A tear dripped from her cheek onto my bare arm.
I squeezed her softly, taking in the soft floral scent she wore. “Analyzing his moves are only going to make you crazy. Try to focus on the now…. on your feelings, your thoughts. That’s all you can control anyway, right?”
She nodded against my chest, then lifted her hand to wipe away the tears. “My thoughts make no sense. If they did, I’d understand why I love being wrapped in your arms.” She pulled away and caught eye contact with me. “What I feel for you, isn’t pretend. It never was. But what I feel for Matteo is real too. And I just can’t forget that.”
I pulled her back into my side. “You’re not forgetting anything. You’re coping.”
“You mind if we skip the tourist stuff and stay in tonight? I just want to be held.” She said the words and let them hang in the air like a poison I’d never regret breathing in.
Pleasure Vows Page 7
