by Harlow James
“Oh. Hi, Alice.” I pretend to be doing something important, but Alice just chuckles behind me.
“No need to pretend I didn’t hear you two. And hey, I’m all for it. But just remember, there are always prying ears around every corner.” She winks in our direction and then scurries off.
“She has the ninja skills of a mom,” Brooks states.
“She does have three kids.”
Brooks bobs his head up and down. “That explains it then.” Taking a few steps towards me again, he gently brushes his fingers up and down my arm that’s concealed by the counter and our bodies. “I do want to sample your lips later though, if you don’t mind.” That grin is back and so is the humming of my core.
“We’ll see. Get to work, Dr. Bennet.”
I look back down at the papers in front of me, but the low growl in my ear makes it hard to focus and breathe. “I can’t wait until this weekend, sweetheart. I’ve been thinking about it since you called me on Saturday.” He presses a kiss to my cheek before striding away, leaving my heart galloping in my ribs and my mind spinning.
In just a few days, Cash and Piper are getting married and given that I asked, Brooks will be my date. We’ve been texting back and forth throughout the week, but we won’t be able to see each other outside of the hospital until the wedding since we both have to work for the next three days in order to have time off for the ceremony. After our impromptu phone sex a few days ago, I can’t help but feel like this weekend may be when we take things further in person. And although I’m anxious and desperate to feel him that way, I’m still so nervous that crossing that line will jeopardize any future I could have with him.
We’ve only known each other for a little over a month, but my resistance is fading with each interaction, each kiss, each touch of his fingers on my body. And after sharing an orgasm with him on the phone, sex with Brooks Bennet is all I’ve been able to think about. I don’t think I’ve ever masturbated as much as I have in the past few days, all while visualizing the sexy doctor that has made me behave in ways I never thought I would.
And all I know is that the closer the wedding gets, the more nervous I become. If it gets to the point where I think Brooks and I will go all the way, do I tell him about the curse I’ve convinced myself has plagued my dating life? Do I risk sounding like a crazy person in hopes that he’ll understand my reservations about sleeping together? Or do I keep it to myself and hope for the best?
I still don’t have any answers to those questions, even on the morning of the wedding.
As we wait in the car outside of town hall where the ceremony will take place in front of the lock fence, the excitement that Piper feels radiates from her and rubs off on me a bit. Listening to her declare how eager she is to marry Cash only makes me hope that one day I feel that way about the man I get to marry. And then when I think about Brooks and how anxious I am to see him, I realize that I can’t remember the last time I felt this impending thrill while dating a man. Even with Trent, I don’t think the feelings between us were as strong as the attraction. I tried to be optimistic in each relationship I’ve had, but none of them have compared to the way I feel about Brooks.
And although I’m extremely attracted to Brooks, there’s so much more developing than the physical pull. I have shared some of my worst fears with the man and he’s pushed me to live outside of the small box I tend to compartmentalize my life into, a habit I developed after my mom died. He makes me laugh with how carefree he is outside of the hospital, but reminds me of what an extraordinary doctor he is while we’re at work. He’s been honest with me about his feelings and desires, which is so damn refreshing and has helped ease the nervousness I get around him tremendously.
And yet, knowing that we haven’t even explored that last hurdle together has my stomach twisted with nerves and possibilities. I know there’s no pressure to have sex, but I feel like if we don’t soon, we both might explode.
As I walk down the aisle with Luke by my side, I search the crowd for my date. Like a laser slicing right through me, Brooks’ eyes light up when he sees me glide towards the arch decorated in roses and bathed in the beautiful sunlight of this spring afternoon.
My sky blue chiffon dress and white heels fit me perfectly and help give me a boost of confidence that building from his reaction to seeing me dressed as a bridesmaid. I’m not even the bride and I still feel more elegant today than I can remember ever feeling, and I truly believe that is because of the man whose eyes won’t leave me, even as I stand behind my friend and watch her marry the love of her life.
“Even though I see you in a shade of blue similar to this at work, you look stunning, Jess,” Brooks admits breathlessly as we dance on the makeshift dance floor of the tent in Cash and Piper’s backyard a few hours later.
After the ceremony, everyone drove to their house, where the backyard was transformed for their wedding reception. White tents with see-through ceilings and walls are anchored on the grass, housing round tables and chairs for around sixty people. White lilies in vases sit atop each table with tea light candles and crystals scattered around. A DJ stands in one corner of the tents and the dancefloor we’re currently inhabiting lies right in front of him. They also set the caterer from a local Italian restaurant up on the patio where guests are loading their plates buffet-style so they can feast.
“It’s not quite the same shade as ‘scrub blue’, but thank you. You look handsome as well.” This isn’t the first time I’ve seen Brooks in a suit now, but it still shatters my willpower. His navy blue suit hugs his shoulders and arms, straining a bit at the fabric from the muscular shoulders and biceps that I know are beneath. His white shirt is crisp and open just at the top, providing me a glimpse of his sturdy chest I’m dying to see, and his narrow waist is accented by the lines of his jacket and the way his slacks hang on his hips. If we weren’t around all of these people, I’d probably reach back and squeeze his ass I’ve been admiring all day.
