“Can we …” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Can you talk for a minute?”
Jack ground his teeth, but reached out to turn the engine off. “Okay. Wanna climb in?”
Jennica didn’t really want to have this conversation in his truck, but she also didn’t like being on the ground while he sat behind the wheel several feet over her head. Of the two options, getting in the cab seemed the better choice. She rounded the truck and climbed into the passenger seat.
“What do you want to talk about?” Jack asked after a moment of silence.
“One, that was a joke,” Jennica said. “The whole knife as marriage proposal. It’s a meme, and so of course it popped into my head when I saw it.”
“What’s a meme?”
She stared. “Are you serious? You don’t know what a meme is?”
He shook his head.
“It’s like an online thing …” She groped for the right words. “Like funny sayings or pictures that get passed around on social media.”
Understanding dawned on his face. “Oh, okay. I’m not on social media, so I guess I wouldn’t know.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, duh. You’re probably the only person in town under seventy without a cellphone.”
“So, was that it?” Jack prodded. “That was all you wanted to talk about?”
“You kissed me,” she blurted, fighting to keep her voice steady. “And … it was an amazing kiss, probably the best I’ve ever had. Why are you trying to pretend like it was nothing?”
His shoulders stiffened and the atmosphere in the cab changed immediately, like someone had dumped a big old bucket of awkward in the window. Jennica’s heart fell, but there was no going back. No matter what he said, she had to know the truth.
“Was it nothing?” she whispered into the silence.
Jack frowned and scratched at the stubble on his jaw. Jennica clearly wanted an answer he couldn’t give her. The truth was, no, the kiss hadn’t been nothing. In fact, it had been amazing, and he hadn’t stopped thinking about it since the wedding. It was all he could do to keep from pulling her into his arms now. He knew it wouldn’t take much to recreate the incredible magic he’d felt flowing between them that night on the dance floor.
But fear burned in his gut, overpowering the desire for her that made his heart pound. He held himself back. Things might go okay for a while, but then it would turn to dust. It always did.
“Well?” Jennica prodded.
He raised both hands and let them fall limply to his lap. “I’m sorry. I can’t give you what you want.”
“How do you know what I want? You haven’t even bothered to ask.”
The memories were old, but they rose as sharp as they day they’d been created—slicing, shredding, leaving nothing but emptiness in their path. Jack swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, Jennica. If you were hoping your fake wedding date would somehow turn into your happily ever after, you picked the wrong guy.”
Tears filled her cornflower-blue eyes, and amid the burn of his memories, he felt a new pain—the sting and shame of hurting her. She’d been a warm summer breeze, blowing away the chill of freezing winter days. But it was an illusion. In the end, she’d be no different from any other woman. No different from Valerie.
A long silence filled the truck, and Jack gritted his teeth. He knew he should say something to make this better, but he had no words. He had nothing to offer the girl who sat beside him, tears running down her cheeks while the gentle scent of lemons filled the air.
Finally, Jennica took a deep breath and fumbled for the door handle. “Well, thanks for being my date at the wedding,” she said. “I had a good time.”
His throat closed off and he could only nod shortly as she climbed down, slammed the door of the cab, and rushed into the store.
Chapter Fifteen
Back inside, Jennica hurried to the bathroom so she wouldn’t have to watch Jack drive away. She turned on the cold water in the sink and plunged her hands under the icy stream, gasping a bit at the shock. Or was it the shock of having Jack look her full in the face and basically tell her to get lost?
Their kiss had meant nothing to him. She had meant nothing to him. She’d let herself get caught up in the fairy-tale romance of it and never once paused to consider maybe a man could deliver that kind of kiss and yet still feel nothing.
So why had he done it? She tried to remember the look in his eyes on the dance floor, the moment before he’d leaned in to kiss her. He’d wanted it; he’d wanted her. Was it simply wedding magic, or was he playing some kind of cruel game?
