The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg, and Other Stories

The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg, and Other Stories Page 7

by Mark Twain

  CHRISTIAN SCIENCE AND THE BOOK OF MRS. EDDY

  'It is the first time since the dawn-days of Creation that a Voice has gone crashing through space with such placid and complacent confidence and command.'

  I

  This last summer, when I was on my way back to Vienna from theAppetite-Cure in the mountains, I fell over a cliff in the twilight andbroke some arms and legs and one thing or another, and by good luck wasfound by some peasants who had lost an ass, and they carried me to thenearest habitation, which was one of those large, low, thatch-roofedfarm-houses, with apartments in the garret for the family, and acunning little porch under the deep gable decorated with boxes ofbright-coloured flowers and cats; on the ground floor a large and lightsitting-room, separated from the milch-cattle apartment by a partition;and in the front yard rose stately and fine the wealth and pride of thehouse, the manure-pile. That sentence is Germanic, and shows that I amacquiring that sort of mastery of the art and spirit of the languagewhich enables a man to travel all day in one sentence without changingcars.

  There was a village a mile away, and a horse-doctor lived there, butthere was no surgeon. It seemed a bad outlook; mine was distinctlya surgery case. Then it was remembered that a lady from Boston wassummering in that village, and she was a Christian Science doctor andcould cure anything. So she was sent for. It was night by this time, andshe could not conveniently come, but sent word that it was no matter,there was no hurry, she would give me 'absent treatment' now, and comein the morning; meantime she begged me to make myself tranquil andcomfortable and remember that there was nothing the matter with me. Ithought there must be some mistake.

  'Did you tell her I walked off a cliff seventy-five feet high?'

  'Yes.'

  'And struck a boulder at the bottom and bounced?'

  'Yes.'

  'And struck another one and bounced again?'

  'Yes.'

  'And struck another one and bounced yet again?'

  'Yes.'

  'And broke the boulders?'

  'Yes.'

  'That accounts for it; she is thinking of the boulders. Why didn't youtell her I got hurt, too?'

  'I did. I told her what you told me to tell her: that you were nowbut an incoherent series of compound fractures extending from yourscalp-lock to your heels, and that the comminuted projections caused youto look like a hat-rack.'

  'And it was after this that she wished me to remember that there wasnothing the matter with me?'

  'Those were her words.'

  'I do not understand it. I believe she has not diagnosed the case withsufficient care. Did she look like a person who was theorising, or didshe look like one who has fallen off precipices herself and brings tothe aid of abstract science the confirmation of personal experience?'

  'Bitte?'

  It was too large a contract for the Stubenmadchen's vocabulary; shecouldn't call the hand. I allowed the subject to rest there, and askedfor something to eat and smoke, and something hot to drink, and a basketto pile my legs in, and another capable person to come and help me cursethe time away; but I could not have any of these things.

  'Why?'

  'She said you would need nothing at all.'

  'But I am hungry and thirsty, and in desperate pain.'

  'She said you would have these delusions, but must pay no attentionto them. She wants you to particularly remember that there are no suchthings as hunger and thirst and pain.'

  'She does, does she?'

  'It is what she said.'

  'Does she seem o be in full and functional possession of herintellectual plant, such as it is?'

  'Bitte?'

  'Do they let her run at large, or do they tie her up?'

  'Tie her up?'

  'There, good-night, run along; you are a good girl, but your mentalGeschirr is not arranged for light and airy conversation. Leave me to mydelusions.'

  II

  It was a night of anguish, of course--at least I supposed it was, forit had all the symptoms of it--but it passed at last, and the ChristianScientist came, and I was glad. She was middle-aged, and large and bonyand erect, and had an austere face and a resolute jaw and a Roman beakand was a widow in the third degree, and her name was Fuller. I waseager to get to business and find relief, but she was distressinglydeliberate. She unpinned and unhooked and uncoupled her upholsteriesone by one, abolished the wrinkles with a flirt of her hand and hung thearticles up; peeled off her gloves and disposed of them, got a book outof her hand-bag, then drew a chair to the bedside, descended into itwithout hurry, and I hung out my tongue. She said, with pity but withoutpassion:

  'Return it to its receptacle. We deal with the mind only, not with itsdumb servants.'

  I could not offer my pulse, because the connection was broken; but shedetected the apology before I could word it, and indicated by a negativetilt of her head that the pulse was another dumb servant that she had nouse for. Then I thought I would tell her my symptoms and how I felt, sothat she would understand the case; but that was another inconsequence,she did not need to know those things; moreover, my remark about how Ifelt was an abuse of language, a misapplication of terms--

  'One does not feel,' she explained; 'there is no such thing asfeeling: therefore, to speak of a non-existent thing as existent is acontradiction. Matter has no existence; nothing exists but mind; themind cannot feel pain, it can only imagine it.'

  'But if it hurts, just the same--'

  'It doesn't. A thing which is unreal cannot exercise the functions ofreality. Pain is unreal; hence pain cannot hurt.'

  In making a sweeping gesture to indicate the act of shooing the illusionof pain out of the mind, she raked her hand on a pin in her dress, said'Ouch!' and went tranquilly on with her talk. 'You should never allowyourself to speak of how you feel, nor permit others to ask you howyou are feeling: you should never concede that you are ill, nor permitothers to talk about disease or pain or death or similar non-existencesin your preserve. Such talk only encourages the mind to continue itsempty imaginings.' Just at that point the Stubenmadchen trod on thecat's tail, and the cat let fly a frenzy of cat-profanity. I asked withcaution:

  'Is a cat's opinion about pain valuable?'

  'A cat has no opinion; opinions proceed from the mind only; the loweranimals, being eternally perishable, have not been granted mind; withoutmind opinion is impossible.'

  'She merely imagined she felt a pain--the cat?'

  'She cannot imagine a pain, for imagination is an effect of mind;without mind, there is no imagination. A cat has no imagination.'

  'Then she had a real pain?'

  'I have already told you there is no such thing as real pain.'

  'It is strange and interesting. I do wonder what was the matter with thecat. Because, there being no such thing as real pain, and she not beingable to imagine an imaginary thing, it would seem that God in his Pityhas compensated the cat with some kind of a mysterious emotion useablewhen her tail is trodden on which for the moment joins cat and Christianin one common brotherhood of--'

  She broke in with an irritated--

  'Peace! The cat feels nothing, the Christian feels nothing. Your emptyand foolish imaginings are profanation and blasphemy, and can do you aninjury. It is wiser and better and holier to recognise and confess thatthere is no such thing as disease or pain or death.'

  'I am full of imaginary tortures,' I said, 'but I do not think I couldbe any more uncomfortable if they were real ones. What must I do to getrid of them?'

  'There is no occasion to get rid of them, since they do not exist. Theyare illusions propagated by matter, and matter has no existence; thereis no such thing as matter.'

  'It sounds right and clear, but yet it seems in a degree elusive; itseems to slip through, just when you think you are getting a grip onit.'

  'Explain.'

  'Well, for instance: if there is no such thing as matter, how can matterpropagate things?'

  In her compassion she almost smiled. She would have smiled if
there wereany such thing as a smile.

  'It is quite simple,' she said; 'the fundamental propositions ofChristian Science explain it, and they are summarised in the fourfollowing self-evident propositions: 1. God is All in all. 2. God isgood. Good is Mind. 3. God, Spirit, being all, nothing is matter. 4.Life, God, omnipotent Good, deny death, evil sin, disease. There--nowyou see.'

  It seemed nebulous: it did not seem to say anything about the difficultyin hand--how non-existent matter can propagate illusions. I said, withsome hesitancy:

  'Does--does it explain?'

  'Doesn't it? Even if read backward it will do it.'

  With a budding hope, I asked her to do it backward.

  'Very well. Disease sin evil death deny Good omnipotent God life matteris nothing all being Spirit God Mind is Good good is God all in All isGod. There--do you understand now?

  'It--it--well, it is plainer than it was before; still--'

  'Well?'

  'Could you try it some more ways?'

  'As many as you like: it always means the same. Interchanged in any wayyou please it cannot be made to mean anything different from what itmeans when put in any other way. Because it is perfect. You can jumbleit all up, and it makes no difference: it always comes out the way itwas before. It was a marvellous mind that produced it. As a mental tourde force it is without a mate, it defies alike the simple, the concrete,and the occult.'

  'It seems to be a corker.'

  I blushed for the word, but it was out before I could stop it.

  'A what?'

  'A--wonderful structure--combination, so to speak, or profoundthoughts--unthinkable ones--un--'

  'It is true. Read backwards, or forwards, or perpendicularly, or at anygiven angle, these four propositions will always be found to agree instatement and proof.'

  'Ah--proof. Now we are coming at it. The statements agree; they agreewith--with--anyway, they agree; I noticed that; but what is it theyprove--I mean, in particular?'

  'Why, nothing could be clearer. They prove: 1. GOD--Principle, Life,Truth, Love, Soul, Spirit, Mind. Do you get that?'

  'I--well, I seem to. Go on, please.

