by Fiona Faris
“Alice, tis me alrigh’.” Aithe moved towards her again and opened his arms, ready for her to leap towards him.
Instead, she raised her arms and suddenly struck him on the chest with her open palms. She pushed him away and rushed from the inside of the carriage. Once she was on the dirt road outside, she began pacing furiously.
Each time Aithe tried to approach her, she pushed him away again. “But, I don’t understand,” she kept repeating the words over and over again.
Aithe hated seeing this… could see the mix of emotions upon her face. He hoped she would embrace him; instead she suddenly collapsed on the floor in tears. Her reaction was entirely unexpected, and Aithe was confused. He walked over to Alice and sat on the floor with her.
“Alice, will ye talk tae me, please?” He tried to lay a hand on hers, but she pulled away.
“Aithe, I thought you dead. I grieved you. And now you are here,” She motioned her hands out towards him.
Aithe smiled, “I am here, and now we can try tae live the life we were meant tae live.”
Alice started wailing again and shaking her head. Aithe looked at her, really looked at her. Her skin had lost more of its color. A year ago, she had looked pale but alright. Now she looked far worse. He could see she had thinned out, lost weight. For a lassie that was already thin, it worried him. It was apparent that his supposed death, her uncle taking her back to the estate, all of it had harmed her more than he had known.
He wished he could have spared her the torment of this last year, but there was nothing he could do. He was trapped, caught in the camp, and unable to go anywhere.
“I am sorry, lassie, I can see that ye’ve suffered greatly this year.” Aithe looked around suddenly aware of where they were. “But we dae need tae keep movin’. We need tae get tae the border. Please.”
“I will go back in the carriage. It will give me some time to calm down.” Alice stood and shook off her skirts. She pushed away Aithe’s hand when he tried to help her into the carriage, and the rejection caused a stinging in his chest. All he wanted was for her to know how much she meant to him, but instead, she was furious and Aithe wasn’t sure why. He needed to explain what had happened, but there was no time for that at the moment.
Once Alice was tucked back into the carriage, he climbed back into the driver’s seat and moved them forward. They had many daylight hours left, and he knew they would need to get off the main road as soon as possible. He urged the horses forward and drove on into the green hills.
* * *
It was midday, and Aithe knew it was time for them to pull off the main road and devise a new plan. Once they were secure and stopped, he walked over to the carriage and opened the door. He slipped inside quickly before Alice could protest.
“How are ye doin’, lassie? Ye alright?”
“I am doing as best as can be expected.” Alice crossed her arms and turned away from him.
“Aye now, what’s got ye so angry at me? I thought ye’d be happy tae see me, tae ken I am takin’ ye tae Cadney.” Aithe’s mouth dropped at the corners. He wanted Alice to speak to him, not be so angry with him.
“Aithe, I spent the last year mourning you and my brother. Do you understand? I thought you dead! And now, here you are.”
“Well, why are ye angry at me fer nay bein’ dead?” Aithe threw his hands in the air. He wanted to be understanding with Alice, but he was having trouble seeing her perspective.
“Why didn’t you come for me sooner? Why didn’t you let me know you were alive?” Alice turned to him then and pushed him another time. “I tortured myself with your death, blamed myself for both you and Christopher dying. When they took you, Aithe. I thought I witnessed your brutal killing. You don’t understand what that did to me, how much I punished myself over this last year.” Alice collapsed in a fit of tears again; only this time, she let Aithe hold her. He pulled her in close against him, and she cried into his shirt.
“Alice, please dinnae push me away. Let me explain. I have reasons.”
“Aithe, I am not angry with you. I am angry at how this turned out. I am angry because when I thought you dead, I had rescinded myself to a life that was not my own. When I boarded this carriage, it was with the understanding that I was not my own woman, my own person. I believed I was headed to a newer version of my uncle.”
“Lassie, I'm sorry, truly sorry, that I couldnae come sooner. Believe me, if I had any power in the matter, I would have been at yer side.” Aithe took Alice’s hand.
