by Ella M. Lee
He gave me an incredulous and exasperated look. “Even if I were your commander—and I’m not—I couldn’t lay a hand on you. It would be a violation of Water Clan’s laws. You know that. I can’t go around murdering anyone who bothers me. Half the building would be dead by now.”
I took a shaky breath, encouraged by his ability to make even a half-hearted joke.
“Do you want to kill me?” I asked.
“No.”
“Well… is there a scenario in which you don’t at least break up with me for cheating on you with your best friend?”
He let out a huff of air. “Daniel is not my best friend. Daniel is my family. That doesn’t give him a pass on anything, including making a move on my girlfriend, but it makes things more complicated. He’s also one of the most powerful commanders in Water, and instrumental to plans I’ve been constructing for half a decade. Again, complicated.”
“I—” I started, but Nicolas held up a hand.
I waited, watching warily as he searched for more visions and then sighed. I knew better than to interrupt; Nicolas would tell me what he thought when he figured out what to say. After another few moments, he leaned forward, putting his face in his hands.
“I see. Interesting. Unanticipated, but interesting. I should have guessed. I should have noticed…” He paused, shaking his head. “I’m an idiot.”
“What?” I asked, confused. “You’re an idiot?”
He looked at me, his eyes dark. “I warned Daniel of this, but he never listens to me anymore, and I was too distracted to put two and two together.”
I stared at him. “You’re going to have to explain.”
He sighed. “When I first laid eyes on you all those months ago, I had visions of you. Many of them all over the place in terms of what they showed might happen. One of the visions was you and Daniel together, like today. I didn’t think much of it. I barely knew you, barely cared, and the course of your path could have gone anywhere. Perhaps the two of you would fall in love, have a relationship. Or perhaps that vision would dissipate to nothing, as so many of them do. When our own relationship developed, I thought that’s what had happened.
“But then Daniel was made commander, and that changed everything.”
I hadn’t taken my eyes from him. “How so?”
“It’s not Daniel you’re attracted to, Fiona,” Nicolas said patiently. “It’s his magic. It’s his command.”
“What?” I asked, bewildered.
“It’s something that happens when a person is made a commander, when they create their sanctum. They get… Well, they become magically magnified, in a way,” he explained. “Everything about them that’s interesting to other people gets enhanced: attractiveness, physical prowess, magical aptitude. It’s a magical defense mechanism, a way for commanders to attract the support and stability of a group, to be appealing in as many ways as possible.
“You and Daniel love one another. The two of you are close. You’ve shared so much about yourselves in such an intimate way, and you’re so alike. His Water magic wanted to make sure the two of you stayed together. But it’s not sentient, it’s not precise. It doesn’t understand how to do that with subtlety, so it picked the most obvious way: physical attraction. It pushed the two of you together because it was doing what it thought was best for Daniel. It needs him to be there, strong and safe, as its container.”
My mouth fell open. “Oh my god.”
“I explained this to him,” Nicolas said. “I told him what it’s like to be a new commander, the things you have to learn to understand and control. But you know Daniel. He’s a bit headstrong. He listened, but he didn’t listen. I had forgotten about that vision I saw of the two of you until this morning, when I woke up to it again. You were already gone, and it was already too late to change. I should have warned you well ahead of time, but it slipped my mind. Now I know why he’s been acting so strange the past few days. He’s not entirely in control of himself.”
I was frozen in shock, but Nicolas’s words made perfect sense. I’d been feeling weird about Daniel ever since he’d been made a commander. I hadn’t brought it up with Nicolas because, well, why would I tell my boyfriend that I suddenly had feelings for someone else? And I hadn’t brought it up with Daniel because I was hoping it would go away. I’d been fighting against fate since that ceremony, and then fate had gotten annoyed and knuckled down. That was why it had felt so bizarre and out of place, but also so necessary and undeniable.
