He scoffed. “Silus only terrorizes small, helpless creatures. He’s no threat to me.” His eyes narrowed. “And if you stood up to him—”
“Don’t. You’ve broken enough laws. Don’t cross lines you can’t uncross.”
She envied male pride, but her envy had no effect on her situation. As a married female, she fulfilled the role her husband dictated, one of submission and God-fearing obedience. Silus’s bloodlines were pure. He had authority in the community and therefore strict expectations of his wife.
Looking back at her brother, she whispered, “He hasn’t broken me yet.”
“He’s not strong enough to break you, Larissa. The minute you think he is, he’s already won.”
Her chest lifted with renewed strength. Losing Cain would weaken her. He was her closest friend and dearest sibling. “You need to fix this, Cain. Don’t let them chase you into the shadows. You’re a male of worth, a male meant to stand in the light.”
“Tell me something, Larissa.”
“Anything.”
“If you were called, would Silus let you go?”
His question surprised her. “He’d have no choice.”
“And what if you had children? Would you still go?”
She prayed for children every morning, and by nightfall she prayed for none. Her thoughts on the subject were torn. Children were innocent, vulnerable. This was no home for the weak.
“Women go feeish, too. Children or not, it would be my duty to follow my calling.”
“What if you could control it?”
She scoffed. “Control a calling from God? You’re speaking nonsense. There’s no controlling something so powerful.”
Something flashed in his eyes.
“Cain, what is it?” He and Adam were twins. Perhaps the timing of their mates would align. “Are you…”
“I’m dreaming, Larissa.”
The unexpected news filled her with equal parts joy and envy. “Oh, Cain, that’s wonderful!” She gripped his arms, but he looked away. “Aren’t you happy?”
“I want to be, but…”
“Is she not one of us? Are there complications finding her?”
“She’s mortal.”
She squeezed his arm. She enjoyed meeting the mortal women. “Does Father know? Grandfather? This will help your case with the Elders.”
“I’ve only told you.” Again his gaze cut away. “And my mate.”
Her eyes widened with surprise. “You’ve already found her?”
“We’ll be bonded by tomorrow morning. Time’s running out and I need to move fast.”
“This is wonderful news, Cain! Why do you sound so solemn? If you’ve found her, you have time. Bond and then there will be a great celebration—”
“I’m leaving, Larissa.” He eased his weight against the wall.
“What? No!”
Lines of worry bracketed his eyes as he lifted his gaze. “I came to say goodbye.”
“For how long?”
“Forever. It’s the only way this can work.”
Her smile fell, his words penetrating so deeply she staggered back a step. “How is that the way? You… You need to stay, now more than ever. Your mate will need family.” Her eyes burned and she blinked back the sting of tears “You need family.”
“The Council won’t forgive me. They’ve always favored Adam.”
“That’s not all true! Face them and beg their forgiveness. Blame the calling. Tell them you’re confused and not yourself.” How could he abandon his home, his life? “You can’t leave. Tell them it was only a moment of poor judgment—”
His eyes narrowed. “Poor judgment?”
“Cain, you touched another male’s mate. Imagine if a male put his hands on your female. Annalise belongs to Adam.”
“I have no time for the Council,” he snapped.
“Make time! If you don’t face them soon, they’ll banish you.” Her shoulders sagged. The bleak haze of a gray future already setting over her life. “I know your mate will be your first priority, Cain. But if you leave, I will have no one.”
His gaze softened, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Why don’t you leave, Larissa? He’s one man and there’s a great big world out there.”
“I told you I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
Silus would catch her. It was too risky. Her gaze darted to the stables. The lantern still lit in the distance, but that wasn’t a guarantee of where her husband was. “We shouldn’t be discussing such things. Silus could come back any moment.”
“You hate him.”
“Hate is—”
“You’ll never love him, Larissa. You can lie to the entire community, but at least be honest with yourself.”