  '2. MAN--God's universal idea, individual, perfect, eternal. Is itclear?'

  'It--I think so. Continue.'

  '3. IDEA--An image in Mind; the immediate object of understanding. Thereit is--the whole sublime Arcana of Christian Science in a nutshell. Doyou find a weak place in it anywhere?'

  'Well--no; it seems strong.'

  'Very well. There is more. Those three constitute the ScientificDefinition of Immortal Mind. Next, we have the Scientific Definition ofMortal Mind. Thus. FIRST DEGREE: Depravity. 1. Physical--Passions andappetites, fear, depraved will, pride, envy, deceit, hatred, revenge,sin, disease, death.'

  'Phantasms, madam--unrealities, as I understand it.'

  'Every one. SECOND DEGREE: Evil Disappearing. 1. Moral--Honesty,affection, compassion, hope, faith, meekness, temperance. Is it clear?'

  'Crystal.'

  'THIRD DEGREE: Spiritual Salvation. 1. Spiritual--Faith, wisdom,power, purity, understanding, health, love. You see how searchingly andco-ordinately interdependent and anthropomorphous it all is. In thisThird Degree, as we know by the revelations of Christian Science, mortalmind disappears.'

  'Not earlier?'

  'No, not until the teaching and preparation for the Third Degree arecompleted.'

  'It is not until then that one is enabled to take hold of ChristianScience effectively, and with the right sense of sympathy and kinship,as I understand you. That is to say, it could not succeed during theprocess of the Second Degree, because there would still be remainsof mind left; and therefore--but I interrupted you. You were aboutto further explain the good results proceeding from the erosions anddisintegrations effected by the Third Degree. It is very interesting: goon, please.'

  'Yes, as I was saying, in this Third Degree mortal mind disappears.Science so reverses the evidence before the corporeal human senses asto make this scriptural testimony true in our hearts, "the last shallbe first and the first shall be last," that God and His idea may be tous--what divinity really is, and must of necessity be--all-inclusive.'

  'It is beautiful. And with that exhaustive exactness your choice andarrangement of words confirms and establishes what you have claimed forthe powers and functions of the Third Degree. The Second could probablyproduce only temporary absence of mind, it is reserved to the Third tomake it permanent. A sentence framed under the auspices of theSecond could have a kind of meaning--a sort of deceptive semblance ofit--whereas it is only under the magic of the Third that that defectwould disappear. Also, without doubt, it is the Third Degree thatcontributes another remarkable specialty to Christian Science: viz.,ease and flow and lavishness of words, and rhythm and swing andsmoothness. There must be a special reason for this?'

  'Yes--God-all, all-God, good Good, non-Matter, Matteration, Spirit,Bones, Truth.'

  'That explains it.'

  'There is nothing in Christian Science that is not explicable; for Godis one, Time is one, Individuality is one, and may be one of a series,one of many, as an individual man, individual horse; whereas God is one,not one of a series, but one alone and without an equal.'

  'These are noble thoughts. They make one burn to know more. How doesChristian Science explain the spiritual relation of systematic dualityto incidental reflection?'

  'Christian Science reverses the seeming relation of Soul and body--asastronomy reverses the human perception of the movement of the solarsystem--and makes body tributary to Mind. As it is the earth which isin motion, while the sun is at rest, though in viewing the sun rise onefinds it impossible to believe the sun not to be really rising, so thebody is but the humble servant of the restful Mind, though it seemsotherwise to finite sense; but we shall never understand this while weadmit that soul is in body, or mind in matter, and that man is includedin non-intelligence. Soul is God, unchangeable and eternal; and mancoexists with and reflects Soul, for the All-in-all is the Altogether,and the Altogether embraces the All-one, Soul-Mind, Mind-Soul, Love,Spirit, Bones, Liver, one of a series, alone and without an equal.'

  (It is very curious, the effect which Christian Science has upon theverbal bowels. Particularly the Third Degree; it makes one think of adictionary with the cholera. But I only thought this; I did not say it.)

  'What is the origin of Christian Science? Is it a gift of God, or did itjust happen?'

  'In a sense, it is a gift of God. That is to say, its powers are fromHim, but the credit of the discovery of the powers and what they are foris due to an American lady.'

  'Indeed? When did this occur?'

  'In 1866. That is the immortal date when pain and disease and deathdisappeared from the earth to return no more for ever. That is, thefancies for which those terms stand, disappeared. The things themselveshad never existed; therefore as soon as it was perceived that there wereno such things, they were easily banished. The history and nature of thegreat discovery are set down in the book here, and--'

  'Did the lady write the book?'

  'Yes, she wrote it all, herself. The title is "Science and Health, withKey to the Scriptures"--for she explains the Scriptures; they were notunderstood before. Not even by the twelve Disciples. She begins thus--Iwill read it to you.'

  But she had forgotten to bring her glasses.

  'Well, it is no matter,' she said, 'I remember the words--indeed, allChristian Scientists know the book by heart; it is necessary in ourpractice. We should otherwise make mistakes and do harm. She beginsthus: "In the year 1866 I discovered the Science of MetaphysicalHealing, and named it Christian Science." And she says--quitebeautifully, I think--"Through Christian Science, religion and medicineare inspired with a diviner nature and essence, fresh pinions aregiven to faith and understanding, and thoughts acquaint themselvesintelligently with God." Her very words.'

  'It is elegant. And it is a fine thought, too--marrying religion tomedicine, instead of medicine to the undertaker in the old way; forreli
gion and medicine properly belong together, they being the basis ofall spiritual and physical health. What kind of medicine do you give forthe ordinary diseases, such as--'

  'We never give medicine in any circumstances whatever! We--'

  'But, madam, it says--'

  'I don't care what it says, and I don't wish to talk about it.'

  'I am sorry if I have offended, but you see the mention seemed in someway inconsistent, and--'

  'There are no inconsistencies in Christian Science. The thing isimpossible, for the Science is absolute. It cannot be otherwise, sinceit proceeds directly from the All-in-all and the Everything-in-Which,also Soul, Bones, Truth, one of a series, alone and without equal. It isMathematics purified from material dross and made spiritual.'

  'I can see that, but--'

  'It rests upon the immovable basis of an Apodictical Principle.'

  The word flattened itself against my mind trying to get in, anddisordered me a little, and before I could inquire into its pertinency,she was already throwing the needed light:

  'This Apodictical Principle is the absolute Principle of ScientificMind-healing, the sovereign Omnipotence which delivers the children ofmen from pain, disease, decay, and every ill that flesh is heir to.'

  'Surely not every ill, every decay?'

  'Every one; there are no exceptions; there is no such thing as decay--itis an unreality, it has no existence.'

  'But without your glasses your failing eyesight does not permit youto--'

  'My eyesight cannot fail; nothing can fail; the Mind is master, and theMind permits no retrogression.'

  She was under the inspiration of the Third Degree, therefore there couldbe no profit in continuing this part of the subject. I shifted to otherground and inquired further concerning the Discoverer of the Science.

  'Did the discovery come suddenly, like Klondike, or after long study andcalculation, like America?'

  'The comparisons are not respectful, since they refer totrivialities--but let it pass. I will answer in the Discoverer's ownwords: "God had been graciously fitting me, during many years, for thereception of a final revelation of the absolute Principle of ScientificMind-healing."'

  'Many years? How many?'

  'Eighteen centuries!'

  'All God, God-good, good-God, Truth, Bones, Liver, one of a series aloneand without equal--it is amazing!'

  'You may well say it, sir. Yet it is but the truth. This American lady,our revered and sacred founder, is distinctly referred to and her comingprophesied, in the twelfth chapter of the Apocalypse; she could not havebeen more plainly indicated by St. John without actually mentioning hername.'

  'How strange, how wonderful!'

  'I will quote her own words, for her "Key to the Scriptures:" "Thetwelfth chapter of the Apocalypse has a special suggestiveness inconnection with this nineteenth century." There--do you note that?Think--note it well.'

  'But--what does it mean?'

  'Listen, and you will know. I quote her inspired words again: "In theopening of the Sixth Seal, typical of six thousand years since Adam,there is one distinctive feature which has special reference to thepresent age. Thus:

  '"Revelation xii. 1. And there appeared a great wonder in heaven--awoman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon herhead a crown of twelve stars."

  'That is our Head, our Chief, our Discoverer of ChristianScience--nothing can be plainer, nothing surer. And note this:

  '"Revelation xii. 6. And the woman fled into the wilderness, where shehad a place prepared of God."

  'That is Boston.'

  'I recognise it, madam. These are sublime things and impressive; Inever understood these passages before; please go on with the--withthe--proofs.'

  'Very well. Listen:

  '"And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven, clothed with acloud; and a rainbow was upon his head, and his face was as it were thesun, and his feet as pillars of fire. And he had in his hand a littlebook."

  'A little book, merely a little book--could words be modester? Yet howstupendous its importance! Do you know what book that was?'

  'Was it--'

  'I hold it in my hand--"Christian Science"!'

