He blinked up at her, undeserving of her gift. “I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t? You need this.”
“I hurt you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness—”
“Who said anything about forgiveness?”
A scratch coiled around her leg and there were twigs in her hair. “What’s happening to me?” His voice shook as he stared up at her, wondering if this was the beginning of the end. “I could have…”
He looked away, unable to bear the consequence of his actions. If she hadn’t broken through the haze, they wouldn’t be here. He’d be taking her through the bonding and she’d have lost all choice in the matter. How long until he lost himself again?
“We waited too long,” he whispered. “You’re not safe with me.”
She cupped his face. “Adam, listen to me.” She forced him to look into her eyes. “I haven’t been safe with you since the day we met. But I’m here. I’ve been here. I’ve gone along with everything you asked, and this is where we are now. You’re right. We don’t have any time to waste. You need blood and I need pants. One thing at a time.” She lifted her wrist again. “Feed.”
He looked at her, truly seeing her strength for the first time. More than a fragile human, this female had a spirit stronger than steel. And when he felt weak and weary, she acted as his backbone, reminding him to rise and face whatever lies ahead.
He carefully turned her wrist. His thumb pressed gently over her pattering vein as he looked into her eyes. “Thank you.”
She gasped as he bit into her flesh. Her tension melted away as he pulled from her vein. His eyes relaxed, and he watched her through a half-lidded stare.
Her head rolled back on her shoulders and she moaned softly. The heat of her blood soothed his agitated beast inside, and a low purr emanated from his chest.
Her lips parted. A breathy sigh mixing with the soft sipping sounds of his throat.
Her chest lifted as her breath quickened. She stared at him through her lashes, her eyes telling him she was close.
It hadn’t been his intention, just the natural consequence of feeding from one’s mate. But as her head lulled and her cry of completion met his ears, her sweet cream bathing her thighs and tingeing the air, he groaned. The heat of his seed covered his hand, and he retracted his fangs, licking away any drops of blood at her wrist.
He looked at her as her head tipped with curiosity. He wanted to hold her. Kiss her. But he knew she was still very angry with him. He was angry with himself.
“So, I guess that happens every time,” she said, voice low and raspy.
He dropped his gaze to the mess in his hand. A strange sensation crept up his spine. “I know you only wanted to feed me.”
Silenced stretched and when he looked at her again, something dark and threatening hid in her eyes.
“If you ever take away my ability to speak again, I’ll leave you for dead. Understand?”
He nodded. “I’m—”
“Stop apologizing. I know you didn’t mean it.”
“Do you?” His sorrowful eyes searched hers.
“Yes. Now, come on. These woods freak me out.”
He followed at her side, unsure why she hadn’t left him there when she had the chance. Her car, though not the most dependable vehicle, provided some needed privacy. As soon as they were inside, she turned to him and said, “We’ll go home tonight, and you can send someone else to get the buggy tomorrow. I’m not wasting any more time.”
His head cocked, misunderstanding her meaning. “Here or home, my state won’t change.”
“I know. But the sooner we bond the sooner you’ll have your control back.”
She put her hand on the gearshift and he caught her fingers, shoving the car back into park. “What did you say?”
She glared out the window. “You heard me. I’ll do it. I made up my mind.”
“Annalise…” He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her. This was amazing. He was saved. “Even after what just happened…” His head shook in awe and disbelief. “You honor me.”
She wouldn’t look at him. “Don’t get too excited.”
“I promise to be a good husband and always—”
“I’m not marrying you, Adam.”
“But you just said—”
“I said I’d do the bonding to save your life.” She finally looked at him. “But I’m not marrying you.”
His jaw locked. “A bond is stronger than a marriage.”
“Not where I come from. Marriage is as big as it gets, and I’m not ready to promise the rest of my life to someone, especially someone I just met. You need me to stay alive and I’m okay with that. I’m even okay with the whole immortality thing. But I’m not Amish, and I don’t believe in arranged marriages, so that’s where my generosity ends.”
He folded his arms over his bare chest. “Drive.”
“You can’t get mad at me. I just said I’d save your life.”
“And I heard you. It’s impressive.”
“What is?”
“How you could offer something so selfless and life altering, yet diminish the gift at the same time.”
She scoffed. “Are you kidding me?”
“Why would I kid? Nothing about this is amusing, Annalise.”
“I must be out of my fucking mind,” she grumbled, and he’d heard enough.
Climbing out of the car, he slammed the door.
“Hey!” She jumped out of her seat and yelled across the lot as he walked away. “Where the hell are you going?”
A split second later he had his hands on her, clutching her arms tight as he towered over her. “Have I not warned you about such filthy words?”
What did she say? Shit? Fuck? Hell if she could remember. “Damn it, Adam.” She shoved him. “You don’t scare me.”
“I don’t want to scare you! I want to marry you, but you’ll have none of that!”
She shoved off the car and yelled in his face, “I’m pretty sure sacrificing my life to save yours trumps marriage!”
