by HP Mallory
Without boasting or tooting my own horn, I had to admit I was way beyond proud of myself. I not only explored the Underground, but also managed to defend us against demons, and all by myself. That was an incredible feeling. All of my hard training, combined with the physical and emotional tolls, were well worth it. I achieved the goals I set and became the woman I always strove to be. I was brave and strong.
All of a sudden I had an epiphany. I basically wasted my former life by constantly trying to fix what I believed was wrong with me; but in reality, nothing ever was. The old me never learned that morsel of wisdom. Instead, I tried to change everything about myself until I wasn’t even living my own life. If I worried that I needed to be more outgoing, I read a self-help book about it. If I thought I should be funnier, or more confident, or more easy-going, or more of this and less of that, I could always find a book on the subject. And I read them, all of them. I basically spent most of my adult life reading self-help books. But all they managed to do was keep me from experiencing my own life, and my own feelings, and living how I saw fit. That was probably the biggest lesson I could take from my experience in the Underground. When your life is right on the line, there really is no time but the present.
One thing I knew for sure was that I never could have accomplished what I did in such a short amount of time without the help and guidance of Tallis
Tallis.
Suddenly, I got a strange and intense desire to touch the blade of my sword. It was like a craving or a need that just welled up and exploded inside of me that came out of nowhere. I gripped the hilt of my sword in its scabbard and pulled it out slightly, until the metal blade shone in the moonlight. Then I brought my fingers to the blade. The results of my action nearly knocked me over as a flood of images instantly started flashing before my eyes. I had to stop walking when the images became more real than the forest surrounding me.
I saw a castle, and recognized it was Fergus Castle. The sky was stormy with grey clouds and the water that splashed around the castle moat was the same color as Tallis’s eyes. It was the same castle I saw the first time I touched my sword. That was when Tallis said the sword had identified me as its mistress. Fergus Castle had been in Tallis’s family for centuries.
The castle slowly faded away and I was overcome with the perception that Tallis needed me. I wasn’t sure why, much less how, but I felt sure my sword was trying to impart that information to me. Even though it was nothing but a hunch, and an intuitive feeling, it grew so powerful and resolute, I couldn’t ignore it.
“There it is!” Hearing Bill’s voice made the thoughts inside me vanish in an instant. He started running down the other side of the hill, toward the river, which lay on our right-hand side. It was really more like a creek than a river.
I took a deep breath when my sword ceased giving me any other strange images or feelings. I slid it back down into the scabbard as I tried to make sense of what happened. I knew it was some sort of sign, but what I was supposed to do next, or where I was supposed to go, eluded me.
“Lils, what do we do now?” Bill asked me.
Paying more attention to the immediate task in front of me, I glanced down at the map and noticed we were in the right place. I followed Delilah down to the creek bed. Pulling out the vial with the two souls in it, I reached for a permanent marker in my pack, and wrote on the outside of the vial:
Two Souls retrieved by Delilah Crespo and Lily Harper.
I wanted to make sure we both received our due credit for retrieving the souls. I handed the vial to Delilah, who seemed startled at first, but she accepted it all the same. “So do I just drop it into the water?” she asked and I nodded, remembering the instructions Saxon gave me over the phone. “Okay, here goes,” she said as she released the vial into the water and we watched it disappear downstream. Neither of us said anything. When she looked back at me, her eyes were watering as she smiled. “Thank you for helping me retrieve my first soul.”
I nodded and returned her smile. “Two souls down and eight more to go,” I announced.
Delilah’s grin was warm and happy. “One soul down and nine more to go.”
Just then, Bill reached into his pocket for his phone, which was vibrating with an incoming text message. He flipped the top of the phone open and started reading before glancing up at me with a frown. “Um, Lils, looks like Alaire is looking for you.”
“What?” I asked incredulously as I reached for his phone, which he gladly handed to me.
“I have no clue how the devil got my phone number,” he said as he scratched his head.
“It’s a company phone, Bill,” I answered, my stomach already abuzz with new anxiety. “Jason probably gave it to him.”
