“You’ll remember everything up until the transition starts. Then you’ll sleep. And when you awaken, your memories will all be there, but you’ll see the world through new eyes. The air will smell different, crisper. The sky will be bluer. Depths will be shallower and desires will be steeper.”
“This is insane. How long does the transition take?”
“A matter of hours. I could introduce you to others who have been through it. They have no memories of the death, only the memory of being reborn with immeasurable vitality.”
Was she actually considering this? Losing the closest person in her life plagued her with thoughts about mortality on a daily basis. It was the driving source that put her in the medical field and the reason she’d been so angry with God.
If he could actually make it so she couldn’t die, she’d never have to fear death again. But would there come a time when she reached her limit? Survival, even in mundane suburbia, got exhausting.
“Do you ever get tired of it?” she asked.
“Tired?”
He was only thirty-seven, so he hadn’t really lived yet. “How old is too old?”
His eyes watched her. “We have Elders who have lived for centuries.”
“Centuries?”
He nodded. “But there are older immortals out there.”
“Older than centuries?”
“It’s immortality, Annalise. We’ve endured plagues, famine, and acts of God. So long as the will to survive remains, our existence continues.”
“But you can die.”
“Yes. There are ways. And like any other species capable of love and loss, happiness and sadness, there is suicide. But there is also life, and when you’re with the person you love, then every day is happy and there’s little desire to die.”
An unsteady breath pushed past her lips. She didn’t love Adam. She hardly knew him. His culture contrasted her world so much, most of their time together had been spent adapting to the differences.
Yet she slept with him.
Her jaw twitched. Maybe that wasn’t the brightest choice, but she couldn’t find the will to regret it.
When Adam touched her, her body sang. When he kissed her, he awoke a part of her soul. When he looked at her, her entire body awoke as if it were sleeping for two solid decades and never spent a moment truly alive.
How could any of that be possible? How did she sometimes feel his pain? And today, when she’d been thinking about her mother and returning home to the boxes of things that waited, what was that feeling that washed over her?
“Something happened to me today?” She watched his eyes to see if they gave anything away. “Grace and I were talking, and I was thinking about something that made me sad.”
“I know. I felt you.”
“You … felt me? How?” It was one thing for them to sit across from each other and share some weird Ouija board experience, but he hadn’t been home when this happened.
“The more time we spend together, the stronger the tether that binds us.”
“But how does that work? You did something to me. I felt you inside of me when you were nowhere around.”
“I only meant to comfort you, ainsicht. I felt your sadness and I… I’ve never tried to explain it before. I suppose it leaves me like a prayer and finds you like the brush of a kiss.”
That’s exactly what it had felt like, a kiss. It was as if he kissed her memories, the ones that brought her grief, the way a parent might kiss a scrape on a child’s knee.
Her breath rushed out and she silently laughed. “Can I do it to you?”
“Perhaps in time. If you transition, you might find you have other talents, things I can’t do.”
“Really?” She wanted to see what those skills might be.
“I sense your curiosity, but also your uncertainty. What I don’t feel from you, is fear.”
But she was afraid. She was afraid she’d die, afraid she’d lose her independence, afraid she’d wake up in a psychiatric ward where this was all a dream. But she no longer feared him.
“I guess I’m trying to keep an open mind.”
“Would you like me to tell you how it’s done?”
Now, he was speaking her language. “Yes! I mean, I’m sure you have some sterile equipment here. We learned about the first blood transfusions in school. Did you know that they once used animal blood? Is there a way to test that we’re a match?”
“We’re a match. That’s already been proven.”
“You’re AB negative, too?”
He smiled. “You’re not AB negative, Annalise.”
“Yes, I am. My blood is the rarest kind.”
“I think it’s rarer than you realize. Your blood carries biological matter that other human bodies wouldn’t tolerate.”
Her expression fell. “What are you talking about?”
She’d donated blood countless times. They used her platelets for her mother near the end. Was that why she hadn’t responded?
His hand tightened around hers. “Your blood isn’t poison, Anna. Just different. Same as a surplus of vitamin B will wash through your system, the over responsive cells of your blood will wash away, too.”
“How do you know this? If you haven’t looked at my blood under a microscope—which I have—how do you know it’s different?”
His lips pressed tight and she knew the instant he tried to hide something from her. She pulled back her hand, but he wouldn’t let go of her.
“Adam, tell me how you know that.”
“Because I stole your blood.”
This time when she pulled her hand back, she broke contact. “What?”
“I needed to. It was necessary. It allowed me to prolong the… Your blood is the only thing keeping my symptoms at bay.”
“So you stole it? When? Where? Why don’t I remember?”
“You were asleep.”
She stood and paced to the door. Her brain couldn’t categorize this sort of violation, but her heart told her it was somewhere between collecting someone’s hair for a forensic DNA test and getting roofied.
“What the fuck, Adam! You stole my blood? Who does that?”
“I didn’t have a choice, Anna. If I hadn’t, I never would have made it back here with you…” More covered lies. She could see him swallowing secrets by the mouthful. “We would have run out of time.”
