by HP Mallory
“Bad enough that, if you can get Miz D’Arc back to the office for debriefing, they would wipe the slate completely clean; and that goes for any Soul Retriever that brings her in.”
I made a little “oooh” sound when I heard that. Screw the Dark Wood! Jeannie could be Nips’s real ticket outta the Underground City once and for all. But then I thought about Skeletorhorn and Blondie and all the other guys with them that we still didn’t know jackshit about. What if handing Jeannie off to AE was really handing her off to Blondie himself?
Sally snapped me out of it. “Are you still there, Billy?”
“Huh? Yeah, yeah, still here. I just got lost in my thoughts is all.”
Polly snorted. “I never imagined you had enough thoughts to get lost in.”
Oh, that burned my ass. Well, time to show Polly she didn’t know everything. “Something else Lils told me a while ago, something I wanted ta run past you two.”
Sally sounded surprised. “Wait, you mean there’s more?”
“Oh, yeah, goes back ta that Spite situational. Lils told me about a couple o’ spirits that ain’t part o’ that flyin’ death squadron runnin’ around.”
Polly gasped this time. “At the risk of repeating myself, that is impossible. The Spites act as a hive mind these days and thus—”
“Yeah? Well, apparenthesisly, one o’ the beez didn’t make it back ta the hive. An’ git this, he’s Heath-Ledgerly been seen out an’ about fer a few centuries now.”
The tapping on the other end really got fast this time. “That sounds far too much like an unsubstantiated rumor.”
“Ya mean like Jeannie’s location was?”
Polly gave whatever she hit so hard a whack, I wondered if the thing she used to hit it with survivaled.
Sally hummed thoughtfully herself. “You said there were two missing from the Spites, right?”
“Yeah, the spirit of Hope… or is that a rumor too?”
“Uh-uh, no way, Jose!” Sally squealed. “That one’s definitely been off everybody’s radar for a long time. It’s never been as big a priority as Jeanne is but…”
When Sally trailed off, Polly took over. “The bottom line on both is exactly the same, I’m afraid. We have no more knowledge of either spirit than you do… and shall I assume you don’t know where they are at present?”
I felt like a real shitheel for not telling them the other part Lils told me: that Conan’s resident psychopath spirit was supposed to be the Big Bad Spite. But like some of my humans found out the hard way, ya never know who might be listening in. “Yeah, the closest I ever got ta Hope was a phony diamond that the Fabulous Flames used ta con Cauchon while he was holdin’ onta me an’ Tido fer a hot second.”
“You and your demented nicknames! Can you for… tell… names of…”
I couldn’t make out what she said when static came over the line. “Polly? Polly, can ya hear me? Polly?”
I started banging on the phone like that would make things better. But dammit, I couldn’t think of anything else to do! That’s when I heard a voice.
“I’m sorry but this call has been disconnected. Please try your call again later, preferably on a phone that doesn’t belong to me.”
I swallowed hard at hearing Blondie’s voice. He didn’t sound any less pissed now than he was back at the Ice Palace one floor down. Still, I had enough sense to turn my cell’s recorder on and scrunch it next to the receiver. “Last I checked, Blondie, the righteous-ful owner o’ this piece o’ hardware was actually Georgie-Porgie Custer.”
“And how, pray tell, do you believe he received that particular piece of equipment? In fact, there’s not a single weapon or communication device down there which didn’t originate from my generosity.”
That sounded like evidence of cor-robber-ation on Polly’s theory about those shipments. Maybe if I kept him talking, I could get more useful shit outta him. “Gotta say I’m disappointed. I figure a guy like you’d be out-fistin’ these boys with something better than iron musketeers from the Great War.”
“While I admit that is a fair point, it is also worth considering the troops I must equip. Do you think any of them have the slightest idea how to handle, say, a jet fighter? Or a modern M16 rifle for that matter? No, it was best to give them simple, basic armaments if they are to be of any use to me.”
That’s right, keep talkin’, I thought. “So yer sayin’ the Mephits ain’t got the brain-cells ta pull a trigger, yo?”