Fresh tears ran down her cheeks, and she took her frozen hands from the stream of water to grab a paper towel and scrub her face. The store would be closing soon, thank goodness, and she had the next day off. If she could keep it together for another hour, she could go home and wallow in her sorrow and shame.
Only she didn’t want to wallow. She wanted to get on with life. She wanted to stop feeling sorry for herself and stop hitting roadblocks at every turn and actually feel like something was going her way for once.
She wiped her cheeks with the wet paper towel, leaving her skin raw and red.
Back on the sales floor, Diane looked up from the register curiously. “Are you okay, honey? I saw you talking to Jack.” There was sympathy on her face, and Jennica felt fresh tears well in her eyes.
“I’m fine,” she said, holding back a sniffle. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean for you to have to come out.” Diane spent most of her time in her office doing paperwork and booking the private expeditions the store offered to hunters, hikers, and adventurers. There was a window in the office overlooking the sales floor, so she often came out to help when things got busy … or when Jennica took time out of the day to get her heart broken, apparently.
“It’s okay,” Diane said gently, though whether she was talking about filling in at the register, or Jennica’s swollen, tear-filled eyes, Jennica wasn’t sure. “Do you want to call it a night?” Diane asked kindly. “I can finish up here.”
Jennica shook her head. “I’m okay.” She knew the Ramseys had a family dinner at their house planned for tonight. And now that Brynn was married with a stepdaughter and Colton was engaged, Diane had more than the usual number of people to cook for. “You go ahead; I’ll lock up.”
Diane nodded and turned to go back to her office, but paused. “If you need to talk, I’m always available,” she said.
A rush of gratitude filled her. This was typical Diane. Always willing to mother and nurture everyone. The truth was, Jennica sometimes felt more like a member of this family than she did her own.
Impulsively, she took a step forward and enfolded her boss in a hug. “Thank you. It’s just life. I’ll get through it.”
Diane’s arms tightened around her briefly; then she was gone back to her office. Jennica straightened the shelves of shoes while Diane finished some paperwork, then the older woman waved as she crossed to the front door. “Everyone else is already gone. Are you sure you’re okay locking up?”
“Of course,” Jennica replied. “Have a good night.”
Diane left, and the store was quiet. Jennica glanced at the clock. It was only ten minutes until close, and she was unlikely to get any more customers. She finished organizing the hiking boots, then wiped down the counters. The till would stay locked until the next morning, when Mr. Ramsey came in to switch it out and total the receipts. He liked to do his bookkeeping in the very early mornings before the store opened and the distractions of the day started.
Jennica checked that the back doors were locked and was making a final round of the sales floor when her email alert chimed from her phone near the register. Against all odds, her heart jumped. Jack didn’t even use email, she chided herself as she hurried to cross the room. Of course he wouldn’t be emailing her.
But what if he was? What if he wanted to apologize, but was too embarrassed or shy to do it in person? Her fingers trembled as she grabbed her phone from the s
helf beneath the till and opened the email icon.
It was from her little sister, Kiera, and the first thing Jennica saw was the picture. A pair of man’s shoes sat next to a woman’s shoes, and then next to those, a tiny pair of baby booties. The text under the picture read, “Our Family is Growing!”
Her eyes skidded over the shoes to the body of the message.
Dear Friends and Family,
Sorry about the mass email, but I figured this would be the best way to get the news out. It’s true, we’re expecting! My due date is in November and so far everything looks good. I’ve set up a page online so you can all follow our progress at …
The email continued, but the words turned blurry as Jennica’s eyes filled with fresh tears. Kiera was only twenty-one, a whole five years younger, and she and Mark had been married less than a year. They lived in Pennsylvania, where he was in school to become an investment banker.
The unfairness of it hit Jennica all at once. She loved Kiera and wanted her to be happy. But why did everything seem to come so easily for her little sister? True love, plenty of money, and now a baby on the way, while Jennica was stuck here churning her wheels indefinitely.
Fresh tears sprang to her eyes, and before she knew what she was doing, she slammed her hands down on the wooden part of the counter and let loose the scream of frustration that had been building inside of her for … well, forever. It ripped through the empty store, bouncing off the cinder block walls and tearing at her throat.