“True dat,” Bill replied as I read the text message.
My Dear Ms. Harper,
Having just been informed of the death of one of my employees in the prison realm, I learned from Plutus that you are responsible for this tragic event. If you do not wish to have this incident reported to Afterlife Enterprises, please agree to meet me at the gates of the Underground City next Tuesday evening, 8:00 pm, your time. We can discuss the particulars over dinner.
P.S. If you do not respond to this message by tomorrow at 10:00 pm, your time, or if you refuse to meet me, I will have no choice but to alert Afterlife Enterprises about the unfortunate incident. They will proceed with their own investigation into the matter. Let me also remind you that two infractions buy you a ticket on the nearest train to Shade.
It is a shame we missed one another during your time here. I do hope you enjoyed your stay.
Fondly,
Alaire
“Ugh,” I said as I shook my head and tried to control the anger now pounding through me.
“What did it say?” Bill inquired.
I looked at him and then at Delilah before coming to terms with what I had to do. “It looks like I have a date with the devil,” I said, taking a deep breath. Then the images my sword displayed in my mind and the suffocating feeling that something was wrong with Tallis returned.
Well, Alaire would have to wait for our dinner date. If Tallis needed me, he was my number one priority.
I only hoped I wasn’t too late.
TO HELL AND BACK
Book 3 of the Lily Harper series
by
H.P. Mallory
“Let us descend now unto greater woe.”
– Dante’s Inferno
ONE
Tallis needed me.
That was the only thought in my head.
“Lils,” Bill, my guardian angel, started as he shook his head and a frown contorted his doughy, round face. “There’s no way in hells I’m gonna let you go after that overgrown Scottish ape on your own.” He bit his lower lip like he was about to cry and studied me with narrowed eyes as he shook his head again. Then he sighed. “Not that I’m signin’ up to go after him neither, ’cause I’m not. As I see it, Tido freakin’ took off an’ left us in the dust back there at the tavern so whatever shiznit he’s gotten himself into now, he freakin’ deserves.” Taking a long breath, he faced the third person in our party, Delilah Crespo, who was staring at both of us with wide eyes, shock still obvious in her vacant gaze. Her surprise was, no doubt, based on the fact that she’d just narrowly escaped the third level of the Underground City in which she’d nearly been killed by Plutus, the wolf demon.
“Bill,” I began, having already rejected the notion of taking Bill and Delilah with me to help Tallis out of whatever quandary he was currently in. No, it was imperative that I go to Tallis by myself because I sensed that whatever state Tallis was in, he wouldn’t welcome visitors. He probably wouldn’t even be happy to see me. Yep, knowing Tallis and his less-than-friendly personality, three would most definitely be a crowd.
“No-sir-ee, Billy Bob,” the rotund angel continued, shaking his head slowly from side to side. “We need ta just keep on movin’ an’ get ourselves outta this messed up forest, and get us the hells home. I’ve h
ad enough of this Halloween shit ta last me all …”
“Bill,” I interrupted again, but he immediately speared me with a cross expression. Then he folded his arms over his man boobs. “I have to go back,” I insisted in a tone of voice that forbade any further arguments.
“Nope, Lily Harper, you ain’t about ta convince me otherwise, even with your serious voice. I ain’t fallin’ for it, nips.” Taking a deep breath, he glared at me. “What you’re talkin’ ’bout is pure craziness, girl.” He glanced back at Delilah who still couldn’t manage to utter a sound. “Nope, this is most definitely a case of chicks before dicks.”
“What?” I demanded, frowning at him as frustration began to gnaw inside me.
“The female version of bros before hos,” Bill responded with a shrug like the answer was obvious. “An’ in this case, Tido’s the dick.” He looked over at Delilah again. “Ain’t that the truth, though?”
Delilah just looked back at him blankly.
“Bill, I know it sounds crazy, but …” I started.
