Chapter Four
But at the same time, as far as I can tell, no one's made a single spelling mistake yet. Not a single typing error. Doesn't that seem a bit strange?
Monstradamus
That's richt.
Nutscracker
They cantroll our entire canvasation.
IsoldA
Are yew ploying the foul?
Romeo-y-Cohiba
No, I woodn't deram of it.
Monstradamus
Me kneether. It's the mooderattors.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Step mucking us, you ratten scam!
UGLI 666
There's no point in getting upset, Romeo. It won't help matters.
IsoldA
Have they really stopped?
Organizm(-:
Good for you, Romeo! They did what you told them to. Why not try telling our moderators to do something else?
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Stick your xxx up your xxx and give it a double right twist.
IsoldA
They're following every word we write.
Monstradamus
Maybe that's why Theseus isn't saying anything?
Organizm(-:
What Theseus?
Nutscracker
The one who killed the Minotaur, Organism. Or who has to kill him. What do you have in mind, Monstradamus?
Monstradamus
Maybe he's already here, but he doesn't want the moderator to notice him. And I suspect the moderator's our bronze mushroom.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
You talk about him as if you'd seen him with your own eyes. But we don't actually have any reason to believe he exists.
Ariadne
Who do you mean? Theseus or Asterisk?
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Both.
Monstradamus
And for exactly the same reason, Romeo, there's no reason to believe that you exist.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
That just about does it. Leave it out, will you?
Ariadne
Perhaps Theseus is one of us?
Nutscracker
Perhaps the Minotaur's one of us.
Organizm(-:
I bet a hundred xxx the Minotaur's Monstradamus.
Monstradamus
Stop clowning about.
Organizm(-:
Theseus, answer us!
IsoldA
At least tell us if you're here or not! Theseus!
Monstradamus
By the way. If the moderators can fulfil our wishes, why don't we ask them to open the door?
UGLI 666
But what's outside the door?
Organizm(-:
We can find out.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
You be careful, or the door might really go ahead and open.
Ariadne
I've composed a little poem. Dedicated to Monstradamus.
Monstradamus
Let's hear it.
Ariadne
The Minotaur lurks at the door,
His axe it gleams moon-bright.
'Dear Watson this could not be more . . . '
Then silence in the night.
Monstradamus
A bit on the dark side. But maybe I deserve it for being so suspicious.
Organizm(-:
An experiment. Doors, open!
UGLI 666
Lord have mercy!
Romeo-y-Cohiba
I warned you!
Ariadne
Did it happen in all the rooms?
Monstradamus
It did in mine.
UGLI 666
Do you mean the music or the door?
Ariadne
The whole thing at once.
IsoldA
I've got sky outside. Grey. Looks a bit like a park. Everything seems quiet. I'm going out to explore.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Hey, Isolde, wait! It could be dangerous out there!
UGLI 666
It's dark out there.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Isolde!
Nutscracker
Did everyone hear the trumpets?
Ariadne
Do you think they were trumpets?
Organizm(-:
Doors, close!
Nutscracker
xxx be praised.
Monstradamus
Organizm, don't go trying any more experiments like that.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Now how's Isolde going to get back? Doors, open!
Nutscracker
xxx, eh? Again!
Monstradamus
Let's just keep calm and get our bearings.
Organizm(-:
Okay, I think I've got it. When the door opens, a lever shaped like a leg with a hoof moves out and down.
UGLI 666
Lord save us and keep us!
Nutscracker
To make the door close, you push the lever. To make it open, you press on the axe in the middle. So everyone can open their own door when they want to.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
It works.
Monstradamus
What can you see outside the door?
Ariadne
There's another room outside mine.
UGLI 666
Semi-darkness. Benches, a lot of benches.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Fresh air at last.
Sartrik
Two fridges full of booze. So there is a God after all!
Organizm(-:
Plywood walls painted to look like bricks. It all looks pretty naff.
Nutscracker
I've got a load of electronic equipment.
Organizm(-:
I'm hungry. Hey, you moderators, how's about a bit of nosh down here? Right . . . I think I've got it. You have to turn this thingy that way, and then that thingy this way . . . Now we're talking.
Monstradamus
What?
Romeo-y-Cohiba
What was it you turned, tell us.
Organizm(-:
They sent down some pancakes with jam. Not bad for Ancient Greece. I feel like a nice quiet meal, so I'm taking a break now.
Romeo-y-Cohiba
Enjoy your meal. Just tell us what it was you turned.
Organizm(-:
When I'm feeding my tum, I go all deaf and dumb.
Ariadne
Organism, you only need to type two words! Then you can go ahead and eat in peace.
Nutscracker
Organism, we're all asking you.
Organizm(-:
The Helmet of Horror Page 4
