by Kim Law
He nodded. “I’m going with people.” Though he still wouldn’t include that picture of her.
But he would keep it close. He’d brought it out several times over the past week as he’d worked on the proposal.
“It’ll be a bestseller,” Dani predicted.
He chuckled at her loyalty. “I don’t know about that, but I am looking forward to getting into it. I’ve already emailed a couple of agents with my ideas to get their feedback. I don’t want to do just pictures. I want to discuss the techniques that went into each, of course, but also, I’d like to talk about the subject of the photo. Why I captured them. Why I did it the way I did.” His passion for his idea got his words flowing. “I want to show that I’m more than just a good shot. There are reasons I framed each the way they are. Reasons I wanted to capture that particular person at that particular moment in time. I want the people who pick up my book to understand what I saw when I looked through my lens.”
Dani had quit eating while he talked and simply stared at him now. Her scrutiny made him fidgety.
“What do you think?” he asked nervously.
“I think that sounds beautiful.”
He brushed off her compliment. “That’s the second time you’ve used ‘beautiful’ in relation to my work.”
“That’s because you’re a beautiful person.” She took another bite, taking her time before adding, “Haley’s a very lucky girl. I hope you know that.”
He didn’t know that for a fact, but he had come to the conclusion that he made a much better parent than Lia. It had been days since he’d committed any sort of major screwup, and if the size of his feelings for Haley were any indicator, things would be okay with them. He could no longer imagine his world without his daughter in it.
“We went for our first appointment with the therapist this afternoon,” he told her.
“Yeah? How’d that go?”
He shifted his gaze to watch the top curve of the sun slip behind the mountains. “I thought Janette was terrific,” he told her succinctly. And he thought that she would probably help him as much as she would Haley. “Before the hour was up, Haley had opened up quite a bit. She informed Janette that she did not like her mother, and Haley learned that I’m not a big fan of mine, either.”
The apples of Dani’s cheeks plumped with a closed-mouth smile. “Another bonding moment?”
“Another bonding moment.” He acknowledged the statement with a tilt of his head.
She set the remainder of the uneaten ice cream down, and her thoughts seemed to be drifting off.
“Maybe you should talk to her, too,” he suggested. “She seems to be good with mother issues.” He knew Janette was a personal friend, but Dani needed someone to voice her concerns to.
“Well, I certainly have those,” she muttered.
She didn’t, however, say that she would talk to her friend.
“How’s that been?” he asked softly. “Any more memories creep up on you unexpectedly? Any new thoughts on the matter?”
She stared across the space at him, and he wished she were in his arms. “Yeah,” she finally said. And that was the only word she spoke for several moments. Then her gaze lowered to the center of his chest. “It occurred to me that my dreams of moving to New York are all intertwined with hers.”
“But your dreams are real.”
Her gaze came back up. “Are they?”
“Dani,” he began. Before saying anything more, he pushed to his feet and crossed the space. She dropped her legs off the dock, and as they had three nights before, they sat side by side, his arm around her, her head on his shoulder. “You went to New York as a teen, remember? You fell in love with the city. You had dreams of moving there. And you’ve worked hard to put that into motion.”
“But did I do it only because I wanted to please her?”
That was a hell of a question. And one he hoped the answer to was no. “You’re good at what you do,” he pointed out. “Look at any of your clients. They’re thrilled with your work. They give you glowing recommendations.”
At her questioning glance he felt his cheeks heat.
“I’ve looked at your website,” he admitted. “You’ve got an impressive portfolio. And huge words of praise.”
She continued to watch him, unblinking, and he fought the urge to kiss her. If anyone ever looked like they needed to be kissed, it was her in that very moment.
“But my mother wanted to go, too,” she said. “So did I want that only because of her?”
“Does it matter?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you still want it now?”
“Of course.”
“Then who cares what she did or didn’t want? She’s gone. She doesn’t get to affect your life ever again.” He held her to his side and pressed a kiss to her hair. “And you will impress the hell out of everyone in New York.”
The sounds of insects filled the night. He’d worried for days that she would contemplate not going. Especially when he’d seen the unsigned lease agreement on the desk in the study. But that worry had stemmed from knowing that no one in her family planned to run the farm. It had never occurred to him that she might doubt her motives.
After several minutes longer, and with no daylight left around them, Dani finally relaxed and snuggled in tight against him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and brought her legs up on the dock, her knees bent out to her side. It felt right to hold her like that.
“Thank you for convincing me to come out here with you tonight,” she said. “Talking to you gives me the ability to see the world better.”
He closed his other arm around her. “I’m glad, babe. And ditto with the talking.”
He shifted them both until his back lay flat on the dock. She remained in his arms, and he watched the stars as they began to pop out in the night sky. He couldn’t stop the picture from forming of having Dani like this for years to come. The two of them out here, alone, hours after putting the kids to bed.
That kind of life would be nice. One like his grandparents had.