He hated seeing her like this. All of the torment she must have felt. He understood then the anger, the confusion, why she reacted the way she did. She had given up on life and given up on ever being safe or secure. While Aithe had the whole year in the mines to think of her, to think of how to save her, to think of what he would do with her once they were together, she had felt herself caged. He had a purpose to his anger, he had something he could do with it, but Alice did not have that. Alice was forced to move through her days thinking her life was over.
“I ken lassie, I ken why yer upset. I wish I coulda helped ye, saved ye the torment of the last year, the grief, the pain, but tis nothin’ I couldae done. But I am here now.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
Aithe told Alice about being struck so hard that he had become unconscious. He explained how the thieves had tied him up and told her all about the little boy helping him. Alice was surprised to hear that he had escaped the first time.
“But then they caught up tae me. I was lucky they wanted tae earn more money than they already had. If they had listened tae yer uncle, I wouldae been dead. Instead, they sold me tae a labor camp.”
Alice’s mouth dropped. “So, you were working in the mines again?” Her face went white, and she shook her head. “I cannot believe it, I'm so sorry Aithe.”
“I tried tae look fer an escape many times, ye have tae believe me. But there was no way. Then finally, the overseer drank tae much whiskey, and me and Barney just broke outtae there. We ran, lassie; even with me bad leg, I ran. All I thought of the whole year was ye. I thought of how I wanted tae save ye. How I wanted tae take ye tae Cadney and show you a life ye deserved. I made a promise tae yer brother, and I plan tae see it through.”
Alice began to weep. She cried soft tears, and Aithe wiped them away one by one.
“Do you think we’ll make it?” Alice asked after a brief silence.
“I hope so, lassie. I truly hope so. But we need a plan.” Aithe glanced out the window. It was high noon, and there were many daylight hours, but it was likely her uncle was going to be looking for them soon.
“I took th’ west road thinking it would get us tae the border sooner. I hope it bought us time before yer uncle comes lookin’ fer us. But, we need tae leave the carriage. We need tae travel by foot fer now. Tis the only way they will nay see us.”
Alice nodded in understanding. “Do you know where we're heading? What was your plan?”
“Me only plan was tae get tae Cadney. I say we travel on foot. We will hide out from the main road. When we spot a village, we shall find a way tae take a horse and ride the rest of the way. Fer now, yer uncle will be lookin' fer these beasts and carriage, and we must leave it. Ye need tae take only what you need the most.”
“I need none of this. It’s all new dresses and linens that were meant for a house in Sussex that I did not want to live in. This,” Alice motioned towards her smaller case, “is all I need. It holds Christopher’s letter and the letter of yours I stole from my uncle.”
Aithe took the small case, and the two climbed out of the carriage. It was going to be a very long day. They were both emotionally and physically exhausted, and the rest of their hours would only be more torturous. Until they arrived in Cadney, they would not feel safe. But Aithe knew he would do all that was necessary to keep Alice safe. He would not be foolish like last time. He understood what her uncle was capable of and he would be very cautious as they moved through the land.
Chapter Eighteen
Alice and Aithe had been walking for what felt like hours. The two had barely spoken in the time on their journey, and Alice knew she should try to talk to Aithe. But it was all so complicated. Every time she tried to speak to him, all she felt was anger. She knew in her heart that she was not angry at him, but it all came out at him. She was hurt. She had spent so much time punishing herself and torturing herself, only to see him alive and well.
But Alice had to remind herself that he had done all he could do, and the moment he was free, had rushed to her. Shouldn’t she be grateful for that fact and have thanked him, embraced him, but it was almost as if she was walking with a ghost. She had forced herself to fully grieve him, knowing that after that journey to Sussex, she would never be allowed to speak of him again.
And all on top of losing her brother. Alice felt as if it was all too much… having experienced so much loss at once.
“Are ye alrigh’, lassie?” Aithe had been checking on her every hour, not pushing her to speak more than she wished to, and for that, she was grateful. She needed time to sort out her feelings before speaking again.
