by Jessica Jung
“Jason…” I think of all the things I want to say: This is so sweet. Thank you. I can’t believe you did this. This is beyond amazing. But suddenly I feel a wave of anxiety as I take in all the people around us. The park is packed with guests. What if some of them are NEXT BOYZ fans?
Jason’s smile falters as he sees my face. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I just… As much as I love this… what if someone recognizes us?” I ask. With Jason and Minjun both here, I can only imagine the frenzy that would ensue. And I’m not sure I’m up for being harassed by their fans again today. Or explaining to DB why a picture of me and Jason at a party in Brooklyn is all over Instagram. Not when things between us finally feel good again.
“Rachel, this is Brooklyn,” Juhyun says quickly, giving my arm a reassuring squeeze. “Everyone here would rather die than admit they recognize—or god forbid like—some shiny, perfect K-pop star. There’s nothing to worry about.”
I look around me and see that she’s right—no one is snapping covert pictures of the celebrity DJ or sneaking curious looks at that twentysomething pop star fresh off his first world tour who’s making out with his gorgeous, redheaded, Hollywood starlet fiancée in the disco ball pit. I start to relax.
“You’re right,” I say. I turn to Jason and smile. “And this is unbelievable. Thank you.”
“All right, all right,” Minjun says, jumping in. “Does this mean we can play now? Let’s get rolling before this guy gets drunk on unicorn juice!”
He points his thumb at Daeho, whose face has turned bright red after one drink.
“Is it that bad?” Daeho asks, pressing one hand against his cheek.
“I think you look perfect,” Hyeri says, her cheeks turning pink for a completely different reason.
Minjun shakes his head. “My man, you are literally an apple in the Big Apple.”
Jason turns to me, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “What do you want to do first?” he asks, reaching toward me.
I grin at him, a familiar swoopy feeling starting to nudge its way into my stomach as I feel his hand linger on the small of my back. “What do you think?”
We both yell at the same time, “Doughnut swings!”
We run around the park, first stopping at the gigantic doughnut-shaped swings, which Minjun tries to backflip off in midair (thankfully, landing on the tropical-island-shaped bouncy house behind him) before racing over to the treehouse, Minjun throwing his arms around Hyeri’s shoulders as they both belt out the lyrics to “Sucker.” My hair is sticking to the back of my neck and my feet ache from dancing, but I’m high on the rush of all being together in New York at a party where no one knows who we are. Jason and I grab on to each other and scream, his arms wrapping around me, enveloping me in a warm cloud of maple and mint.
The song fades out and the DJ’s voice comes booming over the speakers. “Who here is in love?” he asks. In the front of the crowd, I can see the twins’ cousin and her fiancé cheering, as their friends gather around them. “That’s what I like to hear! Now, this next song may be a new one for a lot of you, but it just hit number-freaking-one on the K-pop music charts and I know you’re all gonna fall in love with it. Get excited!”
The crowd cheers even louder as the song begins to play. I hear Jason’s voice coming out of the speakers and I gasp.
This isn’t just any K-pop song.
The number one song on the K-pop music charts is our song!
I press my hand over my mouth, frozen.
Jason’s face is in shock as he raises his arms in the air like an Olympic champion. “This is us!” he cries. “We’re number one!” I can barely hear him over the guests, who all around us are cheering along to the song, dancing wildly with huge smiles on their faces. They love it.
I scream, jumping up and down. “We’re number one! We’re number one!”
He laughs, lifting me up and spinning me around and around.
At the feel of his hands around my waist, something inside me breaks, and all the feelings I’ve been keeping bottled up for so long come rushing out.
And I realize something.
The first time Jason and I kissed, I did it out of fear. Fear that this dream I’ve been working toward for so long wouldn’t be enough or that I would fail in trying to achieve it. Fear that I would let down my friends, Yujin, and my family. But fear can’t feed your dreams.
It can only feed more fear.
