by B. E. Baker
Aunt Trudy skipped her own cake and dancing and everything that happened at Dad’s wedding. She didn’t even toss the flowers, and I really wanted to catch them.
Hope and I just kind of stood in the middle of the chaos.
Piper’s words circled around in my head like fish, swimming, swimming, swimming. Once she has a real kid, are you worried she won’t like you anymore? Once she has a real kid, are you worried she won’t like you anymore? Once she has a real kid, are you worried she won’t like you anymore?
I’m not, or I wasn’t. Not really.
Until everyone forgets I’m even here, and the baby hasn’t even been born yet.
Lucy touches my shoulder. “Hey sweetie. You look a little lost.”
“I guess my dad’s going to the hospital.”
“Are you going with them?”
I shrug.
“Let’s find out what the plan is,” she says. “And if you need a ride home, we’ll definitely give you one. I’m also happy to stay with you as long as you need me to.”
“What about Chase?” I’m not sure where he is, since I had Hope and he and Troy went in front of me.
“I think he’s with Trudy and Troy.” Lucy points. “Is that your cousin’s name?”
I nod.
“Let’s hurry over there and ask your aunt what she thinks.”
Coach Brian is really great, shoving people aside like he played football instead of baseball. Actually, maybe he played that too. We reach Trudy in record time, even though she’s surrounded by guests wishing her well as she tries to escape.
“Aunt Trudy,” I say.
“Amy!” Trudy grabs me and pulls me against her snowy, bead-covered dress. “I told your dad to take Mary right to the hospital and I’d bring you and Troy.”
“We’re going?” Excitement bubbles inside my chest.
Trudy smiles kindly, but she shakes her head. “Well, we have no idea how long having that baby will take. So for now, I meant that we’ll take you to your house. But of course, once the baby is born, you’ll be first in line to meet him. Your dad says he texted your aunt. She says she’ll be delighted to watch you and Chase tonight.”
“I’m headed back there anyway,” Lucy offers. “I can take them, if that helps. You can cut the cake and dance a song or something in the time you would have been driving over.”
Aunt Trudy laughs. “I don’t care about all that, not nearly as much as I care about being there for Mary.” She drops her voice a bit. “It’s scary, having your first baby, and she was there with me.”
Lucy nods. “Alright, but the offer still stands.”
Aunt Trudy glances down at me. “What do you think, munchkin? You nervous? Do you need your aunt to take you home?”
It helps that she asked—that she cares if I’m okay. So I shake my head. “Me and Chase are good. We like Lucy, and she’s good with Hope, too.”
My aunt cocks her eyebrow. “Are you saying I can’t handle a chicken? My very own feathered assistant ring bearer?”
“No.”
“Aren’t you just Miss Serious. Oh fine, let’s get the car seats moved over, and I’ll let Lucy take you home.”
In the car, Lucy tries really hard to talk to me and Chase, but Chase keeps singing “Slippery Fish” over and over, and I don’t really feel like talking. Eventually she starts talking to Coach Brian. They drove over together, and watching them smile and talk makes me happier.
But by the time we reach the house, I’m back to thinking about why I’m here with no Dad and no Mary.
My stepmom is about to have another baby.
Her baby.
Her real baby.
My half-brother, the kid who’s actually half of Mary.
As if she knows I’m having a bad day, Aunt Anica’s waiting on the front porch. “Hey guys—I hear Mary ruined the wedding.” Her attempt at a joke reminds me that half of me is probably like her, instead of being like Mary. Mean, lazy, and always grumpy.
“Actually, I’ve never seen Aunt Trudy happier,” I say, pushing past Aunt Anica.
“Hey, Amy?” Lucy’s voice is so soft I almost don’t hear her.
I turn back. “Yeah?”
“Thank you.” Her smile is small, but she glances back at her car where Coach Brian is waiting.
I grin. “He cares about other people,” I say. “That’s what you said you wanted.”
