by Ella Edon
"What has happened in the past is nothing anymore. We have to look forward to our future."
"You're right, Mary. The past is the past. And the future is what is really important. And after all this time, I've fallen in love again."
Katherine felt the air grow cold. She felt as though she were trying to breathe, but she was failing. James had been right. Arthur was planning to wed Mary. He was telling her that he loved her. He had never told Katherine that. And worse, they had a history. He was reminiscing with her. He had been using Katherine. He didn't love her. He had not fallen in love with her like she had him. He had no respect for her. It was why he could comfortably sit in his office with Mary. And he never even told her about Mary. He spoke nothing of a lost love. But now she could see that she had only been a Somerset affair to him. Nothing of importance. She had been a fool to fall in love with him.
Her eyes welled up as she swayed. Her heart was hammering in her chest. She covered her mouth before a sob escaped. She ran out the door. She ran to her horse, mounted it and made her way home.
So little time had passed and yet, all in that little time, she had been hurt beyond repair. Nothing seemed to be going well for her. Every man she had ever loved found a way to leave her. In the end, she was alone and all she had was her darling daughter. But even Victoria would leave her, to get married.
She wanted to go far away. She was tired of Bowmount Hall. Tired of all of Somerset. She wanted to go far away. There were so many memories here that made her so sad. That made her remember that she had lost more in her whole life, than she had gained. She knew exactly what she would do. She knew exactly what needed to be done. Thankfully, upon her arrival, her friends were still there, but James had gone. Katherine cried as she ran into Anne's arms.
"What happened?"
"James was right. He was right. There is another lady, and Arthur loves her," she cried.
Esther frowned. "Are you certain? Did he tell you this?"
Katherine shook her head and ran inside. She didn't want to speak to anyone about it. She was embarrassed. He had been fooling her all along, making her believe that he cared deeply for her, when he had only been using her. She rushed into her bed chamber and cried. She was hurt. And deeply so. Because she loved him wholeheartedly. Why would he have deceived her?
A knock on her door made her stir. She turned her head towards the door to see who it was. To her surprise, the Dowager Marchioness walked in. She had a sad smile on. Surely, she knew all that was going on. Katherine felt the tears in her eyes well up even more.
The Dowager Marchioness walked over to her. She sat beside her, at the edge of the bed. She hummed softly, as she rubbed Katherine’s back. Katherine sobbed.
"When I heard that Victor's father had a mistress, I didn't believe, and I didn't not believe either. Instead, I searched for answers. If it were true. What signs were there. In looking for answers, I saw that he was indeed bedding another. But before I believed what people said, I got answers, first."
Katherine knew that the Dowager Marchioness was trying to make her see reason. Her friends had probably told her all that had happened, and she had come to talk to her. But Katherine knew what she heard. A gentleman and a lady, behind closed doors, reminiscing about a past she had been told nothing about, and talking about a future already planned between the two of them. She shook her head and wanted to speak, but the Dowager Marchioness began to talk again.
"I questioned myself when I found out. I wondered why he had done it. I questioned whether or not I was good enough. Whether I was good enough or not didn’t matter. He was the one who made the choice. He should have to be hurt for losing me. That was why I became nonchalant about his actions and maybe, angry. Because I buried everything and didn't let anyone in."
Katherine stared at her. The Dowager Marchioness turned to her, a small smile on her face. "If Lord Bowmount indeed made plans with another lady, it doesn't make you any less. He is the one who has let a fine lady slip past him. And do not think that you will never get what you want after him."
Katherine shook her head. "Everything is ruined, Mother."
"If there's one thing I've known over the years, it's that no matter how long or how far things can get, one’s wish will always find a way to come through. Even in the smallest of ways."
Katherine felt a bond with the Dowager Marchioness then. A bond of two ladies who had lost a lot, yet saw to it that they came out stronger, in the end. She had a feeling that the Dowager Marchioness's younger days had been full of hurt. Hurt which she hid so well, with layers of anger and coldness, so no one could see through her. And Katherine knew that the Dowager Marchioness was telling her not to be like that. To live, to love, and to be open to possibilities.
"What did you wish for, all those years ago?"
She smiled, but she answered sadly. "For my pain to go away. For a good life for my son and enough money to see all of my generations through."
Katherine sighed. "A good life for Victor? Do you think you got that wish? "
The Dowager Marchioness turned abruptly and looked at her like she had an additional head. "Of course. He wed the most beautiful lady in Somerset, who gave him a beautiful daughter. Victor lived the best life— one full of love, life and happiness. Above all, he was busy making a comfortable life for you and Victoria, and myself. My wish came through."
Something unexpected happened then. Katherine rose and threw herself on the Dowager Marchioness. She hugged her closely and sobbed on her shoulders. It took time, but slowly, the Dowager Marchioness rubbed Katherine's back.
