She breezed away as my stomach complained about having to wait for the food to cook.
I grabbed the coffee and sipped. It was good – strong and hot. Much better than I was expecting. For a greasy diner, they had coffee on par with my usual haunt in Cincinnati, Java Jive. Felicia and I used to meet there to drink joe and talk.
Oh, God, Felicia. What had I done to her? Her heart must have shattered into a thousand pieces when she’d read my note. I could imagine her crying, howling with grief. She’d wanted to be my girlfriend for years. I’d held her at bay for what seemed like forever.
And then I’d finally given in. I mean, she was perfect for me, you know? She understood me. She was gentle and kind and sweet. And she was a hell of a lover – the best I’d ever had. When I’d finally stopped fighting it, allowed her to have what she’d been dreaming of, it had seemed like the most perfect thing in the world. We were made for each other, and we were finally together.
But what could I do about it? Gerard Dulac had kidnapped her to get to me. He’d made her stand naked before us with a knife to her throat. He’d threatened to charm her to kill herself if I didn’t do as he said.
Yeah, sure I’d beaten him. I’d set him on fire and rescued Felicia. But I couldn’t guarantee I would be that lucky the next time. The next fiend who wanted to use her to hurt me might pull it off. Felicia might be seriously harmed. Or killed. I couldn’t have that.
Especially since Ephraim was gunning for me.
So I’d done the only sensible thing, you know? I left town. I didn’t tell her where I was going. I didn’t tell her I was leaving at all. I left her a note with a lame apology and a heartfelt I-love-you. It was shitty. But that’s me – Sassy Kincaide, Fuckup Extraordinaire.
Felicia was back in Cincinnati, probably still crying her eyes out, and I was here in Chicago happily drinking coffee that reminded me of Java Jive’s. What an asshole I am. But at least Felicia was safe.
I drank some more of this unreasonably good coffee and then forced my mind away from the woman I loved more than anything. Trying to distract myself, I got out the phone and worked on setting it up. It asked for a name.
Okay, so here I went establishing a new identity. What should I choose? Hermione Granger? Katniss Everdeen? Buffy Summers? A little too obvious, all of them.
I briefly considered Holly Gennaro. That would be obscure, and I am a huge Die Hard fan. Greatest Christmas movie ever made, bar none.
But as much as I loved Holly’s no-nonsense approach and Bonnie Bedelia’s spot-on delivery of her lines, Mrs. McClane wasn’t exactly the ass-kicker I was. She was tough and brash, but aside from punching out asshole TV reporter Richard Thornberg at the end of the movie, she wasn’t laying a whupping on anyone.
After thinking some more, I hit on Sarah Connor. Now, you might think that one was obvious too, but the genius of it was that it could easily be a real person’s name. In fact, I’m sure it was, at least until James Cameron and Arnold Schwarzenegger made it famous. And let’s face it, Linda Hamilton’s Sarah Connor was badass! Especially in T2. So yeah, “Sarah Connor” had everything. It referenced a tough woman you did not want to mess with, and it sort of sounded generic. Plus, it meant something to me.
With that worked out and the phone set up, I checked the charge. The battery was at eleven percent, so I figured I would have to wait to do much with it before I could get somewhere to plug it in. But at least I had access to the Internet if I needed it.
The server returned with my food, and I thought I might start drooling. There were four slices of bacon, a ton of hash browns, and the pancakes were ginormous. I thanked her as she warmed my coffee and then dug in.
No food had ever tasted better in my life. Part of it was the hunger – there is nothing like filling your belly when it’s been empty for overlong. Part of it was the grease. My arteries were hardening at the sight of this meal, but I didn’t care. I put bacon in my mouth and savored the rich, salty taste of the fat on my tongue. I prefer my bacon not crisp, and this was perfect. It lets you really chew the fat. And, oh, did I. I may have been starving, but I savored every greasy, delicious bite.
I actually ate the whole damned thing – both eggs, the bacon, the hash browns, and three giant pancakes smothered in butter and syrup. My stomach was totally distended and complained about how tight my leather pants were. I had to resist the urge not to sit back and go into an extended food coma.