I stared at Nicolas, horrified. “Is that why I’m attracted to you? Because I’m good for your group and your magic draws me in?”
He laughed darkly. “No. This instinct is something a commander can control. I’ve been doing this for thirteen years. I’ve clamped down so hard on my magic’s own devices that I’m not sure I could even let up on them anymore. But Daniel is new, he hardly knows what to do with his feelings and urges.” Nicolas paused. “He’s making some poor decisions.”
“I feel compelled to point out that I also made a poor decision,” I said.
Nicolas said nothing in response. Instead, he sighed. “Daniel and I need to have a little chat.”
“What are you going to do to him?” I asked, alarmed.
Nicolas liked to talk up Daniel’s abilities, but I had no doubts about who was actually stronger in a fight of any kind, magical or physical.
“Relax, Fiona,” he said. “I’m not going to hurt him. This is all a very unfortunate misunderstanding. But he needs to control himself, especially with my girlfriend as his lieutenant.”
“You’re not upset with us?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“I am upset, although not with the two of you,” he said. “I’m not sure there was anything either of you could have done to resist that pull, though I’m glad you were strong enough to stop before things went further. Now that I know I’m right—that this was Dan’s magic at work—it’s easy to dredge up some understanding.”
“Do you hate me?” I asked, looking away.
“No. Why would you think that?” he said, the words crisp and decisive. “I don’t hate either of you. I’m merely disappointed in all three of us. That you two were caught up in all of this, that Daniel didn’t consider my words carefully enough, that I didn’t guide either of you the way I should have.”
We were silent for a minute. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t particularly care that I was partially blameless in this situation. I had still betrayed him. I had betrayed the person who had spared my life, saved it a few more times on top of that, and had shown me countless kindnesses. Tears leaked out of the corner of my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t know how I could have done that. I’m terrible.”
“Hush.”
His eyes were closed, and he was scanning for visions again. I had no idea what he was doing or why. I closed my eyes as well, trying to quell my crying.
I jumped a minute later when his hands touched me, my eyes flying open. He knelt on one knee in front of me, one hand on each of my arms.
“It will be all right,” he said. His hands tightened on me. “I love you.”
My heart stopped at his words. I couldn’t bear his understanding. Get upset, I thought. Throw something. Hurt me. Be angry. Don’t let me off the hook so easily.
“I’m not letting either of you off the hook,” he said, “but I’m also not going to hurt you. I’m going to tell you I love you, because I do. And we’re going to get Daniel’s god damn magic under control before it destroys something less durable than you and me.”
“We aren’t destroyed?” I asked, my voice hoarse.
“Not unless that’s what you want.”
“No,” I said. “I love you. I want you.”
“And I want you, lamb,” he said. He paused. “I know you’re his lieutenant, but do you mind if I speak with Daniel alone? I have no intention of hurting him, I promise, but he and I need to work this out somehow.”
I nodded numbly. As though I could st
op Nicolas if he wanted to do anything. He was one of the best commanders in Water, possibly in any clan. He could shatter my own magic into confetti with no effort at all.
“I’ll need you later. Will you wait for me here?”
“Always,” I said, trying to smile.
He stood. He stroked my hair with his hands, smoothing it back. Nothing in my life had ever felt better than his touch right in that moment. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him to me, pressing my face into the smooth plane of his stomach. He looped his arms around my shoulders and held me. I never wanted this to end, but eventually he pulled away.
I watched him put on his jacket, straightening it over his jeans. Nicolas is beautiful, I thought. Please let him be mine still.
His lips quirked into the shadow of a smile. “Always,” he said.
He walked into the bedroom. I heard the clicking of him opening the safe he kept in his closet. I froze. When he emerged again a minute later, he had a set of magic-limiting shackles in his hand.
“I have a plan,” he said, seeing my alarmed look. “Don’t worry about Daniel or me. Stay here.”
He left. I waited for him to be out of range of hearing my thoughts before I started crying. When I was out of tears, my eyes refocused on the book Nicolas had been reading. I recognized its red-and-tan cover.