The man is insanely handsome. His sandy hair, those soft brown eyes, his height that makes me dizzy when I look up at him for too long—and yet I can’t look away. And I don’t want to, especially with the way he’s staring down at me right now, a sincerity and intensity in his gaze that is new to me, but I love it.
“This wedding is remarkable for a backyard event.”
“Right? Piper wanted it to be intimate, but still romantic and beautiful. I think she chose well.”
“Definitely.”
“Do you—” I pause, unsure if I should ask this question this early in our relationship. But then I figure, better to know where his mind is at now instead of waiting too far down the line. “Do you want to get married someday?”
The corner of his lips turn up in a crooked grin. “Someday. With the right person.”
I nod, looking away from him so he can’t see my blatant relief. “That’s good.”
His fingers find my chin and redirect my line-of-sight back to him. “I just haven’t found her yet. But—I think I might be getting closer.”
I gulp down the lump in my throat as my pulse picks up. Oh, my god. Is he talking about me?
“I’m happy for you then.”
“You should be happy too, Jess.” Our eyes bounce back and forth between each other’s before I rest my head on his chest, not able to hold his gaze any longer because I think I might cry.
Could Brooks really be the guy I’m meant to be with? Can I honestly feel that way after only knowing him for such a short amount of time? I mean, we haven’t even slept together yet.
But everything I do know is guiding me to that decision, and somehow it doesn’t terrify me as much as it should.
Brooks is one of the good ones, the kind of man my mom would have loved and chosen for me herself. I soak up the feeling of being in Brooks’ arms as he holds me through the rest of the song, his fingers dancing across my exposed skin in our movements, hoping that this strength I feel with him isn’t fleeting—that it can be everlasting.
> When the song ends, we part and he looks down at me with the biggest smile on his face.
“Are you thirsty? I was going to get a beer.”
“Sure, I’d love a—”
“Vodka and cranberry?” He assumes.
I scoff because he thinks he knows me so well. “Actually, champagne please.”
“I’ll be right back then,” he says before pressing a light kiss to my lips and then making his way over to the bar. My head scours the tent before I lock onto the sight of Luke leaning in and almost kissing Rachel tucked in the corner of the dance floor, my eyes bugging out as I watch his impending move. But then he jumps back like he’s been burned unexpectedly and rushes off in the other direction with Grayson.
Scurrying over to where Rachel is left standing alone, I try not to sneak up and scare her, but I fail miserably. “Did I just see what I think I saw?”
Her hand immediately clasps over her heart. “Jesus, Jess. What the hell?”
“What the hell? Don’t you what-the-hell me! I know what I just saw. Luke was about to kiss you!” I whisper again, this time so we’re face to face.
“I don’t know that he’ll ever be ready, Jess,” she admits defeatedly, her disappointment coming off of her in waves and etched in the sad lines of her face.
“He will, Rach. There’s obviously something between the two of you. Anybody who isn’t blind can see that. But man, he sure is fighting it, huh?” I nudge her playfully.
“You have no idea. And I’m trying to be transparent, but part of me is so scared of getting hurt. How long am I supposed to wait? How long do I keep hope that he’ll give in to these feelings? If I had any doubt about the way he feels about me, it’s been erased with what’s happened just here tonight. But there are still so many issues to face, obstacles to overcome…”
I rest my hands on her shoulders while commanding her to look in my eyes. “You’re thinking too far into the future. It’s only been a few months, Rach. You still have around four months until Grayson starts Kindergarten, and you start school again. So much can change in that time. Take it one day at a time and just try to live in the moment.” If only I could be as confident in taking my own advice.
“You’re right. I know. I’m just so frustrated. But thanks. Hey…” She twists her head around me, searching the backyard for a moment. “Where’s Brooks?”
Joy manifests on my face as I locate him near the bar. “He’s over talking with Cooper, Kane, and Drew.”
“I’m gonna guess by the way your face is lit up like a Christmas tree that things are going well?”
“Things are incredible. But we haven’t yet… you know…” I bite my lip with worry, the nerves from earlier returning full force.
“Are you still fixed on your ‘curse’?” She throws her fingers up like quotations marks around the last word, courtesy of Joey from Friends.
“Laugh all you want, but what if it happens again?”
“Jess, you’ve got to get past this. What if you push this guy away over something silly like your alleged curse and you lose the love of your life? He’s not hesitating like Luke is. He’s interested and pursued you. Just do it.”
I take a deep breath, stand tall, and straighten my spine. “You’re right. I just need to have sex with him.” It comes out almost as if it is a hardship to endure, but I think I’m just getting tired of fighting it.
“Ugh. Apparently I’m the only one not getting any around here now,” she whines playfully as we watch Cash and Piper feed each other cake.
And just at that moment, Brooks comes up to us and hands me my glass of champagne. I take a sip and then leave Rachel with a few more encouraging words as I rest a hand on her shoulder. “You’ll get there. Just give it time.”
Brooks drags me away to the buffet line after we set our drinks down so we can get our food, the rumbling of my stomach reminding me that I should probably eat. “What was that about?”
