“You’re not second choice.”
His head lifted, and Adam saw his anguish as much as he felt it. “To her, that’s all I’d ever be.”
Tears flooded Adam’s eyes. “How are you fighting this?”
Cain shook his head. “Because she’s not mine. She’s yours in every sense of the word. Even in our dreams, we only shared pain. Perhaps she can feel mine, and that’s why it was so important for her to fix this war between us.”
Adam wanted her pain. He wanted her joy and her happiness. He wanted all of it, and knowing Cain experienced this slight part of her, broke him in ways he couldn’t explain. Their kind was not built to share. He wanted all of her.
“I felt her tonight,” his brother rasped. “I felt her life drifting away and I felt the emptiness consuming her. I’m tethered to her, but…” His brow creased. “She’s tied to you.”
“It’s your blood that saved her.”
He shook his head. “I’ve felt her fear, her anxiety, her anger, pain, and death. But I’ve never felt her love, Adam. Her heart belongs to you.”
They sat in silence. The night had shifted into day and with dawn came the rising press to move. But neither of them knew where to go from here.
“Perhaps it was a combination of both our blood that saved her,” Cain wondered aloud. “What would have happened if she hadn’t had yours first?”
They shared a womb, at one point surviving off the same blood. Could it be that simple? Adam rested his head against the wall, shutting his eyes. Exhaustion crept into his bones. Nothing about this was simple.
“I feel her now, Adam.”
His eyes flashed open. Jealousy—his out—slashed through him.
“She’s in pain. She’s scared and confused and having a lot of bad thoughts—dangerous thoughts.”
A heavy weight pressed against his chest. He reflexively reached for her emotions, only to hit a wall. “I feel nothing,” he gasped.
Cain arched a brow. “She’s immortal now. Her mind won’t be as open. And I imagine our sister probably taught her how to block you.”
A tear trailed down his face. “She must think this the cruelest joke.”
Cain shifted his weight, moving to the opposite wall and sitting beside his brother, shoulder to shoulder. “Show her it’s not, Adam. You’re good and honorable and everything she deserves. Take away her regret and replace it with the love I know you feel for her.”
His body pulsed with the need to do just that. Everything inside of him wanted to fix this, but their laws… What was the authority here? Even the Bishop had doubted Cain’s instinct. They were in uncharted territory. And Adam feared adding to the damage, adding to her heartache.
“She might never forgive me.”
“Oh, then by all means, leave her to me and sentence her to an eternity of disappointment.”
Adam glanced at his brother, hearing the sarcasm in his voice and the deflection of his emotions, but he couldn’t hide his feelings from him. He never could.
Adam gripped his hand, silently telling him he felt his pain. Cain could not walk away from this unscathed. He’d already been hurt so much.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner.”
Cain’s eyes shifted. “Neither of us knew what was happening. If I’d known earlier… If I’d been the one to find her first… You would have never known the scent of her skin, or the weight of her hair running through your fingers, or the feel of her lips. I would have kept it all for myself and turned my back on you just as fast. It’s the nature of the beast, brother. And it’s inside of all of us.”
“Where will you go?” They both understood the sacrifice Cain offered. There would be no staying on the farm—at least not right away.
“Do you honestly care what happens to me?”
He scowled. “Yes, I care.”
He dropped his head back, looking up at the rafters, his fingers entwined between his knees. “I suppose it might be interesting to try a nomadic existence for a while, get out in nature, connect with the greater picture. I’ll know where I’m heading when I find it.”
“It will be strange here without you.”
“You’ll be too busy with your new wife to even realize I’m gone.”
Adam hesitated, once again suffering a wave of sadness from Cain. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
He nodded. “I’m open to you, Adam. Search my emotions and see the truth by feeling what I feel for her. I care, yes, but… It’s nothing in comparison to your feelings.”
His scalp prickled as he sent out a gentle probe. Annalise colored certain emotions surrounding his aura, but they resembled the colors he recognized in Cain’s emotions for Larissa and Gracie.
“You view her as a sister?”
Cain raised a brow. “I suppose that’s accurate.”
Adam frowned. “But you tried—”
“I didn’t know what I was doing. Now…” He wrinkled his nose. “I just want her to be happy. I’m not the male to do that.”
“You humble me, Cain. Thank you.”
“Thank me by doing right by her. Give her everything she deserves, Adam. Do that, and I’ll never have a reason to regret my sacrifice.”
“You have my word.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
Bishop Eleazar King watched the sun rise above the distant horizon, his muscles clenching with the need to withdraw into the shadows, but his firm will forbid he cower. As the greatest authority of the order, he would not forsake dignity for instinct. They were not unaccountable animals. But how long would that remain true for him?
How long could he refuse to acknowledge the symptoms plaguing his mind? Deny the ache poisoning his appetite?
A heavy knock pounded on the door to his private quarters. “Enter.”
The door clicked behind him. Fast breathing and sharp agitation obliterated the peaceful silence. Authority always came with a cost.
Unable to ignore the wave of masculine distress, Eleazar turned in his chair to face his visitor. “Silus. What brings you by?”