“Why?” Jennica screamed. “Why, why, why?” With each word, she hit the counter again, sending the sound reverberating through the quiet store. “What’s wrong with me?” Jack’s rejection snagged her heart, sent it burning. She slid down the counter to the floor and buried her face in her arms, letting the tears flow.
“Why doesn’t anyone want me?” she sobbed to the empty air.
A few moments later, strong arms encircled her shoulders, pulled her into a broad chest. For one wild, hopeful moment, she thought it was Jack. But the shirt was starched and scratchy under her cheek, not the softness of Jack’s flannel. And the cologne was wrong too, though it was a scent she knew well.
She pulled back and looked up. It was Josh.
“Wh… what are you doing here?” she asked.
His eyes were dark with concern. “I was waiting for you outside and I heard a scream, so I came in. Are you okay?”
Her sorrow and anger fizzled, replaced immediately with embarrassment. Jennica scooted out of Josh’s grasp and pressed her fingertips to the skin under her eyes. “I’m okay. Just having a little bit of a meltdown,” she said. “Sorry you heard that.”
“It’s okay,” Josh said. He’d been kneeling next to her, but now he sat down and adjusted his weight to lean his back against the display case. “Wanna talk about it?”
A lump formed in her throat. “Not really. Kiera’s having a baby and I’m really glad for her, but it sucks too, you know?”
Josh nodded sympathetically, but Jennica knew he didn’t understand. He was one of the golden people, someone who always seemed to coast through life and get whatever he wanted. She thought back over the months of their relationship and couldn’t remember a single time when Josh had been denied something he’d wanted or failed to achieve a goal he’d set for himself.
Her, on the other hand …
Jennica gave a small sigh mixed with a hiccup. “I’ll be okay,” she said. “Sorry again for scaring you.” Then a new thought came to her. In all the months they’d dated, Josh had never once waited in the parking lot for her to get off work. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
He’d been studying the floor, but now he raised his head and gave her a hopeful smile. “I was wondering if we could talk.”
Chapter Sixteen
Jack clucked to Choil, urging the horse forward. Not that Choil needed much encouragement; he knew they were almost home after a hard day and was probably looking forward to dinner and a rest as much as Jack was. The long ride in the mountains had been worth it, but they’d both be sore and tired tomorrow.
The horse picked up speed as they made the final turn on the trail, and by the time home came into view, he was practically running.
“Easy, boy,” Jack said, but it was more out of habit than anything. He didn’t care if Choil took the lead on this.
A familiar red truck was parked in his driveway, and Jack frowned. He hadn’t known Colton was coming over. Of course, he hadn’t checked his answering machine in a while, so maybe he’d missed it.
He steered Choil toward the truck before noticing the cab was empty. Maybe Colton was in the house. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d made himself at home while Jack was away.
“Yo!” Jack boomed, his voice carrying through the quiet air.
Moments later, his front door opened and Colton came onto the porch, carrying a soda. “I figured you were out for a ride,” he said. He took a long swig from the can as he came down the steps. “Hoped it wasn’t an overnighter, though. You really should think about getting a cellphone.”
Bittersweet memories rose in Jack’s mind. Jennica had pestered him constantly over his lack of technology. It had been almost three months since they’d sat in the parking lot of TR’s, and he still wasn’t over it. He missed her smile, her laugh, the lively spark in her eyes. The curve of her hips and the softness of his lips. But he’d ruined it.
Jack swung his leg over the horse and stepped down. “No thanks,” he said, pushing back the painful memories. “If I had a cellphone, you wouldn’t have to take an hour out of your day to come see me.”
“Exactly.” Colton grinned wryly.
Jack gathered Choil’s reins in his fist and led the horse toward the barn with Colton by his side.