When I’d finished, I opened my phone and went though the hassle of calling to activate it. Once that was accomplished, I Googled cheap motels. I shuddered at the thought of some rat-trap, fuck-palace with hourly rates. But I needed a place where I could lie low, and the manager wouldn’t ask any questions. Google suggested the Come On Inn, which offered rooms for $34.99 a night or two hundred dollars a week. I cringed at the likely double entendre of the name but decided it would do.
Then I called a taxi. With a ride on the way, I paid my check, tipping my server thirty percent. I wanted her to get an above-average tip, but I didn’t want it to be exorbitant enough that she would remember me.
The cab collected me ten minutes later, and I was off to questionable lodgings.
Felicia
Felicia stood in the parking garage and shivered. She’d overestimated the weather. A few days ago, it had been sunny and fine. But the late-April air hadn’t given itself fully to Spring yet, and the chill of winter had returned for a curtain call. The thin jacket she’d worn over her off-the-shoulder, cotton peasant top and blue leggings just wasn’t sufficient against Mother Nature’s cruel tricks today. Underground, in the concrete box of the parking garage, she was at least out of the wind. But it was still cold, and she kept her hands stuffed in her coat pockets as she huddled in wait.
A few feet away, Ben’s black Camry sat quietly with a collection of equally respectable but inexpensive sedans. Allsworth, Bingham, and Hamilton may have been a ritzy law firm, but this level of the parking garage seemed to be reserved for non-lawyer staff and attorneys who hadn’t made partner and were still up to their eyeballs in student loan debt. Sassy had told Felicia Ben really wanted a Lexus, but he couldn’t afford one yet.
Sassy.
I love you, she’d written. That’s why I have to leave.
That was the stupidest thing anyone had ever said to Felicia. It made absolutely zero sense.
I know that seems like a stupid thing to say but hear me out.
No. She wasn’t hearing her out. She wasn’t listening to a God-damned word of Sassy’s hardheaded, rush-to-the-most-extreme-solution bullshit. If Sassy thought that what’s love was about, if she thought Felicia would just lie down and quit on her, she had a lot to learn.
Tears crept to the edges of Felicia’s eyes. She wiped them away angrily. She needed to be strong here. She couldn’t show weakness.
Not far away, an elevator binged softly, the sound echoing off the walls. A moment later, she heard the metal door slide open and voices as people got off.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” a woman’s voice said with a laugh.
“Come on,” a man chided, “it’s just dinner. “If you hate me, odds are the food will at least be good.”
It was Ben. She recognized that rich baritone of his. She’d only met him a few times – it wasn’t like Sassy hung out with her big brother a lot. Despite growing up together, they lived in two very different worlds. But Felicia would have recognized his voice anywhere. It was strong, warm, and authoritative.
“And if I hate the food too?” the woman replied.
“Well, then you’ll know not to listen to me anymore,” Ben said.
She laughed.
A moment later, they came into view. Ben looked exactly the same as the last time Felicia had seen him. His light skin was a few shades darker than Sassy’s, and his features were definitely more African – wide nose and cheeks, chocolate-brown eyes, a pronounced chin. He wore his jet-black hair cut really short, and he was dressed in a conservative, grey sui
t, black wingtips, and black overcoat.
The woman was Black too and absolutely gorgeous – tall, lithe, cocoa-colored skin, short, black hair that was stylishly poofy on top. She was dressed in a smart, grey suit today, with an elegant and professional blue blouse. Every inch of her appearance radiated class. She wasn’t Felicia’s type at all, but she understood why Ben was attracted to her.
And that meant she had to be Rachel Givens, the lawyer at Allsworth, Bingham, & Hamilton Ben had been chasing almost from the day he was hired. Sassy was constantly asking Ben when he was going to make a move on her. As usual, straight-laced Ben didn’t care for that sort of pressure.
“So where are you taking me?” Rachel asked.
“Oh, I thought maybe Ruth’s Chris.”
“Daaaamn, you are serious.”
