by K. L. Slater
Skye strokes the unicorn’s shiny rainbow mane.
‘I want Petra to see my bedroom and the cherry tree,’ she says carefully. ‘And I want to talk about who might be our teacher in September at Grove.’
She’s testing me. She’s letting me know that just because we’re visiting the new school, she hasn’t given up hope on returning to Grove.
‘Ooh look, a Great Dane.’ I silently thank the owner of the enormous caramel-coloured dog about to walk by us for grabbing Skye’s attention. ‘Isn’t he big?’
Skye’s face lights up, her plans for Petra’s visit forgotten. She stretches out her hand and I touch it by way of a gentle warning.
‘Remember what you need to ask the dog owner?’ I prompt her. ‘Is he friendly?’
Skye shyly asks the lady holding his lead.
‘He certainly is.’ The woman beams. ‘His name is Archibald, but we call him Archie for short.’
Skye coos at him and, with Archie’s full approval, rubs his soft, floppy ears. ‘He’s so cute, Mummy, I’d love us to have a doggy as big as this one.’
I laugh and shake my head at Archie’s owner, a tall lady in her forties with crinkly, smiling eyes. ‘We’ve just moved into a very small apartment here. I don’t think our limited space could stretch to taking in an Archie, however handsome he is.’
‘Close by, are you? I’m just around the corner, been here for two years now.’ She looks down the street. ‘It’s a nice area. Buzzy and interesting. Everyone is friendly enough.’
‘We live at Adder House,’ Skye volunteers. ‘Near the palace.’
‘Really?’ Her smile fades a little.
‘It’s not as grand as it sounds.’ I laugh. ‘Our apartment is very small compared to the rest of the house.’
‘I see.’ The woman jerks Archie’s lead and he steps away from Skye. ‘Well, must be going.’ Her tone has grown cooler, and she looks at Skye in this sort of strange, regretful way. ‘Keep your eye on her, won’t you? She seems such a lovely little thing.’
My hearts starts to hammer. I don’t like the way she’s changed like that as soon as we mentioned Adder House, but I don’t want to scare Skye by asking pointed questions.
She turns and walks briskly away.
‘Bye, Archie! Bye, lady!’ Skye calls out in a sing-song voice.
‘Sorry, just wait one moment!’ She stops. I jump up and run a few steps to catch her up. ‘Is anything wrong . . . I mean, it was just a strange thing to say.’
The woman takes a breath as if she’s going to speak and then blows air out and shakes her head.
‘I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sure you’ve got everything under control, you look sensible enough.’
With that, she turns and strides off again and although I watch her until she turns the corner, she doesn’t look back at us once.
24
We finish up our drinks and make our way back home. I walk at a relaxed pace while Skye happily canters ahead on her new unicorn stick.
Weak sunlight permeates the thick cloud covering, and when I look up, I see chinks of cornflower-blue sky pushing through the fluffy white.
I still feel uncomfortable about what the woman outside the café said, but when Skye breaks into song, I join her, even skipping along at the side of her unicorn trot to her delight. I ignore the inquisitive glances from passers-by.
Nearing Adder House now, we’re still singing and skipping along when I hear someone shout. I’m mortified when I look up to see the builder whose smile is now replaced by a full-blown belly laugh.
‘No need to stop, I was enjoying that.’ He clambers down the scaffolding, impressively nimble in his heavy steel-toe-capped boots. I watch Skye skip on, up towards Adder House.
‘Wait for me,’ I call to her.
‘Nice to see someone around here letting their hair down a bit.’
I take a step back from him, instantly on my guard.
His teeth are white and healthy when he smiles, and I notice a tiny chip on the corner of one of his front teeth, a small imperfection that somehow enhances his looks. He wipes a dusty hand on his overalls and holds it out. ‘Mark Sutton. Pleased to meet you.’
‘Freya,’ I say cautiously without giving my surname.
‘You’ve just moved in here, yeah?’ He scans the row of enormous houses up ahead.
‘Yes.’