What if I want to be someone who follows her heart and takes chances? Someone who can rise beyond the constant judgment and competition of this industry? Who isn’t scared to seize happiness for herself, whatever that may look like? And this thing between me and Jason, whatever it is, I know it sparks a light in me. Don’t I deserve to follow that light and see where it goes? To be that girl who holds hands and laughs freely with the boy who makes her heart sing?
Even if it means I might have to let go of my dreams? Or maybe just accept that I have a new one?
When he finally turns toward me, his face lit up in that familiar Jason way, it feels like a thousand tiny fireworks going off in my heart. We lean toward each other, and right before our lips touch, he pauses for a split second, everything that’s happened between us lingering in the air. But I don’t pull away. Instead, I throw my arms around him and kiss him. I hear our friends whistle and cheer around us, but in this moment, there’s only me and Jason.
In this moment, everything is perfect.
Twenty-Three
Leah’s favorite episode of Oh My Dreams is the one where Park Dohee and Kim Chanwoo go on their first date. He’s late to meet her at the restaurant and it starts to rain. She thinks he’s changed his mind and isn’t coming, so she starts walking home without an umbrella—but halfway through her walk, rain stops falling on her. It’s Chanwoo. He’s carrying his umbrella over her head, getting soaking wet with his arms full of groceries. Turns out, he got to the restaurant early, but when he discovered they were out of her favorite dish, he ran from store to store looking for the ingredients so the chef could make it for Dohee, which is why he was late.
Whenever Leah watches it, her face lights up in happiness and she sighs. “That’s what true love feels like.”
I smile at the thought of my sister going giddy over her stories, but now I know I have an even better one for her: the story of me and Jason. Things are still tender and new between us, and I’m not even sure what “us” will look like once we’re back home, but I’m hopeful, more hopeful than I’ve been in a long time.
As I open the door to our apartment, I can’t wait to see my family. I know Appa will flip over his graduation gift, a leather-bound notebook with a city skyline etched on the cover. I’m even excited to see Umma and give her the snow globe in the shape of a New York City taxicab that I got for her world snow globe collection.
“I’m home!” I call, toeing off my shoes and sliding into house slippers.
“Rachel?” Umma’s voice calls from inside. “We’re all in the living room.”
I walk into the living room, happily dragging my suitcase behind me. “Get ready, family. I’ve got presents—”
“Hi, Rachel,” Mina says, smiling sweetly. “How was the rest of the tour?”
I freeze. Just like Umma said, they’re all in the living room. Appa, Umma, Leah—and Mr. Choo and Mina. They’re sitting around a wooden fold-up tea table with mugs of bori cha and a plate of neatly sliced pears with miniature fruit forks. I can tell by the untouched pears and the way the tea is still steaming that they haven’t been here for very long.
Also, Leah is holding a half-eaten Melona bar in her hand, and no way Umma would have let her crack open an ice cream with guests over.
“It was great,” I say slowly. It takes all my effort to keep the confusion on my face at a level of pleasant surprise instead of horrified shock to find the Choos in our apartment. “How are you doing, Mina? How’s your ankle?”
“Never better!” Mina says, smiling sweetly at me. “Daddy g
ot me the best physical therapist in Seoul, and I’m better than ever.”
“Actually, Rachel, you came at the perfect moment,” Mr. Choo says, smiling at his daughter and then gesturing for me to take a seat.
My eyes widen, but I quickly recover, my insides boiling over the fact that he just invited me to sit down in my own home. He’s the one who looks out of place here with his overly gelled hair and his double-breasted business suit. He smiles broadly and turns toward Appa. “I was just about to offer your father a job as an in-house legal consultant with the Choo Corporation.”
The room falls completely silent. My heart stops in my chest, and I turn toward Mina. She did this. I told her about Appa while we were stranded outside Brantwood. And now she’s using that information to try to destroy me. But how? By… giving my dad a job? It doesn’t make any sense.
Mr. Choo barrels on, undeterred by our lack of response.