Blondie snorted in disgust. “Please… you may recall they are literally worms. Higher thought is as far beyond them as celibacy is to you. Giving them anything more sophisticated than the Pain Whips they carry under their coats would be a wasted effort.” I heard his voice shifting gears like an old Harlequin Davidson. “Of course, it is also in my best interests to keep the conflict balanced. That is why I signed them to exclusive contracts among the commanding officers of both the Malebranche and Simoniacs.”
Okay, he’d been free and easy with the info so far. Time to double down or nothing. “Here’s what I don’t git, Blondie. You already own all this real-deal estate anyway, yo. Why go to all the trouble o’ tearin’ it up like this?”
There was a pregnant pause on the other end that soon miscarried. “Just between us, there is a fascinating story behind this move that I would dearly love recorded for posterity… much like everything else I’ve just said.”
My throat and guts clenched at the same time. I wanted to say something but that was in serious conflictation with my sudden need to puke on the spot. Blondie just kept on talking.
“You really thought I didn’t hear you turn on whatever recording device you’re holding up to the receiver, you disgrace for an angel? Or did you think I’d be telling all of this to you, of all people, without good reason?”
It took a little extra work but I managed to get my vocallout chord-ination working again. “So what’s yer game, Blondie?”
“The same one as always: chess. And now that I have a certain piece on the board moving in your direction courtesy of the tracker on this phone, the word ‘checkmate’ comes to mind. I will send your regards to Polyhymnia and Thalia when I catch up with them.” He paused for a moment. “And give my regards to Ms. Harper. Truth be known, I miss her terribly and so do look forward to the moment we reunite.”
“You ain’t never gonna hurt Lils again, you…”
Blondie laughed. “My goal is not to hurt her, you fool. My goal is to tame her until she wishes to be my queen… of her own inclination.” He paused. “And that day will come. Until then, I wish you and yours adieu.”
Even if the smug bastard didn’t hang up on me, I would’ve still dropped that sat phone like the hot potato it was. One thought kept running laps through my head in a vicious cycle: This is bad, this is bad, this is bad. We needed to get outta here… right now.
In no time flat, I was banging on Lily’s door like a jackhammer. “Nips! Tido! We gots trouble, yo!”
“Through the gross and murky air I spied a shape come swimming up…”
-Dante’s Inferno
TWENTY-FIVE
LILY
“Whit’s the matter, stookie angel?” Tallis demanded as he looked at me with an expression of bewilderment.
Bill’s voice on the other side of the door sounded panicked. “Somethin’ big’s gonna be the matter if we don’t split like yesterday!”
Before Bill finished talking, I slipped back into my leather tunic and grabbed my sword. Then I threw open the door and found him sweating and panicked. “Get back downstairs and let everyone know we’re shipping out!”
I reached for Tallis’ blade and tossed it to him as I opened the door wide, noticing the panic of everyone downstairs. Even though neither Tallis nor I had any idea what was going on, I figured we’d find out later. For now, I trusted Bill enough to know whatever was coming, it wasn’t good.
The Flamels and Soul Retrievers gathered what few things they had to their names and watched us with anticipation
as Tallis and I took the stairs two at a time.
“Let’s go,” I said and motioned to the front door.
But when Harry tried to open the front door, it wouldn’t budge. Kay rammed her shoulder into it, followed by Harry doing the same, but the door held fast. Addie came up behind them both and aided in the attempt to strongarm the door into opening which failed yet again. She slapped the door in frustration.
“Why won’t the goddamn thing open?!”
Nicolas shot her a stern rebuke. “Do not take the Lord’s name in vain, jeune femme.”
“Well, excuse me for worrying about getting out of this deathtrap!”
Perenelle ran over to the shelves and snatched a couple of vials. “As the house has proven less than cooperative, perhaps this will help us achieve our egress.”
While she spoke, I heard something familiar coming from overhead. It was the humming of propellers spinning on a plane.