‘That’s why I spotted you were a newbie in the first place. You get to see the same faces around here. People are creatures of habit, coming and going. I’ve been working on this place for six weeks now, doing a full refurb.’ We both look at the glowing redbrick mansion behind the scaffolding. ‘Got about the same number of weeks ahead, too, until it’s finished.’
‘Well, I’d better let you get on.’
‘That your little girl?’
I nod and follow his eyes to Skye darting in and out of the mansion gateways on her unicorn.
‘Which one are you in, then?’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘House. Which is yours?’
‘Oh, we’re just renting a really small apartment in the big white one.’ I laugh. ‘The whole house isn’t mine, sadly.’
His smile fades. ‘Is it the one they call Adder House?’
‘Yes, that’s right.’ What is it with people around here? The woman outside the café, now the builder. ‘You look worried.’
‘No, not worried. Well . . .’ He collects himself. ‘It’s just after what happened there, you know.’
My chest tightens. ‘What is it . . . that happened?’
I try to keep my voice level so I don’t scare him off from talking about whatever it is he seems reluctant to talk about.
‘That woman and her kid who lived there. You know, all of it.’ He shivers. ‘Gives me the creeps just to think about it.’
Icy fingers trace the back of my neck. ‘What happened to them?’
Mark seems to register that what he said might be inappropriate given I’ve just moved in there.
‘Sorry,’ he says sheepishly. ‘I’m sure you don’t want to talk about all that.’
‘I . . . I didn’t know,’ I manage. ‘But I’d like you to tell me what happened.’ The sounds of the street fade out and I can hear myself breathing.
He holds up his hands. ‘All I know is what I’ve heard second-hand and that is, about eight months ago, a woman who lived there killed herself.’ He watches me nervously for a reaction. ‘That’s what I heard, anyway.’
My forearms prickle and I give them a rub. ‘What was her name, the woman?’
‘No idea. Barry, my foreman, he knew the woman’s sister apparently. That’s how he heard about it ’cos they keep suicide stuff out of the papers, don’t they?’
‘Do they?’
‘Oh yeah. Thousands of ’em every year in London, aren’t there? They keep it hush-hush. Don’t want to freak people out, you see.’
I feel a bit light-headed. The thought of something like that happening in our apartment is too horrible to even consider.
‘You OK, Freya? It’s a terrible thing that happened, but I didn’t mean to scare you.’
‘I’m fine.’ I pull at the neck of my T-shirt to get some air circulating. ‘I hadn’t heard about it, that’s all.’
‘Barry’s on holiday but he’s back Friday. You should ask him about it.’
I nod and look up the street for Skye and feel instantly sick. Palace Gate is clear.
There is no sign of her.
‘Skye!’ I yell and run towards Adder House. The road at the top is so busy . . . oh God, she could have fallen off the kerb on her unicorn. I shouldn’t have taken my eyes off—
‘Mummy!’ I see the unicorn’s head first, then her sweet face follows, beaming at me as she darts forward from behind the hedge. She clocks my expression and her cheeky grin falters. ‘I was waiting to make you jump!’
I grab her hand tightly and jerk it. ‘Don’t ever do that again, do you hear me?’ Her eyes instantly fill with tears
and I look around guiltily. ‘You scared me, poppet, that’s all.’ I soften my voice and release her hand, shocked at my own reaction.
I look down the street at Mark again. He signals to ask if everything is OK, and I nod, wave back at him.
‘You were talking to that man for ages,’ she objects, her lip trembling. ‘I was bored.’
‘I’m sorry. But you mustn’t play tricks when we’re out, Skye. You really made Mummy panic.’
‘Sorry,’ she says in a small voice, and I pull her to me, her words muffling into my side. Then she gathers herself and looks up. ‘What was he talking to you about?’
‘Just about how nice the street is,’ I say brightly, pushing his shocking revelation from my mind. ‘He said we’re lucky to live here. His name is Mark, he seems quite nice.’