No, she could never love a man like Silus. She’d tried, but her husband was not an honorable male. He was cold and cruel and… “Perhaps, if you and Adam have been so blessed, my mate is not far behind.”
He paced to the window. “Blessed? Immortal life is nothing but an eternity of struggles.”
“Don’t say such things. You are blessed. You’ve been called. God has sent you the other half of your soul, Cain. I envy your circumstances.”
“You wouldn’t…”
Concern welled inside of her as his words faded. “Why? Why shouldn’t I envy you? This is a blessing, Cain.”
His inner turmoil seeped into his posture, and his strong image wavered, reminding her of him as a young boy.
“What’s the matter, Cain? You’ve become such a cynic.”
“So much of what we’ve been taught is a lie.”
“What do you mean?” Her breathing tightened. No more lies. She needed something to hold on to. She approached the window, looking up at his profile. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
His jaw ticked as his stare bore into the glass. “The first time I touched her, we were in a field. The earth was warm on my back and the air wore the perfume of honeysuckle.”
“A dream?” She’d never had a dream, so she could only hang on his every word, hoping she might someday know a similar fate.
“Yes. Everything was as we hope it will be. But then…” His lips firmed. “She was weightless. I could see her so clearly, but not touch her. I’d speak and she would not answer. Her words were spoken for someone else, yet we were the only ones there.”
Larissa frowned. “That must have been very frustrating.”
“It was torture. I thought, in time, she’d feel me, hear me. But she couldn’t. Until I was so infuriated, I shouted at her and she heard something.”
“Could she be too far away?”
“Distance isn’t an issue. For whatever reason, she can only hear me when she’s afraid. When I’m cruel. She’s so beautiful, Larissa. She’s more than I deserve. But I can only reach her with aggression…” His voice broke and his gaze found hers, pleading for answers she didn’t have. “She fears me.”
“Oh, Cain.” Her heart broke for him. “Forget the dreams. You must go to her in person. If she truly met you, she’d see you’re gentle and kind.”
His unfocused eyes looked over her shoulder. “I created a world of floating flora for her, but she couldn’t see it. I rained butterflies upon her skin, becoming the butterflies myself, hoping to just touch her once. But she felt nothing. It was as if I didn’t exist and she was the purest image of life. I needed some connection to her, so I bit her.” His head lowered. “She screamed. She ripped me down and threw me away. Her denial infuriated me. Who was she to tell me no?”
She drew back, a dark fear unraveling in the pit of her belly. “No, Cain.”
“She’s mine.”
Larissa swallowed. “Do not allow frustration to detract from your honor.”
His eyes leveled on her and narrowed. “Frustration? This went beyond frustration. Her ignorance gutted me. I no longer cared if she loved or hated me, only that she stopped ignoring me. It is my right.”
Her shoulders tightened. “What of her rights, Cain? You must t
ry to be patient.”
His steely eyes cut into her. “You don’t know the kindness I’ve tried. She doesn’t see it or hear it. She only responds to my cruelty. And I suffer her pain. What kind of blessing is that, Larissa? What sort of God offers such a gift? Such torment? It’s merciless, and had I a different choice, I’d refuse my fate, but we know how that ends.”
None of this made any sense. Dreams were for pleasure, a way for called mates to identify the goodness in one another and find each other. “I don’t understand how the things you describe are possible. You must seek out a bonded Elder and ask their advice.”
“It’s too late.”
“You’ll die if you don’t bond with her!”
“I’ll bond. And she’ll despise me for it.” His eyes looked into hers, so deep Larissa feared he saw every shameful secret hidden there. “Just as you hate Silus.”
Her hand fluttered to her pounding heart. “Silus is not my mate. This female is meant for you, Cain. Sometimes there’s no time to…” Her lips pursed. “If that is your only recourse, I’m afraid you must. She’ll eventually forgive you.”