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Christ, what a difficult and depressing story.
But I picked it up tentatively, marking his place and flipping to the beginning. I curled into a ball, trying to distract myself from the ruins of my own life.
I was about a hundred pages into the book when I heard a knock on the door sometime later. I could barely feel Nicolas’s magic, which was odd. He rarely wrapped it up that tightly.
Nicolas came through the door when I lowered my shield, walking with purpose and drive. Daniel followed him in. I couldn’t feel his magic at all, and I sat up straight, alarmed. He lingered behind Nicolas, looking shocked and zoned out. Upon closer inspection, I could see his magic was there, but it was limp and pulverized into pieces. He shut the door stiffly, barely seeming to comprehend anything.
I was about to speak, to ask what had happened between them, when Nicolas wheeled to face him and slammed him in the chest with a hard palm. Daniel was tossed back into the hard door with a huff.
“Pull yourself together,” Nicolas said to him. “You have work to do. Continue.”
I was on my feet in an instant, a shield flickering to life against my skin. Nicolas turned his dark eyes on me and with a faint pop! sensation, my shield disintegrated into scattered snow, evaporating into nothing.
“None of that from you right now,” he said. “Sit quietly.”
I gasped, sinking back into my chair, momentarily stunned. I had never been on the receiving end of an offensive attack from him before. Daniel, Ryan, and Teng all trained me regularly and had shattered my shields during exercises, but Nicolas’s move had been on an altogether higher level. The elegance of his magic was undeniable, and I was blinded by his speed and deftness.
He redid the wards and shield on the door rapidly. They were sturdier and more advanced than usual.
“We’ll work on that later,” he added to me, gathering a stunned Daniel in his arms and guiding him to the couch. “You need to be able to hold your shield against a commander.”
I resented that he had shattered my shield and reprimanded me, but my heart leaped a little at the idea that there would be a later. His cold focus right now had been making me doubt our earlier conversation, but Nicolas in an emergency was very different from Nicolas outside of one.
It took a lot of mental fortitude for him to even think clearly when others were around, and I had learned that brusqueness was often an indication that he was working hard to stay focused.
Daniel sat, and he had finally pulled some of his magic around him tremulously. I had never seen him so unsure, his hands locked together in his lap, staring down at nothing. Ordinarily chatty and expressive, he was silent right now. He looked like a zombie, unfocused and unresponsive. I was legitimately worried about him, but I could hardly figure out how to form the question I wanted to ask.
Nicolas sat next to him, looking rather relaxed. He crossed his legs at his ankles and looked between Daniel and me. He didn’t seem worried, which eased my anxiety about Dan a tiny bit. Nicolas must know what was going on. He must have a handle on this situation.
At least, I hoped he did.
I watched them, sitting rigidly in my chair. I had never been in a more awkward situation: my boyfriend and the best friend I had kissed and put my hands all over this morning, both sitting on the couch across from me.
I twisted my hands together. “So, um, is this some sort of new and inventive torture? Because I thought I opted out of that months ago.”
“Not torture,” Nicolas said, smiling slightly. “Training.”
Daniel’s eyes flicked to him absently, and it was only then that I noticed that Nicolas’s magic had Daniel’s magic locked in a viselike grip.
“Uh… what happened? What did you do to him?” I asked Nicolas.
Nicolas tapped his fingers against his thigh and said, “Daniel and I had a little chat about what it means to be a commander, and how to control magic in a way so as not to take advantage of unsuspecting friends.”
“I hardly feel taken advantage of,” I said.
“You both were,” Nicolas said. “The difference between you and Daniel is that it’s his magic, and he should have recognized what was happening. So we had a lesson on how to manage commander-level magic, and did a little planning and strategizing.”
“It looks like you tore him apart,” I said quietly.