Perenelle hurriedly uncorked the vials and handed one of them to Nicolas. She poured the contents on the top door hinge while her husband followed suit with the bottom one. The metal hinges hissed and popped, sounding almost as loud as the incoming propellers.
Harry and Kay gave the door one more shoulder ram. This time, it fell off its hinges and hung precariously, blocking our path. Kay jumped over it while Harry lifted one edge and held it open for the rest of us. We all ran outside as fast as our legs could carry us.
I could hear Harry nearly choking behind me as he screamed out in pure fear. “Go! Go! Go!”
Whatever he saw indicated our attacker was way too close for comfort. I heard him drop the door as his pounding footsteps sounded behind me. His breath was coming fast and in raspy gasps. Whatever the hell he’d seen had spooked the crap out of him.
We’d just reached the end of the block when a big boom went off behind me, to my left. I felt scorching air a second before the blast lifted me off the ground. A few seconds later, I face-planted into the ground. I didn’t feel any pain right away but the second I tried to sit up, I was overcome with dizziness. I shook my head until my wits returned and then I took stock of my situation.
Everyone else in my small group had been rocked by the explosion as well. They looked as dazed as I felt and were taking a while to push themselves back to their hands and knees. While some of them were a little woozier than others, everyone appeared to be mostly okay. Or at least, there wasn’t any blood to make note of and everyone’s appendages appeared to be intact.
You couldn’t say the same thing about the house, though. It had been turned into a pillar of flame. The conflagration was so hot, it melted the standing stone of the skyscrapers. I glanced up and caught a glimpse of something that looked like it was trying to be a World War I prop plane. It immediately vanished into the clouds.
Of course I could only hope it wasn’t the Baron flying the plane. It wasn’t red so that caused me a bit of relief.
I looked at Tallis who was already running over to me. He pulled me to my feet as he searched the landscape directly around us.
“That plane will be back,” he announced. “We moost take shelter wherever we can find it.” He glanced to his right where, about fifty feet in the distance, a one-story and halfway intact building stood. One half was blown away but the other half was large enough to house us all until we figured out a better plan.
“We move there,” Tallis said as he gestured to the building. I nodded as my hearing gradually returned and I heard someone say over and over again: “All my fault… all my fault…”
I looked at Bill and realized he was the one talking. He seemed well beyond shell-shocked as he sat upright and stared straight ahead. The expression on his face was wide-eyed but not seeing. It was as though he were staring at something horrible that only he could see. His eyes brimmed with tears that overflowed onto his cheeks.
“Bill!” I yelled. “Get moving towards that building!” I said and pointed to the structure in question. Meanwhile the rest of our group overheard me and started for the blown out building.
Once we reached it, I noticed my guardian angel still looking as shell-shocked as he had a second ago. He collapsed in a pile of rubble once we reached the shelter of the building and then stared at one of the intact walls as if he were watching a movie.
I crouched down beside him but when he wouldn’t look at me, I turned his face in my direction. His eyes blinked with recognition and that blank expression on his face blanched into one of relief.
“You’re alive…” he started.
I was surprised but figured he was just shocked and the shock hadn’t quite worn off yet. “Yeah, thanks to you.”
Bill started shaking his head as he pulled away from me. “Thanks ta me, you nearly died again. This was all my fault.” His jaw got tighter as the tears in his eyes came doubly hard. He pushed to his feet and after swaying for a second or two, began walking away from us. Jeanne caught up to him and touched his shoulder.
“Un instant, s’il vous plait, mon petit ami.”
He threw her hand off his shoulder and looked up at her. “Laissez-moi etre!”
By then, Tallis and the Flamels were standing in his way, blocking the only opening in the building. Perenelle squatted down to his eye level and placed a concerned hand on his shoulder. “That, we cannot do. Leaving you will only subject you to the Underground City’s untender mercies.”
Bill glared at her. “Don’t you get it? I’m no good to anyone! An’ this time I really fucked things up! All I ever do is screw up… again an’ again an’ again.”
