by L. L. Ash
My mirth died away as I saw the look on his face.
“You’re serious?” I asked with a gasp.
“I would never lie to you, Addie. I know this isn’t what you expected but...”
“You’re certifiable, Clarence!” I suddenly shrieked. “There is no such thing as vampires!”
“You saw it for yourself last night,” he looked frustrated.
“What I saw was a play of the moonlight on my shock-stressed mind. There’s no such thing as vampires or Santa Clause or fairies! Are you like… part of some satanic occult or something?”
He growled in frustration and clenched his jaw as he fisted his hand and blinked, changing right in front of my eyes.
When his eyes met mine I looked into the lightest, clear ice for irises. Gone were his ocean blues and replacing them was this inhuman shade of cold, predator blue.
“I didn’t want to show you this,” was all he said as his brows stitched together in pain.
As he spoke his prominent canines came into view and my eyes widened. Reaching up to touch his lips, he turned his face away in shame.
“What is this?” I asked, my voice weaker than I wanted it to be.
“It’s what I am,” he sighed.
I took hold of his chin, remembering for a moment the intimate kiss we’d shared before it all went to hell.
My fingers brushed his lips, feeling the cold pale skin around his mouth before I lifted his upper lip a little, just to see the slightly protruding canine there, all his teeth just the slightest bit sharper than was natural.
“I know what I am,” he moved his face away, ending my inspection. “I’ve been this way for a long time. It is a shameful existence but it’s all I have left.”
“So you’re…dead?”
“In a manner, I suppose. My body is still alive, just in a very different way then yours. I have to survive off the lifeblood of others to keep my body alive. Without blood we shrivel into nothing, our minds still alive to live in tortured hunger for eternity.”
“Eternity? How long do you live?”
He shrugged.
“For as long as we’re not killed,” he sighed, blinking away the transformation to turn back into his original self… or maybe it was his human mask?
God, what a weird conversation I’m having with myself.
“I’ve met some vampires that are more than a thousand years old. But they are the night creatures you referred to earlier. I am a daywalker. We can walk under the light of the sun without burning up because we are just a little more human than the others.”
“Human? This is the strangest conversation I’ve ever had in my life.”
The corner of his lips turned up at my attempt at humor,
“You’ve not been around the undead long enough,” he rolled his eyes.
Humor fled.
“So what… why are you telling me?”
He gulped another breath before taking my hand, the one not still pinning my towel closed.
“I’m telling you partially because you found out, and partially because I love you. I didn’t want you to find out this way but it seems that fate has its own sense of timing...”
“Fate? Love? Strange words coming from someone who’s been around for… Oh my God… how long have you been around?”
“Almost 320 years.”
I gasped.
“That would mean you were born...”
“In 1698,” he answered before my jumbled brain could do the math. “I was 20 years old when my life was taken from me.”
“But you still look 20-something.”
“You remember I said we heal? Once you are turned, your body keeps to the age of when you were made creature instead of human. It doesn’t age because our bodies heal constantly.”
It made sense… but it was absolutely insane.
“I think I’m the one certifiable,” I groaned, sinking onto the edge of my bed. “Because this is actually making sense...Shit...”
Clarence sank to his knees in front of me, leaning to his side to retrieve something.
“I know it’s almost impossible to believe,” he sighed, lifting my tank top from last night to my head. “I remember still when I found out what I was… I was lost and afraid.”
His fingers deftly slipped the tank over my head and he moved one limp arm at a time through the sleeve holes.
“But how do vam… I can’t even say it. How do your kind exist and we don’t know about it? It’s the 21st century. It’s impossible that with our technology you’ve managed to hide all this time.”
“On the contrary, it’s gotten easier to hide in plain sight in this day and age,” he said, pulling the tank over the towel wrapped around me before leaning over to retrieve something else. “People’s disbelief in vampires has made it easier to live. With enough money you can buy anything, and as long as you keep moving every few years before people begin to notice that we don’t age, then nobody suspects us of being mythical creatures. We’re living longer, living in larger communities, getting bolder in the lust for blood.”
“How the hell are you drinking people’s blood without it being all over the news?”
“There are always missing persons,” he shrugged. “Nobody thinks twice. But there are also some like me and Mason who live and sustain themselves on animal blood. It turns us weak, but it allows us to live without taking life.”
“Mason?” I gasped.
“Yes,” he sat in front of me again, a clump of fabric in his hands. “He is even older than I.”
“Holy shit...” I sighed breathlessly as I tried to digest it all.
Clarence took a foot, then the other and placed them through the leg holes in my sleeping shorts that had been discarded onto the floor Saturday morning when I’d woken up and changed.
“You still haven’t answered my question,” I breathed, his touch on my feet stealing my air.
“I did,” he disagreed gently.
“Why me? Clarence? Why did you show me attention? Why did you ask me out? You’re undead, I’m a human girl. What do you want with me?”
Clarence pushed the shorts up to the towel then his hands retreated to my feet again, thumb glancing over the black polish on my toes.