I look up at the towering façade of Adder House in front of us. At this dramatic angle, it looks foreboding.
I hesitate, a thousand things swirling around in my head. Everything I first loved about this place is being swamped by a rapidly growing sense of apprehension. I’m pinning so much hope on our new life here, and Skye has had enough upheaval to last her a lifetime.
The critical voice from the past echoes in my head again.
You muck everything up; you never stick at anything.
My last foster mother would say it every time I got a low mark in a test or started attending a kids’ club and gave it up. She was so critical, as hard as nails, and I know that. Yet . . . it’s who I believe I am. Someone who makes a mess of everything she does in life.
Skye pulls on my hand and we climb the steps together.
But before I can reach for the keypad, the door opens seemingly of its own accord.
25
I jump away from the entrance of the house as the door flies back. It gapes open, revealing the dark mouth of the wood-panelled hall behind it.
Skye squeaks and looks up at me fearfully.
Dr Marsden steps into the light from behind the door and holds up his hands. ‘Sorry if I startled you, Freya. I heard footsteps approaching and thought I’d save you the bother of . . .’ He peers at my face. ‘Is everything alright? You look a little upset.’
Skye ducks under his arm and into the house on her stick unicorn. Dr Marsden’s head tracks her.
‘Excuse me, young lady, you need permission to keep a pet here!’ he jokingly scolds, and Skye bursts into a flurry of giggles as she canters inside and disappears from view.
Dr Marsden is dressed in a pair of black trousers, an open-necked shirt, and a burgundy knitted pullover that he’s knotted around his shoulders.
He looks back towards the stairs and the sound of Skye singing there.
‘Let’s get you inside,’ he says kindly, waiting to close the door behind me. ‘Is there a problem?’
My heart sinks as I step inside the house. I can hardly just blurt out, Did someone die in our apartment?
My fingernails are pushing deep into my palm as my chest tightens.
We can’t stay here if it happened, we just can’t! I have to keep my daughter safe at all costs. As this occurs to me, I feel like the great weight of my own self-disappointment has gained its foothold again.
Can’t I make anything work any more? Why does every chance of happiness seem to dissolve around me? What is it doing to Skye’s own feelings of safety and groundedness, experiencing all these big life changes in so short a period?
My heart sinks to my boots when I think about going back to Brenna with my tail between my legs and asking if we can stay in the spare room after all, until I find a job with a good-enough salary that will pay double my Adder House rent and come up with a better plan of where we’ll live.
‘Someone out there . . . a builder working next door. He just told me something shocking and—’
Dr Marsden stares at me. My face feels hot and I gulp in more air, but it still feels like I can’t breathe deeply enough.
It’s not so much what might have happened here, it’s more the worry about why they never told me in the first place. Putting that together with the other odd things around here, it makes my skin prickle.
‘Come through, come on.’ He sweeps his arm towards his apartment before turning around. ‘You, too, Miss Skye.’
I hesitate but stop short of saying I’ve got things to do. If I’m going to get to the bottom of it, then this is my chance. It’s only going to get more awkward to raise the issue if I leave it to fester.
I beckon Skye and she jumps off the bottom stair and gallops across the hallway on the unicorn and into the Marsdens’ apartment.
Inside, piped classical-piano music provides a calming backdrop. Audrey is waiting in the lounge as if she was somehow expecting us.
‘Take a seat, dear, I’ll make us some tea.’ Audrey phrases it as a statement, not a question, and I don’t feel I can decline even though I just want to get back upstairs and close the door.
She glides past me out of the room in that elegant way of hers. I inhale the cloud of Joy parfum she leaves in her wake. It feels almost like existing in a parallel universe in this house, a peaceful bubble compared to the outside world.
I perch on the end of one of the voluptuous sofas and fold my hands in my lap. Skye is about to sit down next to me when Audrey pops her head back around the door.
‘Skye, would you like to come through for a moment? I’ve something very exciting to show you.’
Skye freezes and looks at me. I know she still feels a bit nervous around Audrey. I can’t help but make a comparison of how relaxed she was around Lily Brockley yesterday.
