by Ella Edon
The Dowager Marchioness shook her head. "We can't do anything about Lord Bowmount, as you know. If Lord Bowmount leaves, another will be put in his place. If he denies his inheritance, it will be passed to another. And we do not benefit from that in any way."
Katherine rose. That was not the issue. Not anymore. "I know that."
The Dowager Marchioness sighed. "What then is the problem?"
Katherine's heart sank. The Dowager Marchioness was right. If Lord Bowmount denied his inheritance, rejected it, then someone else would take his place. She had thought that the key was hating Arthur, in frightening him away. But she had been wrong. That would not secure a future for herself and Victoria. It would all backfire. She had not been thinking clearly.
"Katherine —" the Dowager Marchioness called. She turned abruptly. Her mother-in-law was seated now, her legs crossed. Her hands clasped. She looked like she had an idea of what she wanted. "There is a solution."
Katherine nodded expectantly. The Dowager Marchioness smiled. "Perhaps, make it known that you are open to suitors. Then the rumors would die down. Then you can stay here and welcome suitors, while you prepare Lord Bowmount to take over the running of the estate."
Suitors? That was a terrible idea. She did not want any suitors. She was still trying to wrap her hands around what she felt for Lord Bowmount. She didn't want any other gentlemen to come into the mix. She couldn't think of any other gentleman — if she needed a suitor — besides... She shook her head. "But it is still so early. I am not done mourning."
"Announce that you will be ready to accept suitors once your mourning is over."
She did not want that. "But, Mother..."
The Dowager Marchioness shook her head. "If the rumor persists, your image will be tarnished—as will Lady Victoria’s. Think of your daughter."
She knew this, but still, she didn't want what the ton said to be the reason she left. She didn't want to leave at all. For the past weeks, he had become a part of... everything. She wondered what he felt for her. She wondered if he felt the constant pangs in his chest just as she did when they were close, as if her heart strings were being tugged. She wondered if it was just her, or if he thought of her, too.
He was kind to her, yes. But what if that was just it?
She sighed in resignation. Lord Bowmount may have calmed her father, but he had not calmed the ton.
She nodded thankfully to the Dowager Marchioness. There was nothing anyone could do.
"And Katherine." The Dowager Marchioness tilted her head. A mischievous glint showed in her eyes. Katherine was not sure she would like what the Dowager Marchioness was about to say. So, she braced herself. "You have to befriend Lord Bowmount. So, he, at least, doesn't force you to leave Bowmount Hall. He does own this place now. You must let him know that he can trust you. Interact with him. Act more of a friend than foe. Be acquainted with him. Just to be safe."
Katherine could not believe what she was hearing. The idea was horrendous. She was already being suspected to having an affair with Lord Bowmount. The ton was already having speculations about them having some sort of an affair. And it would be far worse would be when they all realized that she had no intention of leaving Bowmount Hall to return to Somerset Castle. Being seen with Lord Bowmount would be scandalous. Besides, he had already made it clear even before her parents’ arrival that she was always welcome to remain at Bowmount Hall.
"But Mother, with everything that is going on, I need to stay as far away as I can from Lord Bowmount. If the ton —"
"Nonsense, dear. Only the people who live in this house know what is truly going on. Ensuring his trust does not mean that what the ton says is indeed true. All he needs is a friend. Someone who knows how this estate is run. A kind word or look here and there. There's nothing more to it. Being by his side would make him truly aware of how necessary you are. Or one day, a few weeks from now, or even days, he could decide to tell you to leave. And you and I both would be totally helpless. We would be able to do nothing."
Katherine knew, but still she felt uncomfortable with the idea. However, the Dowager Marchioness was right. If she wanted to secure her place here in Bowmount Hall, she needed to act more of a friend than a foe. She needed to stop trying to get rid of him — that was not worth it. She turned to her mother-in-law, and nodded, a small smile on her face. She knew exactly what she needed to do. First, she had to make a decision on what to do about her daughter.
"Darlene!" she called out as she walked out of the drawing room, after she had curtsied to the Dowager Marchioness.
* * *
Mr. Stewart walked from the house to the courtyard. The napkin tucked into his left hand moved as he did. Behind him, he led her best friends, clad in a similar gown but with different colors. Katherine rose in surprise. She had been busying herself going through the books that Darlene held, trying to decide what to read to Victoria when night came. She set the book she held aside, and gestured to Darlene who stood beside her. "Take them away. We'll continue this after I have attended to my guests."
Darlene nodded and walked away.
Anne approached first, her blue gown suiting her perfectly. She hugged Katherine and gave way for Esther in her similar yellow gown. They were both glowing, both grinning. They both looked happy. Katherine felt ashamed to be in their midst. For she was unhappy. She had a lot going on and they were free, to go to the theatre with their husbands and to attend balls. They had children who ran around happily, with not a care in the world. They didn't have another gentleman, taking over their homes. They had it easy. They always had.