  'Love, Livers, Lights, Bones, Truth, Kidneys, one of a series, alone andwithout equal--it is beyond imagination and wonder!'

  'Hear our Founder's eloquent words: "Then will a voice from harmony cry,'Go and take the little book; take it and eat it up, and it shall makethy belly bitter; but it shall be in thy mouth sweet as honey.'Mortal, obey the heavenly evangel. Take up Divine Science. Read it frombeginning to end. Study it, ponder it. It will be indeed sweet at itsfirst taste, when it heals you; but murmur not over Truth, if you findits digestion bitter." You now know the history of our dear and holyScience, sir, and that its origin is not of this earth, but only itsdiscovery. I will leave the book with you and will go, now, but giveyourself no uneasiness--I will give you absent treatment from now till Igo to bed.'

  III

  Under the powerful influence of the near treatment and the absenttreatment together, my bones were gradually retreating inward anddisappearing from view. The good word took a brisk start, now, and wenton quite swiftly. My body was diligently straining and stretching, thisway and that, to accommodate the processes of restoration, and everyminute or two I heard a dull click inside and knew that the two endsof a fracture had been successfully joined. This muffled clicking andgritting and grinding and rasping continued during the next threehours, and then stopped--the connections had all been made. All exceptdislocations; there were only seven of these: hips, shoulders, knees,neck; so that was soon over; one after another they slipped into theirsockets with a sound like pulling a distant cork, and I jumped up asgood as new, as to framework, and sent for the horse-doctor.

  I was obliged to do this because I had a stomach-ache and a cold inthe head, and I was not willing to trust these things any longer inthe hands of a woman whom I did not know, and in whose ability tosuccessfully treat mere disease I had lost all confidence. My positionwas justified by the fact that the cold and the ache had been in hercharge from the first, along with the fractures, but had experienced nota shade of relief; and indeed the ache was even growing worse and worse,and more and more bitter, now, probably on account of the protractedabstention from food and drink.

  The horse-doctor came, a pleasant man and full of hope and professionalinterest in the case. In the matter of smell he was pretty aromatic, infact quite horsey, and I tried to arrange with him for absent treatment,but it was not in his line, so out of delicacy I did not press it. Helooked at my teeth and examined my hock, and said my age and generalcondition were favourable to energetic measures; therefore he would giveme something to turn the stomach-ache into the botts and the cold inthe head into the blind staggers; then he should be on his own beatand would know what to do. He made up a bucket of bran-mash, and saida dipperful of it every two hours, alternated with a drench withturpentine and axle-grease in it, would either knock my ailments out ofme in twenty-four hours or so interest me in other ways as to make meforget they were on the premises. He administered my first dose himself,then took his leave, saying I was free to eat and drink anything Ipleased and in any quantity I liked. But I was not hungry any more, anddid not care for food.

  I took up the 'Christian Scientist' book and read half of it, then tooka dipperful of drench and read the other half. The resulting experienceswere full of interest and adventure. All through the rumblings andgrindings and quakings and effervescings accompanying the evolution ofthe ache into the botts and the cold into the blind staggers I couldnote the generous struggle for mastery going on between the mash and thedrench and the literature; and often I could tell which was ahead, andcould easily distinguish the literature from the others when the otherswere separate, though not when they were mixed; for when a bran-mashand an eclectic drench are mixed together they look just like theApodictical Principle out on a lark, and no one can tell it from that.The finish was reached at last, the evo
lutions were complete and a finesuccess; but I think that this result could have been achieved withfewer materials. I believe the mash was necessary to the conversion ofthe stomach-ache into the botts, but I think one could develop the blindstaggers out of the literature by itself; also, that blind staggersproduced in this way would be of a better quality and more lasting thanany produced by the artificial processes of a horse-doctor.

  For of all the strange, and frantic, and incomprehensible, anduninterpretable books which the imagination of man has created, surelythis one is the prize sample. It is written with a limitless confidenceand complacency, and with a dash and stir and earnestness which oftencompel the effects of eloquence, even when the words do not seem tohave any traceable meaning. There are plenty of people who imagine theyunderstand the book; I know this, for I have talked with them; but inall cases they were people who also imagined that there were no suchthings as pain, sickness, and death, and no realities in the world;nothing actually existent but Mind. It seems to me to modify the valueof their testimony. When these people talk about Christian Sciencethey do as Mrs. Fuller did; they do not use their own language, but thebook's; they pour out the book's showy incoherences, and leave you tofind out later that they were not originating, but merely quoting;they seem to know the volume by heart, and to revere it as they woulda Bible--another Bible, perhaps I ought to say. Plainly the book waswritten under the mental desolations of the Third Degree, and I feelsure that none but the membership of that Degree can discover meaningsin it. When you read it you seem to be listening to a lively andaggressive and oracular speech delivered in an unknown tongue, a speechwhose spirit you get but not the particulars; or, to change the figure,you seem to be listening to a vigorous instrument which is making anoise it thinks is a tune, but which to persons not members of the bandis only the martial tooting of a trombone, and merely stirs the soulthrough the noise but does not convey a meaning.

  The book's serenities of self-satisfaction do almost seem to smack ofa heavenly origin--they have no blood-kin in the earth. It is more thanhuman to be so placidly certain about things, and so finely superior,and so airily content with one's performance. Without ever presentinganything which may rightfully be called by the strong name of Evidence,and sometimes without even mentioning a reason for a deduction at all,it thunders out the startling words, 'I have Proved' so and so! It takesthe Pope and all the great guns of his church in battery assembled toauthoritatively settle and establish the meaning of a sole and singleunclarified passage of Scripture, and this at vast cost of time andstudy and reflection, but the author of this work is superior to allthat: she finds the whole Bible in an unclarified condition, and atsmall expense of time and no expense of mental effort she clarifiesit from lid to lid, reorganises and improves the meanings, thenauthoritatively settles and establishes them with formulae which youcannot tell from 'Let there be light!' and 'Here you have it!' It isthe first time since the dawn-days of Creation that a Voice has gonecrashing through space with such placid and complacent confidence andcommand.

  IV

  A word upon a question of authorship. Not that quite; but, rather, aquestion of emendation and revision. We know that the Bible-Annex wasnot written by Mrs. Eddy, but was handed down to her eighteen hundredyears ago by the Angel of the Apocalypse; but did she translate italone, or did she have help? There seems to be evidence that she hadhelp. For there are four several copyrights on it--1875, 1885, 1890,1894. It did not come down in English, for in that language it could nothave acquired copyright--there were no copyright laws eighteen centuriesago, and in my opinion no English language--at least up there. Thismakes it substantially certain that the Annex is a translation. Then,was not the first translation complete? If it was, on what grounds werethe later copyrights granted?

  I surmise that the first translation was poor; and that a friend orfriends of Mrs. Eddy mended its English three times, and finally got itinto its present shape, where the grammar is plenty good enough, and thesentences are smooth and plausible though they do not mean anything.I think I am right in this surmise, for Mrs. Eddy cannot write Englishto-day, and this is argument that she never could. I am not able toguess who did the mending, but I think it was not done by any member ofthe Eddy Trust, nor by the editors of the 'Christian Science Journal,'for their English is not much better than Mrs. Eddy's.

  However, as to the main point: it is certain that Mrs. Eddy didnot doctor the Annex's English herself. Her original, spontaneous,undoctored English furnishes ample proof of this. Here are samples fromrecent articles from her unappeasable pen; double columned with themare a couple of passages from the Annex. It will be seen that they throwlight. The italics are mine:

  1. 'What plague spot, 'Therefore the efficient or bacilli were (sic) gnawing remedy is to destroy the (sic) at the heart of this patient's unfortunate belief, metropolis... and bringing by both silently and audibly it on bended knee? arguing the opposite facts in Why, it was an institute that regard to harmonious being had entered its vitals (sic) representing man as that, among other things, healthful instead of diseased, taught games,' et cetera. (P. and showing that it is 670, 'C.S.Journal,' article impossible for matter to suffer, entitled 'A Narrative--by to feel pain or heat, to be Mary Baker G. Eddy.') thirsty or sick.' (P. 375, Annex.) 2. 'Parks sprang up (sic)... electric street cars run 'Man is never sick; for (sic) merrily through several Mind is not sick, and matter streets, concrete sidewalks cannot be. A false belief and macadamised roads dotted is both the tempter and the (sic) the place,' et cetera. tempted, the sin and the (Ibid.) sinner, the disease and its 3. 'Shorn (sic) of its cause. It is well to be calm suburbs it had indeed little in sickness; to be hopeful is left to admire, save to (sic) still better; but to such as fancy a skeleton understand that sickness is not above ground breathing (sic) real, and that Truth can slowly through a barren (sic) destroy it, is best of all, for breast.' (Ibid.) it is the universal and perfect remedy.' (Chapter xii., Annex.)

  You notice the contrast between the smooth, plausible, elegant, addledEnglish of the doctored Annex and the lumbering, ragged, ignorant outputof the translator's natural, spontaneous, and unmedicated penwork.The English of the Annex has been slicked up by a very industrious andpainstaking hand--but it was not Mrs. Eddy's.