Lucy puts one hand to her neck. “He really does, and he’s handsome. And smart. So, really, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Alright,” Aunt Anica says. “Time to head inside.” She seems even grumpier than usual, but I have no idea why.
“We’re supposed to be eating cake,” I say. “Sorry if we’re not marching to our rooms fast enough for you.”
I expect Aunt Anica to snap at me. I do not expect her to lean her head back and roar with laughter.
“What’s so funny?” I cross my arms and lean against the closed front door.
“You.” She shakes her head. “You’re so much like Mary that sometimes I forget how much Lizzie is in there, too.”
Great, so when I’m rude, I am like my mom. And if I make Aunt Anica happy, I hurt Mary. If I make Mary happy, I hurt Aunt Anica, and if she’s watching me from up in heaven, maybe my mom, too.
It’s all so confusing and unfair.
I’m the one who doesn’t have a mom, but somehow everyone is mad at me for it.
I run past Aunt Anica and keep going, all the way to my room. Then I slam the door and fall onto the bed, bawling like a baby into my pillow. I’m not sure if I’m mad or sad or something else, but whatever is wrong, it’s too much, and I want it to go away.
A few minutes later, I hear the opening song from Paw Patrol blaring in the family room. Looks like Aunt Anica has plugged Chase in, probably so she can go take a nap in her room.
The tap at my door surprises me, and I sit up and wipe at my wet cheeks.
I don’t say anything, but the door opens anyway. Aunt Anica’s blonde head pokes through. “Amy?” Her eyes meet mine. “Can I come in? Or will you throw something?”
“I wouldn’t want to break any of my toys on your hard head,” I say.
She laughs again, but this time it’s a small laugh. “Will you talk to me?”
I shrug. “It’s a free country.”
“Less and less every day,” Anica says.
I frown. “What does that mean?”
“Never mind.” She sits on the edge of my bed. “Look, kid. I’ve been a terrible aunt, and a terrible friend, and well, kind of a horrible person. You were right at school. I think I needed to listen to my mom’s lessons a little better as a kid.”
“I was right?”
She nods and scoots a little closer. “You were totally right. And Mary was right. And I was wrong.”
I sniffle and wipe at my nose. “About what?”
“Well, first, I need to apologize for what I said the night I arrived.”
“What?”
“You called Mary ‘Mom.’”
I twist my hands together. “I haven’t done it since then.” Except I might have slipped up once or twice, but not around Mary or Aunt Anica, for sure.
“I know,” Aunt Anica says, “and that’s on me. I am way late talking to you about this. I guess hearing you—knowing it hurt Mary—well, somehow it made me feel better. I really am a terrible person.”
I open my mouth, but she picks up her hand and shushes me.
“No, let me finish. I knew that I shouldn’t have said what I did. I knew Lizzie—your mom—would be furious with me for chastising you. You probably don’t remember a lot about her. You were really young when she died, but I can tell you this. She would not have wanted you to be sad. She’s—” Aunt Anica starts to cry. But she takes huge, gulping breaths. “She would be so happy that you found Mary for Luke, and for you and Chase. Her biggest fear when she got sick was that you wouldn’t have a mother. She told me that, and I. . .” Aunt Anica pulls me against her f
or a hug.
I stiffen a little bit. I can’t help it. She lied to me.
Finally, she lets me go. “I did what I did because I was selfish and I was hurting.”
Just like Mary said. People who are mean to other people are usually like that because they’re hurting themselves.
“Every time I wanted to tell you that I was wrong and that it was okay for you to love Mary, every time I almost told you that I was glad you had someone, I got upset that I still don’t have anyone. Not a friend, not a boyfriend, no one.”
“Maybe if you woke up a little earlier you might meet someone,” I say. “But you do have me.” It’s hard, but I make myself hug her. I think both of my moms would want me to.
She laughs, again. I really do not understand her at all. “You’re an amazing kid,” she says. “You’re kind, you’re brave, you’re resilient, and my sister, she could not possibly be any prouder of you, I promise. But you also have an amazing mom right here, in this house. She loves you as much as Lizzie did, and she will do anything for you. I’ve seen that, time and again over the past few weeks.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “And even though Mary had things kind of hard, she’s handled them with so much more grace than I have.”
