by K. L. Slater
‘Hang on, poppet, just wait here a moment.’ I take a few steps towards the tree and then have to wait as a large group of tourists walk in front of me. When I get to the tree, there’s nobody there.
I stand for a moment and pull in air as a wave of panic rolls over me. There’s nobody there, it’s just my imagination getting the better of me. I don’t want that paranoia back again . . .
‘What’s wrong?’ Skye runs over to me, concerned. ‘Who are you looking for?’
‘Nothing, I just thought I saw someone I knew,’ I say, not wanting to worry her. My legs feel a bit shaky but I know a sure-fire way to distract her. ‘Come on . . . race you to the top!’
‘Yay, I’m the winner!’ she announces when we get up to the palace gates. ‘Stand there and I’ll take your photograph, Skye,’ I call.
A passer-by overhears and the lady kindly offers to take our photograph together. We stand beaming in front of the palace gates.
‘If you look carefully, you might see Prince George waving from the window.’ The lady winks at her as she hands me my phone back.
I have to drag Skye over to the grass after that or I think she’d stand there all day.
I take the sandwiches and crisps out of my bag. We wolf them down, the cheese-and-tomato filling tasting so much better in the fresh air, the way it always seems to do with an impromptu picnic.
My heart squeezes with pure joy. The dark shadow of what happened to Lewis has hovered above us for so long, I thought it had sapped the very life spirit out of us. There have been times anxiety has taken hold and I’ve honestly wondered if the light will ever fully come back into our lives.
Today, it feels as if it’s shining upon us again.
The relentless ache inside that I’ve lived with since my childhood of endless foster homes, of being less than, of not belonging, may never be fully healed, but spending time with my daughter always acts as a soothing balm. I never wanted her to know what that ache feels like, but since Lewis has been gone, I think she has experienced it.
Here in the park, though, she seems happy.
‘Come on!’ I laugh as I stuff the picnic wrappings back inside my bag before standing up and reaching for her hand. ‘Let’s go grab an ice cream before we walk to the Tube station.’
Skye grabs my fingers and we start to walk towards the small gathering of people at the van.
I feel a prickle at the back of my neck, that kind of inexplicable feeling that someone is watching. As we shuffle up the queue another place, I turn around and scan the faces behind me and beyond.
No one is taking any notice of us, of course. It’s just that destructive part of myself that likes to pop up to spook me when it can’t accept things are going right for once.
5
A week later while we wait for removals, to my shame, I allow Skye to play back-to-back Candy Crush on my phone. Just this once, while I squeeze the last few bits into boxes.
Despite the excitement about moving to Adder House, she’s been a bit clingy and tearful this morning.
‘I’m so sad to leave my bedroom, Mummy,’ she sniffed, and I know all the other lovely memories we’ve shared here with Lewis are probably on her mind. I know I’ve been thinking about them, too.
Our friends, Brenna and Viv, have come over to help out, and an hour later, we follow the loaded removals lorry to Adder House in Brenna’s SUV.
The lorry rumbles up outside Adder House, and Brenna parks on the double yellow lines behind it. Dr Marsden appears at the front door before I can ring the bell.
‘Freya, Skye, welcome to your new home.’ He smiles when we climb the entrance steps.
I turn to my left to introduce the others.
‘Dr Marsden, meet Brenna and Viv, our friends. They’ve very kindly given up their Saturday to help us move in.’
Dr Marsden smiles and performs a little bow. ‘Very pleased to meet you, ladies. It’s very kind of you to accompany Freya, but I’m happy to help out upstairs if you need to get yourselves off.’
‘Oh no, we’re staying to help!’ Viv splutters. ‘I’ve been dying to see this place for ages.’
I avert my eyes as we troop into the foyer. It’s just the kind of comment that might be perceived as inappropriate in a place like this. Not for the first time, I question if I’ll find myself out of my depth here at Adder House with all its perceived airs and graces.