  If Mrs. Eddy really wrote or translated the Annex, her original draftwas exactly in harmony with the English of her plague-spot or bacilliwhich were gnawing at the insides of the metropolis and bringing itsheart on bended knee, thus exposing to the eye the rest of the skeletonbreathing slowly through a barren breast. And it bore little or noresemblance to the book as we have it now--now that the salariedpolisher has holystoned all of the genuine Eddyties out of it.

  Will the plague-spot article go into a volume just as it stands? I thinknot. I think the polisher will take off his coat and vest and cravatand 'demonstrate over' it a couple of weeks and sweat it into a shapesomething like the following--and then Mrs. Eddy will publish it andleave people to believe that she did the polishing herself:

  1. What injurious influence was it that was affecting the city's morals?It was a social club which propagated an interest in idle amusements,disseminated a knowledge of games, et cetera.

  2. By the magic of the new and nobler influences the sterile spaceswere transformed into wooded parks, the merry electric car replaced themelancholy 'bus, smooth concrete the tempestuous plank sidewalk, themacadamised road the primitive corduroy, et cetera.

  3. Its pleasant suburbs gone, there was little left to admire save thewrecked graveyard with its uncanny exposures.

  The Annex contains one sole and solitary humorous remark. There is amost elaborate and voluminous Index, and it is preceded by this note:

  'This Index will enable the student to find any thought or ideacontained in the book.'<
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  V

  No one doubts--certainly not I--that the mind exercises a powerfulinfluence over the body. From the beginning of time, the sorcerer, theinterpreter of dreams, the fortune-teller, the charlatan, the quack,the wild medicine-man, the educated physician, the mesmerist, and thehypnotist have made use of the client's imagination to help them intheir work. They have all recognised the potency and availability ofthat force. Physicians cure many patients with a bread pill; they knowthat where the disease is only a fancy, the patient's confidence in thedoctor will make the bread pill effective.

  Faith in the doctor. Perhaps that is the entire thing. It seems to looklike it. In old times the King cured the king's evil by the touch of theroyal hand. He frequently made extraordinary cures. Could his footmanhave done it? No--not in his own clothes. Disguised as the King, couldhe have done it? I think we may not doubt it. I think we may feel surethat it was not the King's touch that made the cure in any instance,but the patient's faith in the efficacy of a King's touch. Genuine andremarkable cures have been achieved through contact with the relics of asaint. Is it not likely that any other bones would have done as well ifthe substitution had been concealed from the patient? When I was a boy,a farmer's wife who lived five miles from our village, had great fame asa faith-doctor--that was what she called herself. Sufferers came toher from all around, and she laid her hand upon them and said, 'Havefaith--it is all that is necessary,' and they went away well of theirailments. She was not a religious woman, and pretended to no occultpowers. She said that the patient's faith in her did the work. Severaltimes I saw her make immediate cures of severe toothaches. My mother wasthe patient. In Austria there is a peasant who drives a great trade inthis sort of industry and has both the high and the low for patients.He gets into prison every now and then for practising without a diploma,but his business is as brisk as ever when he gets out, for his workis unquestionably successful and keeps his reputation high. In Bavariathere is a man who performed so many great cures that he had to retirefrom his profession of stage-carpentering in order to meet the demandof his constantly increasing body of customers. He goes on from yearto year doing his miracles, and has become very rich. He pretends to noreligious helps, no supernatural aids, but thinks there is something inhis make-up which inspires the confidence of his patients, and that itis this confidence which does the work and not some mysterious powerissuing from himself.

  Within the last quarter of a century, in America, several sects ofcurers have appeared under various names and have done notable things inthe way of healing ailments without the use of medicines. There are theMind Cure, the Faith Cure, the Prayer Cure, the Mental-Science Cure, andthe Christian-Science Cure; and apparently they all do their miracleswith the same old powerful instrument--the patient's imagination.Differing names, but no difference in the process. But they do not givethat instrument the credit; each sect claims that its way differs fromthe ways of the others.

  They all achieve some cures, there is no question about it; and theFaith Cure and the Prayer Cure probably do no harm when they do no good,since they do not forbid the patient to help out the cure with medicinesif he wants to; but the others bar medicines, and claim ability to cureevery conceivable human ailment through the application of their mentalforces alone. They claim ability to cure malignant cancer, and otheraffections which have never been cured in the history of the race. Therewould seem to be an element of danger here. It has the look of claimingtoo much, I think. Public confidence would probably be increased if lesswere claimed.

  I believe it might be shown that all the 'mind' sects except ChristianScience have lucid intervals; intervals in which they betray somediffidence, and in effect confess that they are not the equals of theDeity; but if the Christian Scientist even stops with being merely theequal of the Deity, it is not clearly provable by his Christian-ScienceAmended Bible. In the usual Bible the Deity recognises pain, disease,and death as facts, but the Christian Scientist knows better. Knowsbetter, and is not diffident about saying so.

  The Christian Scientist was not able to cure my stomach-ache and mycold; but the horse-doctor did it. This convinces me that ChristianScience claims too much. In my opinion it ought to let diseases aloneand confine itself to surgery. There it would have everything its ownway.

  The horse-doctor charged me thirty kreutzers, and I paid him; in fact Idoubled it and gave him a shilling. Mrs. Fuller brought in an itemisedbill for a crate of broken bones mended in two hundred and thirty-fourplaces--one dollar per fracture.

  'Nothing exists but Mind?'

  'Nothing,' she answered. 'All else is substanceless, all else isimaginary.'

  I gave her an imaginary cheque, and now she is suing me for substantialdollars. It looks inconsistent.

  VI

  Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us toeach other, it will unriddle many riddles, it will make clear and simplemany things which are involved in haunting and harassing difficultiesand obscurities now.

  Those of us who are not in the asylum, and not demonstrably due there,are nevertheless no doubt insane in one or two particulars--I think wemust admit this; but I think that we are otherwise healthy-minded.I think that when we all see one thing alike, it is evidence that asregards that one thing, our minds are perfectly sound. Now there arereally several things which we do all see alike; things which we allaccept, and about which we do not dispute. For instance, we who areoutside of the asylum all agree that water seeks its level; that the sungives light and heat; that fire consumes; that fog is damp; that 6 times6 are thirty-six; that 2 from 10 leave eight; that 8 and 7 are fifteen.These are perhaps the only things we are agreed about; but althoughthey are so few, they are of inestimable value, because they make aninfallible standard of sanity. Whosoever accepts them we know to besubstantially sane; sufficiently sane; in the working essentials, sane.Whoever disputes a single one of them we know to be wholly insane, andqualified for the asylum.

  Very well, the man who disputes none of them we concede to be entitledto go at large--but that is concession enough; we cannot go any furtherthan that; for we know that in all matters of mere opinion that same manis insane--just as insane as we are; just as insane as Shakespeare was,just as insane as the Pope is. We know exactly where to put our fingerupon his insanity; it is where his opinion differs from ours.

  That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtfuland unbiased Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond anyquestion every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religiousmatters. When a thoughtful and unbiased Mohammedan examines theWestminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I amspiritually insane. I cannot prove to him that he is insane, becauseyou never can prove anything to a lunatic--for that is a part of hisinsanity and the evidence of it. He cannot prove to me that I am insane,for my mind has the same defect that afflicts his. All democrats areinsane, but not one of them knows it; none but the republicans andmugwumps know it. All the republicans are insane, but only the democratsand mugwumps can perceive it. The rule is perfect; in all matters ofopinion our adversaries are insane. When I look around me I am oftentroubled to see how many people are mad. To mention only a few:

  The Atheist, The Shakers, The Infidel, The Millerites, The Agnostic, The Mormons, The Baptist, The Laurence Oliphant The Methodist, Harrisites, The Catholic, and the other The Grand Lama's people, 115 Christian sects, the The Monarchists, Presbyterian excepted, The Imperialists, The 72 Mohammedan sects, The Democrats, The Buddhist, The Republicans (but not The Blavatsky-Buddhist, the Mugwumps), The Nationalist, The Mind-Curists, The Confucian, The Faith-Curists, The Spiritualist, The Mental Scientists, The 2,000 East Indian The Allopaths, sects, The Homeopaths, The Peculiar Pe
ople, The Electropaths, The Swedenborgians,

  The--but there's no end to the list; there are millions of them! And allinsane; each in his own way; insane as to his pet fad or opinion, butotherwise sane and rational.

  This should move us to be charitable toward one another's lunacies. Irecognise that in his special belief the Christian Scientist is insane,because he does not believe as I do; but I hail him as my mate andfellow because I am as insane as he--insane from his point of view, andhis point of view is as authoritative as mine and worth as much. Thatis to say, worth a brass farthing. Upon a great religious or politicalquestion the opinion of the dullest head in the world is worth the sameas the opinion of the brightest head in the world--a brass farthing. Howdo we arrive at this? It is simple: The affirmative opinion of a stupidman is neutralised by the negative opinion of his stupid neighbour--nodecision is reached; the affirmative opinion of the intellectual giantGladstone is neutralised by the negative opinion of the intellectualgiant Cardinal Newman--no decision is reached. Opinions that provenothing are, of course, without value--any but a dead person knows thatmuch. This obliges us to admit the truth of the unpalatable propositionjust mentioned above--that in disputed matters political and religiousone man's opinion is worth no more than his peer's, and hence itfollows that no man's opinion possesses any real value. It is a humblingthought, but there is no way to get around it: all opinions upon thesegreat subjects are brass-farthing opinions.