Esther nudged her, pulling her out of her thoughts. Back to reality, Katherine forced a smile.
"Esther, Anne." She moved aside to let her have a seat "What brings you both here?"
It was quite surprising that they would visit. If she recalled clearly, they were supposed to be attending a ball at that moment. Something must be wrong. She looked between them. "Is everything well?"
Esther and Anne shared a look. As though they shared a communication she knew of, they both nodded and turned to face her.
Anne spoke up. "The Duchess of Somerset approached us. She informed us of your... situation."
Katherine frowned. "My situation?"
"We are well aware of what the ton has been saying,” Esther said. “And we expected such to happen when we visited and saw Lord Bowmount. Seeing as he is young, we knew that suspicion would arise. But Anne and I decided to say nothing because we felt that you would have it all under control. But Katherine, the ton is talking already. Word has spread and it is not good, at all."
Katherine felt as though she had been slapped. Had her mother gone around, telling a tale to whoever cared to listen? How could her mother have sent them both to her, to plead with her? Had she not made her decision clear? And why had her own friends agreed to approach her on such matter?
"Katherine, do not take any of this the wrong way. We only want to help." Anne sat up and placed her right hand above Katherine's, which lay on the table. "If you do not wish to return to Somerset Castle, then perhaps you would consider staying with either of us until you've sorted out the issue with your brother’s wife."
Esther nodded. "Her Grace did inform us of your misunderstanding with her."
"And staying with either of us would do you some good. Who knows, you might find a suitor sooner than you expect."
Katherine was silent. She hoped this was a bad dream, for she could not believe that they had approached her and not asked for her side of the story. Instead, they simply jumped to a conclusion. They were giving her advice, already, like everyone else, deciding what should be in her life. She gently withdrew her hand from beneath Anne's.
"Have you come here to throw my situation in my face?"
Esther spoke first this time. "Do not take it that way, Katherine. We're only worried. The ton has said outrageous things about you. Rumors are being spread and we must save your reputation before anything happens. And your moth
er is distressed."
Katherine had had enough. "Didn't it occur to you, that none of this has been easy for me? That I am the one in the worst situation? Having lost my husband?"
"Katherine, calm down. Victor was also my brother, and I understand your loss very well," Anne said. She tried to reach for her hand again but Katherine withdrew it.
"No, you understand nothing, Anne. You've always had it easy." She darted her index finger to both of them. "Both of you have had it too easy."
"Katherine," Anne tried again.
But Katherine was far too gone. Her anger was well built. "Say no more to me. You found your prince in shining armor, a lord whom I was supposed to wed. You had your way with him, and you both decided to have a happy life. Did it ever occur to you, that after I lost Henry, I had to rebuild my life? I had to accept that the life I already imagined with Henry was to be no more. You took Henry, and then I had to wed Victor, who had not a penny to his name. And with my dowry, we rebuilt this home, together. And while Victor had promised to give me a good life, he was swept away by death. Now, I have nothing. And because I gave birth to a female, we are left with only a monthly income and the hope of marrying both of ourselves off. Do you know how that feels? To have nothing? For your home, a home you once shared with your husband to be owned by another? All gone, lost. Leaving Bowmount Hall is... is not as easy as you think."
They were both silent. Anne had withdrawn and she had gone pale. Katherine still didn't feel she understood. "Anne, I have nothing left. Leaving here would become too real. It... It would mean accepting that I am ready to be wed again. And I am not."
Esther recovered quickly. "You will find a suitor; you are young and beautiful. You can't give up now."
"I've had to imagine life with two gentlemen in the past. First Henry, then Victor. Why should I have to look forward to a new life, with a new gentleman?"
Esther sighed. "Katherine, you know that all you need is a good suitor. A nobleman to wed. Everything would be easier when that happens."
Katherine snorted. That was exactly what she didn't want. Had Esther not heard her? She didn’t want to have to depend on someone else, or to rebuild her life. Because she had had enough of it. Katherine had never told anyone, but when she'd found out about Anna and Henry falling in love during her own engagement to Henry, it had just about broken her. Because she had found herself getting used to the idea of having Henry as her husband. Healing took time. When she fell in love with Victor, she thought it would be forever, and just wanted a good life. When Victoria came it was different. She began to want the best for her child. Now Victor was gone and she had just Victoria. Would it be easy for a child such as herself to move into another home, with another man as her husband? Would it be easy to find what she had with Victor? What were the chances of finding any suitor who would be able to care for Victoria, like she was his own? It was why she wanted to be alone. Why she didn't want to have to depend on anyone. They might leave, or die. She wanted to be in charge of her own life.
"What happens if I find a suitor and something terrible happens? The whole cycle begins again. I lose a home and I go elsewhere to start over. It is all happening too fast. If I return home, the truth of everything would become too real."
