by Harlow James
My feet move towards her, my hands find her hips, and her arms fall to her sides as I pull her close. “I need to tell you something. But I don’t want to rush it. It’s not a conversation to be had in five minutes, Jess.”
“Brooks,” she starts as her eyes fill with worry. “You’re scaring me. You have me thinking you have a wife and kids or something. First, there was the phone call at breakfast that clearly upset you, but you told me was nothing. Then on the night you cancelled our dinner plans, you told me your mom needed you, but I saw you talking to a woman outside of CVS. And then you blow me off and give me a half-assed text as an explanation. I need answers.”
Damn, this woman has been keeping a list of all the instances where I’ve let her down or made her suspicious that I’m hiding something. And her little declaration makes me laugh.
“No, I promise. Nothing like that. But it is something personal about me. The phone call can be explained, and the woman I believe you saw me talking to is Mariah, Ethan’s girlfriend.”
“Oh. Well then, what were you doing at CVS then the night we were supposed to be having dinner?”
“I had to pick up some medication.”
“Brooks,” she sighs, closing her eyes and hanging her head low. “You know I haven’t had the best of luck with guys. So forgive me for being so concerned. But I—I really like you and don’t want something small like vague secrets to tear us apart.”
I stroke her cheek with my thumb, staring down into her stormy eyes, and then an idea pops in my mind, something that’s been stewing in my brain since the night of the speed dating event. “How about we go away together? Take a trip. There’s a spot I want to take you to, and it will give us a chance to talk and I can get everything I need to say off of my chest.”
“A trip? Together? Isn’t that a bit fast?”
I shake my head while coming to the realization that this woman makes me want to make plans. I want a few days with her away from real life. I want to immerse myself in everything that is Jessalyn Harris before our relationship changes and becomes insanely real—because even though falling in love can feel like a fairy tale, exhilarating and new—real life eventually plays a part and brings you back down to earth. And there’s nothing more real than your mother battling cancer.
“I don’t think so. I think it will be perfect. What do you say?” I watch Jess’s eyes move back and forth between mine before she finally answers me.
“Okay.”
“Thank you.” I press a soft kiss to her lips, the sensation of her kiss melting away some of the stress I’ve been feeling lately.
“Let’s go this week. I have Tuesday through Thursday off. If you can get a few girls to cover your shifts, we can take off in the middle of the week and be back in time for work again.”
Her eyes are still unsure, but I can feel her body softening in my arms. “Okay. I know of a few girls who owe me a favor. Let me text them. Don’t forget that Grayson’s birthday party is tomorrow though. I promised Rachel we would be there.”
I nod agreeingly. “Got it.”
“Brooks. I don’t like secrets. Please don’t make me look like a fool or regret letting you in.” Her eyes are filling with moisture, which makes me want to tell her everything right this second, but I know we need to get back out on the floor.
“I promise you, Jess. I just—I have some stuff going on that is making it difficult for me to be fully committed to anything right now, but I’m trying. All I’m asking is for you to trust me.”
She searches my face for a few moments. “I do.”
I turn back towards the door, releasing the lock and then opening it up to exit. “Thank you for listening to me,” I tell her.
“Don’t make me regret it, Brooks.”
I flash her a smile and then reassure her. “I won’t.”
My feet carry me back to my job, while my mind and heart stay fixed on the understanding Jess just gave me with no explanation. Women like that don’t exist, at least in my experience. And the last thing I want is to lose her.
Time to man up, Brooks. Get your shit together, tell her what’s going on, and hope like hell she decides to stand by your side during one of the most challenging seasons of your life.
Chapter 18
Jess
“Do you need any help, Rachel?” I ask once Brooks and I arrive at Grayson’s birthday party casually late.
“Nope. Everything is wonderful. I just have to bring out this last tray of veggies and dip and then all the food is out. The games are ready. The cake already has the candles in it. I’m good.” She stands proudly, staring down at the veggie tray that looks like a skeleton. Luke’s son, Grayson, is obsessed with the human body and Rachel nailed the theme of his party. Maybe when I have a kid one day, I’ll hire her to do the decorations for their parties.
“You’re super woman, Rach. Handling all of this.”
She shrugs but casts a smile in my direction. “It’s worth it to see the smile on his face. I never understood joy until I saw it through his eyes.” She lifts the tray and asks me to open the sliding door to the backyard where the rest of the party is taking place and the guests have all gathered.
Kids are darting across the lawn between the swing set and the bounce house. Most of the men are huddled in one corner of the yard sipping their drinks while the women are congregated around the food on the patio, taking shelter from the sun as well as stuffing their faces. And as I scour the table of goodies, my eyes land on the bowl of chips and dip calling my name as I make my way over.
“You’d better share,” Piper says as she hip checks me and then laughs.
“No promises. You know how I feel about potato chips.” I dip one in the bowl of ranch and pop it in my mouth, crunching down on it as the saltiness hits my tongue and comforts me.
“I’m the same, girl. Chips and chocolate—my two weaknesses. How are things going? I haven’t seen you around work very much.”