“Because I haven’t met a woman like you in over 300 years, Addie.” He looked up at me, hand tightening over my foot. “Your blood calls to me, Addie. Not in blood lust, but because you’re my soulmate. We’re given one in a lifetime, and you’re mine.”
“How the hell would you even know if I’m not a total psychopath bitch? You’ve known me less than a month, Clarence. You couldn’t love me or declare me a soul mate even if you wanted to. It’s impossible.”
“As impossible as vampires?” he quipped sharply.
I shook off his hand from my foot and stood, quickly slipping my shorts up under the towel before unraveling it, being fully covered now with Clarence’s assistance.
“As impossible as falling in love with a stranger,” I growled, throwing the towel across the room. “And what do you expect me to do, huh? Even if you actually feel what you’re telling me. Even if I could be with a v… be with you, I’m still a human, in case you didn’t freaking notice.”
“Of course I know. And I don’t want that to ever change.”
“So what do you want me to do, huh? What is a soulmate supposed to do? Do I suddenly have no choice anymore?”
“You’ve always had a choice, Addie. You will always have a choice.”
Clarence paused, stood in front of me and I met his eyes hesitantly.
“Addie,” his eyes turned intense. “I know you feel the same. Your heart calls out to me. I hear your breath quicken, I see your pulse beat. You feel the call too. That’s what made you look my way the first day of school. You saw me as no other has, and I see you.”
His fingers touched over my heart.
“I see what is in your heart.”
“There’s no way you can...”
My words were cut short. My breath froze i
n my throat, and the chill on my skin prickled in goosebumps as his head dipped and his fingers brushed into my hair, lifting my lips to meet his.
The moment our lips touched my body lit on fire. The kiss the night before had been tamed, careful compared to this. His mouth attacked mine in the most welcome invasion. His lips plied mine apart and his tongue thrust into my mouth, brushing mine, inviting it to dance with his.
“I didn’t want to involve you,” he breathed against my lips, mint blowing against my face before his lips brushed against mine again. “I didn’t want you to be apart of this world… but I need you Addie. I need you in ways you could never understand. I’ve waited 300 years for you. You’re the only woman I want, and I believe you’re the only one meant for me.”
I shut him up with my lips as tears beaded out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I was overwhelmed, and my heart ached at even the thought of letting him go as my brain demanded I did.
Clarence wrenched himself away from me, chest heaving with need for air, much as mine was.
“It defies all logic, I know that. But life is not logical, nor is love. But I want you to decide what you want, even if what you want is not me.”
He took one step toward the window.
“Clarence,” I growled in warning, tears still forcing their way out of my eyes.
“Call me, when you decide,” he whispered then he was out the window and gone.
I ran to the window but he was nowhere to be seen.
I howled in deep frustration and picked up the nearest object, hurling it across the room.
“Addie?” Dad’s voice called through my closed door. “Are you ok in there? It sounded like you were arguing with someone.”
“I was just on the phone,” I lied, clamping my eyes closed until the tears stopped.
“Ok,” Dad agreed doubtfully but left me alone.
I perched on my bed again, pressed my fingers to my lips as I remembered the intensity of the kiss we’d shared. Everything in my heart screamed for him, as illogical as that was. My skin felt like it would detach from my body just to find him and be close to him. My muscles ached and my stomach turned in frustration as my brain recited every single thing that made choosing Clarence a terrible, horrible idea.
I gripped my phone in my hand and called the only person who could possibly make sense out of the horror show that was now my life.
“Hey Sweetie,” Mom answered the phone in a weak voice.
The soft sound brought tears back to my eyes.
“Hey Mom,” I choked, trying not to break into sobs.
“You sound terrible, Addie. What’s going on?”
She may be weak, but she still had her sass. That was what would get her through the chemo and defeat the cancer.
“I need to talk to you, if you’re feeling up to it,” I told her.
“Of course. I’ve been confined to bed the last few days so, please, riddle me with the questions of the meaning of life.”
I laughed tearily.
“Mom, I’m so lost...”
She made a sympathetic sound but remained quiet for me to proceed.
“It’s about Clarence, the boy I told you about.”
“Did he do something?”
“No, not really… It’s more something he told me.”
“What did he say?”
I paused, unsure what to say.
“He said he’s… very religious,” I stuttered.
Mom was silent.
“He has to live a certain way, eat certain...things. His life is difficult but he tells me that he loves me, that he wants us to be together.”
“Ok...” she drawled. “Did he ask you to join his… religion?”
“No. He said I don’t have to be...like him. That he just wants me to be part of his life.”
“Like...marriage?”
“I don’t know, Mom.”
“Well how do you feel about him?”
“I...I don’t know, entirely. I feel infatuated, I guess. I’m drawn to him in a way I can’t explain… and the thought of never seeing him again makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.”
Mom sighed.
