She understood then there was nothing she could do to spare him, except perhaps leave him to his grief.
She thought of her father’s offer of an annulment. While there was a certain excitement at the chance to fall in love with someone who could truly love her back, she knew the real reason she would go through with it was to give Bryce his peace.
And just like that, she made up her mind. It was better for both of them that way.
She wondered if he would even remember her after she was gone.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Bryce stared down into the eyes of the wounded McCurdy and repeated his question. “Why are you on MacKinlay lands?”
“I’ll not tell you anything. If I’m going to die, I’ll not do so as a traitor to my clan.” He spit at Bryce’s feet as Lach stepped up.
“It looks as if our guest has no manners. Allow me to welcome you to Dunardry. I’m the laird. And I don’t appreciate people sullying my hall.”
The man winced in pain but said nothing, as had been his way the last half hour.
Abagail pushed through the small crowd with all the authority of a person of power. “Let me take a look.”
She pulled away the soaked linen and tilted her head back and forth before turning to Bryce to whisper loudly, “I can save him if you wish me to.” Her expression, however, did not match her words. Bryce didn’t need to be a healer to know this man was far gone and would not live the rest of the day. Still, she’d given them leverage if he wished it.
After constant invasions by their enemies, he chose to take the advantage. “Nay, he wishes to die,” Bryce said.
Lach waved a hand. “Then let’s leave him to it.”
Abagail gave a nod and turned away. Bryce stepped behind her to follow.
“Wait!” the man called. “If you save me, I’ll tell you why we’re here.”
Bryce shook his head. “If we heal you first, you’d have no reason to tell us the truth. Nay. You tell us why you’re here and then we’ll do our best to heal you.”
Lachlan nodded. “I think even ye can agree, a MacKinlay’s word is more trustworthy than yours.”
The man made no attempt to dispute his claim, which was telling. All of Bryce’s life he’d heard tales of the lowly McCurdys and how their word wasn’t worth shite. How horrible to not have pride in your word.
“We lost a group of scouts a few weeks ago. We were sent to find them.”
Bryce knew well enough what had happened to their scouts, but he was willing to play along to get the information he needed. “Why would you be looking for your scouts on MacKinlay lands unless it was the MacKinlays you were spying on?”
The man looked away, jaw set.
“Come along, Bryce. We’ll leave him to his fate.”
“Hold. I’ll tell you.”
Bryce waited.
“Wallace sent us to see if you’ve brought in other clans to aid you in your plans to take over Baehaven.”
“And why would ye think we plan to try such a thing?” Lachlan asked while eyeing Bryce.
“Wallace wants you to attack, but not to win. He’s tired of waiting for his sire to die and wants to speed it along. But the war chief worries he’s gotten the clan into a battle we might not win.”
“You’re aiding Wallace to overthrow your laird?” Lach sneered in disgust at the man who had only a few moments ago planned to die rather than be a traitor to his clan.
“Aye, but not because I chose to. Most of the castle is shifting sides because they fear what Wallace will do to them when he takes over.”
“There’s no hope for the laird to remain in his seat?”
“It doesna appear so. Either Wallace takes him or you do.”
Lach raised a brow in Bryce’s direction but said nothing in front of the McCurdy. He didn’t need to. Bryce understood. It was a good sign that the McCurdy clan was fracturing. It would be easier to convert their loyalty when the time came. If the clan was already warring with itself, they might reduce their own numbers enough that the MacKinlays would be positioned for an easy takeover.
“The scouts and the men today were there under direction of Wallace, but the laird dinna know?”
“Aye.”
“How many of your men do you think are loyal to the heir?”
“All but a few. But if you think they will follow you, you’re wrong. Wallace McCurdy will be the next laird of Baehaven.” The man coughed and moaned, sweat beading on his forehead from the pain.
“Bring this man whisky,” Lach ordered, and one of the maids brought it immediately.
“Do what you can to make him comfortable,” Bryce whispered to Abagail. To the man he said, “I wish you well, and if you don’t live, my men and I will say a prayer for your soul.”
The man only nodded and took a big swig of whisky, along with whatever Abagail had sneaked into the liquid, and the man drifted quickly off to sleep.
“Can you save him?” he asked the healer, knowing the answer already.
She shook her head. “Nay. But it doesna mean I won’t give it my best effort.”
“Make certain he’s not in any pain.” When the time came, that was all any of them could ever ask for.
…
During the next week, while the viscount’s leg healed, he and Dorie didn’t speak again of the annulment. Her father didn’t bring it up once during all the hours they spent together in the solar during those days, though she could tell he’d wanted to ask.
She often caught him staring at her with his lips pressed together, but still he said nothing. She almost wanted him to bring it up…as much as she never wanted to hear the word again.
This morning he’d told her he needed to leave for his estate in a few days, now that his leg had healed enough for travel. Her time was running out. She had to decide what to do to ensure a happy life. Would that be with the man she loved, who couldn’t love her back, or in a new country with a new family and a chance at love for herself?