“Do I gotta remind you of what’s gonna happen as soon as you start walkin’ through this screwed up hate-forest alone?” He continued to nod like he already had the answer to his question. “It’s gonna trick you out an’ make you lose your way. Then, when you’re all good an’ confused as shit, it’s gonna send one o’ them man-sized spiders ta finish you off; or you’re gonna get raped by one o’ those freakin’ trees just like in that Evil Dead movie. An’ if you’re thinkin’ Bruce Campbell’s gonna pull some zombie killin’ super-coolness, think again, Lils, ’cause this ain’t no classic movie. This here’s real life.” Then he glanced over at Delilah and nodded sullenly. “The struggle is real, yo.”
“Bill,” I said, my tone hinting at my growing irritation.
“For reals,” he said, nodding his head emphatically. “This forest is full of some crazy ass shit that I ain’t gonna be no part of. ’Specially not for freakin’ Conan who don’t give a rat’s ass about good ol’ Billy.”
“Should I remind you that if it weren’t for Conan, I wouldn’t still be here?” I replied glumly. And that was the truth. Having been so ill-prepared for my first two visits to the Underground City, if not for Tallis, I would have lost my life not once, but twice. “And who knows where you would be!”
Bill continued to shake his head as if the past were of no consequence to him. “Billy’s had just about enough of demons an’ wolf men an’ Alaire an’ haunted, rapin’ trees. An’ I’ve fo sure had more than enough of He-Man an’ his Frankenfood he tries to pass off as real grub!” He faced Delilah and raised his eyebrows. “Dee, we gotta get ourselves the hells outta here and into In-N-Out so’s we can forget about this bad frickin’ trip over some triple-triples.” He faced me again. “An’ you, honey mounds, are comin’ with us.”
“No, Bill, I’m not,” I answered with finality.
Our argument had only been going on for a few minutes, but I was already exhausted. Even though I couldn’t deny that it probably was complete insanity for me to even attempt to make my way back to Tallis alone, I also knew it was the right thing to do. Tallis had stood by me too many times for me not to return the favor. And even though I had no idea where he was now, or what sort of trouble he was up against, I only hoped I could help him.
The first hurdle would be navigating the haunted forest, known as the Dark Wood, in order to find him. That might not sound like much of a feat, but Bill was right, the Dark Wood was almost as dangerous as the Underground City, itself. The forest was alive in its own right and seemed to have a vendetta against travelers; i.e., if you were unlucky enough to find yourself lost in the Dark Wood, you were as good as dead.
“Tallis needs me,” I continued. “And I can’t tell you why or how, but as far as this forest is concerned, I know my sword will protect me and keep me safe.” My voice began to waver since my statement sounded ridiculous even to my own ears.
“Your sword is gonna protect you and keep you safe?” Bill repeated, in a tone of obvious disbelief as he stared at me with both eyebrows reaching for the dark sky.
“Yes,” I insisted.
“Nips, I hate ta break it to ya, but no magical Care Bear is just gonna show up and break out a can of demon whup ass with a rainbow, some hearts and a super annoying song.”
I decided to ignore his comment. “When I touched my sword just now, I received the distinct impression that Tallis was in trouble and needed me. It was almost like he was using the sword to communicate with me.” Tallis had forged my sword with his own hands and since he also possessed Druid magic, I figured it wasn’t much of a stretch to believe that he’d endowed the sword with some level of mystical capability, or even magic. “And along with the information that Tallis needs me, I also am pretty sure that I’ll be safe if I go after him.”
“This sounds like crazy talk, yoze,” Bill said as he shook his head before cupping the back of his neck with his sweaty palm, looking as if he were frustrated beyond belief. He glanced over at Delilah and sighed heavily. “Nips has lost her damn mind!”
“Oh,” Delilah said as her eyebrows knitted in the middle of her forehead and she looked like she was about to cry.
“I know it sounds crazy,” I admitted with a nod, hoping my admission would remove all doubt as to whether I still possessed all my marbles. “But I know what the sword showed me and how it made me feel.” Of that, there was no doubt in my mind. “I know that Tallis is in trouble and I have to go to him.”