“Now she’s having a baby.”
“She sure is, right now, maybe.” Aunt Anica smiles at me.
I duck my head so she won’t notice that I’m not excited. But I’m too late, I guess.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
She lifts my chin up. “Something.”
“It’s something that Piper said.”
“That little brat.” She mutters something I can’t understand under her breath. “Did it get worse?”
I shrug. “Not really.”
“Then what did she say?”
“She said. . .” I close my eyes. “She said once Mary has a real baby, she won’t. . .”
“Mary won’t love you anymore?” Aunt Anica dips down until she’s looking at me. “You don’t believe that, right?”
I shrug again. “I don’t know.”
This time, she doesn’t laugh. “My sister was fantastic. She was brave and bold and she took no prisoners. But in her own way, your Mary is just as fierce. And I’ve never been more positive that someone loved her daughter than I am about Mary’s love for you. She could have a hundred more babies and she wouldn’t love you less, because she loves you all the way.”
I hiccup.
Then I can’t seem to stop hiccupping.
Aunt Anica hugs me really tight, almost too tight, but I don’t stop her. “I’ve said a lot of dumb things since coming to visit,” she says. “But believe me when I tell you this. Your new mom loves you with every single speck of her body. Mary may be tired and busy over the next few weeks, but that idiot Piper has never been more wrong.”
I want to believe Aunt Anica so badly. When I go to bed that night, I don’t even have the nightmare I’ve been having, that Mary sends me to live with Grandma and Grandpa after the new baby comes home. The next morning, Aunt Anica doesn’t bother taking us to church, but she does dress Chase and me in nice enough clothes to go meet the new baby at the hospital.
“Mom will be back tomorrow,” Aunt Anica says. “She and Dad didn’t come back for me, but they’re coming home a few days early to watch you two angels now that your dad’s having a new baby. Apparently they don’t trust me to keep you alive.”
“When is Daddy coming back?” Chase asks as Aunt Anica buckles him into his car seat.
“Probably not for a few days,” she says. “Are you upset?”
“You put orange juice in my Cocoa Puffs,” Chase says. “It was gross.”
“Hey, I loved that when I was a kid,” Aunt Anica says. “If you’d give it a chance you might love it too.”
Chase curls his lip and stares out the window of the car.
When we reach the hospital, all the things Aunt Anica said about Mary seem kind of… not believable. My heart starts to beat super fast. What if Aunt Anica’s wrong? What if Mary’s so happy with this new baby that she’s sick of dealing with me?
But when we go into the room, Mary’s eyes light up. She sits up in the bed, a little pink baby resting in the elbow of one arm. “Come meet your new brother,” she says. “You can hop up on the bed with me so you can really see him.”
I walk forward slowly, watching Mary more than the baby. But when I get close, he coos. The little pink guy squirms and makes this little bubbly coo sound and something inside me softens and I can’t help myself. He might ruin everything, and my life may never be the same, but still. In spite of all of that. . .
I like him.
“What’s his name?” Chase asks.
Dad stands up and walks around behind us. “We decided to name him Dragon.”
Mary rolls her eyes.
“That’s a really good name,” Chase says, his eyes wide. Then he frowns. “Hey, how come he gets a good name and mine is just boring old Chase?”
“Dad’s kidding,” I say. “What did you really name him?”
“This is your brother, Jack,” Mary says with a twinkle in her eyes. “Jack Harold Manning.”
“Harold, like Grandpa Harold?” I ask.
Mary nods. “Yes, just like that.”
“I bet he’s happy,” I say.
“We hope so,” Dad says.
“Do you want to hold him?” Mary asks.
I look up to meet her eyes. “Hold him?”
“If you sit right next to me on the bed, you can hold him.”