“Hey, this may be my only shot to impress you.”
She laughed again. Shit. They were on a date. They were leaving work and heading out to a fancy restaurant. So Ben finally had worked up the guts to ask her out. Damn it, this was really inconvenient timing. Felicia had wanted to talk to him alone.
“So you figure steak and cabernet is the path to my heart, huh?” Rachel said.
“Partly,” he said. “But it’s definitely the way to mine. So if this doesn’t work out, I’ll have a consolation prize.”
She threw him a sexy grin.
“Now, I know you like me. Anybody who thinks expensive steak and wine is a consolation prize is definitely into you, right?”
“Damn,” Ben joked. “You’ve found me out.”
She laughed again as they reached Ben’s Camry.
“Do you want to take one car or two?” he asked.
Rachel’s expression changed. She continued to smile, but it was much more serious.
“Let’s keep at two for now, Benjamin,” she said. “I like you, but I want options. Let’s take things slow, okay?”
Felicia shook her head. From what Sassy had told her, Ben didn’t have a lot of experience with women. Despite being incredibly handsome, he’d been driven in high school to get into a good college and then in college to get into a good law school. Ben always had his eye far down the road, and he hadn’t noticed the women practically throwing themselves at him.
Now, that he was finally trying to win one over, he didn’t have a lot of experience, and he’d just seriously overplayed his hand.
“Of course,” he said, trying not to sound awkward or foolish. He didn’t really pull it off. “No problem. Let me escort you to yours, though.”
“Oh, so gallant,” she said, laying a slice of sarcasm on top of her words.
Ben smirked, then gestured toward Rachel’s vehicle. Felicia cleared her throat and stepped forward. She didn’t have any more time to waste watching Ben fumble his way through a first date with his dream girl.
“Ben?” she said.
They turned towards her in unison. Ben looked confused – as though he didn’t recognize her. And then realization fell over his face like a curtain. He hadn’t expected to see her here. It was out of his usual context for her.
“Felicia?” he said.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she said, coming forward.
“Who’s this?” Rachel asked.
For a moment, Ben looked scared – like maybe he was worried Rachel would be jealous or suspicious or something. Then he grimaced.
“Felicia Fox,” he answered. “A friend of my sister’s.”
“Girlfriend,” Felicia corrected. Sassy may not have told Ben anything, but Felicia was determined to make it clear she had a stronger claim on Sassy than just “friend.” She offered her hand. “You must be Rachel.”
Several flavors of panic exploded across Ben’s face. It was obvious now that Sassy hadn’t told him, and it worried him. WTF? He knew Sassy was bi. Why should he be worried about her being in a relationship with a woman. Unless Rachel was one of those churchy homophobes? Or may be he was just freaked that Felicia knew who Rachel was.
“Yes, Rachel Givens,” she replied as she shook hands.
Her grip was firm, her hand warm. This woman was used to navigating a man’s world and holding her own. A weak handshake told toxic males you couldn’t cut it.
“What are you doing here, Felicia?” Ben asked.
Felicia might have laughed if she hadn’t been so upset. Ben was in panic mode and was trying to regain control of the situation. It would have been amusing if her purpose here wasn’t so serious.
“I’m sorry,” Felicia said. “I didn’t think I should come up to the office, and I don’t have your address, so I couldn’t come by your home.”
A shadow passed across his face. Then his expression turned stern.
“Felicia, what’s wrong?” he said.
Her eyes grew wet. God damn it, how had that happened? How had he seen through so easily? How had her emotions betrayed her resolve so quickly?
“Ben, Sassy’s gone,” she said, choking back tears.
His eyes widened. Concern and worry raced onto his face and refused to leave.
“What do you mean, ‘gone’?” Rachel asked.
“She disappeared,” Felicia said.
“When?” Ben asked.
“Yesterday. She . . .”
Felicia was unable to finish the sentence. All the heartache and betrayal were too much. Her eyes poured tears down her cheeks as though someone else had turned on a faucet against her will and left it running.
Ben stood frozen to the spot. Panic seized him. He looked like he’d seen Medusa and been petrified.