  It is a mere plain simple fact--as clear and as certain as that 8 and 7make fifteen. And by it we recognise that we are all insane, asconcerns those matters. If we were sane we should all see a political orreligious doctrine alike, there would be no dispute: it would be a caseof 8 and 7--just as it is in heaven, where all are sane and none insane.There there is but one religion, one belief, the harmony is perfect,there is never a discordant note.

  Under protection of these preliminaries I suppose I may now repeatwithout offence that the Christian Scientist is insane. I mean himno discourtesy, and I am not charging--nor even imagining--that heis insaner than the rest of the human race. I think he is morepicturesquely insane than some of us. At the same time, I am quite surethat in one important and splendid particular he is saner than is thevast bulk of the race.

  Why is he insane? I told you before: it is because his opinions are notours. I know of no other reason, and I do not need any other; it is theonly way we have of discovering insanity when it is not violent. Itis merely the picturesqueness of his insanity that makes it moreinteresting than my kind or yours. For instance, consider his 'littlebook'--the one described in the previous article; the 'little book'exposed in the sky eighteen centuries ago by the flaming angel of theApocalypse and handed down in our day to Mrs. Mary Baker G. Eddy of NewHampshire and translated by her, word for word, into English (withhelp of a polisher), and now published and distributed in hundreds ofeditions by her at a clear profit per volume, above cost, of 700per cent.!--a profit which distinctly belongs to the angel of theApocalypse, and let him collect it if he can; a 'little book' which theC.S. very frequently calls by just that name, and always inclosed inquotation-marks to keep its high origin exultantly in mind; a 'littlebook' which 'explains' and reconstructs and new-paints and decoratesthe Bible and puts a mansard roof on it and a lightning-rod and all theother modern improvements; a little book which for the present affectsto travel in yoke with the Bible and be friendly to it, and within halfa century will hitch it in the rear, and thenceforth travel tandem,itself in the lead, in the coming great march of Christian Scientismthrough the Protestant dominions of the planet.

  Perhaps I am putting the tandem arrangement too far away; perhaps fiveyears might be nearer the mark than fifty; for a Viennese lady told melast night that in the Christian Science Mosque in Boston she noticedsome things which seem to me to promise a shortening of the interval;on one side there was a display of texts from the New Testament, signedwith the Saviour's initials, 'J.C.;' and on the opposite side a displayof texts from the 'little book' signed--with the author's mere initials?No--signed with Mrs. Mary Baker G. Eddy's name in full. Perhaps theAngel of the Apocalypse likes this kind of piracy. I made this remarklightly to a Christian Scientist this morning, but he did not receive itlightly, but said it was jesting upon holy things; he said there was nopiracy, for the angel did not compose the book, he only brought it--'Godcomposed it.' I could have retorted that it was a case of piracy justthe same; that the displayed texts should be signed with the Author'sinitials, and that to sign them with the translator's train of names wasanother case of 'jesting upon holy things.' However, I did not say thesethings, for this Scientist was a large person, and although by his owndoctrine we have no substance, but are fictions and unrealities, I knewhe could hit me an imaginary blow which would furnish me an imaginarypain which could last me a week. The lady said that in that Mosque therewere two pulpits; in one of them was a man with the Former Bible, in theother a woman with Mrs. Eddy's apocalyptic Annex; and from these booksthe man and the woman were reading verse and verse about:

  'Hungry ones throng to hear the Bible read in connection with the text-book of Christian Science, "Science and Health, with Key to the Scriptures," by Mary Baker G. Eddy. These are our only preachers. They are the word of God.'--Christian Science Journal, October 1898.

  Are these things picturesque? The Viennese lady told me that in a chapelof the Mosque there was a picture or image of Mrs. Eddy, and that beforeit burns a never-extinguished light. Is that picturesque? How long doyou think it will be before the Christian Scientist will be worshippingthat image and praying to it? How long do you think it will be beforeit is claimed that Mrs. Eddy is a Redeemer, a Christ, or Christ's equal?Already her army of disciples speak of her reverently as 'Our Mother.'How long will it be before they place her on the steps of the Thronebeside the Virgin--and later a step higher? First, Mary the Virgin andMary the Matron; later, with a change of Precedence, Mary the Matronand Mary the Virgin. Let the artist get ready with his canvas and hisbrushes; the new Renaissance is on its way, and there will be money inaltar-canvases--a thousand times as much as the Popes and their Churchever spent on the Old Masters; for their riches were as poverty ascompared with what is going to pour into the treasure-chest of theChristian-Scientist Papacy by-and-by, let us not doubt it. We willexamine the financial outlook presently and see what it promises. Afavourite subject of the new Old Master will be the first verse of thetwelfth chapter of Revelation--a verse which Mrs. Eddy says (in herAnnex to the Scriptures) has 'one distinctive feature which has specialreference to the present age'--and to her, as is rather pointedlyindicated:

  'And there appeared a great wonder in heaven--a woman clothed with the sun and the moon under her feet,' etc.

  The woman clothed with the sun will be a portrait of Mrs. Eddy.

  Is it insanity to believe that Christian Scientism is destined to makethe most formidable show that any new religion has made in the worldsince the birth and spread of Mohammedanism, and that within a centuryfrom now it may stand second to Rome only, in numbers and power inChristendom?

  If this is a wild dream it will not be easy to prove it is so justyet, I think. There seems argument that it may come true. TheChristian-Science 'boom' is not yet five years old; yet already it has500 churches and 1,000,000 members in America.

  It has its start, you see, and it is a phenomenally good one. Moreover,it is latterly spreading with a constantly accelerating swiftness. Ithas a better chance to grow and prosper and achieve permanency than anyother existing 'ism;' for it has more to offer than any other. The pastteaches us that, in order to succeed, a movement like this must not bea mere philosophy, it must be a religion; also, that it must not claimentire originality, but content itself with passing for an improvementon an existing religion, and show its hand later, when strong andprosperous--like Mohammedanism.

  Next, there must be money--and plenty of it.

  Next, the power and authority and capital must be conc
entrated in thegrip of a small and irresponsible clique, with nobody outside privilegedto ask questions or find fault.

  Next, as before remarked, it must bait its hook with some new andattractive advantages over the baits offered by the other religions.

  A new movement equipped with some of these endowments--likespiritualism, for instance--may count upon a considerable success; anew movement equipped with the bulk of them--like Mohammedanism, forinstance--may count upon a widely extended conquest. Mormonism had allthe requisites but one--it had nothing new and nothing valuable to baitwith; and, besides, it appealed to the stupid and the ignorant only.Spiritualism lacked the important detail of concentration of money andauthority in the hands of an irresponsible clique.

  The above equipment is excellent, admirable, powerful, but notperfect. There is yet another detail which is worth the whole of itput together--and more; a detail which has never been joined (in thebeginning of a religious movement) to a supremely good workingequipment since the world began, until now: a new personage to worship.Christianity had the Saviour, but at first and for generations it lackedmoney and concentrated power. In Mrs. Eddy, Christian Science possessesthe new personage for worship, and in addition--here in the verybeginning--a working equipment that has not a flaw in it. In thebeginning, Mohammedanism had no money; and it has never had anything tooffer its client but heaven--nothing here below that was valuable. Inaddition to heaven hereafter, Christian Science has present health anda cheerful spirit to offer--for cash--and in comparison with this bribeall other this-world bribes are poor and cheap. You recognise that thisestimate is admissible, do you not?

  To whom does Bellamy's 'Nationalism' appeal? Necessarily to the few:people who read and dream, and are compassionate, and troubled for thepoor and the hard-driven. To whom does Spiritualism appeal? Necessarilyto the few; its 'boom' has lasted for half a century and I believe itclaims short of four millions of adherents in America. Who are attractedby Swedenborgianism and some of the other fine and delicate 'isms?' Thefew again: Educated people, sensitively organised, with superior mentalendowments, who seek lofty planes of thought and find their contentmentthere. And who are attracted by Christian Science? There is no limit;its field is horizonless; its appeal is as universal as is the appealof Christianity itself. It appeals to the rich, the poor, the high, thelow, the cultured, the ignorant, the gifted, the stupid, the modest,the vain, the wise, the silly, the soldier, the civilian, the hero, thecoward, the idler, the worker, the godly, the godless, the freeman, theslave, the adult, the child; they who are ailing, they who have friendsthat are ailing. To mass it in a phrase, its clientele is the HumanRace? Will it march? I think so.

