I can’t hide my surprise. “Really?”
Pausing for a moment, she looks away from me, her gaze immediately finding the ocean. “I changed a lot after Mom and Dad died. It took me a really long time until I finally felt somewhat okay again. But by that time, I was different. I was quiet and barely left our apartment. I was living a safe and comfortable life, and I’d gotten used to being that person. Don’t get me wrong, I like this side of me, the lazy yoga-pants-wearing, good-girl type. But I also realized I miss my old self. I miss feeling good about myself and just having fun.”
Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears, and my heart struggles to pump for a few moments.
“You’re not having fun?” My throat feels constricted, and I wonder if Ollie knows about any of this.
“I know this sounds super lame, but I think this”—she points her finger at herself and then at me—“is the most fun I’ve had in a while. Just thinking about the list I made makes me all giddy and excited. I think it’s going to be good for me to focus on myself before I tackle a real husband checklist.”
“Wow.” I grab my water and gulp down the contents of it, trying to wrap my head around what she just said.
Julia mimics my motion, downing her water too. “The more I think about it, the more certain I am that I’ve been hiding from life as much as possible over the past few years. Apparently, it took Nate to kick me to the curb to realize that. Looks like he actually did me a favor there on several levels, not that I’d seen much of him lately anyway, but I was blocking that out too.”
Just the mention of his name makes my blood boil.
“So, you want me to help you get back to your old self then?” I ask tentatively, still not a hundred percent on board with this.
“Kind of. I don’t think I can be the person I was before, so I guess what I really want is to find out who I actually am now? The new me, so to speak. And while I work on that, I’ll whip up a real husband checklist too. You know, all the things I look for in a guy. And all the other things will be my ‘New Julia list.’ That makes more sense, doesn’t it?”
She leans across the table, and I’m wrapped up in her sweet scent.
I still have a bad feeling about this list, but what else am I going to do but help her? Can’t say no to her, that’s for sure. “I guess.”
Man, I sound like a total idiot this morning.
“We should probably try and make the most of it while Ollie’s gone. I don’t think he’ll understand and will just complain about it, or try and take over. He still thinks I’m a child sometimes and has to be the one in control. I know he means well, but that’s the last thing I need right now. What I do need is some support and help.” She gives me a sweet smile. “So, Carter, are you in or out?”
“Definitely in.” I’m about to send a search party to look for my brain cells, because clearly they’re absent given the words that just left my mouth.
Julia claps her hands in pure delight at my answer, and with a huge smile on her face, she jumps out of her chair, runs around the table, and throws herself at me. “Thank you so much, Carter. I knew you’d help. It’ll be fun, I promise.”
I can’t get rid of the feeling that I just shot myself in the foot by saying yes, but despite that, I smile and hug her back.
Chapter Five
Julia
My stomach growls loudly just as Carter strolls through the front door, full takeout bags in both hands.
Thank goodness.
Since work has been busy for him, I’ve barely seen him the last two days, and I’m glad he’s back home. Between relaxing and working on some jewelry orders, I stayed busy enough, but I’d rather have company than be alone.
My cheeks hurt from smiling widely. “You’re an angel for bringing me food.”
He laughs at my statement and walks past me to the kitchen, placing the bags on the kitchen counter. He’s dressed in a suit, looking like he just walked for the latest fashion show. Nate wore suits whenever he could—I think it made him feel important—and I’m glad to see it didn’t put me off men in suits.
Because, whoa.
Carter in a suit . . . what a sight for my sore eyes. Yesterday’s was black, and today’s is a deep navy blue that works beautifully with his eyes. Definitely my favorite so far.
The sound of his shoes is loud on the hardwood floor, his stride confident as he makes his way over to me. “Sorry about leaving you alone so much. I was planning on working from home, but a new client needed my attention.”
He looks around the dining room table that’s filled with my supplies, the only place large enough for me to set up shop at the moment. “Looks like you’ve been busy, though.”
“Yeah, I had some orders waiting, and someone’s got to do them. Sorry about the mess though, I’ll clean it up once I’m done.”
He shakes his head, his hand landing on my shoulder. “No worries. We’ll just eat over at the breakfast bar or on the couch. Whatever you feel like.”
Whatever you feel like?
I’m momentarily stunned, wondering how Carter can be so accommodating. Nate would have rolled his eyes and grumbled something about my inane career path before stomping away. And I accepted that and apologized for my thoughtlessness . . . “Couch sounds perfect. I’ll be done in a few minutes. I just want to finish up this necklace.” I hold up the string and beads in my hand and he nods.
“I still have to get changed too, so no rush.”
His hand leaves my shoulder, the spot feeling oddly empty, and I watch him as he walks toward his room, his broad shoulders and dominant stride screaming confidence and strength.
One thing’s for sure, Carter Kennedy has changed, filled out in all the right places, and has turned into one sexy man.
Then I sigh. I actually sigh out loud. Thankfully, he's too far away to hear it though, at least I hope so.
Less than half an hour later, we’re settled on the couch, both of us with a decent plateful of food on our laps.