“Tell me about that box of condoms,” she suddenly requested, sending his blood roaring.
Condoms? His body wanted to hear more.
“What about it?” he carefully asked. Because if she was suggesting . . .
They’d agreed this was just a talk.
“Didn’t you pull it out of the bag you’d taken to New Mexico with you and Haley?”
“Yeah . . .”
She angled her face to his. “And . . . what? You were planning to party while your daughter was right there in the room with you?”
At her words, he grinned. And sadly, his body realized that this was not, in fact, a second invitation to remove her clothing. But he did think it was a second point in the jealousy column.
“I bought those at the airport,” he told her. “On the way home.”
Her brows pulled together in confusion and he laughed again.
“I was hoping to use them with you.” He placed a tiny kiss on her upturned mouth. “And lucky for me, I did. I could even be persuaded to use another if you asked nicely.”
Her gaze went to his mouth, and he held his breath. Then she shook her head, mumbled a barely coherent “no,” and once again tucked her head against his chest. He sighed and thought of a long, cold shower. It had been worth a shot.
They talked for another thirty minutes, mostly about nothing, but the whole time she stayed right there in his arms. It had grown completely dark, but the many stars reflecting off the lake provided enough illumination that they could see each other well.
And what he saw now was her yawning.
“We should go in,” he said. “Four a.m. comes early.”
“Yes, it does. But at least we have a good time during the days.”
“It’s hard work,
that’s for sure.”
“Respectable work.” She looked at him. “I love that this is my family’s heritage. I can’t fathom the idea of parting with it.”
“Has someone suggested you sell?”
“No. But if none of us are here, is there any difference?”
“I suppose not.” He contemplated her words, seeing that yes, in fact, it was bothering her a great deal to leave home without a family member staying to run the farm. “Who’s to say that something won’t change down the road, though? You’re not the only one suffering right now. Your brothers are, too. Maybe it’s all too raw for them to consider coming back at this point. But that could change given time.”
Those weren’t simply words spoken to ensure she really left. He truly believed she wasn’t the only one this place meant a great deal to. He’d had conversations with all of her brothers over the course of the week, some saying more than others. But what he’d seen was that each had their own burdens to bear. Now that the truth was out in the open, they could heal. They just needed the time to do it.
“I hadn’t thought about it like that,” Dani said softly.
“Then tell me this. Do you know exactly what you’ll be doing ten years from now? Five years?”
She chewed on her lip before answering. “No. Any number of things could happen.”
“And I’ll bet your brothers don’t either.”
He didn’t either. Though, with Haley now in his life, for the first time he could picture who would be in it with him. At least one person who’d be with him.
“Come on,” he said. He stood and reached a hand down for her. “Let’s get you in.”
When they arrived back at the house, most of the lights were out, but Ben could see that Gabe was still in the living room. He watched them with a shrewd eye as they entered the back door, Ben’s hand at the small of Dani’s back, but he said nothing. Ben felt the heat of Gabe’s stare until they’d rounded the hallway and disappeared from view, and only then did he think about Gabe’s words warning him not to give Dani any reason to stay.
He knew he wouldn’t give her one. Especially with the farm issues already weighing heavily upon her. She had to go to New York.
But he also couldn’t stop himself from turning her to him when they reached her door.
“Thanks for tonight,” he whispered. He touched the back of his fingers to her cheek, then covered her mouth with his.
Their kiss took its time, but that didn’t keep it from being hot. Her tongue slid languidly against his, making him clutch the back of her shirt in his fist, and he matched her stroke for stroke. He needed to follow her into her room and wrap himself up inside her for the remainder of the night. Then he needed to do it again tomorrow.
Instead, he broke the kiss and put his forehead to hers.
Their heated breaths mingled, and he could feel her watching him, but he kept his eyes closed.
“Go in your room, Dani.”
She didn’t move.
He forced his eyes open and was met with the same desire pumping through his veins. Then he reached around her and pushed open her door.
“Go in your room,” he repeated.
She pressed her lips together and nodded. But before she went in, she stood on tiptoe and brushed her lips against his cheek.
chapter eighteen
Dani slumped against her bedroom door the instant it closed, and put both hands to her mouth. Ben’s kiss had almost done her in. It had certainly taken her mind off her woes.
And, wow, the man knew how to make a woman weep with pleasure.
Even though she’d wanted very much to ask for a repeat of Tuesday night, she was equally glad he’d ended things. She did not need to get any more involved with him than she was. It would be hard enough leaving in a couple of weeks. Letting herself get more attached? Stupid move. She had far too many other issues to worry about.
She pushed off the door, but startled at the sharp rap behind her.
Swinging it open, she found Gabe. He wore a snarl.
“What in the hell are you and Denton doing?”
“What in the hell business do you think it is of yours?” She put her hands on her hips and stuck her nose in the air. “Go to bed, Gabriel. And quit playing big brother. Because you’re not.”