“Well, our schedules have shifted, and someone was on vacation for a couple of weeks after her wedding, so yes, it’s been a while.”
Piper scoffs in offense. “Hey. That someone was on her honeymoon and then enjoying some time with her new husband before life picked back up.”
I wrap my arm around her waist and rest my head on her shoulder, squeezing her hard. “I know. I’m just giving you crap. So how is newlywed life treating you?”
Piper’s cheeks blush and her smile spreads wide. “Amazing. Nothing really changed, but it has at the same time, if that makes sense.”
I nod because I do understand how things can change faintly without you realizing it. That’s exactly what’s happening between Brooks and I, and the knots in my stomach keep reminding me that there’s a bomb he’s about to drop that I’m not entirely prepared for. We’re supposed to leave on a trip in a few days together, one in which he hasn’t told me the destination of, claiming it’s a surprise. And instead of being excited about it, all I keep thinking about is what I’m going to do if I’m hundreds of miles away from home and he tells me something I can’t accept. Am I going to take an Uber so I can leave and return home to Emerson Falls, shedding tears and my dignity in the back of a Toyota Corolla, and then have to turn around and pay for it?
“Yes. That makes perfect sense. You’re committed to each other now in more than just spirit. There’s a paper tying you together as well.”
“Yeah, but it’s deeper than that too. He’s my husband now, not just my fiancé. It’s reassuring knowing he’s my partner forever, like I know undoubtedly that we can get through anything together.”
I admire my friend’s happiness and then reach for another chip. “That’s amazing, Piper. You deserve it.”
“Thanks. So, how are things going with Brooks?” She grabs a handful of chips and starts popping them in her mouth one by one.
I glance across the yard where he’s talking to Cooper with his daughter strapped to his chest. Clara gave birth about a month ago, and this is their first o
fficial outing.
Piper’s voice pulls my attention back to her. “I don’t know if you’re aware, but your smile just fell when you looked across the yard at him. What the hell happened?”
Letting out a sigh, I glance up at the patio covering above us before I try to explain what I’m feeling. “Everything was going great. The chemistry is there. We make each other laugh, I told him about my alleged curse, and he accepted that. We still haven’t slept together if that means anything, so I know he respects the fact that I want to wait. He’s handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, and makes me want to jump him, even though it makes me nervous. He’s perfect… except when he’s not.”
Piper drags out her reply, clearly confused. “O-kay…”
“He’s hiding something from me.” I turn to stare at her eyes straight on. “He’s hiding something from me and he’s taking me away this week to tell me what it is.”
“Wow. What do you think it is?”
I bite my thumb nail. “I honestly have no idea. He’s assured me there’s not someone else, but it has to be something serious because there was a pain in his eyes when I finally confronted him about it.” I spend the next few minutes filling her in on the moments where he’s blown me off and made me question things, leading up to yesterday in the on-call room.
“Well, I hope it’s not something you can’t live with. You two are so good together.”
“I feel that way too, Piper. I finally found this man that makes me see an actual future with him. I’ve never felt like I can be myself around a man like I can with Brooks. He makes me feel brave and safe. Until he didn’t.”
“Try not to freak yourself out too much. Trust him when he says that it’s not going to hurt you, and just see what he has to say.”
“You’re right.” I look back over the yard and notice that Brooks is on the phone, away from the guys. Suddenly his head peers up and finds mine, his eyes locking onto me and his mouth falls open.
And then he’s running, sprinting across the grass towards the side gate, flying through it so fast I barely have time to register that he’s leaving.
“What the—Brooks!” I shout at him, but he doesn’t stop and the slam of a car door as I make my way off the porch and through the gate only serves to make me even more confused.
“What the hell just happened?” Piper comes up behind me, out of breath from chasing me.
“I don’t know.” I reach for my phone in my pocket and dial his number, surprised when he answers. “Brooks?”
“Jess. I’m sorry. I had to leave.”
“Is everything okay? You’re freaking me out!”
He’s silent for a minute but then finally chokes out. “I’m headed to the hospital. It’s my mom.”
“Is she okay?” My palm covers my beating heart as I wait for him to reply.
“I hope so. Look, I’ve got to go. I’m sorry for leaving you, but… I’ve got to go.” The line goes silent and then I look up to see Piper staring at me.
“What happened?”
“Something with his mom. I’ve—I have to go to the hospital. I need to be with him.” I open up the Uber app and schedule a ride with the nearest driver. Brooks and I drove together so I have no other option.
Piper reaches out to place her hand on my arm in comfort. “Do you think what he’s hiding from you has to do with his mom?”
I nod slowly, realizing that I do now, in fact, believe it does. “Yeah. I think that’s a genuine possibility.”
“Then go. Be there for him.”
“He didn’t ask me to.”
She swivels her head from side to side. “It doesn’t matter. That’s what we do for the people we care about. We show up. Go,” she waves me off as the Uber driver pulls up to the curb in front of Luke’s house. “I’ll tell everyone there was an emergency and you had to leave.”
“Thanks girl.”
“Good luck.” Piper hugs me goodbye and then I scurry down the sidewalk and jump in the car, directing my driver to Emerson Falls Memorial Hospital, trying to anticipate what I’m about to walk in to.