“Well before you can make any decisions on life, you need to know exactly what he’s asking of you. Is he asking you to be his girlfriend? Is he asking you to marry him? Run away with him? Obviously you’d know how I’d feel about the last two. You’re way too young to get married to someone, but a relationship, boyfriend and girlfriend? That you’re old enough for.”
“But he’s...religious!”
“Is he doing anything you would think is wrong? Is he hurting people or himself?”
“N-no… I don’t think so.”
“And he’s not asking you to change anything about yourself or trying to force you to join his religion to be his girlfriend?”
“No. He specifically told me he doesn’t want me to change.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I opened my mouth to answer but no words came out.
“As far as I see, if you like him and if he’s not doing something wrong or illegal, it’s kind of nice that he’s devoted to something. I think it’d be good to maybe learn some more about his way of life and make decisions from there. Any decision made beforehand could be assumptions and it would hurt your relationship.”
I sighed, fiddling with my toes where Clarence had touched them.
“So even if he doesn’t live normally, you don’t think it should put me off of him?”
“I think that if you have feelings, and it’s worth it to you to deal with the differences, then it shouldn’t matter. Nobody is perfect, and nobody is really normal. The idea of getting a man who is perfect is a figment of our overactive imaginations. What matters is whether you love him back, and how he treats you. If it’s a healthy relationship I don’t see why you shouldn’t give him a real chance. At least he came out with it instead of lying to you and hiding it from you. It’s not easy to be different and be judged for it.”
She had no idea.
“Why don’t you tell me what he’s like?”
“Well, he’s probably the sweetest person I’ve ever met,” I sighed. “He’s strong but not intimidating. He’s intelligent but not condescending. He’s sympathetic without being weak. He’s...”
“Now hold on, Sweetheart,” Mom interrupted. “From the way you make it sound, you already know how you feel about this boy. You make it sound like your...soulmates or something.”
There was that word again. Soulmates.
“That’s the word he used,” I choked.
“Well, what’re you waiting for then, Honey? I think you already know what you want, but you’re scared that what you need isn’t what you thought you’d get. I’ve never once in my life described a man the way you talk about this boy. I’ve lusted after men, sure. What woman hasn’t? But even your father, in those years I was married to him, never elicited that sort of emotion when I described his attributes.”
“So you really think that even though it could be hard, and that he’s so different, that I should try a relationship with him?”
“It sounds to me like you’re already in love,” Mom said gently. “And believe me, love is not easy to find in this world. Be yourself, Honey. You’ll know if it’s meant to be if you can be together, but you can still be yourself. A relationship is supposed to make each partner better, not stifle one or the other. Let him be him as much as you want him to let you be you.”
My throat thickened at her words and I knew she was right. Mom was the wisest, most loving woman I knew. She had a lifetime of experience and she wasn’t shy of sharing it with me.
“Now, I’ve got one more question for you,” she said as more tears dripped out of my eyes. “Has he kissed you yet?”
I bit my lip.
“Twice,” I answered quietly.
“And?”
“It was soul-shattering. Both of them.”
“What are you waiting for? I raised you to be smarter t
han this, Addie. Go get your man.”
I grinned, happiness flooding me as guilt and hesitation fled me. I didn’t have to feel guilty for loving a vampire. And I didn’t have to fear what lay ahead, as long as I got to face the road with Clarence.
After saying goodbye to Mom I paced in my room, wiping at the unwelcome tears and wondering how I was going to find Clarence.
Eventually I changed clothes into jeans and a thermal long sleeve sweater before tossing on my socks and combat boots, pounding down the stairs.
“I’m going out!” I told Dad as I ran from the bottom step to the door.
He didn’t even have a chance to respond.
Running to the end of my driveway, I looked around, wondering where he lived.
“Clarence!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, hoping no neighbors heard me and came out to see what was going on.
Chapter Seven
I looked straight into the woods ahead of me and ran, screaming his name again.
Moments passed as my heart beat, branches flying past my face, whipping me occasionally in the face. One branch stung the skin there, but I was too frantic to find him, running listlessly, hoping he could somehow hear me or feel me calling for him.
I reached a small clearing where the branches thinned and one large tree lay fallen and covered in moss, ferns growing around it thickly.
“Clarence,” I whined and collapsed onto the trunk, wondering what the hell I was doing.
A low growl emitted from the trees around me and chills raced up my spine.
God, I was STUPID!
I saw a creature that was not quite man, not quite wolf, walking on all fours, fur covering it from the backs of it’s hands to its face and man-like feet.
Green eyes looked up from a human-esque but elongated face, fur covered and held up with a muscle-bulked neck. It exposed a mouth full of canine teeth, fingers curved and capped with long nails like claws. It growled low, as if it was playing with me.
I stumbled back over the log, hoping to put SOMETHING between us, and continued to back up like a crab until there was a faint ‘whoosh’. Suddenly a figure stood between us, familiar plaid covering the strong back, and a cute, firm butt framed in worn jeans as the figure crouched, growling back at the beast.