  VII

  Remember its principal great offer: to rid the Race of pain and disease.Can it do it? In large measure, yes. How much of the pain and disease inthe world is created by the imaginations of the sufferers, and then keptalive by those same imaginations? Four-fifths? Not anything short ofthat I should think. Can Christian Science banish that four-fifths? Ithink so. Can any other (organised) force do it? None that I know of.Would this be a new world when that was accomplished? And a pleasanterone--for us well people, as well as for those fussy and fretting sickones? Would it seem as if there was not as much gloomy weather as thereused to be? I think so.

  In the meantime would the Scientist kill off a good many patients? Ithink so. More than get killed off now by the legalised methods? I willtake up that question presently.

  At present I wish to ask you to examine some of the Scientist'sperformances, as registered in his magazine, 'The Christian ScienceJournal'--October number, 1898. First, a Baptist clergyman gives usthis true picture of 'the average orthodox Christian'--and he could haveadded that it is a true picture of the average (civilised) human being:

  'He is a worried and fretted and fearful man; afraid of himself and hispropensities, afraid of colds and fevers, afraid of treading on serpentsor drinking deadly things.'

  Then he gives us this contrast:

  'The average Christian Scientist has put all anxiety and fretting underhis feet. He does have a victory over fear and care that is not achievedby the average orthodox Christian.'

  He has put all anxiety and fretting under his feet. What proportion ofyour earnings or income would you be willing to pay for that frame ofmind, year in year out? It really outvalues any price that can be putupon it. Where can you purchase it, at any outlay of any sort, in anyChurch or out of it, except the Scientist's?

  Well, it is the anxiety and fretting about colds, and fevers, anddraughts, and getting our feet wet, and about forbidden food eaten interror of indigestion, that brings on the cold and the fever and theindigestion and the most of our other ailments; and so, if the Sciencecan banish that anxiety from the world I think it can reduce the world'sdisease and pain about four-fifths.

  In this October number many of the redeemed testify and give thanks; andnot coldly but with passionate gratitude. As a rule they seem drunk withhealth, and with the surprise of it, the wonder of it, the unspeakableglory and splendour of it, after a long sober spell spent in inventingimaginary diseases and concreting them with doctor-stuff. The firstwitness testifies that when 'this most beautiful Truth first dawned onhim' he had 'nearly all the ills that flesh is heir to;' that those hedid not have he thought he had--and thus made the tale about complete.What was the natural result? Why, he was a dump-pit 'for all thedoctors, druggists, and patent medicines of the country.' ChristianScience came to his help, and 'the old sick conditions passed away,' andalong with them the 'dismal forebodings' which he had been accustomedto employ in conjuring up ailments. And so he was a healthy and cheerfulman, now, and astonished.

  But I am not astonished, for from other sources I know what must havebeen his method of applying Christian Science. If I am in the right, hewatchfully and diligently diverted his mind from unhealthy channels andcompelled it to travel in healthy ones. Nothing contrivable by humaninvention could be more formidably effective than that, in banishingimaginary ailments and in closing the entrances against subsequentapplicants of their breed. I think his method was to keep saying, 'Iam well! I am sound!--sound and well! well and sound! Perfectly sound,perfectly well! I have no pain; there's no such thing as pain! I have nodisease; there's no such thing as disease! Nothing is real but Mind; allis Mind, All-Good, Good-Good, Life, Soul, Liver, Bones, one of a series,ante and pass the buck!'

  I do not mean that that was exactly the formula used, but that itdoubtless contains the spirit of it. The Scientist would attach value tothe exact formula, no doubt, and to the religious spirit in which it wasused. I should think that any formula that would divert the mind fromunwholesome channels and force it into healthy ones would answer everypurpose with some people, though not with all. I think it most likelythat a very religious man would find the addition of the religiousspirit a powerful reinforcement in his case.

  The second witness testifies that the Science banished 'an old organictrouble' which the doctor and the surgeon had been nursing with drugsand the knife for seven years.

  He calls it his 'claim.' A surface-miner would think it was nothis claim at all, but the property of the doctor and his pal thesurgeon--for he would be misled by that word, which is Christian-Scienceslang for 'ailment.' The Christian Scientist has no ailment; to himthere is no such thing, and he will not use the lying word. All thathappens to him is, that upon his attention an imaginary disturbancesometimes obtrudes itself which claims to be an ailment, but isn't.

  This witness offers testimony for a clergyman seventy years old who hadpreached forty years in a Christian church, and has not gone over tothe new sect. He was 'almost blind and deaf.' He was treated by the C.S.method, and 'when he heard the voice of Truth he saw spiritually.' Sawspiritually. It is a little indefinite; they had better treat him again.Indefinite testimonies might properly be waste-basketed, since there isevidently no lack of definite ones procurable, but this C.S. magazine ispoorly edited, and so mistakes of this kind must be expected.

&n
bsp; The next witness is a soldier of the Civil War. When Christian Sciencefound him, he had in stock the following claims:

  Indigestion, Rheumatism, Catarrh, Chalky deposits in Shoulder joints, Arm joints, Hand joints, Atrophy of the muscles of Arms, Shoulders, Stiffness of all those joints, Insomnia, Excruciating pains most of the time.

  These claims have a very substantial sound. They came of exposure in thecampaigns. The doctors did all they could, but it was little. Prayerswere tried, but 'I never realised any physical relief from that source.'After thirty years of torture he went to a Christian Scientist and tookan hour's treatment and went home painless. Two days later he 'began toeat like a well man.' Then 'the claims vanished--some at once, othersmore gradually;' finally, 'they have almost entirely disappeared.'And--a thing which is of still greater value--he is now 'contentedand happy.' That is a detail which, as earlier remarked, is aScientist-Church specialty. With thirty-one years' effort the MethodistChurch had not succeeded in furnishing it to this harassed soldier.

  And so the tale goes on. Witness after witness bulletins his claims,declares their prompt abolishment, and gives Mrs. Eddy's Discovery thepraise. Milk-leg is cured; nervous prostration is cured; consumptionis cured; and St. Vitus's dance made a pastime. And now and then aninteresting new addition to the Science slang appears on the page. Wehave 'demonstrations over' chilblains and such things. It seems to bea curtailed way of saying 'demonstrations of the power ofChristian-Science Truth over the fiction which masquerades under thename of Chilblains.' The children as well as the adults, share in theblessings of the Science. 'Through the study of the "little book" theyare learning how to be healthful, peaceful, and wise.' Sometimesthey are cured of their little claims by the professional healer,and sometimes more advanced children say over the formula and curethemselves.

  A little Far-Western girl of nine, equipped with an adult vocabulary,states her age and says, 'I thought I would write a demonstration toyou.' She had a claim derived from getting flung over a pony's head andlanded on a rock-pile. She saved herself from disaster by remember tosay 'God is All' while she was in the air. I couldn't have done it.I shouldn't have even thought of it. I should have been too excited.Nothing but Christian Science could have enabled that child to do thatcalm and thoughtful and judicious thing in those circumstances. She camedown on her head, and by all the rules she should have broken it;but the intervention of the formula prevented that, so the only claimresulting was a blackened eye. Monday morning it was still swollen andshut. At school 'it hurt pretty bad--that is, it seemed to.' So 'I wasexcused, and went down in the basement and said, "Now I am depending onmamma instead of God, and I will depend on God instead of mamma."' Nodoubt this would have answered; but, to make sure, she added Mrs. Eddyto the team and recited 'the Scientific Statement of Being,' whichis one of the principal incantations, I judge. Then 'I felt my eyeopening.' Why, it would have opened an oyster. I think it is one of thetouchingest things in child-history, that pious little rat down cellarpumping away at the Scientific Statement of Being.

  There is a page about another good child--little Gordon. Little Gordon'came into the world without the assistance of surgery or anaesthetics.'He was a 'demonstration.' A painless one; therefore his coming evoked'joy and thankfulness to God and the Discoverer of Christian Science.'It is a noticeable feature of this literature--the so frequent linkingtogether of the Two Beings in an equal bond; also of Their Two Bibles.When little Gordon was two years old, 'he was playing horse on the bed,where I had left my "little book." I noticed him stop in his play, takethe book carefully in his little hands, kiss it softly, then look aboutfor the highest place of safety his arms could reach, and put it there.'This pious act filled the mother 'with such a train of thought as I hadnever experienced before. I thought of the sweet mother of long agowho kept things in her heart,' etc. It is a bold comparison; however,unconscious profanations are about as common in the mouths of the laymembership of the new Church as are frank and open ones in the mouths ofits consecrated chiefs.

  Some days later, the family library--Christian Science books--was lyingin a deep-seated window. It was another chance for the holy child toshow off. He left his play and went there and pushed all the books toone side except the Annex. 'It he took in both hands, slowly raisedit to his lips, then removed it carefully, and seated himself in thewindow.' It had seemed to the mother too wonderful to be true, thatfirst time; but now she was convinced that 'neither imagination noraccident had anything to do with it.' Later, little Gordon let theauthor of his being see him do it. After that he did it frequently;probably every time anybody was looking. I would rather have that childthan a chromo. If this tale has any object, it is to intimate that theinspired book was supernaturally able to convey a sense of its sacredand awful character to this innocent little creature without theintervention of outside aids. The magazine is not edited withhigh-priced discretion. The editor has a claim, and he ought to get ittreated.