"There, my child. It'll be alright. You just have to make the right choices. Choices that would make you happy. No matter what happens, there's always a home for you here at Bowmount Hall."
Of course, there always was. Leaning on her mother-in-law's shoulder, Katherine knew exactly what she needed to do to take her life in her hands. She knew exactly what she needed to do for herself, and for her future. And also, for the happiness of her daughter as she grew up. There were too many memories of hurt in Bowmount Hall. In Somerset, in general. So, she wished to put all of that behind her. She wished to seize her future and shape it as she liked.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The papers in his office were flying about when he heard the door click shut. He didn't look up because he thought it was Baldwin. Surely, he had come to tell him about someone wanting to see him.
He waved his hand and said. "Help me with these papers, first, Baldwin. Then we can talk."
"Baldwin is familiar with me, Arthur," she said.
Then he saw her, helping him pick up his scattered papers. He didn't like that Mary was in his office. Even more so, after he had seen her letter to him. He turned to her sharply, recalling the letter she sent to him. He raised his finger and narrowed his eyes at her. "Why would you send a threatening letter to me? Have you lost your mind?"
Mary laughed, throwing her head back as she did. "Arthur, I was simply sending you my warmest greetings."
Arthur pulled his fingers through his hair. He wondered what it would take to send her away from his life. From Somerset. He didn't want her presence to upset Katherine. Even more when she was still unaware of Mary. He had made a mistake, he realized. He should have told her everything. She had let him in, and yet, he had kept this from her.
Mary was in front of him before he knew what was happening. She touched his arm and said softly, "I've missed you so much, Arthur."
He pulled away from her and walked behind his desk, distancing himself. He wished to be no victim of her schemes. H knew she was up to something. Mary didn't do anything that she knew wouldn't bring her some sort of gain. She only did that which was profitable for her.
He sighed. "Mary, truly, what do you want from me?"
"I want us to rekindle our relationship —"
"You ruined all of it! You became engaged to another. And even when I pleaded with you, you left me there, on my own. And you never looked back."
"I was only doing my parents’ bidding!" Mary cried. She shook her head and splayed her hands. "I love you, Arthur. Only ever you."
"It is too late for that, Mary. I have moved on. And I no longer feel for you what I did then. It's time you let go. I have. For quite some time now." He thought of Katherine as he said that. He needed to tell her that he loved her. He suddenly craved to tell her how he felt. How he loved her, adored her, wished to spend all of his life with her. The silence between him and Mary stretched. She sat down across him and smiled. Her smile was sad, her eyes watered, and he remained still. Because he knew not what to make of this. What to make of her suddenly coming into his life when he was beginning to see its meaning. What did she want from him? He had nothing to give her. His love was taken. His heart was taken. He could give her nothing. Nothing at all. He belonged to Katherine.
Her giggling snapped him out of his thoughts. He creased his brows and stared at her. What made her giggle like that? He raised his brows at her.
"Oh, Arthur. Of course, you should remember Flitwick. Every time we went up to the river behind my father's estate, we would put our feet in the water and hold hands endlessly." She sighed. He knew she was thinking of that moment, the two of them, by the river, tangled together, gazing at the sun and speaking of the shared future they wished for. But even as he recalled those moments, he didn't feel the sparks anymore. It only seemed like something that had happened in his past. Something that he had not forgotten but would not think about often.
He thought of how much things had changed. If he had thought of her before, he would have been hurt to remember those moments. But now, all he thought about was Katherine. Although Mary had hurt him, he no longer thought of it with pain. He was at peace with it all. It had all happened for the better. He saw no harm in reminiscing those moments with her.
He laughed. "Mary, I had thought those days would never end, but —"
"What has happened in the past is nothing anymore. We have to look forward to our future," she scoffed, killing the moment she had created.
He sighed. She needed to know that he had moved on. That he loved another, and that he planned to wed her.
"You're right, Mary. The past is the past. And the future is what is really important. And after all this time, I've fallen in love again."
Mary barely looked at him. "I've heard the rumors. But I didn't believe that you would fall in love with a widow, especially your cousin's widow, Arthur. It's outrageous."
Arthur forced a smile. Mary was saying all of this to hurt him. She sounded hurt, but it was he who was supposed to be hurt. She had hurt him, not the other way around. She had given up on them. Now she wanted a simple reconciliation. He knew what she was after. Perhaps she heard that he had become a Marquess and wanted to be with him for his money. Mary had always been greedy. "Mary, I'm sorry that you feel this way. I'm sorry that you feel that I have moved on. But I have. And I intend to wed Lady Bowmount as soon as I can. You're only wasting your time if you think that I shall wed you —"
"Good, then." Mary laughed. "You're not the only one who knows how to create a rumor. I have created one myself, Lord Bowmount."
Arthur narrower his eyes at her. "What have you done?"
