by C. Lesbirel
I mull over the decision all the way back to Florida. He’d chartered me a plane, which I was grateful for, but my heart sank when a stranger in a Parker Airlines uniform came to greet me in the VIP lounge, and there was no sign of him.
Deciding to follow his lead, I resist the urge to text him and make my way home, back to the quiet and calm of my apartment, except when I get there it feels anything but calm. All of my things are where I left them, yet it doesn’t feel like home after spending time at Panda Hearts. My heart was very much still in China with my fur babies.
My phone vibrates with a much-awaited text from Liam, but the message is half-hearted and lackluster.
Liam: Hope your flight back was ok?
I reply simply, adding a kiss then delete it again feeling as though we’d somehow wound back to being two strangers despite the closeness we’d shared in China.
Heaven: Fine, thanks.
He must sense the tension because he fires me another text straight away.
Liam: Dinner tonight. Pick you up at 7?
Heaven: Yes, see you then.
That’s more like it, I grin to myself, clutching the phone to my chest for a second, savoring the idea of him picking me up for dinner. Quickly overthinking, and doubt creeps in again. What if he wants to end things face to face?
I call Brianna, who is immediately committed to resolving my dilemma in a few choice words.
“Are you crazy? It wasn’t his fault he had to go. The hot millionaire... Correction, probably billionaire is falling in love with you, and you want to move to China to hole yourself away with a bunch of pandas and relive your backpacking days like you’re not about to turn thirty?”
“Slightly harsh.”
“But true. Heaven, why would you not give this a chance?”
“It’s not that I’m not giving him a chance, it’s just that I’m not about to have my heart trampled on again by someone who doesn’t put me first.”
“He’s not, not putting you first. I thought you said he had a family emergency?”
“He dropped me like a hot potato, and I’ve literally only had a few texts from him since. I feel like our worlds are just so different, and if I can’t picture myself fitting into his glitz and glam life, then why would I turn down an opportunity to do something I love. In a place I love. With people I love. I need to think things through; you’re not helping,” I accuse her, wriggling out of my comfy leggings and pulling some skinny jeans out of the clean pile of washing I’d done before I left for China.
“Wrong. I am helping, it’s just some people are beyond help.” She sighs dramatically, and I roll my eyes. “Have dinner, see how you feel when you are with him. If you have the same chemistry here as you did in Chengdu, then you’d be an absolute balloon head to leave.”
“Point taken. I’m getting ready now, so I’ll talk to you tomorrow. We can grab a coffee if you have time?”
“You’re my best friend. Of course I have time,” she replies, and I smile as I say goodbye and hang up the phone. She’s totally right, I owe it to myself to give Liam a chance to redeem himself, after the last few days.
Choosing some black crisscross strappy platform sandals and a black t-shirt with organza puff sleeves, I wriggle into my skinniest skinny jeans and decide to go all out. I have never been overly into appearance, but I want Liam to like what he sees. I love how he picks up on all the small details, and I want him to know that I’ve made the effort tonight. For him.
I spend longer than I should shading my eyebrows in and applying enough makeup to pull off a nude-glam look strong enough to rival Selena Gomez’s, and then have a glass of wine to get myself in the mood.
By the time I’m ready, it’s 7:05 and there’s no sign of Liam. I pour another glass of wine and perch on the end of my sofa, spinning my phone around in my hand waiting for him to call.
He doesn’t.
By 7:15 I’m considering pouring my third glass of wine when he finally makes contact by way of a crappy text message.
Liam: Really sorry, can’t make it tonight. Will have to take a raincheck. X
My hand clenches around my glass, and I take a swig of the wine straight from the bottle, throwing my phone down on the sofa in frustration. A fucking raincheck. That’s how little he thinks of me, that he can let me down just like that, at the last minute and without even bothering to call? I should have known this was too good to be true.
Only when I’ve finished off my bottle of wine do I bother to pick up my phone again and notice another crappy message sent around an hour after the first.
Liam: Sorry again. U ok?
What did he care if I was okay? I’m shocked he even cared to ask. Am I okay… It’s then I realize how selfish I’ve been. Maybe his brother isn’t, what if he’s worse than he let on in our short conversations.
25
Liam
I stare at Heaven’s beautiful face on my phone as FaceTime connects. I’m surprised she even agreed to come to dinner with me tonight after I stood her up by text message yesterday, but the signal in the hospital was bad and Warren’s mood had gone from bad to black. He’d well and truly dug his heels in about never flying again and not seeing any of us, which was probably the hardest part.
“Hey, you,” I greet her, instantly noticing the lack of sparkle in her eyes and knowing I’d upset her by not turning up last night. “You look gorgeous.” Oh fuck, she was all dolled up, I could tell from the slick of cherry red lip gloss she on her kissable lips that wore a small smile formed as she took my compliment.
“Thanks, where are you?”