Harry peered at Bill like he was a rare archeological find he’d just sifted from the sand. “Hey, what’s this really about, Shorty? ‘Cause as far as I can tell, you told us to get our asses outta that building before it went up.”
My little guardian angel appeared torn—like he wanted to answer Harry’s question but he also wanted to hold onto… I didn’t know, his dignity, maybe?
Addie got right into his face. “Stop talking shit about yourself and tell us what the hell just happened.”
Bill took a deep breath. He looked beyond the opening and at the flaming pit that had been the Flamels stronghold like it had all the answers. “That sat phone I grabbed… Blondie put a tracker on it. That’s how he knew where to hit us.”
Tallis rolled his eyes to the cloud cover. “Sweet Bran, stookie angel!”
Kay whacked one of Tallis’ muscular arms. “He feels bad already. Don’t rub it in, all right?”
I approached Bill and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. “This isn’t on you, Bill,” I started as I eyed everyone apprehensively. “But we also don’t have time to discuss this now.”
Perenelle nodded. “Regardless of where we go, we cannot remain here much longer.”
“There’s a direct route tae the Dark Wood a short distance from here...” Tallis started.
“How far?” I asked.
Tallis shrugged. “Mayhap a mile or so.”
Addie raised her hand. “Sign me up.”
I nodded. “If Alaire knows where we are, it’s just a matter of time before that plane returns with a legion of its best friends.”
Harry swallowed hard and asked, “Alaire?”
“Aye,” Tallis said with a nod. “Bastard’s been supplyin’ both sides with the means tae kill each other an’ now we’re caught smack in the middle.”
“But why would he be playing both sides?” Harry asked.
Nicolas got a glum expression on his face. “For the purpose of obtaining Pandora’s Urn.”
Kay pulled her well-muscled head back a little. “Don’t you mean ‘Pandora’s Box’?”
Wanting to avoid that conversation, I interrupted. “What makes you think the Urn is down here?”
Nicolas and Perenelle exchanged a glance between them. Then Perenelle answered my question. “Because we know the urn was once in the custody of Malecoda himself.”
Nicolas took up the tale from there. “From what little we pieced together, the
Urn was in the Lord of the Malebranche’s possession since at least the fall of Rome. Many of Malecoda’s most hardened soldiers were killed when the Spites broke free of the urn, forcing him to call upon his liege, Alaire, for aid.”
“Spites broke free,” I repeated, wondering if the Spites really had broken free…
Tallis’s face grew darker. “An’ push folks such as yerselves intae indentured servitude.”
I could see where this story was going. “And because Alaire never does anything for free, he wanted Malecoda to hand over the Urn as the price for his help?”
Jeanne frowned. “Yet, as Alaire was Malecoda’s sovereign and liege, could not Alaire have just ordered Malecoda to hand over this urn without all this fuss?”
Bill grunted. “Not if Blondie didn’t know Maleyoda had it in the first place.”
Addie slapped her right thigh hard. “And when the Spites broke free, everyone knew Malecoda had it.”
“Including Alaire which was why he demanded the urn in return for helping Malecoda,” I finished.
Harry was back to shaking his head. “So why do the Spites stay down here nayway? I mean, they can fly, so you’d figure they could go wherever they choose.”
Nicolas nodded at him. “Logically, you would think so, jeune homme. But every last spirit in that Urn is intimately tied to the vessel that contains it. While they can go a fair distance from the Urn, they can never leave it behind completely.”
The gears in my head began spinning. If it was true that Donnchadh really was a Spite… Hmm, if I could somehow get Donnchadh out of me and put him back into the Urn, it might work out for everyone but Alaire. But first I had to know if that was even possible.
I looked at Nicolas then at Perenelle. “Is there any way to get the Spites back into the Urn?”
Nicolas tapped his chin with his fingers as he considered my question. “As it happens, there is a certain ritual which may accomplish such a task.”
Tallis’s frown grew deeper. “O’ course, the big problem is that we need tae find the Urn first, aye?”