She stepped into their chamber to find Bryce getting ready for the evening meal. All day she’d been planning what she might say, and now that the time had come, she wasn’t any more prepared. She hovered by the door a moment, taking in her shirtless husband.
When he turned to her with a sly smile, she shut the door and moved closer.
“I have news,” she said.
He kissed her neck and her mind skittered away for a second. While he might not love her, he seemed happy enough to touch her whenever she was close. Most nights they made love and fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Each time she thought she might be closer to accepting this life.
She thought it would be good enough. The physical pleasure and the friendship were more than she’d ever hoped for all those years she’d been locked up in a room alone. But she’d come to realize it wasn’t enough now. She wanted a man to look at her the way Lachlan and Cameron looked at their wives.
“Will you share your news?” he prompted as he moved to her ear.
“Aye. Mayhap you can put on your shirt.” She needed to keep her wits about her. She wanted to do the right thing for both of them, but she was teetering.
With his shirt in place, she patted the edge of the bed and took his hand when he sat next to her.
“My father has offered to take me back to England with him. To his estate and his family.”
Bryce’s brows pulled together. “England?” The word came out as a sneer. As if the country were the most vile place on earth.
“Yes. To live with him.”
“You live here. With me.” He looked confused, and she could understand why.
Swallowing down her nervousness, she went on. “That’s the part I thought you’d be pleased about. He’s offered to provide an annulment.”
Bryce didn’t seem pleased. His brows stayed
locked in place, pulled together in irritation.
“An annulment?” he repeated.
“You’ll be free of me. Just as you have always wanted.” Her throat burned, but she continued. This was better for both of them. They each had lives they wanted to live in their own way.
He shook his head. “We’ve consummated the marriage, lass. There can be no annulment.”
She frowned that consummation was his reason not to consider it, rather than that he wanted her to stay because he cared for her. She blinked to keep the tears from forming and cleared her throat.
“My father says money pays for anything ye could want from the church.”
Please ask me to stay. Tell me you want me.
“Nay. You’re my wife. Your place is here.” That was not a good enough answer. Not now.
“My place?” She laughed. “I have no place, husband. I exist wherever people will have me.”
“Aye. And I’ll have you here at Dunardry.”
She stepped back from him, tilting her head and watching as he reached for his boots. As if the discussion were over.
She was now even more determined to find a man who would consider her feelings fully before making a decision that affected her. That man might not exist, but she had to think there was someone closer to the mark than this stubborn Highlander she was currently married to.
“I wish to be more than tolerated. Since my mother died, no one has truly wanted me. Not the McCurdy, not my brother, not you.” The last word came out like a curse. “I finally have a chance to be with family who wants me. My family.” She snatched his other boot to make sure she had his attention. “Do you understand what that means to me? To actually belong somewhere?”
He frowned but said nothing.
“My father is a viscount. He has great influence. He said I would have the chance to meet people, and perhaps a man might fall in love with me.” She couldn’t hold back the smile. “I never thought I’d have a chance for such a thing. For someone to love me the way you loved your Maggie. The way I love—” She swallowed rather than finish her thought. It didn’t matter how she felt about Bryce. He could never return her feelings.
He shook his head. “No. You’re not going. You’re my wife.”
“I am your wife,” she agreed. “But don’t I deserve a chance at love?” she asked. “Haven’t I lived as a prisoner for long enough?”
“A prisoner?” he snapped. “You may come and go whenever you wish.”
“Then I wish to go with my father. I wish to live the life I should have had if he’d been able to marry my mother and give us both a home in England. A life with suitors who would offer for me, not because of what advantages our marriage brings with it, but because they want me. Me.” She swallowed down the acute longing the words had burned into her heart.
When he opened his mouth, she expected him to say a final no. So she sealed her lips over his to stop his words. He kissed her roughly, his hands pulling her closer. She wanted to believe he loved her. Wanted her to stay because he couldn’t live without her, but she knew better than to give in to silly, girlish dreams.
He’d told her his heart was broken beyond repair. He’d warned her against trying. He’d tried his best to protect her from disappointment and pain, but it hadn’t mattered in the end. She’d still fallen in love with him.
When the kiss faded, she spoke against his lips. “Please think about it. Don’t say no until you’ve thought it over. Please?”
He nodded and brushed past her without a word.
She packed her few things. No matter what he decided, she’d already made her choice. She was leaving Dunardry.
And the man she loved.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Bryce was furious when he stepped into the hall. He searched the crowd, finding his quarry. Glaring at the viscount, he stormed up to him, barely refraining from grabbing him and dragging him outside.
“A word alone, my lord.” He didn’t even bother to make it sound like a request. He’d interrupted the man’s conversation with the dowager duchess of Endsmere, but he couldn’t care about that. The woman already knew Bryce was a barbarian.
