Invasion

by Dmitrii Mansurov

  As it turned out, he really knew how to fight. Because he'd knocked out the shelf that was already barely hanging in place. It fell down along with discs, pens, and books. These things touched the edge of the emergency take-off button in their fall, powering the side engines. In one swoop, the ship flew away from the planet by forty thousand miles.

  The captain, already wearing a helmet, angrily snapped at the vampire, "You freak!"

  Then he turned off the mega-scanner and rushed to rectify the situation. The Moon was right ahead, and if he failed to straighten the ship, it would drive into the Moon in a way that no repair would help to recover from.

  The vampire saw how the ghost faded and then vanished entirely.

  "Got scared!" he grinned maliciously before running to the broken window. It was a great chance to get into the castle and remain unnoticed by the owner.

  ***

  The teeth, whose rows had thinned considerably, became the winners, so they chewed the twitching remains of sawdust happily and flew home.

  ***

  The vampire grabbed the ledges in the wall and began to climb to the broken window. Looking at the flying teeth, he thought with pleasure that something had clearly changed in these places over the last thousands of years. No teeth had existed here before. No, there had only been some persons who had managed to defeat him. And here he was, and here they were not! Ha! This was what living forever meant. His enemies were long in a coffin, and he lived and rejoiced! And not alone but with his great army.

  Where were they raging now?

  The vampire reached the window and looked down. Forty meters. The height was not for the faint of heart! The window led to a corridor with many doors. Hiding here was ridiculously easy. And then he would wait for the right moment and grab the owner by the throat. And he'd be sure to drink all of his blood, till the last drop, so he wouldn't become a vampire, too. He didn't need any competition. This bastard would turn the entire planet upside down in an instance with his stupid tricks.

  "I'm the victor!" the vampire shouted and began to tear pieces from the window. "Hold on tight, you big worthless enemy! Your last hour in this world has begun!"

  He had to hurry, though. The sun was high, and if the clouds dissipated…

  The wings rustled softly. Huge teeth dangled right behind him. The vampire froze and turned.

  Slurp.

  And silence came…

  ***

  The captain managed to slow down at a decent distance from the Moon, but there, he hesitated, not knowing where to go. To return to his home planet? Or to continue monitoring people? With their belligerence, they would be able to hold on. But for how long?

  They were clearly in need of the interplanetary star army.

  ***

  The cunning face dived into the foliage and disappeared. The fox, who was running after her, attacked the bush but found no one. Her mood was terrible. The faces had been continuously following her for the last several hours, and with a sly look, they fled whenever the fox tried to catch them.

  "Stop making fun of me!" she yelled. "Why don't you go to hell? I don't know where it's located but all the same. The farther into the wilds, the stranger everything becomes! I'm going home, and you do whatever you want! I'm not going to be scared of any crows. Ha! Let her fear instead!"

  ***

  Someone knocked on the gates demandingly.

  Kashchey and Maria were sitting at the table, having dinner. Kashchey had kept his promise and repaired the cooking machine. The quality of food had improved significantly, surprising even the princess who was accustomed to luxurious delights.

  Now they were resting. The number of the studied rooms exceeded twenty, and there was still a ton of work ahead. Tens of floors and hundreds ("Hundreds!" Kashchey thought with horror. "Good thing I'm immortal!") of rooms.

  The crow was sitting next to them, leisurely absorbing her favorite meat cutlets. At Maria's request, Kashchey left the bird in the castle. The first days, the crow was overcome by a cheerful, sometimes hysterical laughter at the memories of the fox and the cheese. Gradually, her laughter ended, and she calmed down. Occasionally, the crow looked at Kashchey, still unable to believe that he wasn't some nightmarish fiend from the abyss of madness. He was actually quite a normal person. Kashchey decided to use the crow as a scout. He understood bird language now perfectly thanks to his translator. But he didn't give her any jobs for now, choosing to give her full freedom of actions. He was awfully curious to watch her.

  "The vampire again?" Kashchey was stunned. "What a pushy personality!"

  Someone screamed outside the gates,

  "Kashchey! Come out and fight to death!"

  Kashchey looked at Maria in amusement.

  "These ones came for you! What shall we do?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Do you want to stay in the castle and explore it or do you want to go home and forget about the kidnapping like it was some nightmare?"

  "Of course I want to go back! But I want to explore the castle, too."

  Kashchey grinned.

  "And how do you imagine that can happen?"