She hoped they understood. That she was scared of commitment. That she was scared to have to go through what she had gone through again. But they didn't understand. And that was why they simply approached her without asking how she felt, what she wanted. "I just... need more time. To accept it all. I do not want to leave yet." Her heart skipped as she admitted this. Although she knew in her heart that it was more than that.
Esther sighed. But she had no response for Katherine. Katherine felt her eyes glistening. She felt like everything was crumbling. Suddenly she wanted to be alone. She needed to be alone. She needed time to herself and space. She didn't want anyone who would approach and dictate her life for her.
"Perhaps it would be best if you both left. I am quite tired and need to rest." She rose, while blinking repeatedly to keep her tears from falling.
Esther looked up at her in astonishment. Anne simply rose, numb and quiet. Esther rose slowly. "Katherine, I hope you know what you're doing. If you stay for too long here, no suitor will find you worthy."
"Leave," she breathed out. Esther's words had once again angered her. "Go to your home. Go to your family, to your husbands, who still live.”
"Katherine..." Esther whispered harshly.
Anne had started walking away. Esther stared at her long and hard before she finally walked away. Katherine felt as though there was lump in her throat. But she clenched her teeth and stared ahead, until one tear fell, and then another, and then another, until she was struggling not to sob.
Chapter Fourteen
Lady Victoria was in fits of laughter when he gasped, clutching his chest in an attempt to feign that he was hurt. He liked that she was laughing. She seemed happy, seated out in the courtyard with him, listening to stories he made up about his supposed time at sea. Amelia stood by the yard, she watched them with narrowed eyes and stifled laughter.
"Do you want to take a nap, Lord Shepherd? You seem tired," Lady Victoria queried.
"I am." He nodded. Then, he asked, "Where is your mother, My Lady?"
Lady Victoria shrugged. "I haven't seen her for the past several days. She has locked herself up in her bedchamber."
Arthur heard of that, as well. Since the visit from her friends, Lady Bowmount had locked herself in her bedchamber, not leaving it for anything. He was worried about her. He was certain that the only person she would let in was Lady Victoria. She was Lady Bowmount's weakness. Everything she did was for the benefit of Lady Victoria. One time, Gerald had said that Katherine had an undying love for her daughter. He believed it.
"Perhaps, you should check in on her, Lady Victoria?"
She shook her head immediately. "Mother won't like that. She likes to be left alone."
"Why do you think that?"
Lady Victoria looked up at him. Her smile was long gone and replaced by it was a distant look in her eyes. A frown formed on her lips, her brows drawing together as her shoulders sagged to show her sadness. Finally, Arthur thought, he seemed to have found out the reason for Lady Victoria's sadness. He was intrigued by her reaction and wanted to know more.
"Lady Victoria?" he asked.
"Mother always likes to be left alone. Since Father died, she has locked herself up and even when I went to seek her out, she ignored me. She stopped reading to me at night and spent much time avoiding me. Most times, I didn’t see her for days. So, I stopped trying. Until one day, she just came back. She started talking to me, and trying to smile. But it was never the same as before. And now that she has locked herself up again, I am most certain it's the same. I don't want to hope too much, Lord Shepherd. It only ends in disappointment."
Arthur stared at her with parted lips. So that was what made her so quiet —not just her father's death, but her mother’s withdrawal, too. Victoria had been hurt before by Lady Bowmount, and she did not want to go through that pain again. He now understood perfectly well: she felt abandoned. While they should have been mourning together, each had done it alone. And both were yet to recover. He finally understood.
Victoria was uncertain of her mother's love. He wasn’t sure what he should say would help at all, but he tried.
"Lady Bowmount loves you. Everything has been hard on her, Lady Victoria, but never doubt that she loves you very much." He smiled.
Lady Victoria sighed. But she didn't smile. She simply looked away and nodded. Arthur was certain she needed to be assured. And that was left for Lady Bowmount to do. He decided to speak to her about Lady Victoria.
He rose. “I will have to take a rest, Lady Victoria."
Lady Victoria rose and curtsied. "Of course, Lord Shepherd."
He bowed to her gallantly and his eyes subconsciously darted to Amelia. She was smiling at him. It looked like she wanted to say somethin
g, but she stopped. He nodded curtly to her and turned to walk into the house.
He had decided to have a word with Lady Bowmount about Lady Victoria, but that would have to wait for later. Now, he just needed rest.
He didn't get to make it to his bedchamber. He didn't even make it to the east wing where his room was situated. He stopped dead in his tracks, when he saw Lady Bowmount standing by the staircase. She stopped too when she saw him.
She looked better than he did. Her hair was, as always, pinned to perfection, not a strand out of place. He wondered its full length, what it would feel like to weave his hands through its mass. She acknowledged him with a slight curtsy. He did the same with a slight bow.