“Stop. You stole my blood. Do you have any idea how … creepy that is?” Her fury rose the longer she tried to picture it. “Where were we when this happened? Was it in this bed?”
“No. I haven’t taken your blood since we arrived on the farm.”
Her skin tingled with a chill. “You did this before we got here?”
His head lowered. “The first time was the night we met. I followed you home.”
“Oh, my God.”
Her stomach twisted, his true nature showing in a hideous light. Violated. Robbed. Stalked. Kidnapped. She was so stupid to trust him. But worst of all, as she realized all of this, she was sad he wouldn’t deny it.
Part of her wanted him to laugh. Ha-ha, just kidding. But he was serious, and this was her reality. And she had sex with him—willingly.
“Were you in my house before the night you abducted me?” she rasped.
She saw the truth in his eyes before he said, “Yes.”
Disappointment stole through her. She’d actually considered doing this for him. He almost had her convinced and believing he was a decent man.
“I want to go home.”
“You promised you’d stay—”
“That was before I knew what you did! Do you have any idea how violated I feel?”
“Yes, I do. I feel your fury, shame, and distrust as clearly as if it were my own. But I can’t undo what’s been done and I want to be honest with you.”
She laughed without humor. “Honest about following me home, breaking into my apartment, and violating me in my sleep?”
“Anna, please listen.” He sat up and she held out a han
d.
“Stay back. I don’t want you anywhere near me.”
“If you’d just let me explain. Your blood slows my mortality. Since the dreams started, I’ve been dying a little more each day. The little I took sustained my strength. Other blood won’t work anymore. Only yours.”
“This is why I’ve been so weak. It makes perfect sense now. Here I am, thinking something’s wrong with me and it’s been your fault all along.”
“I wouldn’t let any harm come to you.”
“No, of course not. Unless you’re the danger.” She scoffed. “You go on and on about protecting me, but the truth is my life was a million times safer before we met.”
He flinched, her words hitting their mark. But she wasn’t finished.
“You find me, spew all this nonsense about trust, take me away from my home, and you’ve been doing terrible, creepy shit to me all along! You want me to trust you, but you don’t trust me! That’s why you brought me here. I can’t run away here. You didn’t trust me to hear you out in my territory. You wanted a homecourt advantage and got it.”
“I brought you here because there’s too much distraction where you’re from. I needed your full attention in order for you to truly comprehend what I was asking of you.”
“Ha! When you asked.” She shook her head. “Why start requesting my permission now? You have me here. Hell, I haven’t even been given shoes. We’ve established you’re stronger, faster, and superior in ways I can’t even fathom. Oh, and we happen to be trapped in the Seventh Circle of chauvinistic Hell!”
“You’re hysterical.”
“I have every right to be!” she shrilled. “What the fucking fuck, Adam! Who are you and why are you doing this to my life? Why me?”
His face tightened and his eyes shimmered. “I’m sorry.”
Her head lowered. Keeping her eyes and voice low, she confessed, “The worst part is, I believe you. You don’t deserve my forgiveness for any of this, but I believe you’re sorry and for some reason I can’t stay mad at you. But…” She swallowed and glanced up at him, pressing her hand over her heart. “It hurts. Your secrecy and your actions, they hurt, Adam.”
He rose from the bed and pulled her into his arms. Her fists bunched at his chest, separating them and pushing him back, but he was stronger.
“I’m so incredibly sorry, Annalise. I never meant to hurt or disappoint you. My intentions were only to give you more time. We needed more time.”
His weakness, stronger than before, beat into her. Her fists unlocked and she wrapped her arms around him so they could hold each other up.
“You’re ready to fall over,” she said, her own knees trembling under the pressure of his faintness.
“I’m fine. I could hold you a hundred days like this, so long as it kept you from walking out that door.”
She shut her eyes and sighed. “I don’t know what to do, Adam. I don’t know how to make sense of any of this. But right now, this anemia or whatever you have, it’s crushing me. If my blood helps lesson the symptoms, let’s find a syringe and I’ll give you some. I’m offering it freely this time. It’s that easy.”
He let go of her, head down, and backed away. “It’s not that easy.”
So help her God, she couldn’t take much more. Through gritted teeth, she asked, “Why?”
He looked at her, regret reflecting in his eyes, and her heart twisted before he even spoke. This wasn’t going to be good.
“I have to drink the blood.”
Chapter Thirty
Her fingers rushed to her mouth and her wooziness hit him like a flash flood. Her mouth moved with thick saliva. “What?”
He always knew this would be difficult to explain to her, but he hadn’t anticipated this level of revulsion. “When I mentioned our diet—”
“Don’t.” Her hand cupped over her mouth. “I’ll throw up.”
His gaze lowered to the carpet beneath her feet. Perhaps it was a mistake confessing so much. He only hoped to help her understand.
His grandfather and the Elders convinced him the time to have these conversations had passed and he feared he’d lose the ability to speak rationally to her soon if he didn’t have her blood again. He’d told her the truth. It was the only thing that quelled the beast inside, but each day it grew louder and stronger.