‘I see.’ A thin smile settles over Dr Marsden’s face. ‘Freya, in that case, I’ll leave you to it. The door to your apartment is already open. Please do pop down when you get a few minutes, as the residents who are home today are very keen to meet you.’
The apartment door opens behind him, and an older woman steps into the hallway.
She is heavily made-up and very elegantly dressed in well-cut black wool slacks and a simple charcoal-grey cashmere sweater. A discreet string of pearls adorns her neck.
I can’t stop staring at her striking white hair; almost pure white and mainly short, it is swept back from her forehead in an astonishingly high quiff that seems to defy gravity.
‘Ahh, I see the lovely Audrey has popped out to say hello.’ Dr Marsden steps back as the woman glides over to us in her black patent pumps and extends a pale, liver-spotted hand.
‘Audrey Marsden, delighted to meet you,’ she says in a deep, cultured voice. I shake her hand, entranced by her powdered face and scarlet lips. When her misty grey eyes settle on mine, I get the strangest feeling; as if she’s looking into me, rather than at me.
I clear my throat and smile. ‘Hello, Audrey. I’m Freya and this is my daughter, Skye.’
‘Welcome to Adder House, Freya.’ She looks down on Skye. ‘And to you too, little one.’
I feel Skye squeeze closer into my side.
‘Michael has told me so much about you both. I do hope you’ll pop down for tea, once you’re settled in?’
‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘We will.’
‘We’ll leave you to it, then.’ Dr Marsden smiles and the two of them disappear back into their apartment as I attempt to peel Skye from my side.
‘Why are you being silly? This isn’t like you, munchkin.’
‘I don’t like that lady,’ Skye whispers. ‘She’s got funny eyes.’
‘Got to admit, there’s definitely a touch of the Addams Family about her.’ Viv sniggers.
‘She could have three eyes for all I care, if she asked me to come live here,’ Brenna quips, looking around the elaborate entrance hall open-mouthed.
I throw Viv a warning glance, uncomfortable in case we’re still in the Marsdens’ earshot.
I pop out to give the removals team instructions on where to bring the stuff and pretend not to notice the frowns when they look up to the top floor and register how backbreaking the job will be.
Back inside, I try and chivvy the others along. ‘Come on then, let’s go upstairs. Skye, get ready to move into your new bedroom.’
She gives me a little sad smile, and I know she’s thinking about the old bedroom she’s left behind. It was nothing special; quite small, painted pink with lots of stickers on the walls and a second-hand bunk bed that a school mum was selling. Skye begged us to buy it so Petra didn’t have to sleep on a camp bed when she stayed over.
Despite that, I know Skye will miss her old room and the fun times she’s had playing in there.
When we reach the third floor, everyone, apart from Skye, is out of breath. ‘Holy moly, you’ll either get fit living here or die trying.’ Brenna pauses before attempting the last few steps.
‘I’m definitely going to get fit. All part of my dynamic new-start master plan,’ I say triumphantly. I push open the door to our apartment and gesture for everyone to enter before me.
I smile as I hear the impressed exclamations from Brenna and Viv, and when I hear Skye squeal in excitement, I know she’s found her bedroom again. Her sudden happiness is like music to my ears.
I close the door and walk into our home, seeing the space anew again.
I walk over to the window where Skye is standing. The tree is even more vividly pink than ten days ago when we were last here.
My daughter’s face is glowing, her features alive with excitement, and I feel so thankful and relieved she likes it. Once she’s settled in, I’m sure she’ll be equally excited to start at the local school here. I’ll broach the subject as soon as I feel she’s ready.
‘I think we’re going to be very happy here, sweetie.’ I pull her close and bury my face in her hair, which still smells of apple shampoo from last night’s bath.
I can’t hold on to her for long. She soon pulls away, full of plans for her new bedroom.
‘I’d like my bed against this wall and my toy box under the window, please. Did you bring my rug? It’s going to go just here.’ She points to the middle of the small room. ‘I can play with my figurines on there and still see the cherry blossom out of the window.’
I’m impressed with the level of planning she’s managed.
‘Look at the colour of those late rhododendrons!’ I hear Viv shriek. She is a keen gardener, often out pottering in their tiny garden if the weather is fine.
I leave Skye debating where best to situate her props for her precious figurines, and join Viv at the window where she gazes down on the riot of colour. Again, it’s even more vivid than when we visited last. ‘The lupins are exquisite . . . and the peonies, too. Oh Freya, this place is just a dream.’
A man in grey overalls is kneeling by one of the flower beds, digging at the soil with a small handheld trowel.
‘Oh look, there’s the hired help,’ Brenna quips, peering over my shoulder. ‘You’ve fallen on your feet here my friend, no mistake.’
‘So your initial doubts about whether I’ve been a bit hasty have faded away, right?’ I say cheekily, remembering her comments about Dr Marsden when I called to tell her, and her questioning how everything had happened so incredibly quickly.
‘No trace of any concerns whatsoever now that I’ve seen the place.’ Brenna grins sheepishly. ‘Creepy old doc’s wife, or not.’
‘I trust everything is in order here?’ A voice fills the room.
My heart thumps when I look round and see Dr Marsden standing in the doorway. I didn’t hear him come in, but the front door is wide open for the removals men, so there would be no need for him to knock.
I glance at Brenna and see even her face is flushing. Serves her right. I hope and pray he didn’t hear her rude comment.
‘Everything is fine, thank you, Dr Marsden. It’s . . . just perfect.’
‘I’ll see you downstairs as soon as you’re free then,’ he says, throwing Brenna a blank glance before turning on his heel.
He pauses at Skye’s bedroom door, and I’m just about to follow him down the short hallway, when two puffing removals men appear with the first sticks of furniture and some boxes.
In just over an hour, the removals company have completed their job. They didn’t request a deposit when I booked, and when I query payment with the man in charge, he waves his hand dismissively.
‘The bill has already been sorted, madam.’
I’m not going to stand there arguing about it, I’m sure they’ll realise their mistake soon enough and send the invoice through, and having a bit longer to pay suits me fine.
There are heaps of packed boxes labelled by room stacked on the landing, and all the large pieces of furniture are in place. My stuff seemed perfectly fine in the old house but it looks a little jaded in here, kind of like when you repaint one room and then see how tired the rest of the house looks.
When the removals men leave, Brenna claps her hands. ‘OK, first things first. Viv and I will go and find the most important box; the one with the kettle and the mugs. You stay here with Skye. Back in a jiffy.’
I nod, happy to defer to Brenna’s bossy, organising nature. I can hardly believe we’re here, in a beautiful new apartment, when only a few weeks ago I was trying to come to terms with the very real possibility of the two of us temporarily crashing in Brenna and Viv’s spare room with its sole single bed.
When it comes to Adder House, I feel . . . I suppose the word is unworthy, in a way.
And yet this has happened, it is real, and we’re here.
Skye runs in with what looks like a white credit card. She holds it out to me.
‘Dr Marsden and Audrey gave me the special electronic key for you, Mummy. They said it was my job to make sure you got it safely.’ Her chin tilts slightly with the importance of the task bestowed on her, and I smile at their cleverness in getting Skye onside.
‘Thank you, sweetie.’ I take it from her. ‘And did they say anything else?’
‘Nothing really.’ Skye shrugs nonchalantly. ‘Dr Marsden asked me what my favourite thing was about my bedroom, and I said it was the confetti tree.’
‘That’s nice.’ I smile at her. ‘It’s such a pretty thing to have right outside your window.’
Skye nods. ‘When they left I heard them say that the little girl who lived here before loved it, too.’
And off she skips down the hallway, smiling back at me as she goes.
6
I don’t mention Skye’s comment about the little girl to Brenna and Viv when they reappear with packing boxes marked ‘kitchen’ and ‘essentials’.
I’m not sure why I decide to keep quiet, it just seems so bizarre and they’re already a bit freaked out by Audrey Marsden as it is. The last thing I want is for any more embarrassing comments to be flying around.
Skye has such an active imagination, and besides, Dr Marsden has already said that we’re the first tenants in the apartment.
Still, even as Viv and Brenna begin unpacking the boxes, it niggles.
‘Listen, will you two be OK to stay here with Skye if I just pop downstairs to see the Marsdens? They’ve asked if I can meet a few people, and I don’t want them to think me rude.’
‘Sure,’ Brenna murmurs, leafing through a Gordon Ramsay cookbook she just unearthed. ‘Go knock yourself out with the Dr Dee-ath and his vampire bride. And don’t worry, if you’re not back in thirty minutes, we’ll come looking . . . armed with a bunch of garlic and a silver cross.’
‘Don’t!’ I quickly paste a smile on my face when they both look up at my snappy tone. ‘You’re freaking me out.’
‘Hey, chill out, it’s only a joke, Freya!’ Brenna grins. ‘Hurry up, we’ve got a bottle of fizz on ice to toast your new beginning here. That should loosen you up a bit.’
I pop my head around Skye’s door and smile when I see she’s deep in conversation with a circle of soft toys who are, by the looks of it, being treated to an impromptu tea party.
I decide to leave the apartment without disturbing her.
The house is blissfully quiet as I pad downstairs, and I’m already feeling brighter as I absorb my spacious surroundings and look out of the large windows at the front of the house, at the blue sky and fluffy white clouds.
Each landing is spotless. The wooden floors gleam and the ornate banister rails shine in the hazy sunshine that filters in through the glass.
I linger a little on the second and first floors, outside the grand mahogany doors, to see if I can detect the sound of voices beyond, perhaps a television or music playing. But there is nothing but the sound of my own breathing.
Back down on the ground floor, I stand on the bottom step for a few moments before tapping lightly on Dr Marsden’s apartment door.
I hear footsteps approaching, and the door quietly clicks as it opens to reveal Audrey Marsden. Her skin stretches tightly, as if her face is struggling to accommodate the smile.
‘Freya. How nice you’ve been able to pop down so quickly,’ she says in that deep, hypnotic tone of hers. She tips her head to see behind me. ‘But no little one with you?’
‘My friends are looking after her for a few minutes,’ I explain as she signals for me to step inside. I slip off my shoes at the door, an
d Dr Marsden himself appears, ushering me into the lounge.
‘The removals went smoothly, I trust?’
‘Yes, thank you.’ I smile. Then something occurs to me. ‘Thanks for recommending them, but they seem to think the bill has been already paid.’
‘And so it has.’ Dr Marsden beams.
‘What? I mean . . . thank you, but there was no need. If you let me know how much it—’
‘Think nothing of it, dear.’ Audrey waves my concern away. ‘We’re good friends with the owner of the company.’
‘Oh, I can’t let you do that,’ I say lightly.
‘It’s done,’ Dr Marsden insists.
‘Thank you so much.’ My throat feels tight. That has saved me a lot of cash, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable that they’ve taken it upon themselves to pay without mentioning it to me first.
‘Now. We thought it might be nice for you to meet one or two of our other residents on your first day here, but there’s only one home apart from us,’ Dr Marsden says, seeming to watch for my reaction. ‘That’s if you’d like to, of course.’
‘That would be lovely,’ I say, more confident than I really feel.
He looks pleased. ‘We’re quite a close-knit bunch here. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t live in each other’s pockets by any means, but you can rest assured there’s always someone around if you need any help. We pride ourselves on that.’
‘This is not the kind of place where you will ever feel alone,’ Audrey adds.
I draw in a breath. ‘Actually, Skye mentioned something about the previous tenants . . .’
They both turn to look at me in unison. Silence descends on the room and the very air seems to still, hanging thick and heavy around my ears.
It’s a ridiculous notion, I know, but it honestly feels as if the building itself is listening in, too.
7
‘Skye is delighted with her new bedroom,’ I say lightly, hoping it seems like a natural thing to bring into the conversation, but then I spoil it by stammering. ‘She said . . . well . . . she thought she overheard you saying a little girl used to live in the apartment before us?’