Bill sighed again. “Then I guess it’s three for the road.”
“No,” I almost snapped as I interrupted him. “Bill, I have to do this alone.” I took a deep breath. “I have to … go alone.”
“Lils, as you know, I’m your guardian angel, but I can’t do much guardin’ if you’re here in this horror forest an’ I’m not!” Bill argued. Truth be told, he wasn’t much of a guardian in the first place. It was strictly his fault that I’d been killed in a car accident several weeks earlier. Apparently, Bill had been paying more attention to seducing some random woman than he had been to ensuring that I was safe. Consequently, I’d died.
Because Bill was employed by Afterlife Enterprises, the company responsible for sorting out the recently dead and sending them on to the Kingdom (think heaven) or the Underground City (think the opposite of heaven), they were the ones who were ultimately responsible for my untimely passing. Since the manager of Afterlife Enterprises, Jason Streethorn, realized I’d basically had him between a rock and a hard place, he’d offered me the option of living again. The only alternative available to me was spending the next hundred years in Shade, which was a holding area for souls before they could move on to the Kingdom. In Shade, there was nothing to look forward to, although there was also nothing to not look forward to. Shade just was. To me, though, Shade sounded like my own personal hell, so I’d opted to live again. But as with most things involving the afterlife, nothing was ever what it seemed …
Due to a glitch in the Afterlife’s computer system during Y2K, souls that were meant to go to the Kingdom ended up in the Underground City, and vice versa. The whole thing ended up being one giant cluster f#$%. Hoping to avoid numerous afterlife lawsuits, Jason Streethorn employed a team of “Soul Retrievers.” Their main responsibility was locating misplaced souls and returning them to their proper location. So where did I enter into this happy little equation? When Jason offered me the chance to live again, admitting that my death was indirectly the fault of Afterlife Enterprises, he offered me life with one condition—that I become a Soul Retriever. At first, I thought I’d gotten the better side of the deal, and I readily agreed, only to discover I was assigned to retrieving souls in the Underground City, which was basically hell by another name. Even though I did have a guardian angel along for the ride, in the grand scheme of things, that didn’t amount to much.
Why? Because Bill wasn’t exactly what anyone would imagine when it came to angels. Instead of a beautiful, glowing entity with white wings, Bil
l looked more like the love child of Jack Black and Zach Galifianakis. Anyway, after my whole untimely death episode, Bill was put on probation. Because Jason Streethorn wasn’t sure what to do with him, he decided to send Bill to me. Even though Bill wasn’t much of an asset, since he couldn’t protect me in the Underground City or the Dark Wood, he had quickly become my best friend. So on that front, I was grateful for him.
“Bill, you know you can’t protect me here; so you being my guardian angel is really a moot point,” I said with a glance at Delilah who was becoming paler by the minute. I faced Bill again. “You need to get her out of here and back to the earthly plane, before she goes into real shock.” From the looks of it, Delilah was maybe no more than a couple steps away from a complete breakdown. Not that I could blame her. This was Delilah’s first mission into the Underground and she was as unprepared as I was my first time around. “Take her to our apartment and teach her everything you know,” I continued. “Then, both of you just wait for me. As soon as I make sure Tallis is okay, I’ll head home.”
“How long is that gonna be, Lils?” Bill demanded, his lips turning down into a worried frown.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” It was an uncomfortable feeling. I didn’t know what was wrong with Tallis, or how long he needed me to tend to him. “Give me a week,” I finished, hoping a week would be enough time. For all I knew, Tallis could already be dead, in which case, I’d be home a lot sooner …
No, don’t even think that! I said to myself. Tallis isn’t dead, you know that. He can’t die.
It was true. Tallis was immortal due to the spirit of the warrior, Donnchadh, who resided inside him. But Tallis’s immortality was both a blessing and a curse. It promised his ongoing health and vitality, but it couldn’t offer him absolution, which was what Tallis ultimately yearned for. “I will try to contact you if I’m able to,” I finished, wondering how that would even be possible as soon as I said it.