“You think—”
They both stilled as a door opened and a patron stumbled out of the bar. Adam put a finger to his mouth and gave her a stern look not to make a sound.
She scowled but for once in her life obeyed. Her bare legs were exposed to the world and this was not the time or place to discuss such important matters.
Keeping his voice at a whisper, he hissed, “We’ll discuss it when we get home.”
“Fine,” she snapped through gritted teeth.
“Get in the car.” He wouldn’t move until she was safely inside and covered.
“You get in the car.”
He jerked open the car door and hardened his stare. “Do not tempt me, woman.”
Her eyes flared as a wave of fury flowed from her, hot and volcanic. “Or what?”
He gritted his teeth. “You’re infuriating. You do not obey, even when it’s for your own good. Do you want that man to see you in nothing but my shirt? Perhaps you’d like to shout more profanities and draw even more attention to yourself!”
She rose on her toes, putting her nose to his. “If I’m so fucking difficult, why don’t you beg someone else to save your life? I’m not a goddamn dog who obeys!”
He wanted to throttle her. His palm itched to redden her hide for speaking such filth to him. Her English ways were a tragic comparison to the female grace he’d seen growing up.
He shoved back from the car, giving her space. “Do as you please. I’ll not waste my time defending the modesty of a female who sees my concern as a punishment. And I’ll not have a wife who speaks to me with such disrespect.”
He rounded the car, without glancing back, and climbed inside. Ridiculous. Foolish, stubborn English woman…
This was not the end of the conversation, but he was through listening to her insults. She could be soft as a flower and cutting as a razor.
At this point, an eternity together might be the death of him anyway. And while
he saw the greatness of her sacrifice, he could not fathom how anyone would expect him to bond with a female who refused his name. It was unheard of. And what of their children? Should they all be bastards, flinging profanities, in the image of their mother?
She returned to the driver seat and he glared out the window. Her heavy breathing matched his own, paced and full of anger. She stretched behind the seat, digging around for something.
“Could we please just be on our way?”
“I need music,” she snapped and shoved something into the consol.
Noise drummed from the front of the car. His eyes widened as a sense of impending doom accompanied the tune, beating taps raised his heartbeat as something zinged in the air. Noise—not music.
She backed out of the parking space with a sharp jerk of the wheel and shift the car forward as a voice belted the words, “Killing in the name of.”
She turned a knob, the explosion of drums and angered lyrics deafening. His body shifted as she yanked the car onto the main road and sped into traffic.
His nails gripped the door as the car gathered speed. The voice screamed angrily. Swearing and banging and raging in a volcanic eruption of noise that blew from every angle of the car until he covered his ears and stared at her in horror.
She couldn’t possibly think this was music.
She clung to the wheel in a white knuckled grip, her eyes unblinking as she wove through traffic, forking onto an open highway and pushing the car to a speed he worried might cause an explosion or lose a tire.
As she sped past other cars, he saw her teeth were clenched. She wore a wild look in her eyes. The Elders failed to prepare him for an episode like this. He had no idea what was happening.
The voice raged in a collision of noise, screaming again and again, “Fuck you I won’t do what they tell me!”
Her volatile emotions bounced from indignant to apologetic to boiling. Ricocheting in a tornado of female fury he had no shelter from.
And then … silence.
The song ended and he panted. His fingers unclenching from the door and upholstery as he blinked at her.
Her emotions cooled to a simmering hiss as she blew out a calm breath and slowed the car to a reasonable speed. Her muscles relaxed into the seat and she sat back.
Adam stared, unblinking, as if he’d just witnessed some sort of exorcism. If this was the so-called music she hoped to play at the farm, he’d have to dig a hole in the deepest part of the woods and bury her radio.
His head lowered in defeat. They had so many differences. Perhaps she was wise not to marry him. Perhaps this was the modern way of bonding, the way the new world operated. He certainly didn’t believe all the immortal males on other continents vowed an eternity to one female.
Perhaps his Amish views were clouding his salvation and he should be grateful for her presence so far and not expect more than what he deserved. But be it his faith, or culture, or just his foolish heart, he couldn’t imagine bonding with her and not sharing a home, a name, and a family as well.
Those were his only gifts to give. If she rejected them, she rejected him. And while he loved her for her willingness to help him, he didn’t want her choice to be made from pity. He wanted it made from love.
Keeping his motions slow, he bravely reached for her hand. Her eyes jerked from the road, her stare cutting to him.
“I’m sorry I lost my temper,” he whispered.
Her hand tightened around his. “Me too.”
“Please don’t ever make me listen to that again.”
She laughed. “You don’t like Rage Against the Machine?”
“I don’t like whatever that just was. And I don’t like when we argue.”
She glanced at him and smiled. “Me neither. But Adam, this expectation you have that I’ll blindly obey you… You have to get it out of your head.”
“I’m trying to bend with you, Annalise. But sometimes you can be so stubborn.”