I nod, surprised that I actually do want to hold him. And when Mary puts him on my lap and her arm around me, I like him even more. Then, for a super short moment, he smiles at me. “Hey,” I say.
“Did you see that, Luke?” Mom squeezes my shoulders with her arm. “He likes her.”
And for the first time since Mom and Dad ran away from Aunt Trudy’s wedding, I’m pretty sure Mom still likes me too.
10
Amy
Mom stays at the hospital for four days after Jack’s born, but thankfully Grandma and Grandpa take over for Aunt Anica the day after we visit the hospital.
“You were a brave little girl,” Grandma says.
“I was?”
“You survived your Aunt Anica’s cooking.” Grandma smiles.
Aunt Anica looks annoyed. “I’m not that bad.”
“She burned my toast this morning,” Chase says. “Until it was black.”
Grandma laughs. “The Maggard family isn’t known for being great in the kitchen.”
Aunt Anica stands up.
“I assume you’ll be headed for my house?” Grandma asks.
“No.” Aunt Anica frowns.
“No?” Grandma plants both her hands on the countertop and leans forward. “What’s your plan then? Are you so mad at us for taking a vacation that you’re headed back to San Francisco the second we come home?”
Aunt Anica shakes her head. “Luke said I’m welcome here as long as I want to stay.”
“They have a new baby,” Grandma says. “He’s being polite. Do you really think they want a houseguest?”
She shrugs. “Maybe.”
“Forget Luke. Do you think Mary wants the sister of her husband’s first wife staying with her?”
“If they don’t want me here, you can be sure I’ll pack up and head to your very welcoming home right away.”
Grandma laughs, and Aunt Anica storms out of the kitchen.
At least I get to go to school most of the day, and I spend the hours after I get home with Hope in the backyard. At first she’s really happy to be outside, but then it kind of seems like she’s looking for something. She keeps clucking, over and over. “What’s wrong?” I ask Hope, wishing she could answer me.
“I think she might be lonely,” Aunt Anica says softly through her open window.
“I’m sorry. Am I too loud?” I gather Hope next to me. “I didn’t know your window was ope
n.”
“You have such a beautiful home,” she says.
“No matter what Grandma says, I don’t think Mom and Dad will care if you stay as long as you’re nice.” I swallow. “And if you don’t get mad that I call Mary ‘Mom.’”
She laughs. “I think we’ve established that even if I do care, that’s my problem and not yours.”
“Hey, have you been changing Hope’s towels and food and water?”
“Maybe.” She shrugs. “She’s a cute chicken. What can I say? She’s grown on me.”
My cute chicken walks past, and I pet her—which makes her huddle down next to me, clucking much more quietly. “Do you really think she’s lonely?”
“I looked it up online,” she says. “The website I found says that chickens are very social. Chase keeps asking for chicks. Since you want to keep her, she’ll need a coop and a few friends too. Chicks might not be a bad idea.”
“I don’t think she likes being in the box anymore,” I say.
“Why not?”
“Well.” I glance around to make sure Grandma isn’t out here. She’s not a fan of Hope. “Um, she keeps hopping out of it and following me to the door every night.”
Aunt Anica laughs. “And I thought she liked me, but she never follows me anywhere.”
“I think she likes you just fine.”
“Well, that’s good to know. Makes me feel like a little less of a loser.”
“You’re not a loser. Dad says you’re kind of famous.” Which he also told me not to tell her. Whoops.
She shakes her head. “I’m not even close to famous.”
But since I already said something. . . “Hey, how come you don’t write books anymore?”
She freezes.
“Is that a mean thing to ask?” I bite my lip. “I’m sorry if it is. You don’t have to tell me, but Dad said you used to write books. Like you don’t do it anymore. I think if I wrote books that people liked, I’d keep doing it.”
“Words used to just pile up inside of me.” She inhales and leans against the windowsill. “I used to see the world differently. My first book told a story about a girl to whom many bad things happened, but in spite of those, the ending was ‘surprisingly hopeful,’ or that’s what the New York Times said.”