His eyes shifted, his face wearing a mask of defeat. “The God we worship so blindly has sentenced me to a lifetime of apology, an eternity tied to a mate who fears me.”
Her hand moved to his arm in a gentle show of comfort. “Time will mend all. They say the calling is the closest our kind will ever come to heaven.”
His eyes shimmered in the flicker of the lamp. “Yet all I’ve found is hell.”
“Oh, Cain.”
“So while you sit here, biding your time under the reign of a man who treats you to less kindness than he shows his cattle, I’m here to warn you. Destiny is cruel and God is a fool, Larissa. Do not trust the promises we’ve been fed. Make your own future, one that will guarantee your happiness.”
Her heart broke for him. And while she appreciated his concern, it was misplaced. “There has to be some explanation for this, Cain. I can’t rewrite my beliefs simply because you think God has somehow wronged you—”
“I know God has wronged me. This is not a misunderstanding, Larissa. This is a vicious trick.”
“You haven’t met her yet—”
“I have! It’s too late!”
His anger startled her. “Why? What aren’t you explaining to me?”
His eyes, damp with tears and black with emotion, pinned her in place. “Just as we shared our mother’s womb, we have been sentenced to share a mate.”
A shiver glided up her spine and she lowered her voice to a whisper. “What are you saying?”
“Adam. Born first. Called first. And, of course, he found her first.” He looked away. “Now you have my side of the story.”
Chills chased over her legs. “Annalise?”
He nodded.
“How can that be? There are two of you and only one of her.”
“And there can only be one bonding. One salvation made of one sacrifice.”
The bile in her stomach threatened to rise. “If you don’t get to her…”
“I’ll die. And if I get to her first…”
“Adam.”
Her vision wavered as tears rushed to her eyes. “Something has to be done. How can anyone make such a decision?”
“The decision’s been made. She only knows my cruelty while she gets all of Adam’s kindness. She wants Adam. Perhaps she even loves him. Part of me wishes I were stronger, strong enough to let them have their love. But I’m first a predator, and my soul recognizes her as mine. She believes I’m coming for her.”
“Then Adam knows as well.” Her hand drifted to her throat. “You plan on stealing her away.”
“I see the condemnation in your eyes. If I tell you my full intentions, you could be punished, so I’ll save you from knowing too much. But do not think I take any pleasure for my part in Adam’s misery. He has always been better than me. But I am not evil.”
“This will break all of us.”
He caught her hands in his, forcing her to look him in the eye. “You must listen to me, Larissa. If something should happen to either of us, Mother will have Grace and Father to help with her grief.”
Tears rushed from her eyes. “What are you planning to do?”
“That’s not your worry. It is mine. I’ll see my mate tonight and this will end. But I cannot stay here. Once I leave, you’ll not see me again, sister.”
“No.” Her hands tightened around his.
“I have no choice. This is the destiny God has chosen for me.”
She batted away her tears. “This can’t be. This isn’t how we were taught.”
He cupped her face. “Hush now. Your husband’s approaching and he can’t see your tears. Listen to me carefully. There is a car, hidden in the barn where the one-legged rooster crows. The keys are inside.”
She shook her head, trying to stifle her upset.
“Don’t shake your head. Don’t trust them, Larissa. They’ve lied to all of us. There are no guarantees, unless we make them for ourselves. Get out while you can.”
“I cannot let you do this thing. Whatever you are thinking—”
“Goodbye, Larissa.” He pressed a kiss to her tear drenched cheek and let her go.
“Cain…” She searched the room. “Cain?”
She rushed to the door, only to stagger back as Silus loomed in the entrance. He scowled at her. “What’s the matter with you?”
Her lips pressed tight, her gaze dropping to the ground as her heart desperately begged her to search for Cain. He pushed past her, hanging his hat by the door.
“Did your brother leave?”
She nodded.
“Does he intend to answer to the Council?”
She shook her head.
“Then I hope you made your goodbyes. He will not be welcome in my home again. Do you understand me, wife?”