  Maria thought about it.

  "Kidnap me every day from eight in the morning to four in the evening," she suggested. "Not counting the weekend."

  "And what will your current and future relatives say to that?" Kashchey asked. "I don't think they'll believe you're coming here purely for research."

  Kashchey raised his hands and formed the horns with them.

  "M-m-mu-u-u-u!" he drawled.

  Maria wavered. Kashchey was right. But this place was so interesting, so mysterious... How could she just leave that?

  "You're such a villain, Kashchey!" she said grimly.

  "That I am," Kashchey assented. "And as a true villain, I can't grant all your wishes. Only one. To let you go home. Take this!"

  Kashchey pulled the plate with the buttons out of his pocket and handed it to Maria. The buttons were five centimeters long and six millimeters wide. Maria treated the gift in a businesslike way. She didn't admire it, demanding technical information at first.

  "What does it do?"

  "With this summoner, you can call me any time. For tea and cake, for example, or for the splitting of taxes. Who knows what will happen?"

  "And what else?"

  "You can use it if something happens and you can't handle it on your own. The first button turns the automatic distress signal on and off. The second one switches communication devices on and off, and the third one turns my hologram on. That's for your enemies."

  "And what exactly happens if I turn it on?"

  "It's like a painting, but it shows me for who I really am."

  Maria shook her head in surprise.

  "I don't remember such a device."

  "I can do something by myself as well, you know! Not to mention that my poor head is filled with so much knowledge that I simply don't understand where I am going to apply it all. But that's just lyrics. The action plan is as follows. I tie you up and leave you at the front door, go out to participate in this unequal battle and lose. The princes enter the castle, free you, and you all come home together!"

  "Wait, there are four buttons here!" the princess interrupted him.

  "Yeah?" Kashchey asked, surprised. "That's right. Well, I think we'll use the fourth button for... M-m-m... for example, to say hello to me! Press the button and my sensor will reflect, 'Hi, Kashchey!'"

  "But you're immortal!" Maria interrupted him again. "How can you lose?"

  "I'm not exactly immortal. I mean, I'm immortal, but you can kill me. And then I will be resurrected again, after the unwanted witnesses of my resurrection have left this place. But no word about it to anyone. Let people think that I'm an ordinary long-liver with delusions of grandeur."

  "People have never even heard such words!"

  "It's their problems... We have to hurry! Do you hear the princes raging and calling me bad words?"

  Maria nodded and sighed s
adly.

  "Should I tell them to come back in a month?" Kashchey wondered.

  "No. Don't."

  "Tell me, do you still wish to marry one of these brutes? Okay. After all, it's not me who has to spend their whole life with them. Don't forget, I'm dead to everyone! Or will be soon."

  Maria nodded.

  "All righty! I wish you all the best and a long happy life! If you're lucky, you won't see me again. But..." Kashchey lowered his voice and added in a whisper, "If you or your future family suddenly have a problem, don't forget about my secret assistance. Because in this case, I'm always alive. And now let's go to the exit quickly. I don't want the princes to break my door."

  ***

  At the gates, Kashchey stopped. Then he started beating at them with his hands, yelling at the princes to let him out to come out to fight to death. Stunned princes froze for a while. Kashchey's unexpected requirement strained their brains hard.

  Kashchey turned to Maria, who was tied to the chair.

  "Goodbye," he said. Maria would have answered but the gag in her mouth prevented her from doing so. So she just looked angrily at her kidnapper. Kashchey sighed. "Sorry, I can't stand hearing the heavy words of goodbye. So let's part in silence. Yeah?"

  And without waiting for another glare, he opened the gates and went out into the street. The gates opened with a heart-rending screech, closed, opened and closed again, then again and again. Kashchey watched mischievously as princes cringed with disgust. He copied the system of creakiness from Yaga, having visited her house once.

  "Here comes your mortal enemy!" he announced, making the gates creak one last time. "On behalf of Princess Maria, let me thank you for not being afraid of me and for going to a war against the greatest villain of our time, that is, me again. This solemn speech dedicated to your arrival is over now. Let's proceed to the second part. Which one of you will fight me first?"

  The princes looked at each other.

  "The gates will open after my death!" Kashchey explained. "Or rather, after yours. In any case, it is not necessary to beat at them with your feet and batons. I know your habits. You just want to kick some doors out with a wild roar. So I'll repeat once more. The gates will open on their own! Are you ready, princes? I understand that seeing the world's biggest villain two steps away is a truly impressive sight, but the princess may take offense at you for the delay."