“Well, that’s why I’m calling. I’m so sorry, but I can’t make it, Heaven. Things are a little crazy here, and I’m struggling to get away.” It was the truth. Since everyone’s efforts were being poured into getting Warren back to his usual self and changing pilots on all of the flights he was scheduled to do, the business decisions that won’t wait, had to be made by someone. That someone was me. Dad needed to be with Mom, and Mom needed to be with Warren, despite him constantly pushing her away. The guys have enough on their plates with visiting Warren, covering his flights and having some kind of normal life in between, and Shiloh wouldn’t have a clue as she’s never been involved in any corporate affairs. I needed to do this for my family, and it’s what’s best for business. Everything else could wait.
Including the woman I’ve waited my entire lifetime to meet.
Except, I forgot how fucking stunning she is and how much her pretty blue eyes turn my world upside down every time I look into them.
“You’re still at work?”
“Yeah, I’m really sorry. I know this is crap, I really wanted to come and make it up to you after last night.”
“It’s okay, I get that you’re busy. I hope your brother is doing well...”
Fuck. I’ve been avoiding the topic of my brother, and typical of Heaven to be so goddamn nice about everything when I’m being unfair to her. To us. If there even is an us.
“It’s more than busy, I’ll tell you more when I see you.”
“I’ll see you soon then. Let me know if you need anything?”
“Thanks,” is all I can manage, unable to think straight now that we’re face to face. It was much easier to text. Probably because I completely underestimated the effect she has on me.
“I’ll call you,” I promise, ending the call, not convincing either of us that I would.
“Was that China girl?” Shiloh appears in the doorway of my office looking intrigued.
“Were you spying on me?”
“Not spying, just being curious. There’s a difference.”
“Her name’s Heaven.”
“I’ve been so busy with everything I forgot to ask how things went. Before you had to come home, I mean. Did you have a good time?”
“Yeah. I think we had something,” I admit.
“That’s awesome! I’m so happy. Did you get a photo? Let me see what she looks like.”
I flip out
my phone and realize all of the photos we took were on her phone. “I didn’t get a photo, but believe me, she’s unreal.”
“Unreal. Okay, you like this girl.”
“I do, but my head’s not in it, Shiloh. We’ve got so much going on.”
“I’m only here to pick up some files, but the world will wait for love, Liam Parker. The world will wait,” she yells as she walks out of my office and into my dad’s office next door to grab the files, he’s asked her to get for him.
The world doesn’t feel like it will wait for anything as I’m bombarded with problem after problem, and I don’t end up leaving the office until ten. It’s probably a bit late to text her now, but I make a mental note to text Heaven in the morning and invite her out for dinner. Third time’s a charm, right?
I take a call from Mason for an update on Warren who is pretty much the same, except some movement in his lower arm has returned, which is good news. Then decide to head out for a much-needed run to clear my head. All I can think of is Heaven and the million ways I would have let her down if I was in a relationship with her.
As I pound the pavement, the rain starts to pour down, but I keep going. I need to switch off. To not think about anything for just five fucking milliseconds. Panting and breathless, I sprint uphill for as far as I can with the wind in my face. The sounds of cars racing past and rain hitting the ground around me ring through my ears all the while images of Heaven flash in my head.
Me rowing her around on the lake… her making that pathetic excuse to smoke in the tea house. The sassy woman who didn’t back down to a man trying to paw at her. The first time I saw her fully naked on the plane and how shy she’d been. My head between her thighs. Her waking up at my place and looking up at me with those huge baby midnight blue eyes and messy hair from sleeping on my sofa.
Her.
Her.
Fucking her.
Is this what it feels like? To find that someone.
To fall for someone.
What is it about this woman that has captivated me?
I have to stop to catch my breath, and I take out my phone and flip her a text on a whim. Thank God for waterproof phones.
Liam: U ok?
Her reply comes quicker than I deserve, and my stomach clenches along with my jaw when I read it.
Heaven: I’m fine, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t put me first, Liam.
26
Heaven
It’s funny how life throws opportunities at you and sometimes they are so well hidden you might miss them. But not this one. China was the only place I truly felt happy, and at home. I’m not about to pass up such an incredible opportunity for a guy.
A guy who, granted, is probably the best-looking guy that walked the planet, has the ability to turn me to mush in a single compliment or flick me one of those killer smiles I can’t get out of my head. But, he’s still just a guy who doesn’t text or call, all the same.
I’m not about to make the same mistake twice.
After talking things through with Brianna, I turned ideas into reality and accepted the job offer in Chengdu. A two-year contract to complete vital research on pandas’ behaviors in the wild versus in captivity. This will allow Panda Hearts to roll out a program that helps other rescue centers in China and zoos worldwide.
A program I already had my heart set on. It’s so important that these beautiful creatures are given the best opportunity to live out their days in captivity as close as possible to how they would live in the wild.
I text Liam this morning to let him know about the impromptu farewell get together at Latte Life this afternoon, although I doubt he’ll be able to make it with so much going on at work and with his family.
Brianna, a few other friends I had at her job were all taking an extended lunch to come and see me off. The manager in Chengdu wanted me out there yesterday, and now that my mind is made up, it seems silly to wait around.