“You can’t force me, Adam. I’ll fight you every time. Girls have bad situations thrown at them from the minute they’re born. My mom raised me to stand up for myself and stand by my beliefs. And I’ll never lose that part of her inside of me.”
“I’m not asking you to change your beliefs. I’m only asking you to respect mine. Your swearing is an abomination.”
She laughed. “Seriously?”
“Yes. I abhor hearing such words come from your mouth, and sometimes I think you use them just to upset me.”
“Well, maybe I do. But I don’t think the F word is as offensive as a man ordering a woman to obey, simply because she’s a woman.”
“I can see where I might have overstepped.”
“Might have?”
He let out a frustrated breath. He’d always dreamed of having a female who deferred to him. Someone who trusted his judgment enough to let him lead. God was a comedian.
“I will not order you to obey me if you mind your language.”
“You will not order me period, Adam. It’s as simple as that.” She pointed back and forth between them. “Equals.”
But they weren’t equal. She had abilities he did not and vice versa. Equality was a modern concept that distorted the basic nature of men and women. Biologically speaking, they were created with opposing abilities. Not only that, until they completed the bonding, they weren’t even equal species.
He opened his mouth, prepared to argue the point, and his gaze fell on the scratch at her thigh. All ego disappeared as he measured the reddened stripe with his eyes, smelled the tear in her delicate skin, and sensed the trauma he’d put her through all over again.
They were not equals. She was so much better than him. He’d attacked her and she still stood up to him.
Lifting her hand to his lips, he kissed her fingers. She was his brave little English woman. It would be a tragedy to take the fight out of her.
“You’re right,” he said, holding onto her hand as they drove. “We should be equals.”
Life would be better with a partner who challenged him. Because no matter how much she infuriated him, if she ever traded her defiance for indifference, he’d be lost. She argued because she cared—because she was trying to find a way to make this work.
Chapter Thirty-Six
The cold cut through Annalise’s skirts as she wandered down the vacant street. Fog rolled over the pavement, the vapor catching the murky twilight as gas lit streetlamps flickered along the way.
Her meandering steps ticked a tempo over the cobblestone road. Darkened windows and dated entryways gaped in the shadows.
A glowing light wobbled in the distance, moving closer but still too far to make out how it traveled. She pulled her shawl tight around her shoulders, as the wind cut down the road.
The clip-clop of horse hooves disrupted the silence. Beyond the glowing light, a black carriage took shape. Twirls of steam funneled from the horse’s black snout as it marched closer.
Stumbling out of its path, she squinted at the dark glass, unable to see the driver or any passengers inside. The reins stretched from the animal’s glistening, black fur back into the shadowed cab.
Heavy hooves beat into the pavement as the driver pulled the animal to a stop. The carriage creaked as a door pushed open, but she still couldn’t see who hid inside.
“Who’s there? Who are you?”
A familiar hand extended from the shadow and relief chased away her ominous fear.
“Ainsicht.”
Anna stepped closer. Adam’s eyes flashed in the shadows. She couldn’t recall leaving him, but here he was. “Where have you been?”
“Waiting for you. Come. We’re late.”
She reached out her hand, her fingers crossing into the cast glow of the lantern, and she paused. Thick blood coated her hand. She turned her palm, looking back at him. “What is this?”
He tsked and removed a kerchief from his pocket. “What have you done to yourself?”
“I… I don’t know.” She searched her body
for pain but felt nothing. Her legs were numb and her hands clumsy.
He clucked his tongue. “You’re shivering. We must get you home.”
He lifted her, pulling her off the street and into the carriage. The door closed, blocking out the cold and the light. As the carriage lurched forward, their knees brushed.
“Where are we going?”
Resting an elbow on the door, a finger pressed over his mouth, he studied her. The swaying lantern outside the glass cast his features in waving shadows. “You’re bleeding.”
She looked at her hands, frowning once more. “I don’t know how?”
He lifted his chin. “Your throat.”
Raising her fingers, she touched her neck and gasped. “You were supposed to close it.” Warm, sticky blood pumped down her chest. “You have to stop it.”
He held up a hand. “Hush. Do you love him?”
“Who?”
As the horse picked up pace, the carriage jostled. “Me.”
Her gaze lowered to the floor. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“It hasn’t been long enough to—”
“By all means, take your time.”
She frowned at the snide turn of his voice. “Why are you being cruel?”
He chuckled. “My apologies. I thought—for a woman so eager to bed a perfect stranger—she must feel something for him.”
His judgment cut through her like a hot blade. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Let’s stop pretending we’re anything other than what we are. You reek of another man. You’re dripping with blood. You’re lost, wandering around searching for signs when the answers are right in front of you. It degrades your beauty when you play the obtuse innocent. We both know you’re neither innocent nor ignorant.”
Her jaw locked as her breathing labored, forming a cloud of vapor in the cold air of the carriage. “I want to get out. Tell the driver to stop, so I can open the door.”
“When will you stop running and learn to face the truth, Annalise?”
“I want to get away from you.”
Original Sin (The Order of Vampires Book 1) Page 32