  Among other witnesses, there is one who had a 'jumping toothache,'which several times tempted her to 'believe that there was sensation inmatter, but each time it was overcome by the power of Truth.' She wouldnot allow the dentist to use cocaine, but sat there and let himpunch and drill and split and crush the tooth, and tear and slash itsulcerations, and pull out the nerve, and dig out fragments of bone; andshe wouldn't once confess that it hurt. And to this day she thinks itdidn't, and I have not a doubt that she is nine-tenths right, and thather Christian Science faith did her better service than she could havegotten out of cocaine.

  There is an account of a boy who got broken all up into small bits byan accident, but said over the Scientific Statement of Being, or some ofthe other incantations, and got well and sound without having sufferedany real pain and without the intrusion of a surgeon. I can believethis, because my own case was somewhat similar, as per my formerarticle.

  Also there is an account of the restoration to perfect health, ina single night, of a fatally injured horse, by the application ofChristian Science. I can stand a good deal, but I recognise that the iceis getting thin here. That horse had as many as fifty claims: howcould he demonstrate over them? Could he do the All-Good, Good-Good,Good-Gracious, Liver, Bones, Truth, All down but Nine, Set them up onthe Other Alley? Could he intone the Scientific Statement of Being?Now, could he? Wouldn't it give him a relapse? Let us draw the line athorses. Horses and furniture.

  There is a plenty of other testimonies in the magazine, but these quotedsamples will answer. They show the kind of trade the Science is driving.Now we come back to the question; Does it kill a patient here and thereand now and then? We must concede it. Does it compensate for this? I ampersuaded that it can make a plausible showing in that direction. Forinstance: when it lays its hands upon a soldier who has suffered thirtyyears of helpless torture and makes him whole in body and mind, what isthe actual sum of that achievement? This, I think: that it has restoredto life a subject who had essentially died ten deaths a year for thirtyyears, and each of them a long and painful one. But for its interferencethat man would have essentially died thirty times more, in the threeyears which have since elapsed. There are thousand of young people inthe land who are now ready to enter upon a life-long death similar tothat man's. Every time the Science captures one of these and securesto him life-long immunity from imagination-manufactured disease, it mayplausibly claim that in his person it has saved 300 lives. Meantimeit will kill a man every now and then; but no matter, it will still beahead on the credit side.

  VIII

  'We consciously declare that "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures," was foretold as well as its author, Mary Baker Eddy, in Revelation x. She is the "mighty angel," or God's highest thought to this age (verse 1), giving us the spiritual interpretation of the Bible in the "little book open" (verse 2). Thus we prove that Christian Science is the second coming of Christ--Truth--Spirit.' --Lecture by Dr. George Tomkins, D.D., C.S.


  There you have it in plain speech. She is the mighty angel; she is thedivinely and officially sent bearer of God's highest thought. For thepresent, she brings the Second Advent. We must expect that before shehas been in her grave fifty years she will be regarded by her followingas having been herself the Second Advent. She is already worshipped, andwe must expect this feeling to spread territorially, and also to deepenin intensity (1).

  Particularly after her death; for then, as anyone can foresee,Eddy-worship will be taught in the Sunday-schools and pulpits of thecult. Already whatever she puts her trade-mark on, though it be only amemorial spoon, is holy and is eagerly and passionately and gratefullybought by the disciple, and becomes a fetish in his house. I say bought,for the Boston Christian-Science Trust gives nothing away; everythingit has for sale. And the terms are cash; and not cash only but cash inadvance. Its god is Mrs. Eddy first, then the Dollar. Not a spiritualDollar, but a real one. From end to end of the Christian-Scienceliterature not a single (material) thing in the world is conceded to bereal, except the Dollar. But all through and through its advertisementsthat reality is eagerly and persistently recognised. The hunger of theTrust for the Dollar, its adoration of the Dollar, its lust after theDollar, its ecstasy in the mere thought of the Dollar--there has beennothing like it in the world in any age or country, nothing so coarse,nothing so lubricous, nothing so bestial, except a French novel'sattitude towards adultery.

  The Dollar is hunted down in all sorts of ways; the Christian-ScienceMother-Church and Bargain-Counter in Boston peddles all kinds ofspiritual wares to the faithful, always at extravagant prices, andalways on the one condition--cash, cash in advance. The Angel of theApocalypse could not go there and get a copy of his own pirated bookon credit. Many, many precious Christian-Science things are to be hadthere--for cash: Bible Lessons; Church Manual; C.S. Hymnal; History ofthe building of the Mother-Church; lot of Sermons; Communion Hymn,'Saw Ye My Saviour,' by Mrs. Eddy, half a dollar a copy, 'words usedby special permission of Mrs. Eddy.' Also we have Mrs. Eddy's and theAngel's little Bible-Annex in eight styles of binding at eight kindsof war-prices: among these a sweet thing in 'levant, divinity circuit,leather lined to edge, round corners, gold edge, silk sewed, each,prepaid, $6,' and if you take a million you get them a shillingcheaper--that is to say, 'prepaid, $5.75.' Also we have Mrs. Eddy's'Miscellaneous Writings,' at noble big prices, the divinity-circuitstyle heading the extortions, shilling discount where you take anedition. Next comes 'Christ and Christmas,' by the fertile Mrs. Eddy--apoem--I would God I could see it--price $3, cash in advance. Then followfive more books by Mrs. Eddy at highwaymen's rates, as usual, some ofthem in 'leatherette covers,' some of them in 'pebbled cloth,' withdivinity circuit, compensation balance, twin screw, and the other modernimprovements: and at the same bargain counter can be had the 'ChristianScience Journal.' I wish it were in refined taste to apply a rudely andruggedly descriptive epithet to that literary slush-bucket, so as togive one an accurate idea of what it is like. I am moved to do it, butI must not: it is better to be refined than accurate when one is talkingabout a production like that.

  Christian-Science literary oleomargarine is a monopoly of the MotherChurch Headquarters Factory in Boston; none genuine without thetrade-mark of the Trust. You must apply there, and not elsewhere; andyou pay your money before you get your soap-fat.

  The Trust has still other sources of income. Mrs. Eddy is president(and perhaps proprietor?) of the Trust's Metaphysical College in Boston,where the student who has practised C.S. healing during three years thebest he knew how perfects himself in the game by a two weeks' course,and pays one hundred dollars for it! And I have a case among mystatistics where the student had a three weeks' course and paid threehundred for it.

  The Trust does love the Dollar when it isn't a spiritual one.

  In order to force the sale of Mrs. Eddy's Bible-Annex, no healer,Metaphysical College-bred or other, is allowed to practise the gameunless he possess a copy of that holy nightmare. That means a largeand constantly augmenting income for the Trust. No C.S. family wouldconsider itself loyal or pious or pain-proof without an Annex or two inthe house. That means an income for the Trust--in the near future--ofmillions: not thousands--millions a year.

  No member, young or old, of a Christian-Scientist church can retainthat membership unless he pay 'capitation tax' to the Boston Trustevery year. That means an income for the Trust--in the near future--ofmillions more per year.

  It is a reasonably safe guess that in America in 1910 there will be10,000,000 Christian Scientists, and 3,000,000 in Great Britain; thatthese figures will be trebled by 1920; that in America in 1910 theChristian Scientists will be a political force, in 1920 politicallyformidable--to remain that, permanently. And I think it a reasonableguess that the Trust (which is already in our day pretty brusque in itsways) will then be the most insolent and unscrupulous and tyrannicalpolitico-religious master that has dominated a people since the palmydays of the Inquisition. And a stronger master than the strongestof bygone times, because this one will have a financial strengthnot dreamed of by any predecessor; as effective a concentrationof irresponsible power as any predecessor had; in the railway, thetelegraph, and the subsidised newspaper, better facilities for watchingand managing his empire than any predecessor has had; and after ageneration or two he will probably divide Christendom with the CatholicChurch.

  The Roman Church has a perfect organisation, and it has an effectivecentralisation of power--but not of its cash. Its multitude of Bishopsare rich, but their riches remain in large measure in their own hands.They collect from 200,000,000 of people, but they keep the bulk of theresult at home. The Boston Pope of by-and-by will draw his dollar-a-headcapitation-tax from 300,000,000 of the human race, and the Annex andthe rest of his book-shop will fetch in double as much more; and hisMetaphysical Colleges, the annual pilgrimage to Mrs. Eddy's tomb, fromall over the world--admission, the Christian-Science Dollar (payablein advance)--purchases of consecrated glass beads, candles, memorialspoons, aureoled chromo-portraits and bogus autographs of Mrs. Eddy,cash offerings at her shrine--no crutches of cured cripples received,and no imitations of miraculously restored broken legs and necks allowedto be hung up except when made out of the Holy Metal and proved byfire-assay; cash for miracles worked at the tomb: these money-sources,with a thousand to be yet invented and ambushed upon the devotee, willbring the annual increment well up above a billion. And nobody but theTrust will have the handling of it. No Bishops appointed unless theyagree to hand in 90 per cent. of the catch. In that day the Trust willmonopolise the manufacture and sale of the Old and New Testaments aswell as the Annex, and raise their price to Annex rates, and compel thedevotee to buy (for even to-day a healer has to have the Annex and theScriptures or he is not allowed to work the game), and that will bringseveral hundred million dollars more. In those days the Trust will havean income approaching $5,000,000 a day, and no expenses to be taken outof it; no taxes to pay, and no charities to support. That last detailshould not be lightly passed over by the reader; it is well entitled toattention.