“Very well,” the viscount agreed. Not that he had much choice. Bryce would have gladly carried him from the hall if he’d refused. The viscount was a large man, but Bryce was seething with anger and could have easily dragged him off.
“What seems to be the matter?” Dorien asked when they’d crossed the bailey to stand near the kitchen.
“What’s the matter?” Bryce had made a new habit of repeating everyone. “My wife told me of your plans to take her back to England and have our marriage annulled.”
Bryce detected a moment of surprise before the man nodded. “Yes. She said you would be quite pleased to be free of her. I daresay, you don’t seem to be pleased at all.” Did the man’s lips curve up on one side? Bryce studied him, but it was gone too quickly, if it had been there at all.
“Nay. I’m not pleased. Far from it. She’s my wife. In every sense, if you take my meaning.”
“Yes. She told me she’d lain with you.” The man swallowed and looked away.
Bryce wanted to laugh. Dorie hadn’t lain with him as much as they’d coupled like rabbits on any flat surface available, and some walls and doors as well. But this man was her father, so Bryce skipped the details.
The viscount cleared his throat. “While it’s not favorable circumstances, it doesn’t prohibit an annulment. There are ways to procure your freedom.”
Bryce didn’t know why the man was making it sound like he was doing Bryce a big favor taking his wife off his hands.
“Just like that, you ride in here and take her away with you? And I’m supposed to just sign a document as if we’d never been wed?”
The viscount leveled a gaze at him. “I was under the impression you did not want to wed in the first place. You told me yourself you had no feelings for my daughter, save protection and providing for her. For those reasons alone I am forever indebted to you, as they were far more than what she’d been given by the McCurdys. And for that reason I’m willing to procure an annulment at considerable expense, to free you both from the bonds neither of you wanted. My daughter will be free to start over. A new name, a new country. She can walk away from the Highlands as my daughter. She’ll be loved and well cared for. With a chance for real happiness.”
Bryce stepped away, running a hand through his hair. He needed to find a way to stop this. “She’s my wife,” he repeated, as if this time it might make a difference to someone.
“She’s my child,” Dorien countered.
“And your child could be with child. My child,” Bryce pointed out.
He hadn’t wanted children. Hadn’t wanted to risk losing something precious ever again. But he hoped now she was carrying his babe, if only so he could keep her with him.
Of course the man had thought of everything.
“We’ll wait to make sure she’s not increasing before we proceed in procuring the annulment. If she is, you need not worry. I can still take her with me and help her raise the child. We can simply say she’s widowed.”
“The hell you will. You’ll not take my family from me.” He’d already lost one family. He’d damn well not lose another.
The other man stepped back, surprise clear on his face. “Perhaps Dorie misunderstood. Could it be that you care for her more than she knows?” His voice, mostly curious, had a tinge of hope mixed in.
Did Bryce care for his wife? Of course he did. But could he be a loving husband? No, he didn’t want that. Too many things could happen as people aged. Nothing was guaranteed or promised. He could end up in more pain than he was able to carry. How would he bear to lose someone else he loved?
Which meant he should be eager to let her go.
Why was he resistant to the idea? He should be thanking the m
an for taking her off his hands. With his marriage annulled, he could go back to his life the way it had been before Lach forced him to marry her.
He didn’t want to be married.
He frowned.
Was he only unwilling to consider the offer of annulment because he didn’t want anyone else to have her? He didn’t think himself such a selfish brute, but the idea of another man touching her had his stomach tied in knots.
She was his.
Needing to get a handle on his feelings before he made a bigger mess of things, he left the viscount standing in the bailey and made his way to the loch.
It had always been his place for thinking. Or his place to stop thinking when he’d been doing too much of it.
He didn’t want to feel. Didn’t want to care. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were before he’d met Dorie, when he’d been content to live in the shadow of his grief, surrounded by memories with no chance to be hurt again.
Instead, he thought about Dorie…and what it would be like to never see her again.
…
Dorie found Bryce sitting on a large rock by the loch. It seemed to be his place. She’d found him there before. They’d even made use of that boulder, twice.
But this time she was there to ask again for her freedom.
When she’d told him of her father’s offer, she’d expected him to be quick to sign away their marriage, having never wanted it in the first place. She hadn’t anticipated his disapproval. She hated the hope she felt because he was reluctant to let her go.
Could it be that he cared enough for her not to want her to leave? She needed to push him so he would either admit to his feelings or allow her to go. Living like this forever was not an option.
She almost wished her father hadn’t come. For if he hadn’t, she might never have noticed the lack in her life. But when he spoke of her mother and then of Harriet, his wife and the mother of his children, Dorie could plainly see how differently he felt for the two women.
Perhaps Dorie was being selfish and unrealistic, but she didn’t want to settle for friendship and respect when she might also have love.
Her Reluctant Highlander Husband (Clan MacKinlay) Page 18
