by Harlow Layne
“If you’re sure,” she said lightly.
“I am.” I nodded and felt little waves of water lap at my neck.
“Okay, I’ll lock your door and talk to you tomorrow. If you need anything at all, Ryder and I are here for you.”
Cracking one eye open, I raised my hand and patted the hand she had perched on the side of the tub. “I know you are. Thank you again. I really needed this.”
She patted my hand with her other one before she stood and left. Sitting up a little more, I took a sip of the tea Lexie had made for me. It warmed my insides just as the water was doing to the rest of my body, making me relax even further. Sinking deeper into the water until only my face wasn’t submerged, I closed my eyes again and took in the smell of lavender. All of it combined was enough to have me fall asleep in the water.
Not wanting to drown from heartache, I decided to get out. After drying myself off, I wrapped my fluffy towel around me, took my tea, and got into bed. Taking another sip of tea, I lay down and pulled my comforter up to my chin, letting the warmth from my bath, tea, and blanket lull me to sleep.
Waking up to darkness, I had no idea how long I’d slept. My phone wasn’t on my bedside table, and the curtains were drawn tight so as to not let in any light. What I did know was I felt better. Did I still feel sad over Remy? Yes, I wasn’t sure when or if that ache would ever go away, but I’d live. I knew I had to get back to living my life the best way I knew how and that involved calling my best friend to let her know my heart had been broken but I was okay, get back to writing my book, and finding some food because I was starving.
Getting out of bed, I got ready and pulled my still messy hair into a bun, so I didn’t scare any of the patrons at our local coffee shop. I walked along the beach from my house with my laptop in hand as I traveled down to The Dream Bean. It was only about a ten-minute walk, but feeling the sun on my face for only a few minutes along with the sleep had done me wonders.
I bought their biggest coffee and a blueberry muffin to devour and took them outside on their back patio to watch a group of guys play volleyball. Once I finished my coffee, I went inside to get another. Getting comfortable, I opened my laptop and read the last bit of what I’d previously written since it had been so long. After catching myself up, I placed my fingers on the keys and started to type. I wrote without a break; it was long enough for my coffee to go cold and the sun to dramatically shift in the sky. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d written three chapters in one sitting. I would have kept going if my laptop hadn’t flashed a notification to let me know its battery was almost dead.
With each minute of the day that passed since I woke up, I felt more and more like myself. How could I let a man almost ruin me? Again? Picking up my laptop and cold coffee, I vowed to myself I’d never let a man wreck me or break my heart again.
As I got close to my house, I saw Lexie, Ryder, and their daughter out on the beach splashing in the water. I could hear Delilah’s squeals each time the water went over her feet, making me smile. I wasn’t sure why seeing them out there together now over all the other times I’d seen them made me want a family more than any other, but it did.
I waved to them, not wanting to interrupt their family time as I went up the walk to my place. Once again, I was hungry with no food in my house. The muffin I’d had earlier wasn’t cutting it after so many days without food. Pulling out my phone, I pulled up my favorite Chinese restaurant, deciding I’d treat myself to a feast. My finger hovered over the order button when I heard a knock on my sliding glass door. Lexie rarely came to the front door. It was kind of how we knew it wasn’t a salesman. I didn’t bother getting up, knowing she’d let herself in.
“You look better.”
Looking over at her, I smiled. “I feel better. I was getting ready to make a big order at Yin Chang. I didn’t want to bother you guys, but I should have asked if you all wanted to join me. Do you want anything?”
“We already ate, but thanks for asking. I just wanted to come over and check on you. I saw you had your laptop with you, so…” She paused, waiting to see if I would finish the thought.
“I went to get coffee and breakfast down at The Dream Bean when I realized I had no food. I have no idea how long I was there. Not once did I look at the time, but I wrote three chapters.” I leaned back into the cushion of my couch with a happy smile on my face. “I can’t remember the last time it was that easy to get down my words. When I woke up today...I felt like a new woman. Something inside of me changed. I’m not saying I’m not still sad because I am, but I know I’m going to get through this. I’m going to write this book, and then I’m going to look into starting a family of my own. When I close my eyes, I can see myself holding a little baby in my arms.”
Rushing over to me, Lexie plopped down beside me and hugged me to her sides. “This is good news.” She shook me a little, making me laugh as I hugged her back. “I have to say I was worried about you. I even thought about calling Pen.”
“I’ll call her after I eat.” Starving, I woke up my phone. “If you’re sure you don’t want any Chinese, I’m going to get my order going.”
“I’m positive. Ryder made Delilah and me some amazing chicken Alfredo, and I’m stuffed. That’s why we were out on the beach. I was trying to work off some of it.”
“And what did your poor husband eat?” I felt bad for him when he’d watch us all eat whatever our hearts desired while he stuck to a regimen of almost all chicken and vegetables.
“He actually had a tiny portion of the noodles and sauce, and then he had a chicken breast and broccoli.” She let out a dreamy sigh. “I don’t know how he does it, but I admire his dedication to his body. I worship it nightly.”
I bet she did.