I don’t want her to feel pressured that she has to do what Audrey says. Besides, I can’t get the picture out of my head of Audrey and that guy canoodling. She isn’t all that she purports to be.
I put my arm around Skye and throw Audrey an apologetic look.
‘She’s been feeling a bit delicate today, haven’t you, poppet?’ I say lightly, although a few minutes alone with Dr Marsden would actually be useful under the circumstances. I don’t want Skye hearing too much and getting worried, but neither do I want her feeling uncomfortable with Audrey.
‘It’s a very big secret,’ Audrey adds cleverly, her deep voice swirling around the room so enticingly, I almost want to be let in on the secret, too. ‘So if I do show you, you mustn’t tell another soul. Promise?’
Curiosity wins out and Skye nods quickly, turning from me and heading for the door.
I reassure myself she’ll be fine, it’s not as if I’m leaving her here and going back upstairs.
‘What is it with little ones and secrets?’ Dr Marsden chuckles. ‘They simply can’t resist them.’
He sits down opposite me and crosses his legs. His feet are encased in regimental smoking slippers. Rich mulberry velvet with a gold insignia on the front.
‘Now, there was something you wanted to speak to me about. Something that seems to be bothering you.’ He gives me a small wry smile and reaches for a cut-glass tumbler from the side table that’s filled with an amber liquid that looks suspiciously like whisky. Surely, at nine forty-five, it’s a little early in the day?
He takes a sip and waits.
I listen to the reassuring tick of the regal mahogany grandfather clock. A car passes by outside the front bay window and I hear only the very faint whirr of it.
It feels like time runs at a far slower rate here inside Adder House. ‘In your own time, Freya,’ he gently prompts me.
This is my chance. I just have to jump in, I think.
‘I – I know you said, when we first came to view, that we were the first tenants to live in our apartment?’
‘Absolutely. And that remains the case,’ he replies smoothly, replacing his glass on a brown leather coaster.
Somewhere else in the apartment, I hear Skye’s tinkling laugh and I feel my shoulders drop a little. It sounds like she’s warming to Audrey.
I swallow, wishing I had my tea to alleviate my dry mouth.
‘It
’s just . . . well, there’s a builder working on a house a few doors away.’ I nod in the direction of the road. ‘He told me that . . . he said . . .’
‘Go on,’ Dr Marsden says softly. He places his elbows on his knees and leans forward. His hair is mainly grey but odd patches are darker, a glimpse of the sandy brown colour he must have been when younger. ‘What did the builder out there tell you?’
The way he says it makes me feel like I’m a fool for even listening to Mark.
But Mark had seemed so concerned. I’ve just met him but he just doesn’t seem the type to enjoy peddling malicious gossip for the sake of it. And he’d even told me when his foreman was back, if I wanted to find out more.
I feel a conviction again. I want to know, I have a right to know.
‘He told me there was a young woman living here, about eight months ago. And that . . .’ I hesitate. I’m not sure how to say it, and yet I know there’s only one way and that’s to just come out with it. ‘She had a small daughter and she killed herself. He said it happened here, at Adder House.’
The way the words came out like that feels more like I’ve phrased an accusation rather than a question. It hangs in the air, suspended above my head like an axe.
He doesn’t react.
I can feel heat collect in my face and I press my hands into my thighs to still my twisting fingers.
I think we’re going to have to leave Adder House. We can’t stay here if it’s unsafe.
We’ll have to move back to a tiny bedsit even further out of London than Acton that costs double the rent of this place and Lewis’s life-insurance money will run out in half the time. Skye will have even more massive upheaval and another change of school . . . and I won’t even have Brenna nearby when I have a full-time job to support us.
I’ll have failed myself and my daughter yet again.
26
After what seems like an age, Dr Marsden finally speaks.
‘My goodness.’ His bushy dark-grey eyebrows meet in the middle. ‘That must have been quite a shock for you to hear. That’s not good, not good at all.’