“Have you gone to the police?” Rachel asked.
“I can’t,” Felicia sobbed.
“Why not?” Rachel said.
Her voice was all sympathy. She stepped forward and put a hand on Felicia’s arm. This woman Felicia didn’t know at all, who was supposed to be a tough-as-nails lawyer, was full of compassion and care. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Felicia hoped Ben didn’t screw things up with her. She was kind.
But at the moment, all Felicia could really think about was her own love life and how badly wrong it had gone.
“She left a note,” Felicia said.
“I don’t understand,” Rachel said, cocking her head.
Felicia swallowed hard. This was the part that was hard to say – the part that revealed her for the fool she was.
“She wasn’t abducted,” she confessed. “She left. She texted me to meet her at her apartment, and when I got there, there was a note on the door for me. She told me she was leaving and not to try to find her.”
Unable to stop herself, Felicia burst into a fresh round of sobs. Ben’s look of naked fear transformed to anger. His brown eyes burned with coiled fury, although Felicia couldn’t be sure if he was mad at her for coming to see him or at Sassy for leaving. It didn’t matter.
“Felicia, what are you hoping we can do?” Rachel asked, flashing a Ben a WTF look.
“It’s just . . .” Felica began, but she had to choke back tears again before she could continue. “She didn’t just leave me a note. She’s gone, Ben. And she doesn’t have any money, so where could she go? And I’ve tried texting and calling her—”
“Felicia,” Ben said, forced patience in his voice, “if she doesn’t want to see you, she’s not going to reply to your texts. Trust me, I know this from experience.”
“No, you don’t understand, Ben. It’s not that she’s ignoring me. None of my texts are even going through. When I call, her phone goes straight to voicemail.”
“Felicia, sweetie,” Rachel said, ladling as much sympathy into her voice as she could manage. “If she doesn’t want to see or talk to you, it’s possible she may have blocked your number.”
“No, she wouldn’t do that to me,” Felicia wailed. “You don’t understand.”
Hot fury driven by frustration rose in her heart. She had no idea what Ben had told Rachel about Sassy, but neither Ben nor she understood. They were patronizing her, not actually listening.
“Felicia, what do you want me to do?” Ben asked.
There it was: the obvious question. The thing he shouldn’t have had to ask. The thing he should have just volunteered to do – help. No wonder Sassy would get so mad at him.
“Can you just try finding her?” she sobbed. “I . . . I don’t know where to look. I don’t know how to look. But you’re a lawyer. You have connections.”
“I don’t think you or Sassy understand how lawyers work,” Ben said, shaking his head. “We’re not the police.”
“Damn it, Ben,” she snapped. “Please! I need to know she’s okay. I need to find her. I’m telling you she’s in trouble. If her phone is off or gone, if she’s blocked me and she’s disappeared without any money, something is wrong.”
Ben sighed. He studied Felicia carefully for a few seconds.
“All right, fine,” he said. “Give me your number.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know if I can do anything to help at all, Felicia. Like I told you, I’m a lawyer, not a cop. So I’ll need to do some digging, which will take time. I’ll text you when and if I find something out.”
Felicia frowned, but she pulled out her phone. They exchanged numbers.
“Thanks, Ben,” Felicia said.
“Don’t thank me,” he replied. “I doubt I am going to be able to do anything to help. But I’ll try.”
“That’s all I can ask,” she said.
She sighed. Had she reached him? He was willing to help, but he also acted irritated. She wasn’t sure she had fully impressed the gravity of the situation on him.
But what else could she do? She couldn’t tell him Sassy had run away because Ephraim wanted to kill her. She couldn’t show him the note – it contained information he wasn’t allowed to know.
I’ve put your life in danger. You were nearly killed by Gerard Dulac, just so he could get to me. And Ephraim has apparently escaped from The Order and is out there somewhere, hunting for me. So there is no way for you to be safe as long as you are with me.
Yeah. Ben couldn’t read that. He would want to know what it meant. And Felicia couldn’t tell him.
Personal Demons Page 3