“Yes, I'm fine. It is getting a bit cold, though.” Alice pulled the thin shawl around her. Having lost so much weight she found she felt the cold more quickly.
Aithe looked up at the sky and back to Alice. “We have been walkin’ a while. Tis close tae nightfall. We will need tae find a place tae rest fer the night. I'll try to keep watch for something.” Alice had no clue where they were, if they were going the right way, or if they would be able to find a place to rest and to steal a horse. Surely, they had to be close to a village? If they didn’t find somewhere soon, Alice worried whether she could keep going, especially having not eaten much in the day.
They continued to walk, and the sun began to set. Around them, the sky filled with color, bright orange and vivid violets took over the light blue. The scene around them was beautiful, and Alice wished she could enjoy it. Instead, she found herself growing more fearful and needing to rest.
“Alice, dae ye see that?” Aithe asked as he pointed towards a shape not too far away. Alice squinted. It appeared to be a barn or some kind of small house built out on its own. Perhaps it was an old traveler’s camp.
“Yes, I do. We should go take a look.” The two walked towards the structure, and the closer they got, the more Alice realized it looked like an old barn.
“I think 'tis an old stable or barn.” Aithe looked hopefull.
“Do you think we can sleep here?”
“I think tis the best choice we have.” Aithe said as he pried open the old door. There was dust everywhere, but inside there remained some hay. Aithe took a good look around before telling Alice it was safe to enter.
They both squeezed into the building, and Aithe quickly shut the door.
“Tis not a grand castle, lassie, but I hope tis fine fer tonight. I think we will be safe here. We can lay together and I’ll try tae keep ye warm.”
Alice sat on a nearby pile of hay. She was exhausted. It did not matter to her whether they slept outside in the grass or in this barn. She was happy to have a place to rest for the night. With a huge sigh, she allowed her body to relax. The day had been quite tumultuous. Nothing had gone as she had expected, and of this, she was happy. She would much rather be with Aithe and in Cadney than Sussex, but this new journey came with its own stresses. If they were caught, what would her uncle do? Would she need to relive the death of Aithe all over again?
Aithe laid down next to Alice.
“I'm sorry that I dinnae have any kind of beddin’ fer ye.”
“It's alright. It's not your fault. We wouldn’t need to be doing this if I was allowed to choose for myself what kind of life I wanted.”
Aithe brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen in Alice’s face. He pushed it behind her ear gently, barely grazing her skin, and stretched out his arm. “If ye like, ye can rest yer head on me arm. I’ll pull ye in close.” Alice shivered.
“It's quite chilly this night.” She ran her hands up and down her arms.
“Aye, I ken it would be easier with a fire, but I cannae risk it. We are still close tae yer uncle’s estate, and if he is out lookin’ fer us, a fire will surely give us away.”
Alice moved to lay on Aithe’s arm and he wrapped his other arm around her.
“I shall dae what I can tae keep ye warm.”
Alice shivered and though she was angry and frustrated, she also felt frightened for the journey that lay ahead of them. She wished for any source of comfort and pulled her shawl around the two of them.
“Aithe?” Alice looked up at him from the crook of his arm.
He looked down at her and pulled the shawl tightly around them.
“Will you tell me more about Cadney?”
“Aye, I will,” Aithe took in a deep breath and searched his head for where to begin.
“Well, tae describe it as green would be puttin’ it simply. Cadney is every shade of emerald and clover ye can envision. When th’ sun is high in the sky, nay a shade of green is missin’ from the expanse of the landscape.”
Alice looked up at him, mesmerized.
“The hills stretch over the land in waves. Tis a green sea, indeed. The water, the water is clear and still when the winds are low. Ye can skip a stone across the loch and watch it dance across the waters, 'tis so still.”
“It sounds like a beautiful place,” Alice whispered in his ear.
“And the buildings, lassie, 'tis as if they were built by artists, each stone stacked precisely atop each other. Even the old buildings are more beautiful with the years.”
Aithe paused and rubbed his arms along Alice, pulling her in even closer.
“We will make it there, