by T Gephart
Dallas stopped, his spoon halfway to his mouth. “Are we allowed to talk about this?” he asked, cautiously looking around the room like someone was going to burst in at any moment.
“What do you mean?” I leaned in closer, wondering if he knew something I didn’t. I was well aware that my iPhone microphone was being misused, targeted ads showing up in my web searches after only a casual mention. But I didn’t think I was important enough for full-scale surveillance.
His voice dropped to a whisper, his face turning serious. “I don’t think I’m supposed to be talking to you about other women.”
I started to laugh, throwing my head back as the sound bubbled up my throat. “Oh my God.” My hand clasped against my chest in relief. “I thought you meant my place was bugged or something like that. Phew! Of course you are allowed to talk to me about other women. Why the hell wouldn’t you be?”
“Because . . .” He paused, looking like a deer in headlights as he gestured to me. “You’re a woman.”
I laughed again, his expression so adorable I couldn’t help it. “Ahhh, yeah I am, thanks for noticing. Which makes me the perfect person to speak to.”
“I don’t know.” He rubbed his neck nervously, hesitating. “Something about this feels . . . like a bad idea.”
“Trust me, we’re good. Talk,” I prompted. I knew bad ideas, and talking to Dallas about some girl he’d been with didn’t seem to fit the brief.
He blew out a breath, looking around cautiously again. “Fine, but I want you to remember that I was trying to be a gentleman.”
“Noted.” I nodded, returning my attention to my pie. “Now, tell me what happened.”
He raised his head, leveling me with a stare. “She cried.”
“Huh?”
“Like really crying,” he emphasized. “Not the kind from when you come hard either, because I’ve seen that. I’m talking like someone died kind of tears.”
I shook my head, not any more enlightened with the clarification. And as much as I hated to ask, I did anyway. “Did you hurt her?”
“No!” he shot back almost immediately. “It was completely consensual and not even that interesting. I mean, I made sure she got off before I did, but that was it.”
There usually were two kinds of tears during consensual sex.
Good ones, when it felt oooh sooooo good.
And bad ones, when the guy you were with either didn’t know what he was doing or was trying to jam something in without proper preparation.
I’d experienced both and knew the difference. And boy, was there a difference.
Having first-hand knowledge that Dallas absolutely knew what he was doing; his account of the tears was perplexing.
“Was she wet?”
He snorted. “Of course she was, she was the Hoover Dam down there. That was so not the issue.” He stopped, leaning in closer as his eyes widened. “She said she was a virgin.” The word said so cautiously it was as if he’d discovered a unicorn.
I bit the inside of my cheek, trying not to laugh.
I really, really tried.
But I couldn’t resist.
My mouth opened to talk and a giggle escaped before I could stop it.
“Don’t laugh, this is serious. Between the crying and taking her virginity, I was starting to freak the hell out. I know it was good for her, but I’m not exactly small . . . maybe I was too much for her to take for her first time.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. It’s not funny.” I tried to contain my laughter, not wanting to hurt his feelings. “Let’s back up here for a second. Did she feel like a virgin?”
“Fuck, are you sure we’re supposed to be talking about this? This isn’t some kind of test and then you yell at me for doing something I shouldn’t have.” His brow rose with suspicion.
“Okay.” I set aside my plate, the pie all but forgotten given our current dilemma. “You are not bragging about it like it is some conquest, we’re trying to work out where things went wrong. Trouble shooting. Like when you get the blue screen of death on your computer.”
Besides, I wasn’t jealous. I’d already been there and done that. And while our night together had been A-mazing, that’s all it was. A one-time deal. Dallas and I were friends now; sure we flirted a little, but friends nonetheless. And I liked helping my friends.
“So tell me, did she feel like a virgin?” I repeated the question, trying to sound as clinical as I could.
He shrugged as if weighing his reply. “She was tight but I didn’t feel like my dick was in a vice if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Come on, Dallas. You have to know that is not a sign of a virgin.” I rolled my eyes. “Did she seem like she knew what she was doing? Or was she uncoordinated and awkward?”
His hand scrubbed his face in frustration like he wasn’t sure if he should answer. “I didn’t think so. She sucked my dick like a champ.”
“Then I’m going to go out on a limb and say chances are she’s done it before.”
He screwed up his face in horror, like the thought hadn’t even occurred to him. “So she was lying?”
“Dallas,” I crooned, the smile automatic. “Surely you’ve been lied to before? Especially in bed.”
As much as I hated to admit it, lying during sex was often necessary. Sometimes for your own sanity, and sometimes because you didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. But always as a means to an end.
If he’d looked horrified before, he’d reached a new level of disbelief. He shook his head, the conviction ringing in his voice. “No, they don’t. Not with me.”
He was so adorable, almost innocent in his naivety.
“Oh Dallas, I’ve never seen anything that huge.” I brought my hand to my mouth feigning shock. “Baby, no man has ever made me feel like that. I think I might actually die.” My voice was breathy, my hand sliding down my throat. “I’m coming, baby. Oh. My. God. I’m going to explode. Hold me, I just can’t take it anymore.”
“What the fuck?” He rose out of his chair, shuffling back. “Are you telling me you did that to me?”
I shook my head, reaching out for him. “Me? God, no. Any screams you got from me were well earned, but I have in the past with other guys. Babe, trust me. If she wasn’t hurt and they weren’t tears of ecstasy, then she was probably feeding you a line. Maybe she was hoping to guilt you into a relationship or get you to spend the night? We aren’t frail creatures like some people might have you think.”
His eyes widened, like he hadn’t even considered the possibility. “Fuck,” the one word cursing out his mouth. “She was playing me.”
I pointed at him with a smile. “Says you, the biggest player of all.”
“I never do mind games, Kitty.” He looked at me seriously. “But thanks for the head’s up, I never would have seen it.”
“You’re welcome.” I grinned at him, feeling like I’d done a good deed. “Now, let’s get back to the pie.”
“Wait a minute.” He stopped suddenly, reaching out and grabbing my arm. “That’s exactly what I need.”
“Pie?” I asked, wondering if that was the case, why we weren’t eating it already.
He shook his head, his voice turning serious. “No, don’t you see. You gave me a peek over the fence and now I want another look.”
Wait a minute.
Was he asking me for sex?
There were no surprises when it came to Dallas Rodgers. He was interested in sex probably during every waking moment of every day. I had no problem with that.
But I wasn’t about to jump into bed a few hours after he’d been with someone else. That was the ultimate in bad decisions, and if I—Miss Queen of Dumbassary when it came to men—could see that, then it was definitely stupid.
“Dallas, we’ve slept together, you’ve seen everything already. But thanks for the offer.”
“No.” He waved his hands in the air. “That’s not what I meant. Although, I wouldn’t say no if you were asking, beca
use you’re fucking hot.” His grin widened with appreciation. “But what I do want is for you to be my in. Decipher the lady code and help me be able to pick the non-crazy ones.” Eyes wide, with his face completely serious like he was asking me to lend him an iPhone charger.
“You want me to help you get women?” I asked, clarifying if he was suggesting I moonlight as a pimp.
He reached out, a finger trailing across my forearm seductively, “Babe, I do not need help getting women. I can hunt and gather all by myself, it’s weeding them out that’s the problem. Which is why I need you. You give me the keys to the kingdom, the insider info.”
I’ll admit, his idea did have some merit. How good would it be to have a guide, someone whispering in your ear, cracking the code of what all those bullshit lines meant? Of course, I was talking about myself, because I sure as hell could use some insider info—help me avoid the deadbeats and the losers.
“Oh my God!” I jumped out of my chair, my mind brimming with the possibilities. “I help you and you help me. Between the two of us, we’re bound to have seen everything. This is freaking perfect.”
He nodded, the smile brimming off his face as he joined me on his feet. “We’ll be unstoppable.”
“Like superheroes!” I agreed, jumping excitedly in place.
It really was the perfect solution.
Neither of us wanted a serious relationship, but enjoyed the company of members of the opposite sex. And both of us seemed to be afflicted with the attraction to crazies. Virgin girl was nothing, he’d told me once some woman had robbed him after sex and left him stranded at a beach. And we didn’t even need to go into my track record.
Maybe this was the key, the answer to the madness, because it surely couldn’t get any worse.
“Okay.” I clapped my hands figuring out of the two of us I was probably the one who was most organized. “If we’re going to do this, then we need some guidelines. Things to help us out and get to know each other a little better too.”
Dallas nodded looking so pleased with himself you’d think I’d told him we were going to Disneyland. “Agreed. And if one of us sees the other making a wrong turn, they have to call it. I don’t want you letting me get involved with a stage-five clinger just because I didn’t see all the signs.”
“I will one hundred percent do that.” I made possibly the easiest promise I’d ever made. “Now, let’s finish our pie and get to work.”
Dallas
I’LL BE HONEST, THE ORIGINAL PLAN WHEN Kitty called me was find out how she got herself chained up and then offer to keep playing if that was what she was into. Yes, I had just been with another woman, which technically made me a whore, but I had not hidden that fact from anyone. So, I needed to ditch Josh, put the moves on Kitty, and try to salvage the night so I could look back on it with fond memories.
But plans don’t always work out like you think they will.
It was obvious the minute we started talking about me and my evening, sex wasn’t going to happen. It was a disappointment, but I was still going to get to eat pie with a beautiful woman and hopefully score a kiss or—if I was lucky—touch her boobs before I went home alone.
Who knew I’d end up getting to look behind the curtain.
You see, I could make a woman come so hard she’d forget her own name. I needed no help with that. But what I had a little difficulty with was finding women who didn’t want to feed me my balls after the fact.
Not all of them of course, some were regular girls who took what I gave them and we parted as friends. But I figured that was more the law of averages rather than anything else.
After we chowed down on some pretty awesome pie in the kitchen, Kitty got serious as we settled onto her couch. She was so fucking smart, brainstorming scenarios and asking all kinds of questions, and I very much enjoyed being her star student. I had productive shit to contribute too, tossing in suggestions on when she should zig instead of zag with a dude, something that she seemed to appreciate immensely.
It was late when I finally got back home, well into the morning, but thankfully the Uber ride wasn’t long because we lived close by.
Shit, who would have thought it?
I had an amazing time with Kitty and we’d both had our clothes on the entire time. I hadn’t even thought about sleeping with her once we’d move to the living room, too busy trying to learn how to speak chick-ese so I could know what to avoid.
“You want to tell me what last night was all about?” Josh knocked on my door as I dumped my headphones on my desk. He’d no doubt been at the shop since some ungodly hour like nine, which made sense since it was his ride and he was making the big bucks. But I preferred a more fluid working schedule, not wanting my art to suffer due to lack of Zs.
I smiled, unable to wipe the freaking grin off my face since I’d left Kitty’s. “Dude, she is amazing. I swear to God, I think it was three in the morning before I got home.”
“Well, considering it’s almost noon now, I’m not surprised.” He raised an eyebrow, pretending he was displeased. “And I don’t want to hear about whatever the two of you got up to. In fact, the less I know, the better. But I’m warning you, D, don’t be a dick. It will piss Eve off if you mess with her friend, which will in turn piss me off. And we don’t want me pissed off, do we?” he warned, folding his arms across his chest like the badass he was.
If I hadn’t known the guy since forever, I’d have probably been worried. Even with my recent bulking up thanks to a gym regime, he still had me beat by twenty pounds or so. And those pounds weren’t hanging around his gut courtesy of tossing back beers and pizza either.