“Soon, you’ll be pregnant with baby number two if you’re not already.”
“I don’t know. You can never tell how long it will take once you stop taking birth control, but it doesn’t matter to me because I’ll have fun trying to get pregnant all the same.” Getting up from the couch, Lexie looked outside. Probably to where her family was still out playing on the beach. “Now that I know you’re doing okay, I’m going to get back to them. Even though the air isn’t too bad, I still don’t want Delilah out in it too much.”
I understood that. Who knew what it might do to her little lungs?
“But if you need anything, and I mean anything, you know where to find me. Day or night, you know I got you.”
Even more than when we met, I knew I was one lucky bitch to get Lexie and her family as my neighbors. She was the best.
Standing from my perch on the couch, I gave her a big hug. “I feel like I’m always saying this on repeat with you, but thank you. Don’t bother to hesitate to call me if you need anything. In fact, if you and Ryder want to go out or have a night alone, I’d love to watch Delilah for you.”
“We’ll definitely take you up on babysitting.” Opening the sliding glass door, she looked over her shoulder. “Enjoy your Chinese. Next time you plan to order the entire menu, let me know, and I’ll join you.”
“Deal,” I laughed. “At least I have a good excuse. I need the leftovers since I have no food in my house.”
“You never need to have an excuse for ordering from there. If I could, I’d eat it every day, but then my husband would probably kill me. It’s one of his only food weaknesses.”
I tapped my temple. “I’ll remember that.”
“Enjoy the rest of your night, and congrats on your chapters. If you keep that up, you’ll have your book finished in no time,” she said before she closed the door and walked back to her family.
My fingers were already itching to get back to hitting the keys on my keyboard. Maybe if I was lucky, I could write another chapter before my food got here.
Taking one final look at my neighbors as Ryder ran through the water with Delilah on his shoulders, I let out a sigh.
Soon.
Soon I’d have something like that—minus the dad.
>
20
Remy
“You don’t look like a guy who passed his test,” Eric said as he sat on the stool beside me.
I shrugged and finished off my drink.
“How long are you going to mope about this girl? You’ve been back a month, and every time I see you, you look like someone kicked your puppy.”
“I guess when I stop thinking about her every second that I’m not working or studying. Now that I don’t have to study, I guess I’ll have more time on my hands to try and get over her.”
Eric let out a frustrated huff before he lifted two fingers in the air and then motioned down to my beer. A few moments later, the bartender set a beer down in front of each of us.
“From what you told me, which isn’t much I might add, you’re the one that broke up with her. There had to be a reason.” He took a sip of his beer and then placed both elbows on the sticky bar, not seeming to care what he was sticking to. “Why did you cut things off with this woman if you’re so hung up on her, huh? Did she cheat on you?”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I growled. “Stella did absolutely nothing wrong. It was all me. I was the stupid motherfucker.”
Turning on his stool, Eric squared his shoulders as he took me in. “Why the fuck did you cheat on her if you like her so damn much?”
“I didn’t cheat on her asshole. That’s not who I am.” Never in a thousand years would I cheat on Stella, not after what she told me her ex-husband had done.
“Then what did you do to fuck up so royally?”
Closing my eyes, I tried to center myself even though I knew it wouldn’t do much good. “I’m not good enough for her, plain and simple.”
“Why do you say that? Women seem to gravitate toward you wherever you go. You’ve got to have something they like.”
His words made me chuckle. It was obvious Eric didn’t usually have these types of conversations, so it was something he was trying with me.
“I have no problem getting women. That’s not the problem. I saw some things when I was deployed no person should ever have to see” Looking straight ahead, I told Eric the whole story.
Eric clapped a hand on my shoulder and gave me a tight smile. “You don’t have to keep talking if you don’t want to, man. I’ve heard nightmare stories from buddies who’ve been over there.”
I nodded that I heard him, but I kept going. “If it wasn’t for another guy in my unit, I probably wouldn’t be here right now. He saved me one day when my mind wasn’t on the mission. After not resisting, I decided to make some easy cash by working on yachts.”
Eric’s brows rose. “Yachts, really? What are you doing here then?”
“My life doesn’t feel right unless I’m helping people, and as much as working on boats helped me not think about my past, it wasn’t fulfilling. Anyway, one morning when I was alone, I was on Instagram checking to see if Stella had posted anything new and decided to see how Tyler, the guy who saved me, was doing. He posted as often as possible, and it helped keep me connected with the guys still over there. When I went to his account, I found out he’d died over there.” Picking up my beer, I slammed the whole thing and still wanted more. I signaled for the bartender to bring me another while I stared down at my empty beer bottle, running my fingertip around the edge of the lip. “The guilt of not being there for him the way he was for me was tough. I knew then my time on the boats was over after that season. I’d wanted to be a fireman before, but something was holding me back. After that day, I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to be out there helping people instead of hiding out in Spain.”
“Fuck, that’s tough, man. I had no idea.” His mouth turned down as he picked at the label on his bottle of beer. “So, what happened?”