“I understand,” she rasped.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“You must be Annalise.” Ezekiel’s soft-spoken voice surprised and unnerved her. Adam’s grandfather was the patriarch of the Hartzler family, as well as an Elder on the Council. He’d come to visit at Adam’s request.
“It’s nice to meet you. Adam speaks highly of you—sir.”
“Relax, child. No need to be nervous. No harm will befall you here.” His gaze shifted to Adam. “She’s quite beautiful.”
Adam insisted they visit with his grandfather, and she understood his hope for guidance from a highly respected relative. But Annalise didn’t want advice from someone who spoke about her as if she weren’t sitting right there.
Adam’s hand closed around hers and squeezed lightly. “Yes. She’s also quite modern in her views. You have my permission to compliment her, Grandfather.”
The man raised a brow. He held a remarkable resemblance to Jonas, but had a streak of white running through his hair. “I see. My grandson is very lucky to have been blessed with such an … independent and striking mate.”
His emphases on the word independent niggled, but she didn’t know what he was trying to imply. “Thank you.”
They gathered in Abilene’s sitting room. Adam’s mother had been busy preparing food all day, which Adam said was normal, but Annalise sensed he wasn’t sharing something.
“I imagine you have lots of questions about the bonding,” his grandfather said.
Heat rushed to her cheeks. Was this like a sex talk for immortals? “Um, Adam’s been explaining enough.”
Ezekiel chuckled. “I thought a female point of view might also be helpful.” He looked over Annalise’s shoulder and waved a hand. “Rachel.”
A floorboard creaked and a slight woman stepped into the den. She looked like every other Amish beauty on this farm—plain, timid, obedient, with lots of unspoken thoughts waiting to escape.
Ezekiel stepped to the woman’s side. “Annalise, this is Rachel, wife of Samuel Roche. I think you two will have a lot to discuss. Rachel was also English.”
Annalise’s entire
demeanor shifted with intrigue. “Hi.”
Finally, a woman she could relate to.
“It’s nice to meet you.” Rachel said.
“Adam and I will take our conversation outside so you two can talk,” Adam’s grandfather announced. “We will not be far.”
“Soooo,” Annalise said, feeling as if she were on some sort of blind date. She didn’t want to bombard the woman with questions, but she had eight million. She should start with something easy. “Do you mind if I ask where you got your apron? You have a bow. I’ve only been able to find the ones that need eight million pins.”
“Only married females can have tying aprons. You’ll have one soon.”
Would she? “Oh. What about mated women?”
She frowned. “Do you not intend to marry Adam?”
She fidgeted, tapping her hands over her knees. The woman looked about Annalise’s age. “Are you related to Adam?”
The woman laughed. “We’re of no blood relation but connected distantly through marriage. I arrived just before the twins were born.”
So she was older than Adam’s thirty-seven years. “How old are you?”
She considered the question. “Well, I arrived in the seventies when I was a teenager… You know, after a while you lose count.”
“And you said you’re connected to Adam’s family by marriage?”
Her gaze turned contemplative. “My husband is the son of Mary Zehr. So my motherin-law, Mary, is a sister to Faith Zehr. Faith is married to Ezekiel, Adam’s grandfather. So she’s no longer a Zehr, but a Hartzler.”
“Wow. I’ll never wrap my brain around that sort of lineage.”
“You figure it out after a while.”
“You’re the first person I’ve met who’s been human. You … blend in so well.”
“They prefer to call outsiders English and refer to themselves as simply Amish. That way there’s no chance of anyone accidentally overhearing something and getting the wrong impression. Where are you from, Annalise?”
“Bensalem.” Annalise glanced at the door. When was Adam coming back? She wanted him to share her excitement.
“Is that in Pennsylvania?”
“Yes. Where are you from?”
“Quebec. I was nineteen when Samuel found me.”
Original Sin (The Order of Vampires Book 1) Page 34