  No charities to support. No, nor even to contribute to. One searches invain the Trust's advertisements and the utterances of its pulpit forany suggestion that it spends a penny on orphans, widows, dischargedprisoners, hospitals, ragged schools, night missions, city missions,foreign missions, libraries, old people's homes, or any other objectthat appeals to a human being's purse through his heart.(2)

  I have hunted, hunted, and hunted, by correspondence and otherwise, andhave not yet got upon the track of a farthing that the Trust has spentupon any worthy object. Nothing makes a Scientist so uncomfortable as toask him if he knows of a case where Christian Science has spent moneyon a benevolence, either among its own adherents or elsewhere. He isobliged to say no. And then one discovers that the person questioned hasbeen asked the question many times before, and that it is getting to bea sore subject with him. Why a sore subject? Because he has written hischiefs and asked with high confidence for an answ
er that will confoundthese questioners--and the chiefs did not reply. He has writtenagain--and then again--not with confidence, but humbly, now, and hasbegged for defensive ammunition in the voice of supplication. A replydoes at last come--to this effect: 'We must have faith in Our Mother,and rest content in the conviction that whatever She(3) does with themoney it is in accordance with orders from Heaven, for She does no actof any kind without first "demonstrating over" it.'

  That settles it--as far as the disciple is concerned. His Mind isentirely satisfied with that answer; he gets down his Annex and doesan incantation or two, and that mesmerises his spirit and puts that tosleep--brings it peace. Peace and comfort and joy, until some inquirerpunctures the old sore again.

  Through friends in America I asked some questions, and in some casesgot definite and informing answers; in other cases the answers were notdefinite and not valuable. From the definite answers I gather that the'capitation-tax' is compulsory, and that the sum is one dollar. To thequestion, 'Does any of the money go to charities?' the answer from anauthoritative source was: _'No, not in the sense usually conveyed by thisword.'_ (The italics are mine.) That answer is cautious. But definite,I think--utterly and unassailably definite--although quiteChristian-scientifically foggy in its phrasing. Christian Science isgenerally foggy, generally diffuse, generally garrulous. The writer wasaware that the first word in his phrase answered the question which Iwas asking, but he could not help adding nine dark words. Meaninglessones, unless explained by him. It is quite likely--as intimated byhim--that Christian Science has invented a new class of objects to applythe word charity to, but without an explanation we cannot know what theyare. We quite easily and naturally and confidently guess that they arein all cases objects which will return five hundred per cent. on theTrust's investment in them, but guessing is not knowledge; it is merely,in this case, a sort of nine-tenths certainty deducible from what wethink we know of the Trust's trade principles and its sly and furtiveand shifty ways.

  Sly? Deep? Judicious? The Trust understands business. The Trust does notgive itself away. It defeats all the attempts of us impertinents to getat its trade secrets. To this day, after all our diligence, we have notbeen able to get it to confess what it does with the money. It does noteven let its own disciples find out. All it says is, that the matterhas been 'demonstrated over.' Now and then a lay Scientist says, witha grateful exultation, that Mrs. Eddy is enormously rich, but he stopsthere; as to whether any of the money goes to other charities or not,he is obliged to admit that he does not know. However, the Trust iscomposed of human beings; and this justifies the conjecture that if ithad a charity on its list which it did not need to blush for, we shouldsoon hear of it.

  'Without money and without price.' Those used to be the terms. Mrs.Eddy's Annex cancels them. The motto of Christian Science is 'Thelabourer is worthy of his hire.' And now that it has been 'demonstratedover,' we find its spiritual meaning to be, 'Do anything and everythingyour hand may find to do; and charge cash for it, and collect the moneyin advance.' The Scientist has on his tongue's end a cut-and-dried,Boston-supplied set of rather lean arguments whose function is to showthat it is a Heaven-commanded duty to do this, and that the croupiers ofthe game have no choice by to obey.

  The Trust seems to be a reincarnation. Exodus xxxii.4.

  I have no reverence for Mrs. Eddy and the rest of the Trust--if there isa rest--but I am not lacking in reverence for the sincerities of thelay membership of the new Church. There is every evidence that the laymembers are entirely sincere in their faith, and I think sincerityis always entitled to honour and respect, let the inspiration of thesincerity be what it may. Zeal and sincerity can carry a new religionfurther than any other missionary except fire and sword, and I believethat the new religion will conquer the half of Christendom in a hundredyears. I am not intending this as a compliment to the human race, Iam merely stating an opinion. And yet I think that perhaps it is acompliment to the race. I keep in mind that saying of an orthodoxpreacher--quoted further back. He conceded that this new Christianityfrees its possessor's life from frets, fears, vexations, bitterness, andall sorts of imagination-propagated maladies and pains, and fills hisworld with sunshine and his heart with gladness. If Christian Science,with this stupendous equipment--and final salvation added--cannot winhalf the Christian globe, I must be badly mistaken in the make-up of thehuman race.

  I think the Trust will be handed down like the other papacy, and willalways know how to handle its limitless cash. It will press the button;the zeal, the energy, the sincerity, the enthusiasm of its countlessvassals will do the rest.

  IX

  The power which a man's imagination has over his body to heal it or makeit sick is a force which none of us is born without. The first manhad it, the last one will possess it. If left to himself a man is mostlikely to use only the mischievous half of the force--the half whichinvents imaginary ailments for him and cultivates them: and if he is oneof these very wise people he is quite likely to scoff at the beneficenthalf of the force and deny its existence. And so, to heal or help thatman, two imaginations are required: his own and some outsider's. Theoutsider, B, must imagine that his incantations are the healing powerthat is curing A, and A must imagine that this is so. It is not so, atall; but no matter, the cure is effected, and that is the main thing.The outsider's work is unquestionably valuable; so valuable that it mayfairly be likened to the essential work performed by the engineer whenhe handles the throttle and turns on the steam: the actual power islodged exclusively in the engine, but if the engine were left alone itwould never start of itself. Whether the engineer be named Jim, or Bob,or Tom, it is all one--his services are necessary, and he is entitledto such wage as he can get you to pay. Whether he be namedChristian Scientist, or Mental Scientist, or Mind Curist, or LourdesMiracle-Worker, or King's-Evil Expert, it is all one,--he is merely theEngineer, he simply turns on the same old steam and the engine does thewhole work.

  In the case of the cure-engine it is a distinct advantage to clothe theengineer in religious overalls and give him a pious name. It greatlyenlarges the business, and does no one any harm.

  The Christian-Scientist engineer drives exactly the same trade as theother engineers, yet he out-prospers the whole of them put together. Isit because he has captured the takingest name? I think that that is onlya small part of it. I think that the secret of his high prosperity lieselsewhere:

  The Christian Scientist has organised the business. Now that wascertainly a gigantic idea. There is more intellect in it than wouldbe needed in the invention of a couple of millions of EddyScience-and-Health Bible Annexes. Electricity, in limitless volume, hasexisted in the air and the rocks and the earth and everywhere sincetime began--and was going to waste all the while. In our time we haveorganised that scattered and wandering force and set it to work,and backed the business with capital, and concentrated it in few andcompetent hands, and the results are as we see.

  The Christian Scientist has taken a force which has been lying idle inevery member of the human race since time began, and has organised it,and backed the business with capital, and concentrated it at Bostonheadquarters in the hands of a small and very competent Trust, and thereare results.

  Therein lies the promise that this monopoly is going to extend itscommerce wide in the earth. I think that if the business were conductedin the loose and disconnected fashion customary with such things, itwould achieve but little more than the modest prosperity usually securedby unorganised great moral and commercial ventures; but I believe thatso long as this one remains compactly organised and closely concentratedin a Trust, the spread of its dominion will continue.

  VIENNA: May 1, 1899.

  (1) After raising a dead child to life, the disciple who did it writesan account of her performance, to Mrs. Eddy, and closes it thus: 'Myprayer daily is to be more spiritual, that I may do more as you wouldhave me do... and may we all love you more and so live it that theworld may know that the Christ is come.'--Printed in the Concord, N.H.,Independ
ent Statesman, March 9, 1899. If this is no worship, it is agood imitation of it.

  (2) In the past two years the membership of the Established Church ofEngland have given voluntary contributions amounting to $73,000,000 tothe Church's benevolent enterprises. Churches that give have nothing tohide.

  (3) I may be introducing the capital S a little early--still it is onits way.

 

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