“When I found out that you recently graduated with a law degree, I knew this would be a great opportunity for both of us. I’ve been looking to hire a new consultant for ages, but I’ve been waiting for the perfect candidate. Someone hardworking and trustworthy and who will uphold the values of our family corporation. From what I’ve heard of you, Mr. Kim, you would be a fantastic fit.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Appa says, his expression a mirror of Leah’s. A huge smile spreads across his face. “This is an amazing opportunity for me.”
“Yes, an amazing opportunity,” Umma agrees, but her eyes flash with anger. She may be fooling Mr. Choo and Mina with her pear slices and gracious-hostess demeanor, but I know her. Inside she is seething at being caught off guard with the news that Appa has been going to law school.
“Wait, so Appa is going to work for Mr. Choo as a lawyer?” Leah asks, waving her hands in excitement. Melted ice cream goes splattering all over the floor, but no one notices. “Whoa! That’s huge!”
Mr. Choo laughs good-naturedly, but his eyes are cold, calculating. “It is indeed an incredible opportunity. We’re all family at the Choo Corporation. Now you’ll all be part of the family too. Forever linked.”
Why does that sound like a threat?
I get a sudden flashback of Kang Jina’s warning to watch out for Mr. Choo. My mind flits from all the SPONSORED BY C-MART FAMILY signs I’ve seen at DB to the Choo Corporation plane we flew to Toronto for the tour to the many times I’ve heard him explode in anger toward Mina.
My stomach sinks. He’s a powerful man and not one to be trifled with. I don’t like the sound of being linked forever with him or his corporation. I know what that really means. We’re not family.
They own us.
Mr. Choo rises, extending his hand to Appa. “I’ll have someone come by with paperwork soon. I’m sorry I can’t stay longer to chat today, but business calls, as always.”
“Of course, of course,” Appa says. He and Umma both stand, shaking his hand. “Thank you so much again. I’m honored.”
Leah and I both rise to bow to Mr. Choo, but my fists are clenched by my sides. He gives us a nod and heads for the door. Appa and Umma follow after him to see him out, accidentally stepping into Leah’s sticky ice-cream puddle and leaving melon-green footprints all over the floor.
They don’t even realize the mess they’ve just stepped into.
“Well, this is brilliant, isn’t it?” Mina says brightly, munching on a pear slice. “We’ll all be one big happy family now. And, Rachel, you know I’ve been dying to meet your little sister.”
“Really? You have?” Leah says, her eyes widening. She’s heard enough stories about Mina from me that she’s got her guard up, but I can see that she’s flattered by the idea of Mina wanting to meet her. I take a protective step toward her, glaring at Mina.
“Of course,” Mina says. “I’ve always wished that I had a younger sister. So many of the unnis in Electric Flower treat me like a little sister, and I want to pay it forward. They give me the best advice.” She drops her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Just between you and me, though, some of those unnis could really take their own advice. They’re always telling me to take care of my health, but I happen to know that one of the girls sews candy into the sleeves of all her stage outfits because she has such a huge sweet tooth. Now, I don’t want to throw her under the bus, but Joo Semy should really be careful. I heard DB is spending a small fortune on her yearly dental bills.”
Leah’s eyes are practically bugging out of her head with glee. I can see her walls coming down as she leans toward Mina. “No way.”
“Yes way.”
I want to scream. This can’t be happening.
“Anyway, I should get going too.” She smiles at me. “Walk me to the elevator, Rachel?”
“My pleasure,” I say through gritted teeth.
She says goodbye to Leah and my parents as we walk out to the elevator. As soon as the front door shuts behind us, her face lights up with a self-satisfied evil smirk.
“I don’t know why you’re doing this, Mina, but I’m going to tell my dad everything. There’s no way he’ll take the job after he hears what an awful person you are.”
“Ah, ah, Rachel. You heard my dad—we’re all one big happy family now. Proper respect must be paid. And we both know how much this job means to your father. You wouldn’t want to do anything to ruin that for him, would you?”