“Oh, Luke is stringing Rachel along. I mean, I know their situation is complicated, but she has a massive crush on him and he’s fighting it.”
“Good thing your crush was pretty transparent with you, huh?” He whispers in my ear as we grab our white china plates and start to load them up with Italian goodness.
My eyes veer up to his as I answer. “Yes. I am lucky, Brooks. I know that, believe me.”
He shakes his head. “No, I’m the lucky one, Jess.”
We spend the rest of the evening drinking, dancing, and celebrating Cash and Piper. By the end of the night, we’re both sweaty from moving all over the dance floor even though the temperature of the air dropped considerably once the sun went down. Brooks offered to stay and help clean up as much as Birdie, Cash’s surrogate mom, would allow until she shooed us both away.
“So, is it time for me to take you home?” Brooks is holding my hand and guiding me to his car as we leave Cash and Piper’s house.
“If you wouldn’t mind. I rode here with Rachel this morning since this is where we all got ready.”
As he opens my door and helps me in my seat, he glances down at my lips and then grins. “I don’t mind at all.”
The ride to my house is quiet, a mixture of the sound of our breathing and the tires spinning beneath us the only thing that’s audible. It’s moments like these where I’m glad you can’t hear a person’s heartbeat outside of the body, because mine is drumming at a rock star’s pace.
I don’t know what Brooks’ expectations are for this evening, but I know that I don’t want him to leave just yet. However, I’m afraid of where things might lead and whether or not I should be honest with him about my reservations.
“I really like your place,” Brooks states as we make our way inside of my apartment. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you that when I picked you up for our date last week, but it’s warm and inviting.” He shucks off his jacket and lays it on the back of my couch.
My eyes veer around the living room decorated in lavender and grey. “Thank you. It’s small, but it’s just me. Are you thirsty?”
“Yes. Water would be great, please.”
I walk into the kitchen and locate two glasses from the cupboard, moving to the fridge next to fill them with water. We both take a few drinks as the silence from the car continues in my kitchen, both of us watching and waiting for the other person to make a move.
Brooks sets his glass down on my counter and then his eyes peer up at me from the low hang of his head, a fire burning beneath the meltiness of his brown irises.
My heart is pounding, my pulse racing as I watch him slowly rise and take a few long strides towards me. “Jess…”
“Brooks…”
“Do you want me, sweetheart?” His hands land on my hips and my voice gets stuck in my throat. But I do manage to nod.
“Good. Because I want you so fucking bad, it’s all I’ve been able to think about since Saturday. Hearing you come has made not being able to touch you myself virtually unbearable. But tonight, if you’re ready, I’d love to see you come in person.”
“Jesus,” I mumble, struggling to stay upright on my shaky legs.
“Do you want that, Jess?” His grip on me tightens before one hand slowly travels up my spine and then his fingers dance along the exposed skin of my shoulders and collarbone.
“Yes, I do. Kiss me, Brooks.”
He lets out a low chuckle before his lips are on mine in a kiss that is packed full of so much pent up lust, it makes me dizzy. I rely on his muscular arms to hold me up while he caresses my lips and tongue with his before suddenly we’re moving down the hallway and back towards my room.
“On the left,” I mutter against his lips, fighting for air but not wanting to separate from him either.
And yet I know that I need to say something, explain why I don’t think we should have sex yet. It became clear to me on the drive home that although I want Brooks in that way, there’s no need to rush that part of the relationship. We’re still getting to know each other and there’s plenty
of time for that. For once in my life, I’m going to listen to my head, even though my vagina is making one hell of a case for herself, throbbing with each stroke of his tongue against mine.
“Brooks,” I say against his lips before he pulls back and stares down at my face.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to rush this. I mean,” I shake my head while trying to decide how to articulate the words. “I don’t think we should have sex tonight.”
He seems taken aback, but he doesn’t relinquish his hold on me. “Okay. There’s no pressure, sweetheart. Fuck, did I come on too strong? I’m sorry—I just—you drive me crazy. I want you so fucking much. But we don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do.”
God, this man is perfect. His concern for my comfort only makes me want him more. But I do think that waiting for the grand finale is the best decision.
“You didn’t come on too strong, Brooks. I want you too, believe me. I just think we should wait to go all the way. God, I sound like a virgin or something… which I’m not!”
His laugh relieves some of the tension I feel in my chest. “I have no problem with waiting until you’re ready. You control how fast or slow we go, okay?”
“Thank you.”
“Does that mean you’re still willing to let me do other things to you though?” He cocks a brow as I grin up at him.
“I mean, if you insist.” I bite my lip playfully before he picks me up and throws me on the bed, my dress and hair billowing out around me. A girlish giggle escapes as Brooks hovers over my face and then resumes our heated kiss.
“You are so fucking sexy, do you know that?” He growls in my ear as I close my eyes and focus on the touch of his lips on my neck.
“You are sexy, Brooks Bennet.”
The little moans that leave his lips as he kisses the valley between my breasts and then slowly moves down my body has my blood pressure spiking. His powerful hands land on my ankles as he goes to remove my heels and then throws them to the side, reaching back for my legs and running his hands up and down my calves.