“Relax, I didn’t fuck her.” I tipped my chin to him, hoping he might chill on the bodyguard routine.
His eyebrow rose, looking skeptical as he took a seat opposite me. “D, you know I love you like a brother. And I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. But most guys don’t need their buddies to pick them up from a diner after they’ve run from a woman’s house like a fugitive.”
“Whoa, hold up a minute.” I raised my hands, annoyed at the suggestion. “Like I told you last night in the car, there was something not right about her and any man would have bailed. Even you, Superman. She was crying. And on top of that, she was probably lying as well. So I had no choice.”
The one thing I loved about Josh was that he never gave me the “why don’t you find a nice girl and settle down” speech. Occasionally I got the “stop being such a cock” or the “your dick is going to fall off if you keep putting it in places like that,” but other than that he kept his nose out of my biz.
But I could tell something was eating at him, and I wasn’t sure if it was me and my love life that was the issue. “Things okay with you and Eve?” I asked, wondering if his involvement last night landed him in the doghouse.
“Yeah, things are great actually.” He laughed, his eyes landing on me. “I asked her to marry me, and she said yes.”
“Jesus, Josh.” I jumped up from my seat and patted him on the back. “That’s freaking awesome. For a minute there you had me worried.”
While getting hitched wasn’t my box of doughnuts, I had never seen him happier than he’d been recently. And just like he supported my lifestyle, I was waving my own pom-poms for his. Marriage, babies . . . whatever he wanted.
Josh finally smiled, cracking the mask of doom he’d been wearing since he’d gotten in. “Thanks, man, it means a lot. Which brings me to my other point of business.”
“Of course I’ll be your best man, I mean, who else is there?” I laughed, slapping him across the back. It was a done deal, firstly because I was his best friend and secondly because I literally was the job title—the best man.
He nodded, smile widening as he grabbed my shoulders. “Good, and since you’re going to be my best man, I have a favor to ask.”
Bachelor party, like it even needed to be said.
“And no, it’s not about the bachelor party.” He threw water on my thoughts of
body shots off hot strippers. “With Eve running the gallery, and me here, we aren’t going to have a lot of time to plan the wedding. Which is why I’m hiring a new artist, take the load off a little.”
It seemed like Christmas had come, with all the good news being tossed out at once. I’d been up his ass to hire someone for over a year, and finally he’d decided to listen. “Dude, that is the best news I’ve heard all day. And I swear, you can count on me to be a team player. I won’t even haze him that badly.”
“Dallas,” he warned, the vein in his neck starting to pop out. “Please don’t screw this up. He’s a great artist and a nice guy, and you said it yourself, we need the help. Just be the dude I know and don’t get into a pissing contest with him.”
I tossed my head back and laughed, shaking off whatever concern he had about me. “Dude, I know I can be a pain in the ass but I swear, you can trust me. I’ll be a model citizen, show him the ropes. I’ll even take him under my wing and show him the nightlife. Now you know I don’t do that for just anyone.”
“Thanks, man. Honestly, between the ring burning a hole in my pocket and talking to you about the new artist, I feel like I haven’t taken a full breath in a week.” His shoulders relaxed, the tension easing out of his face.
“I’ve got you.” I tipped my chin at him, thankful after all the times he’d helped me out, I was finally able to reciprocate.
And I meant it too. While there was nothing I would have loved more than to mess with the new guy, having my buddy’s back was more important. Besides, it would be much more fun to mess with him when he wasn’t expecting it.
He blew out a breath, looking more like the old Josh I knew as he leaned in. “So everything is cool?”
“Rock solid. And since you shared your good news, I think it’s fair I share mine,” I announced proudly, puffing out my chest as I met his eye. “Kitty and I have a project of our own we’re working on.”
His brow scrunched in confusion as he tilted his head to the side. “Come again?”