I narrow my eyes at her, my body temperature skyrocketing. As much as I want to burst into my apartment and tell Appa everything, I know I can’t. This job is everything to him.
“So how did you and Jason celebrate the big news in New York?” Mina asks, interrupting the dark spiral of thoughts crowding inside my brain.
“Celebrate?” I blink, momentarily forgetting everything about the tour. New York suddenly feels light-years away. “Oh, you mean hitting number one on the K-pop charts?”
She cocks her head to the side, raising her eyebrows as she punches the down button on the elevator. “No, that’s not the news I meant.”
My brow furrows, and a delighted smile spreads across her face.
“You mean you don’t know?” she says, hardly able to contain her pleasure at my dumbfounded expression. “Oh, Princess Rachel, still so much to learn about the world.” She takes her phone out of her pocket. She turns the screen to face me, and I realize it’s Leah’s favorite K-pop gossip site. Headline after headline pops up on the screen, and I squint as I take them all in.
JASON LEE GOING SOLO!
NEXT BOYZ NO MORE! LONG LIVE JASON LEE.
DB EXCITED TO EXPLORE MUSICAL FUTURE WITH NEWLY SOLO ARTIST JASON LEE.
I stand there, my head spinning as the elevator doors open. “Thanks for seeing me out, Rachel,” she says as the doors slide shut, a wicked smile lighting up her face. “And hey. Welcome home.”
Twenty-Four
I stare at the closed elevator doors, unable to move. Jason is going solo? Why didn’t he tell me? This is huge!
I call him, wanting to be one of the first to congratulate him and ask him how it all happened, but it goes straight to voice mail. I send him a Kakao message, tapping my foot against the floor. After a minute of no reply, I can’t wait any longer.
When in doubt, turn to Instagram.
I type “#JasonLee” in the search bar, and immediately, a string of photos pops up, posted by stalker fans from just five minutes ago, of him entering a familiar-looking building.
DB headquarters.
I don’t even realize that I’m still wearing my sloppy airplane clothes and candy-striped house slippers as I run out of the apartment toward the nearest subway station. But my body is buzzing with excitement and there’s only one thought in my brain: I need to see Jason.
As soon as I hop on the subway, my phone starts buzzing furiously in my pocket. Thinking it’s Jason calling me back, I scramble to grab my phone, nearly sending it flying across the subway car. But it’s not Jason.
It’s Akari. Hey, can you talk?
I can almost feel my brain
crunching to a stop inside my head as I stare at her text, all thoughts of Jason zooming away. Akari hasn’t spoken to me since that day outside Yujin’s office. My fingers hover above the keyboard on my phone. There’s so much to tell her I don’t even know where to start. Or how. I’m just about to start typing when suddenly a teen girl sitting across from me on the subway looks up at me, her eyes widening in recognition. She leans over to her friend and whispers, “That’s her! That’s the girl! It’s Jason’s lover!”
My breath catches in my chest. What did she say?
My blood runs ice-cold as I click out of Kakao and search “Rachel Kim.” Immediately, my screen is flooded with the latest headline: JASON LEE, CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO LOVERS.
My entire body goes rigid.
What is this?
The article is full of photos of me and Jason from our self-care day in Tokyo. Walking through Harajuku; eating at the Monster Café; me rubbing Leah’s back in our Mario go-kart, Then, right next to our photos, is a similar series of Jason and Mina. Eating at a candlelit restaurant with their heads bent down, laughing; going for a sunset walk at the Han River, their faces sun kissed by the golden-hour glow; sharing an ice cream with one bowl and two spoons between them.
My hands go cold and clammy. I don’t understand.
As if on autopilot, I scroll through the article, skimming as fast as I can. I pick up phrases like “an impossible choice” and “torn between two girls.” A wave of bile starts to churn in my stomach, inching its way up my throat. I think I might be sick.
Has Jason been dating Mina this whole time?
All around me, I hear people start to whisper, glancing down at their phones and then at me.