  "And you dare to scold us?" Yaroslav was indignant. "Which of us has kidnapped her?"

  "I kidnapped her for a couple of months while one of you will take her forever! So which of us is the bigger kidnapper?"

  "I'm not going to kidnap her. I'm going to marry her!" Yaroslav shouted angrily.

  "You will take her away from the palace and from the kingdom," Kashchey remarked. "So it's the same thing. I demand a ransom for her, which none of you have thought to bring, while you plan on taking a huge dowry. By the way, why didn't you bring the ransom?"

  "You talk too much," Artem said with displeasure. "It won't work, stop it!"

  "As you wish!" Kashchey hit the prince with his fist. The fist whizzed over Yaroslav's head and Yaroslav ducked quickly, so in the end, the blow knocked the helmet off Artem's head. Yaroslav raised his sword, the one with eight sharp arrowheads. The first blow of Kashchey's weapon cut Yaroslav's sword into small strips. The Prince stared at the stump of his sword, which had served him faithfully for many years, and then threw it at Kashchey. Kashchey sent the stump flying away with the answering blow of his sword-whip.

  Yaroslav retreated.

  "You won't defeat me just as easily!" he said. "I also have some tricks up my sleeve."

  He turned his left hand by forty-five degrees, stretched it out, and two swords came out of the chain mail, one falling into his right hand, the other into his left one.

  "Bravo!" Kashchey praised and waved his sword-whip. Yaroslav crossed his swords, stopped the whip and tensed. Then he forcefully pushed them forward, slicing the sword-whip like scissors would. Kashchey pulled the sword-whip back and pushed the prince away. Yaroslav fell to the ground, and Artem rushed to attack Kashchey with a sword in his hand.

  "Can't fight me alone?" Kashchey scowled. "You're not playing rounders here!"

  "Well, I want to kill you, too!" Artem said. Kashchey attacked and Artem pushed his sword sideways. The sword-whip got stuck in it. The prince threw his weapon to the side, pulled out a knife and stabbed Kashchey. Flinching, Kashchey struck the prince with such force that Artem flew a dozen of meters away. Kashchey pulled the knife out and looked at the rising Yaroslav.

  "Farewell, prince! I'll be seeing you in your nightmares," Kashchey said and collapsed. "Every night," he added. "Oh!"

  He twitched to make it believable, foamed from the mouth and quietened. The princes looked at each other.

  "That's it?" Artem asked in surprise. Kashchey nearly blurted out, 'What else do you want? A victory concert?' But he restrained himself in time. To be on the safe side, he let out a little more foam. The soap he kept hidden in his mouth had a pleasant strawberry smell but a truly disgusting taste. Sadly, spitting it out ahead of time had been almost impossible.

  Now only the finishing touch was needed. Kashchey's heart stopped beating. A remote detonator tuned to the frequency of his heartbeat worked, and the dynamite and fireworks he had prepared beforehand exploded, creating a true lighting show. A cloud of dust, sand, and multi-colored sparks shot up in the air. Yaroslav and Artem barely had time to cover themselves with cloaks as sand and leaves fell right on their heads.

  When everything went quiet, Yaroslav crawled out from under the coat and helped his brother get up. Looking around in amazement, they went to the gates. This time, they opened easily and silently. The princes entered the castle.

  ***

  When the happy company departed from the castle and moved away by a sufficient distance, a small bump emerged from the ground covered with an even layer of dust. Kashchey's head appeared on the surface. He pushed his hand out and dragged Artem's helmet into the light. Kashchey eyed it in a puzzled way and threw the discovery far behind. Then he got up, dusted himself off, and took the sticky leaf off his clean coat. Holding it closer to his eyes, he let it go. The leaf fell gently, and Kashchey reached into his pocket again. Pulling out the musical keyboard, he began to play a funeral march.

  The crow sat on his shoulder.

  "You were a great villain, Kashchey. Peace to your ashes and peace to your soul," she said in a tragic voice. "And now, time to start the funeral dinner!”

  “Cawww!" the crow added.

  "Don't get carried away," Kashchey warned. "You might overeat in your joy, and we have a lot of things to…"

  The crow croaked reproachfully.

  "Okay, I was joking," Kashchey said. And then they entered the castle.

  To be continued in Kashchey the Immortal: Echoes of the Past - Part Two