I swallow the food greedily, trying to savor the taste as much as I can. “Gosh, this is so dang delicious.”
He nods around a mouthful of food.
“Is it from a new place?”
He wipes his mouth on a napkin. “Yes, this Chinese restaurant opened a few months ago. They better stay around for a long time.”
After spearing some broccoli on my fork, I nod. “Heck, I’ll stay forever if they will.”
He pauses and looks at me. “You will?”
“Well, not in this house. I mean, I know it’s half mine, but Ollie’s been making it his, and I’m okay with that. He can handle it better living here than I can.” My shoulders drop with a sigh before I focus back on him. “How about you? Why are you living here anyway?”
He grins at me, and I’m instantly reminded of the boy I grew up with. No matter what was going on, Carter always has an easy smile to share. “It’s convenient and I’m lazy.”
A chuckle slips out, and I look at my food. “You’ve always been lazy.”
The impact of not having him in my life the last few years hits me once more, this time with a force that makes the breath hitch in my throat. My therapist mentioned once that everyone deals differently with grief. My first instinct was to pull away from everyone who reminded me of my loss. In hindsight, it seems silly, but our minds and hearts have strange ways to handle emotional challenges.
I couldn’t avoid Ollie, especially once he and my uncle talked me into family therapy. But that was all I could manage at that time, and then it became my new normal. Once I started dating Nate, I focused on him.
He elbows me gently in the side. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I swallow and nod. Leave it up to Carter to see right through me. “So, this is temporary then?”
“Definitely not forever. The lease on my apartment in LA ran out a few weeks ago, so your brother offered to let me stay with him until I find something permanent. The two-hour commute here to Malibu was killer, and we’ve been super busy
with our company downtown. And you know, time is money and all that.”
“Makes sense. I’m surprised Ollie didn’t mention it more.” I wonder if there’s a reason for it.
“He’s been more forgetful than usual about things since he started seeing Cora. She’s been preoccupying his mind.” He chuckles once.
I let that sink in, placing my fork on my plate. “Sounds like it. He’s mentioned her before, but I didn’t realize they were that serious. I mean, you don’t just go on a two-week vacation with anyone.”
Carter shrugs his shoulders. “He likes her, and she seems nice, so we’ll see.”
“Nice, like the one you went on a date with?” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, and I want to groan in frustration. I’m not even sure why I brought it up, it just kind of slipped out.
He puts his empty plate on the coffee table, keeping his gaze in front of him. “You know I’m not looking for anything serious, Jules. Nothing’s really changed for me in that aspect.”
I nod, silently acknowledging his statement. But as usual, I can’t keep quiet for long, my tone gentle. “You know you’re not your parents, right?”
That gets his attention, and he turns to fix me with his gaze. “Don’t. You know I don’t believe in relationships, so I don’t see the point in even trying. Why should I set myself and another person up for something that will only fail and end in heartbreak anyway? We don’t need to discuss that and you know it.”
He doesn’t sound mad, maybe a little irritated, but I hold up my hands in surrender anyway. “All right, all right.”
“Sorry. You know I hate talking about this topic. I love my parents, but talking about this crap makes me feel like I’m in therapy again, and we all know how much I enjoyed that time in my life.” He’s turned away again, focused on cleaning up the table.
I touch his shoulder. “Sorry I brought it up.”
He shrugs, the muscles effortlessly moving under my hand, and I let go, not wanting this to be awkward.
“No worries.” His shoulders rise and fall before he finally faces me. At least, he sounds normal again. “So, have you thought some more about your plans for the week? Do you think you’ll be okay here by yourself? I have to fly to Vegas for the weekend. One of our clients has a new deal he wants to talk about. He’s rather old-fashioned and refuses to do video chats, which means I have to see him in person.”
“Vegas?”
He rakes his hand through his hair, brushing it out of his face. “Yeah, just for a night. You’ll be fine here, right?”
“Well . . .” I chew on my bottom lip. “I’m sure I would be, but can I come with you? Before you say anything, I know you’ll be busy with work, but I could explore the city by myself. I still haven’t been there.”
He looks at me like I have a third eye. I’m actually contemplating for a moment if I should check my forehead when he finally snaps out of it. “You want to come to Vegas? With me? Ollie would kill me.”
Ollie can be a bit overprotective, especially after losing our parents. I’m the only close family he has left—apart from Carter . . . and maybe Cora—and if he could, he’d pack me up in cotton, and I’d never leave the house. I’m not the only one who changed after the accident. That’s been Ollie’s way of dealing with things. And as much as I don’t want to disrespect my brother and hide something from him, what should it really matter if he’s away? He deserves to have his own life and live it freely without fearing for me and mine. “We just won’t tell him then.”
Carter harrumphs, and I nudge him. “Come on, Freddy. It’ll be fun, and I’ll stay out of your way.”
“I don’t know, Jules.” The indecision is written loud and clear on his face.
“Pretty please, Carter. You won’t even know I’m there.” I’m literally begging now, my hands clasped together in front of me, hanging on to this thought of doing something new.
He huffs out in frustration, raking his hand through his hair several more times. “I know I’ll regret it, but fine. Just don’t get drunk and disappear on me.”
“I’ll try my best not to, I promise.” I hold up two fingers and say, “Scout’s honor.”
“Jules, you were never a Girl Scout.” He shakes his head, but I can see the corners of his mouth twitch.
I barely stop myself from clapping excitedly but can’t hold back the triumphant chuckle. “I know.”
He points a finger at me. “Let’s talk about something else before I change my mind. Tell me about your plans for the rest of the week.”
“Okie dokie. I was thinking of going to the gym tomorrow and then do some shopping after. That’s probably all we can fit into this week if we fly out to Vegas on Friday and still need to pack. That’s less than three days. Speaking of, I need to get a ticket.” I sit up straight. “Oh crap, do you think I can still get one?”
“Calm down, Jules.” He puts his hand on my arm, and I sink back into the comfy couch cushions. “I don’t think we’ll have issues getting you one. Let me check.” He grabs his laptop from the side table and starts it up.
I nod, peeking over his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
“Oooh, when we go shopping, maybe we can look at some books too. I thought it would be nice to get some on self-improvement and relationships.” I grab my phone to see what the book world has to offer.
He glances at me. “Do you really think that’s necessary?”
I put my phone down. “Please, Carter, just let me do this. You might not agree with me and my list, but I think this is good for me. Maybe even necessary to finally move on with my life.” And not just from Nate, but from feeling the need for such strict boundaries that have done nothing but promote isolation. It’s time to be me. I hate the term moving on with life because that’s not what healing from grief means. It’s about exploring the new me with this new permanent hole in my heart. I can’t change the fact that I lost my parents, but I can still live and fulfill my dreams.
His gaze is intense, like he’s trying to look inside my head. “Gym and shopping it is.”
“And Vegas, baby.” I throw my hands up in the air, while Carter drags his hand over his face.
“Why do I feel like this has bad idea written all over it?”
Placing my hand on my chest, I give him my most innocent look. “I have absolutely no clue. You know I’m practically an angel.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.” He gives me an I’ve-known-you-for-too-long-to-get-away-with-this look, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing.
Chapter Six
Carter
Usually, I enjoy my time at the gym. It’s really the only time in my life where I can completely let go. I don’t have to think about anything but pushing my body to its limits and reaping the benefits from all the hard work. It’s invigorating, and after the initial exhaustion, also incredibly uplifting and energizing.
But not today.
Today, it’s hell.
Pure, torturous hell.
I’m on the treadmill after my strength training, which is usually the more relaxing portion of my gym visit. My mind is unable to quiet down, utterly focused on Julia, who’s on the elliptical in front of me—particularly her ass in those tight pants. And because that’s not distraction enough, she’s been chatting with the guy next to her for a good ten minutes. It looks like I might leave the gym in worse condition than before, at least mentally.
Why do I even care?
The same question that’s been preoccupying my mind for the past few days. The only explanation I can come up with is that Julia turned into a gorgeous woman.
And I’m a guy who likes beautiful women. Simple.
Maybe I shouldn’t think about her that way, but my body seems to have a different agenda, growing more obsessed with her by the minute.
Obviously, I won’t act on my attraction, so there shouldn’t be a problem.
I’m sure it’ll go away soon. End of story.
“Carter.” Julia’s voice penetrates my thoughts as she pulls out one of my earbuds.
I’m so startled I miss a step and almost fall off the treadmill.
Definitely not my normal gym day.
“Are you already done?” I try to act nonchalant after my almost faceplant, but it’s easy to tell she’s having a hard time holding back her laughter.
An impish smile makes her mouth twitch. “Yes. The twenty minutes you told me to do are over.”
A quick glance on my own machine confirms her statement. “You’re right. I didn’t notice the time.”
“Well, I guess I’m gonna head to the shower then. I’m exhausted. I’m sure I’ll feel it tomorrow if not tonight. You worked me way too hard, Mr. Overachiever.”
My machine comes to a halt when I push the stop button. “I don’t think I did.”
She smiles at me. “I’m just kidding. I’m fine. I actually really enjoyed it. I’m glad I did some yoga yesterday before working the weights with you today. I think it helped some.”
The guy she talked to on the elliptical walks past us, and they smile at each other. He lifts a hand and waves at her. “See you next week, Julia.”
“Can’t wait.” She waves back before facing me again.
“Who was that?” My curiosity is impossible to ignore, burning through my veins like a wildfire on a mission to destroy as much as possible.
“Oh, that was Chad.” Her eyes are wide, making her look almost innocent.
“Chad?”
“Yes, Carter. His name is Chad and he asked me out.”
“And he fits your husband checklist?”
“I still have to make one, okay? Any other questions that can’t wait until later, or can I finally go shower?” She puts her hands on her hips and looks up at me expectantly.
Looks like the little firecracker has come out to play.
When she wrinkles her nose at me, I can’t hold back a chuckle, trying to ignore the mention of her already having a date set up. But like she said, we can talk about that later.
The Husband Checklist Page 4