“I am sorry to bother you, Bishop, but there’s been an emergency. My wife is missing.”
Eleazar veiled any reaction with a blank stare. “Your wife?”
“Yes. Larissa.”
“Of course. The Hartzler girl.”
“She’s been a Hostetler for some time, Eleazar,” Silus reminded with a pinch of distain. “You married us over a year ago.”
As if God would ever allow him to forget. “I recall.” His eyes narrowed, daring the male to call his words into question again.
Silus lowered his gaze, hat clenched in his hands. “May I come in?”
Eleazar clamped his jaw. “Of course.”
He needed to get his emotions in order. Exhausted by last night’s ordeal with the Hartzler twins, his head had entered a negative place. His principle beliefs had been called into question, drawing doubts where they weren’t welcome and leading to possibilities he wasn’t prepared to consider. And now the girl was missing?
“When was the last time you saw … your wife?”
“Last night, after the wedding. I brought her home and instructed her not to leave the bedroom. She broke down the door.”
“Why would she break the door? Why not simply open it?”
He wrung his hands. “My wife is a sometimes willful female. She requires … firm boundaries.”
“I see.” He could also see directly into his mind, through the thin veil of lies. Yes, the female had a willful side. And yes, her husband Silus had the authority to discipline her as he saw fit, but Eleazar did not agree with his methods.
He breathed through his own frustrations. His personal situation came second to the troubles of his flock. He removed himself from the equation.
“Is there a place she might run to? Perhaps her parents?”
“I’ve been to Jonas’s. She’s not there. I was hoping for a word with her brother, Cain.”
He frowned. “Why would you wan
t to speak to Cain?”
“She’s close to him. He visited the house recently, and I think he might have some insight. Also, she gave him her blood yesterday. He could track her.”
Eleazar immediately regretted releasing the male. Had he known…
The Hartzler twins were full of surprises. The older one with his empathy skills and the younger one with his newly discovered influences on the climate. They hardly realized how unique their gifts were. And last night’s events proved how little they still knew about their abilities. How little they all knew.
“I’m afraid Cain’s been released.”
“I don’t understand. He…”
“We cannot detain someone who hasn’t broken any laws.”
Silus’s face darkened. “Bishop King, he violated our greatest law—”
“Events have occurred that prove otherwise.”
“What events? The Council hasn’t released the records of a trial or—”
“And I will remind you, Silus, that while you are a Hostetler, you are not an Elder. Your knowledge of Council business has its limits. That’s the last time you’ll call my judgment into question, do we understand each other?”
His mealy lips formed a thin line across his red face. “I only want to find my wife, sir.”
“I doubt she’s gone far.”
“I’ve knocked on every door. No one has seen her since yesterday. If she left the farm… She’s a simple minded female, sir. She’s vulnerable and needs a strong male to look over her.”
And Silus Hostetler was that male? Eleazar breathed through more frustration. “Perhaps, if you hadn’t tried to cage her, she wouldn’t have fled.” Fury, that this man couldn’t watch over the one female trusted to his care gnawed at Eleazar’s insides. “You’ve made a mess of things.”
“Larissa has more comforts than she deserves. As I said, she’s easily confused—”
The bishop narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, folding his arms on the desk. “You forget yourself, Silus. I can investigate your mind as easily as I can look out a window. You and I both know why she left.”
He met Eleazar’s glare with his own. “And you forget yourself. She’s not a female I fancy. She’s my wife, my property. It’s not only my right but also my duty to teach her obedience—by any means I see fit. And no other male, including my Bishop, has the authority to interfere in how I choose to govern my marriage.”
He breathed slowly, his nostrils flaring as he inhaled the stench of the coward before him and swallowed back his own argument. Silus was right. As her husband, he had total authority over her—until fate intervened.
Fate had intervened, but Eleazar had been a stubborn fool, biding his time, and now she was off God knows where, doing God knows what. He wanted to snap Silus’s spine.
“So be it,” he said, sitting back on his chair. “But as your Elder—and your Bishop—I forbid you to leave the farm at this time.”
Silus bolted to his feet. “I came here out of respect—”
“And I respectfully listened to your request. I’ve seen into your mind, I know your intentions, and I’ve chosen to deny your request. I think it’s best for you to wait here for your wife’s return.”
A storm of fury flashed in his eyes. “I’ll appeal to the Council!”
“You’ll lose.” This conversation was over. Eleazar stood, dominating the other man in height and stature. “The Council granted your request to wed the girl. But their generosity has limits, as does my patience. Get out of my office.”
“Sir, I beg you. If she’s among the English—”
“I leave this evening on private Council business. I’ll be sure to search for her in my travels.” Something told him it wouldn’t take long to find her—a little country mouse lost in a jungle. “But you will remain here.” He ushered the other man to the door, opening it in an invitation for him to leave.
“I was not aware you were leaving.”
“Confidential Council business. I know I can trust you not to speak of it to others.”
“Of course.”
More lies. Eleazar gave him a pointed look. “Good day, Silus.”
“Right. Good day, sir. I’ll await your return.”