"Only what I’ve needed to do." She rose from where she was seated and began to make her way out.
Arthur didn't like the sound of that. He needed to go home to Katherine. He would tell her everything the moment he saw her.
"Mary! " he called out to her.
She stopped by the door. Perhaps he needed to tell her the truth, so she could walk away. So, she could be free. So, she could let go. He understood that she felt that he belonged to her. He had indeed made promises of loving her forever, but that had ended when she had been the one to betray him. He didn't know what bothered her. Perhaps it was guilt, perhaps it was simply that she had been hurt and needed solace. Either way, she needed to know that he had let go of what they had. And she should as well.
"Mary, I did love you. Truly and wholly, but that time is past. I have moved on. I have found love again. I am no longer the man who loved you. There's happiness for everyone, Mary. I wish you a good life. And I bear no grudges towards you."
He didn't know if it would work, all he had said, but he saw her eyes glisten. She forced a sad smile. And he knew that perhaps she had been hurt. He also knew that she would let go.
"Be well, Arthur. I wish you well," she said. She smiled genuinely, then. So, he knew, he felt it, that she had let go. She walked out.
He breathed in relief. Perhaps, she would be happy, but her fate did not rest in his hands. Not anymore.
He looked down at all the papers scattered before him and grunted. He needed to put them all in place before he left. He sat down and got to work. By the time he looked up, the day was ended. And right on time, Baldwin walked in and announced he was heading home. Arthur decided to head home as well. He packed up the rest of the files, arranged them neatly and grabbed his hat. After placing it on his head properly, he walked out of his office.
* * *
By the time the carriage rolled to a halt before the manor, Arthur was so exhausted that he stalled a bit before he alighted the carriage. He pulled his briefcase out and trudged to the threshold. The door was pulled open and he found himself staring at Mr. Stewart. Mr. Stewart took his briefcase immediately. Perhaps seeing that he was exhausted.
"Welcome, Lord Bowmount."
Arthur waved his hand in the air and walked on steadily. He trudged forward until he got to the dining room. It was time for dinner and he was sure everyone would be seated already. He opened the doors and walked in, hoping to see Katherine. Even though she wanted to keep what they shared for private, he found comfort by merely looking at her.
He wanted to tell her as soon as he could, how he felt. That he loved her. And that he wished to be wed to her as soon as possible. The dining room was empty.
Where was everyone? He turned back toward the hall, to find Mr. Stewart standing there. He motioned for him to step outside. Arthur nodded and walked over to him.
Before he could speak, Mr. Stewart said. "My Lord, there is a letter for you from India."
Mr. Stewart retrieved a letter from his pocket and handed it to Arthur. He took the letter and walked into the study. He closed the door behind him before proceeding to open the letter and read.
Dear Lord Bowmount,
Our condolences about the death of your predecessor.
Your paperwork is legal, and as such, we have proceeded to have the profit transferred to the account you requested. Surely, by the time this letter is received, the profit will be, as well. We will be in touch if anything is amiss. Thank you...
He didn't bother to read further; he simply shoved the letter aside and laughed joyfully. Finally, the profit was where he wanted it to be. While he was in London, he had come up with what could possibly be done with the large profit Victor had made.
At the time, he had not yet fallen in love with Katherine, but he knew he wanted to do something for her. Because he knew that something had hurt her, and she didn't like to depend on anyone. Most of all, he knew she feared for Victoria's future. Victor had died before he had a chance to plan for what was to come. Arthur knew that it wasn't his responsibility, but he knew he had to do something. He had not been planning for a bigger future. But he wanted her to know that he had cared; he wanted Victoria's future secured. Which was why he told the solicitor, in Katherine's absence, to make sure all the profit was placed in a trust for Victoria, as her inheritance. He hadn't told Katherine because he was yet to receive a positive response from the Indian Merchants. But now that the response was positive, he needed to tell her.
And he needed to tell her he loved her as well. With a smile on his face, he pulled open the study door and walked to the dining table. He frowned when she realized Katherine was still not there.
By the window, the Dowager Marchioness turned towards him. Her eyes were glossy. She looked li
ke she was uncomfortable. She moved her hands from side to side, looked out the window and then back at him.
He stepped forward. "What is the matter? "
"I tried to stop her," she said.
"Stop... What? What are you talking about? Stop who?"
The Dowager Marchioness shook her head. She looked away again. Her silence drove him crazy. It made him worry. And he knew she was not going to respond soon enough. He ran out of the dining room and into the hallway. Mr. Stewart stood by the entrance door. He raised his hands in the air as Arthur ran in.
"My Lord, is there a problem? "
"Where is Lady Bowmount? "
Mr. Stewart stood straight, dropped his hands to his side, then his face fell. Arthur was perplexed. What was going on? Where were Katherine and Lady Victoria? He ran into the dining room again and looked at the Dowager Marchioness.