I’d hardly slept a wink after rushing around to pack up my apartment. Brianna agreed to pop in before the lease is up and collect the rest of my bits and pieces to store until I come back.
If I come back.
Luckily, my apartment here was furnished, so I don’t need to worry about shifting furniture or anything more than clothes, books, and my beloved rom com dvd collection.
As I scan the room once more, I smile to myself. It doesn’t look like much, but this place had been my home, paid for with my own money, and I’d loved the independence it had given me after being stifled by he-who-shan’t-be-named for too long.
Now that I’m saying goodbye to it again, it feels a little sad. Like I’m letting a part of myself go. Leaving a little piece of me behind.
I’d returned to Florida in the hope of putting down some new roots, but sometimes things happen for a reason. If I hadn’t met Liam, then I wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to go back to China. Sure, I have seen the job vacancy fly around the internal emails, but I have ignored it because it didn’t seem tangible. It’s only through spending time at the rescue center that I realized how much they needed me, and how much I needed to be there.
Pausing in front of the mirror, I pull the hood of my cozy baby blue hoodie up a little higher around my neck and pull my hair back into a loose ponytail. For the first few months, I’ll continue the fundraising in addition to my new position.
I grab the fake Michael Kors crossbody bag I treated myself to in China and throw it on. Liam flashed in my mind, and I smiled at the thought of how disgusted he’d be at the idea of buying a fake handbag. True to my word, I hadn’t charged a single thing to the room at The Ritz. I hated the thought of him thinking I was a gold digger, and I’ve worked my ass off to avoid ever being in a position where I rely on a man to get by.
My packed suitcases are by the door ready for me to pick up in the morning, and I close the door behind me for almost the last time. I’m staying at Brianna’s tonight, so we can have a final night together before she takes me to the airport in the morning.
Everyone is already waiting for me when I get to Latte Life, and Brianna comes bouncing over holding a latte in a tall custom panda printed mug she must have brought with her. “Oh my goodness, thanks. This is fab!”
“You’re welcome, check out the cake.” She nods her head toward the table where all of our friends are sitting around a green heart shaped cake with a panda sitting on the top corner, and the words, ‘Miss you already,’ carefully written in white icing.
“Now, that’s a cake and a half.”
27
Liam
As soon as I walk into the coffee shop, I see her, and it’s like nothing else in the room exists. She has this way about her that I’ve only known a couple women to have. My mom being one of them, and my little sister being the other.
Her beauty is understated but noticeable even at a distance.
She looks right at home here in trainers and a hoodie, and I become aware of onlookers all staring at me. I must stick out like a sore thumb in my formal suit and designer loafers.
It doesn’t take even a minute for her eyes to connect with mine, and I melt on the inside when they do. I ache for this woman, long to hold her, and smell the sea breeze scent of her hair against my shoulder. But, I’m not about to be a selfish asshole.
Asking her to stay when I have so little time to offer her would be unfair. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to, but out of respect for her, I plan on doing the decent thing.
She smiles a smile that doesn’t meet her eyes or make them sparkle, and I feel like shit knowing that I’ve disappointed her.
I nod toward her and erase the tables and chairs between us in a few strides until I’m standing in front of her. She wraps her arms around me in a small hug, and my own arms pull her in close.
Sea breeze hits my nostrils, and my fingers ignite with heat as they grab on to her tiny waist. She tiptoes to land a soft kiss on my cheek and whispers, “You came.”
“Of course,” I mumble back, not le
tting go of her waist and know this is a huge mistake because there’s no way in hell I can let her go without begging her to stay.
She looks up at me with confusion in her blues, as though she doesn’t realize exactly how I feel about her. “Do you want some cake?”
“No, no thanks.”
“You must be, Liam,” a brunette chick yells at me over the noise of the coffee machines. People are getting in the way of what I really want to say to Heaven.
“Yes, nice to meet you.” I hold a handout for her to shake, but she bats it out of the way and stands to glare at me.
“That’s Brianna, she’s my best friend.” Heaven thankfully rescues me from the unannounced awkward standoff and catches my hand, tugging it so I’m seated next to her.
Where I should be.
Always.
“Tell us more about what you’re actually doing out there,” a woman in oversized glasses asks Heaven.
“Yeah, make us jealous,” Brianna calls out, eyeing Heaven and I suspiciously.
All I can do is sit and listen as Heaven shares all the details of the project she’ll be heading up in Chengdu. Her face lights up the way it always does when she talks about the pandas.
My stomach drops to the floor at the realization that my gut instincts were on point. She needs this, and I have zero right to ask her to stay.
“It sounds like a real adventure,” I say as she pauses for breath.
“I’m looking forward to it,” she admits.
“And so you should be.” I’m trying my best to be Mr. Nice Guy, but it’s growing more difficult every second that I’m close to her. “Can I talk to you alone for a minute?” I ask.
She blinks and looks up at me through fluttery lashes as though she can read my thoughts and closes her eyes for a second, like she’s hiding the pain that the unspoken words have already caused her.