It’s different walking into the hospital as a civilian and not a nurse, although I sense his mom would be in the emergency room given how quickly Brooks left the party. When I walk through the doors and head to the check-in window, the receptionist quickly recognizes me.
“Jess, what are you doing here? Aren’t you off today?”
“Yeah, I am, Gretchen. But I’m actually here to see a friend.”
She bites her lip and then looks from side to side. “Is that friend Dr. Bennet?”
I nod and then whisper. “Yes, please.”
She flicks her head to the door and buzzes me in, letting me pass through the thick wooden doors as I begin to scour the bays for Brooks. I walk around a few corners before I see him, slumped forward in his chair and holding hands with a woman in the bed that I can only assume is his mother.
And she’s bald.
Oh, God.
He leans his head down on the mattress, his shoulders falling as another woman comes around the corner with a cup of coffee in her hands. She’s looks a lot like Brooks’ mom, but with hair. Average height, heavy set, light brown hair pulled away from her eyes, but worried based on the tense muscles of her face. She rests her hand on Brooks’ shoulder and stands next to him, just as Dr. Hill comes by.
“Hey, Brooks. So sorry to be seeing you like this.”
His head pops up and I see him brush his cheek as if he’s wiping away tears. “Yeah, you and me both.”
“I’ve called Dr. Lexington. He’s ordered some tests for right now, and an IV and ibuprofen to try to get her fever down. I’ll check back when we have the results of her bloodwork.”
“Thanks.”
Dr. Hill rushes away and that’s when Brooks turns to me and our eyes lock across the hall. “Jess? What—” He moves to stand and walk over to me. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you mean what am I doing here? You ran out of a five-year-old’s birthday and told me something happened to your mom. My first instinct was to rush to the emergency room to be there for you.”
“But I didn’t ask you to come.”
“I know that. But I want to be here. Is this,” I gesture to his mother lying in the bed, clearly sick and weak. “Is this what you’ve been hiding from me?”
His eyes close and his entire body sags in defeat. Then suddenly, he’s reaching for me, wrapping me in his arms as I feel the shudder racking his body. Brooks is crying while holding me tightly and it instantly cues tears of my own.
“Yes. She… she has cancer, Jess.” He releases the grip he has on me, but keeps his arms around my waist as I veer up at him, his soft brown eyes full of unshed tears.
“Brooks… oh my god, I’m so sorry.” My hand moves to his jaw to stroke his cheek and my heart breaks as I stare up at him. And then a familiar ache returns in my chest that I haven’t felt in years when his truth slowly hits me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But I didn’t want to put a damper on what we were building with this ugliness. My mom has cancer and started chemo about two months ago. Her body is not reacting well, which is why I’ve had to leave you a few times.”
The phone call. The cancelled plans. The lack of response when we couldn’t meet up in the on-call room. It all had to do with his mother.
“This explains a lot.”
He nods and then presses his lips to mine. “There’s so much more to tell you, but I can’t right now. She spiked a fever and then fainted, hitting her arm on the corner of the kitchen counter as she fell. My aunt was there to prevent her head from hitting the tile, but she’s still bruised and seems to be fighting an infection. We’re waiting for blood work.”
“Is there anything I can do? We can cancel our trip if you’d rather be here…”
Brooks shakes his head and brushes his fingers down my jaw. “No. I know she’ll pull out of this. And we need that time away. My aunt will be with her, so I know she’
s in good hands. And if my mom were awake right now, I know she’d tell me to go. I want that time with you. I want to be able to talk and explain everything to you.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.”
“I am.”
I press up on my toes and kiss Brooks, lingering for a moment as the meaning of the kiss shifts, along with my feelings towards him. This man, he’s going through so much emotional turmoil right now in his life—no wonder he didn’t want to blend our relationship with it.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“No. In fact, I think you should leave.”
My stomach drops. “What?”
“Fuck. Sorry that didn’t come out right. I mean, I don’t want you to meet my mom like this. My aunt is here, and there’s nothing else to be done. I really just need to process this all and get the test results so we know what we’re dealing with, and I don’t feel like I can do that and worry about you too right now. I’m sorry if that sounds cold.”
“No. I get it. Alright, if that’s what you want.”
“It’s what I need from you, Jess.”
“Okay. Call me later, please.” I press my lips to his once more, his soft nips reassuring me that although he’s hurting, he still cares about me. And I try to hold on to that as I walk out of the hospital, take an Uber home, and lie in my bed alone, ruminating over my discovery.
Brooks’ mom has cancer.
And I’m not sure what that means for us moving forward.
There has to be a reason why he was hiding it.
And I’m terrified to find out if it’s a connection that we share.
Chapter 19
Brooks
I knew the night of the speed dating event that taking Jess away on this trip is something I hoped would come to fruition. But now as we cruise on the highway, the soft hum of the music in the background slicing through the awkward silence, I never thought there would be this tension looming between us when we made this drive. Two and a half hours in the car has been nail-bitingly painful accompanying the tightness in my chest knowing Jess now knows about my secret.