“I had a nightmare while in bed with her and kind of freaked out. I knew I wasn’t as put together as I thought I was. Stella deserves so much more than me, so I broke it off before I ended up damaging her.”
“Don’t you think you should have given her the choice?” His face turned serious, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to like what he said or not. “I’m not saying I believe it, but maybe she’s the one to heal you.”
Eric was probably right. They all were. If I’d told Stella about my dream and what occurred while I was deployed, she probably would have understood why I needed some time to myself, but there was a constant nagging in the back of my head saying I might never be over the trauma of Damon’s death.
“What if I’m the one to fuck her up beyond all recognition?” I choked out, barely more than a whisper.
“Because that’s how you see yourself?” I gave him a one-shoulder shrug. “I didn’t know you before, but I do know you now, and you’re a great guy when you’re not moping around. You’re never going to be the man you were before you left. Everyone changes, but you changed even more so while you were gone. That’s okay. She didn’t know you then. She knows the Remy you are today, and I think she liked what she saw.”
“You make it sound so easy, but you didn’t see the hurt in her eyes when I left.”
“No, I didn’t, but if it has you so torn up about it, you should rectify the matter.”
He was right. I did want to fix the wrong I’d made, but the thought of what if it happened again kept me from reaching out to her.
“I need to give us more time.”
Eric shook his head in annoyance. “What for?” he asked as if I needed a brain transplant.
“Time for her wound to heal and time for me to make sure I don’t hurt her again.”
“Don’t wait too long. If you do, she’ll be healed and leave you in the dust when she finds another man.”
If Stella got over me and found someone else before I was whole, it would be my retribution for Damon and Tyler’s lives.
21
Stella
Turning my face to the heated wind, I closed my eyes and tried to tamp down the urge to spew my breakfast all over the ground in front of everyone.
“Stella, are you okay?” Lexie called from behind me.
Holding up my hand for her to give me a minute, I tried to nod but instead shook my head.
“Hey, babe,” Ryder called out. “Let’s go inside and cool off. You’ve already got some great shots out here. You two can take a break and collect yourselves.”
“That’s a good idea. We can look over the shots I’ve already got and talk about what we want to do next. Does that sound okay to you, Stella?”
While I didn’t want to go inside, it was better than standing out here with the sun beating down on me. What I really wanted was to go back to my house, crawl into my cool bed, and stay there until the nausea that had plagued me for the last two days subsided.
“I’m coming.” I swallowed thickly around the saliva that had worked itself up into my throat and walked slowly to the open door.
Ryder was waiting for me with a cold bottle of water in his hand. “Here,” he handed it over. “You look like you could use this.”
“Thanks. I’m not feeling too great. I don’t know if it was some bad takeout the other day or what, but I can’t seem to move past it.”
“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll load these up to my laptop, and bring it to you once I’m done.” With her hand between my shoulder blades, Lexie all but pushed me over to the couch.
Leaning back onto the cool leather couch, I placed the water bottle to the nape of my neck to try and cool myself off quicker. I watched as Ryder went to the baby monitor to check on Delilah.
It wasn’t long before Lexie came back into the room with her computer in hand. She sat down beside me and then placed the back of her hand to my forehead. “You don’t feel hot. Do you think you’re getting sick?”
“I don’t know. I’ve felt off for at least a week, and then this nausea that won’t subside for the last two days. The only thing I’ve been able to keep down is crackers and ginger ale.”
She bit the inside of her cheek and then glanced over to her husband. “How have yo
u felt off?”
Rolling my head to the side as it rested on the cushion to look at her better, I answered her as best I could. I was dumbfounded by the way I’d been feeling. I was up and down from one minute to the next. “I’ve been overly emotional. I swear the littlest things make me cry. Yesterday, I cried while I wrote an entire chapter, and it wasn’t even sad.” My head shook, unable to understand what was going on with me. “My boobs are all of a sudden about ready to spill out of every bra I own.”
Her eyes went to my breasts and back up to my face. “I didn’t want to say anything, but yeah, they do seem bigger. I thought maybe you’re about ready to get your period.”
My period.
“I...I can’t remember when my last one was. I’d have to look at my calendar, but it does seem…” My eyes went wide. “I think I’m late.”
What was I going to do if I was pregnant with Remy’s baby and how had it not occurred to me until Lexie hinted at it?
“Really?” She sat up straighter—a glimmer in her eyes. “I know you might not be ready, but…” She leaned in closer and whispered, “I do have some pregnancy tests in my bathroom. I brought them this morning and plan to take one tomorrow morning.”
“Are you serious?” Could it be possible that Lexie and I might be pregnant at the same time?
“Yes, but don’t tell Ryder. I want to surprise him tomorrow night. His mom is going to take Delilah, and we’re going to have a little date.” She shimmied her shoulders, making me laugh.
“Have fun.”
“We always do. So, what do you say we go upstairs, and you take a test, or you can go home, and I’ll bring it over to you that way Ryder won’t get suspicious?”
It was cute that she wanted to surprise him.
“How could I?”
“Please tell me I don’t have to explain the birds and the bees to you,” she laughed. “Did you always use protection?”