He locked his jaw. The male might be waiting longer than expected. What on God’s green earth would he do with a willful female who didn’t seem to possess a submissive bone in her body? He continued to question God’s judgment, pairing him with such a young female. Compared to him, she was a baby. They would have nothing in common and he dreaded his fate since the moment it announced itself in a dream.
Though the calling had come after her wedding to Silus, he assumed the male might prove some good in molding her into a more … mature female. He’d obviously failed and Eleazar could no longer ignore his responsibilities, any more than he could ignore the urge to throttle Silus.
Now, he had no choice but to go off on a merry chase, following her to God could only imagine where. Enough playing around. She was not a child, and her actions were humiliating to all. It was time for her to grow up. If he had to accept his fate, then so help him God, he’d see that she also accepted hers.
Chapter Fifty
Adam raced the dawn, his legs swiftly carrying him to the place he needed to be as the sun claimed its throne in the sky. The heat on his back was the first he’d felt in days, the symptoms of the calling finally receding. But with the loss of pain, came the loss of trust.
Though his emotional connection to Annalise had been severed, he could hear her in other ways. Her sorrow roped around him, cinching his heart tight and leading him home. The need to comfort and protect her driving him harder than any assumed loyalty to his Elders ever could.
He reached the house and hesitated, fearful her forgiveness would not be easily won, but determined to earn her trust again by any means necessary. Staring up at his bedroom window, he listened for the soft pattern of her breathing. He breathed deep, scenting the fragrance of her skin and the salt of her tears.
Forgiveness would be hard won, but he’d spend the rest of eternity trying to earn her trust again. They said the war was the calling, but he knew the battle had just begun. His wife—a fiercely independent, once mortal, willful English female—was not a woman to underestimate.
He was honored to accept the challenge of trying to tame her, as much as he was certain he’d fail. Now that he knew her, he did not wish her docile or tame. He wanted her fierce and true. He wanted his Annalise exactly as she came to him.
A twig snapped behind him and he turned. “Gracie.”
His sister eyed him with cautious suspicion. “I heard your thoughts.”
He hadn’t been worried about hiding his intentions. “How is she?”
Gracie didn’t greet him with her usual smile. Her eyes studied him with foreign regard. “Where is Cain?”
“Gone.” He opened his mind, sharing the memory of their conversation.
“He left without a goodbye.” Her disappointment wafted at him. Had Cain not been consumed by his own demons, he would have made a point to see the family one last time.
“I think a goodbye would have been too painful.”
“For him. What about Mother? She doesn’t understand any of this, Adam. Her boys tried to kill each other yesterday. No matter what resolutions the two of you found, she still lost a son.” She shook her head. “He’s never coming back.”
Adam swallowed, knowing he was no replacement for Cain. “I don’t know. He needs … time.” They all needed time.
After his brother’s sacrifice today, he could not think ill of him. Adam’s happiness came down to two people, Annalise and Cain. “You must not hold his actions against him, Grace. Not on this day at least.”
She glanced up at the broken window. “Last night, when you surrendered her to him, I read your mind. You were really going to let him have her.”
An unsteady breath stole through his lungs. “He … saved her.”
She tilted her head. Despite G
race’s gentle nature, there was a shrewdness beneath her surface. She was no fool, nor did she mistake him for a completely selfless creature. “You won’t offer the same again,” she said, and he wasn’t sure if she read his thoughts or simply gathered as much from his humanlike flaws.
“No,” he agreed. His selflessness had limits, as did his honor. “She belongs to me.”
Her chin lifted, and he sensed a loyalty that hadn’t existed days ago. Not to him, but to his mate. If anything, Grace was a protective sister and Annalise was now her family. “Perhaps you should ask her opinion before you make any more assumptions.”
He looked away. “I will. I’ll beg if I have to.”
“You destroyed her last night. I couldn’t get a full read of her thoughts, but the things I saw… She’s alone, Adam. If you can’t honor your vow to stay with her for ewichkeit, then don’t go to her now.”
His jaw hardened. “I’ll never leave her. She’s my wife and my mate.”
“And if Cain changes his mind?”
“It’s too late. Cain shares a sire bond with her, nothing more. He cannot love her to the depths that I do.” He flattened his palm to his chest, feeling Annalise’s heart beat with his. “She’s in my soul. Not even death could strip her from me.”
Gracie nodded. “Good.” She stepped out of his way. “Then go to her.”
The house was silent when he entered, his father already out to work, his mother resting in her room. He took no pride in the devastation his action had wrought, and over the coming weeks he would do his best to help his mother understand this decision was the right decision for all of them.
He silently entered his bedroom. Annalise lay curled on her side, still as the mountains and as awake as the sky. Her eyes flashed open, diamond pupils stopping him as a low growl purred from her throat.
The changes to her physique were subtle but he noticed every single one. Her skin wore the blush of vitality only dulled by the salty tracks of her tears. Her feline like eyes tracked him with predatory awareness. Her hair was fuller, her lips a darker shade of pink. And her sorrow, an absolute tragedy that he took full responsibility for, only paled in the presence of her anger, which pulsed through the air with the intensity of white flames.
Original Sin (The Order of Vampires Book 1) Page 41