“Oh, I didn’t do that,” Nicolas said. “He did it to himself. Sometimes control requires breaking down and rebuilding the foundations, so we went back to basics. He’s essentially starting from scratch. It was his idea.”
No wonder Daniel looked shredded. He literally was. I felt sorry for him beyond words. I’d had my magic ripped up like that before, in a particularly hard conflict with a Wild Clan member. I had been bedridden and shaking for a week, much like when I had first overextended myself in Water, unsure if I would ever feel normal again. Yet Daniel had done it intentionally, to get some sort of grip on himself that he didn’t have before.
“He’ll be okay?” I asked.
Dan didn’t look okay. He looked like he’d been treated with electric shock therapy, like he’d had his soul ripped from his body.
“He’ll be fine in a few hours. Commander magic recovers quickly, especially with guidance, and Daniel is quite good at what he does. He’s already forming up nicely,” Nicolas said. He wrapped an arm around Dan’s shoulders, far more affectionately than I would have expected. “He’s only like this because commander magic is such an intrinsic part of a person that they can’t function well without it intact. For now, I’m holding him together.”
That explained why Nicolas’s magic gripped Daniel’s so hard. He was the one helping to control it, to hold it. I wondered in a panic if Daniel was at risk of dying with his magic so shredded.
“He’s not,” Nicolas said, answering my thoughts. “It takes a lot to kill a commander. His sanctum is still there, which is the main qualification for continuing to live. He’s merely in a form of shock, and he’s intentionally retreated into himself so that he can repair the damage and reforge himself.”
“You knew this would work?” I asked. “This breaking down and rebuilding?”
“No,” he said. “I had no idea what to do in this case, only a hypothesis. I’ve never raised anyone to commander before, nor dealt with this particular issue. Dan and I decided to try this together.”
I looked at Daniel. His eyes weren’t focused on anything. He was turned oddly inward.
“How did you know it wouldn’t kill him?” I asked.
“Visions and hope,” Nicolas said, shrugging. “Dan is strong. He’ll survive. That’s likely
why he needs special treatment. I should have known it from the beginning.”
“Didn’t you need help when you started out?” I asked. “You’re stronger than anyone.”
“No, I didn’t need help.” He smiled. “I’m naturally good at everything.”
“So is Daniel.”
“Not as good as me.”
I rolled my eyes. “So we just wait?”
“Yes, and when he pulls his magic together, we hope that he is the one with the reins, and that he has zero desire to touch you ever again,” Nicolas said darkly.
My eyes went to Daniel, who was looking like he wished he had never even dreamt of being a commander before. I could see him struggling bit by bit with himself. It was his job, after all, to reform his magic. Nicolas was only helping. I wanted to go to him, but I knew that would be a terrible idea, right here in front of Nicolas.
“Yes, agreed,” Nicolas said, responding to my thoughts. “I wouldn’t touch him right now. He’s quite unstable. I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”
“Why can’t he hurt you?”
“Do you think anything can hurt me?” Nicolas said dryly. “I’ve been using magic since before Daniel was born. Almost since before you were born.”
“All right, all right, sorry I asked,” I conceded.
Nicolas smiled at me fondly. “Come here, lamb,” he said, patting the couch on his left side, the opposite side from Daniel. “I will show you what’s going on.”
I curled up next to him on the couch. Our thighs were touching. His right arm was still around Daniel protectively. Dan hadn’t moved. His eyes were closed, his breathing shallow and quick.
Nicolas held out his left hand to me, palm up.
When I touched his skin, his thoughts came to me in a rush. He was showing me images, scenes from the last couple of hours.
Flash. Nicolas bursting into Daniel’s apartment, disabling him with the ward I’d seen him use before that created pain, and slapping the shackles on him with inhuman speed.
Flash. Daniel, manic, fighting despite the shackles. Nicolas smacking him down, obviously trying to deflect every attack without hurting him. Nicolas speaking, trying to get Daniel to listen, explaining what had happened.