“How are things going at the store?” Jack asked. It was the closest he could bring himself to asking about Jennica. It was June, prime outdoor adventure time, and he’d been purposely avoiding TR’s, even going so far as driving clear to Great Falls to replenish his fishing gear. He knew it was stupid; he couldn’t avoid her forever. But he wasn’t ready to handle the guilt, the sorrow in her eyes, and to know that he was at least partially responsible for it. She’d given him her hopes and he’d broken them. Even now, the thought stung.
“Store’s fine,” Colton said, casting him a sideways look. That was a good thing about Colton: even if he knew the situation, he wouldn’t pry, wouldn’t force Jack to talk if he didn’t want to. “Thought I’d pay a visit to elk camp, and I came to see if you’re available. I need to haul in a new stove, and I’d rather not do it on my back.”
They’d worked out a deal over the years where Jack and his horses helped Colton haul heavy equipment in or out of his designated camps. During hunting season, Colton kept Jack busy hauling out heavy moose, elk, deer, and even bear kills, usually in exchange for some of the meat or the antlers he could use for knife handles. It was a good arrangement for everyone. Jack got to adventure and kept his freezer full of meat, his horses got exercise, and Colton didn’t have to care for or feed horses full-time.
“When?” Jack asked, thinking of his work schedule.
“I’m flexible. Any day but tomorrow; I’ll be at the wedding.”
The word wedding made Jack pause. He knew Colton and Leigh were engaged, but the last he’d heard, they were planning a wedding in Atlanta over Thanksgiving. “Thanks for telling me,” he grumbled.
Colton laughed. “Not me. I still have a few more months of bachelorhood to go. It’s Jennica’s wedding.”
Jack stopped in his tracks as the world shifted. Even the huffing from Choil, eager to reach his dinner, dimmed compared to the buzzing that filled his head.
“Jennica’s … wedding?” he repeated, feeling stupid.
“You didn’t know?” Colton’s face registered his surprise. “She’s marrying Josh Shipley. I thought you’d heard.”
Jack shook his head as what felt like a ton of lead settled in his gut. “That’s great,” he managed. “
I hope she’s happy.”
They stood in silence for a moment, finally interrupted by Choil’s impatient stamping. “Can you call me about the haul?” Jack said. “I … I need to look at my calendar.”
Colton nodded and looked like he wanted to say something more, but stopped himself. “Sure, man.” He clapped Jack on the shoulder and went to his truck while Jack forced his feet to move in the direction of the barn.
His fingers felt thick and clumsy and he worked on autopilot—dumping oats into the feed bucket, unsaddling Choil, brushing him down, then wiping the leather saddle and hanging it up. The whole time, two words raced through his brain on repeat, like a needle stuck on a record.
Jennica’s wedding … Jennica’s wedding … Jennica’s wedding.
She was getting what she wanted; he should be happy for her. But he wasn’t. At least, any happiness he may have felt on her behalf melted like snowflakes on steel as soon as it hit the lead in his gut. He took a ragged breath and leaned his forehead against Choil’s neck. The last time he’d seen Jennica, she had tears in her eyes as she begged him to love her. And he’d slammed the door in her face. It served him right that she would move on.
But it didn’t feel right. It felt gut-wrenching.
Choil nickered and shifted his weight, telling Jack to get off his neck.
Jack sighed. “Okay, boy. I get it.” He untied the lead rope and took the horse to his stall, then secured the doors. Walking back across the yard to his house, he stopped and took several deep breaths.
Jennica was engaged. Not only engaged, but about to be married. The knowledge clamped like a vise in his chest. He’d thought he’d have more time to sort all of this out. Jennica was unchanging, had been unchanging. She’d been ringing up his purchases at TR’s for years; she was as much a part of Tamarack Ridge as Fred’s or the ridges dotted with Tamaracks that turned from green to yellow every autumn before dropping their needles. Now she was getting married and moving on. He felt like he’d had the wind knocked out of him, and even once he could finally struggle through the pain and draw a breath, nothing would ever be the same again.
Taming the Mountain Man (Tamarack Ridge Romances Book 3) Page 12