She stepped back to close the door, but he blocked the opening with his foot. “I told him to stay away from you.”
“And again, not your business.” This time she stuck a finger in his face. “And not your right. Go take care of your own relationship and stay the hell out of mine.”
She really wasn’t a fan of cussing that much, not with Jenna in the house. It wasn’t a good example to set. But her brothers had really riled her up. “What are you doing down here anyway? Surely you didn’t think I had some sort of curfew and needed you to oversee it.”
“I wasn’t up because of you.”
With his growled words, she realized what she’d seen when they’d come into the house and she’d been focused on ignoring him. Gabe had been up, yes, but he’d also had a pillow and blanket on the couch. He was sleeping down here.
The air went out of her lungs. “What happened?” she asked.
She stepped back, and after a quick glance toward the stairs, Gabe entered her room.
“Michelle kicked you out of your own room?” It wasn’t even her house. What a witch.
He ran his hands through his hair, finishing by pulling at the ends. “I told her I didn’t want to move to LA. I suggested Missoula. It’s a larger city than Birch Bay, but close enough that I could maintain some control here at the farm. Maybe even stay over a couple nights a week.”
“And I take it she didn’t approve of that suggestion?”
“She threatened to leave tonight.”
“Oh, Gabe.” She didn’t hug him, but she did call a silent truce. In all the years they’d been here holding down the fort together, many conversations had been shared. They’d been through a lot together, and they didn’t always agree, but they’d learned to talk. They’d become tight. She’d missed that this week.
Of course, that didn’t mean she wasn’t still mad at him. Or that she wouldn’t put something out there he might not want to hear. After this week, she would hold nothing back.
“You ever thought about the fact that Michelle’s like Mom?” she asked.
Pain-filled eyes stared back at her. “You want to know how many times I’ve thought about it? I’d love to have a second child, give Jenna a brother or sister. But what Jaden didn’t really go into the other night was something called triangulation. It’s a way narcissists have of keeping their kids from getting along. Set one up higher than the rest”—he eyed her solemnly—“me. ‘Golden child’ is the correct term. Then blame others for everything that goes wrong. The narcissist stands in the middle and feeds lies back and forth to keep everyone from getting along.” He shook his head as if disgusted. “She used us like that. I didn’t believe it for a long time when the guys first brought it up, but Jaden made me see it. I’d played right into her hands. It was easier to get along if I was her favorite. But it hurt you. It hurt Cord. Hell, in the end it hurt me. Don’t you remember how we fought back then? She’d even started it on the younger three, but she died before she managed too much damage with them. I’m terrified Michelle would do the same with Jenna and any sibling we might bring into the world. So I put my wants aside. Jenna will be an only child.”
Dani put her arms around her brother.
“Dani.”
“I know. You don’t need a hug.” She tilted her head to look up at him. “But did it ever occur to you that I might?”
Understanding dawned in his eyes and his arms closed tight around her. “I’m sorry,” he told her. “We should have told you all of this a long time ago. We should have forced you to see the past the way it really was. But I wen
t through some real pain accepting that she’d been this way. I didn’t want that for you. I did think we were doing the right thing. I swear it.”
“I’m sure you did. But do you know how used it made me feel to find all this out?”
“Used?” He reared back. “How so?”
She stepped out of his embrace. “I’ve done everything around here, Gabe. For years. Everything. What’s to keep me from thinking that you didn’t let that play into your decisions to keep the truth from me? You had a built-in housekeeper, a babysitter, and someone to cook your meals at night. Hell, I even washed your clothes and Michelle’s, too.”
“That’s not why—”
“Are you sure? Because to tell you the truth, I’m not.”
“I thought you liked to do that stuff. You always said you did.”
She had said that. Many times. “Maybe I only said it because I was conditioned to. I remembered tonight that if you all helped me with the dishes, Mom made me redo them. Cleaning the house wasn’t much better.” She’d basically been her mother’s servant.
Had she run around waiting on her family all these years because she was no more than a trained monkey? Did that play into why she’d only been capable of finding a man who expected the same?
She suspected yes. To both.
“How messed up am I?” she asked. “Maybe if I’d known the truth years ago I could have been working to fix myself. Instead . . .” She shrugged, and spit out yet one more curse word when tears appeared in her eyes.
Gabe reached out and pulled her back into his arms, and the tears released.
“I’m so sorry, sis. I never once thought about it like that.”
“I know,” she murmured. And mostly, she did believe that. But she’d thought about a lot of things that week. Things that left her confused about who she was. About what was really deep inside her. But after her conversation with Ben tonight—and now with Gabe—she knew she’d be thinking about things from a different perspective. Specifically that of her brothers. How badly had their mother affected them?
They’d known the truth all this time, but had kept it bottled inside. They saw the house as a shrine to a woman who hadn’t loved them. Good Lord, she had to change things in the house before she left. Her actions had hurt them just as theirs had hurt her.