“It’s how we survive,” he explained, trying to make her see. “There are other cultures that feed off the blood of animals. The Portuguese are known for their savory blood rice from chickens.”
“That’s chickens!” her hand fluttered to her head and she pulled off her kapp. “This is … cannibalistic.”
His jaw locked. “We do not eat people, Annalise.”
“But you drink their blood.” She turned away and gagged.
“Yours was the first human vein I drank from. We are only supposed to feed from our mates or from the veins of those who give freely—spouses. Otherwise, we survive on animals and plants.”
“Animal blood?”
“Yes. And the English maltreat lesser creatures, sentencing them to a lifetime of captivity before slaughtering them. Our animals are cherished. They offer us sustenance and we provide a safe and natural home for them to graze freely and live long lives.”
“I’ve had meat with every meal I’ve eaten here.”
He nodded. “But you can taste the difference. The meat doesn’t have the tang of fear or the hormones and antibiotics other farmers inject in their livestock. When an animal dies, its adrenaline lingers in the flavor. You won’t taste that here.”
She looked away, her lips firming.
“You know what I’m telling you is true.”
She sat on the bed. “Fine. But that’s not the issue, is it? I don’t care if your cows are happy and your meat is organic. You just told me you…” Her lips twisted and she looked away. “I can’t even say it.”
“I drink blood.”
A sharp shift cut through the air. Her eyes widened and she turned to him. The color leached from her face and the cold intrusion of fear sliced into him. Her fear.
“I know what you are,” she whispered.
Her toes slid to the floor and her eyes darted to the door. Her heartbeat hammered against her ribs and her pulse rippled just under the translucent skin of her throat. He heard the soft click of her swallow. Watched as her fingers closed over the bedpost.
He could smell her spiking adrenaline. Hear the slight creak of her weight shifting to the balls of her feet.
She bolted to the door, but he got there first, caging her between the wood and the wall of his bare chest. She screamed in a broken sob.
“You mustn’t run from me, Anna. My first instinct is to chase and I’m too weak to think clearly. I’ll hunt you.”
“Please,” she cried. “Don’t hurt me.”
Her chest pressed into the door, her hands covering her face. He touched her shoulder and she flinched.
“I would never willingly hurt you.”
Ragged breaths ripped past her lips as she pushed as close to the door as possible. Her adrenaline, her heartbeat, her quickened breathing, it all called to him, rousing responses in him that were unwanted.
His body hardened. “You have to calm down.”
“I can’t!”
He crowded closer to her, his eyes closing as his nose pressed to her hair. “Please, Anna. If not for me, for your own good.”
She stilled, her gasped breaths dicing up the silence.
“Good girl.” His nose pressed to the delicate skin where her throat met her shoulder. His fingers closed around her waist and she whimpered. His lips trailed with the weight of a feather, sensing the soft vibration of her rapid pulse. “Yes.”
His hand moved over her clothes, flattening to the front of her stomach and pulling her back from the door. She trembled, her face pressed to her palms as he carefully lifted her in his arms.
Her body curled tight the moment he had her in his arms. She hid from him, but also leaned into him for shelter.<
br />
“I have you.” He kissed the top of her hair and carried her to the bed. “So long as you don’t run from me, I won’t lose control.”
As he sat, she curled more on his lap, her feet tucking under her skirts and her face hiding in his shoulder. His arms cradled her protectively, petting over her hair and loosening the tie of her braid.
“Calm,” he whispered, trying to get her emotions to mirror his own. It wasn’t easy.
He fed twice today, but the animal blood no longer satisfied his hunger. By the time he left the Council, the last of her blood had left his system. His skin had burned on the journey home and his eyes felt washed in fire. The vertigo had returned with a vengeance and his temper held on by a thread.
Cain was missing and the Order had specific instructions to report any sighting of him. Once captured, he would be tried for his crimes. Adam should feel some level of concern, but he could feel nothing beyond the aching hunger for his mate at the moment—that and the damn weakness nauseating him.
He needed to feed, and he needed her blood. But he wanted her permission.
Everyone’s encouragement that he rush through the bonding was draining him even more. He felt their worry and stomached their growing anxiety the longer he delayed. It was why he suggested to his father that the family spend some time away from the house for the next while. He needed his strength so he could concentrate.
Her breathing slowed as he ran his fingers through her unbraided strands and rocked her slowly. Ruby waves recessed with golden dips shone in her hair.
“Will you look at me, Annalise?”
Her shoulders remained tense, her fingers covering her eyes. “No.”
He sighed. Perhaps it would help her to know she enjoyed it whenever he fed from her.
He glanced down at the tight way her hands covered her face. Perhaps not.
“We are not monsters.” Or maybe they were. What other creature could create such terror in another? “I know you think you know what we are, but you confuse us for something else.”
She didn’t respond, but she also wasn’t interrupting for a change, so he went on. “You’ve heard stories of others, folklore and fantasy. We are not like the monsters of those stories, but there is truth to the legends. We’ve found a way to live in gentle simplicity. We do not wish to harm, and we do not wish to be harmed. You’ve seen this with your own eyes.”
Original Sin (The Order of Vampires Book 1) Page 26
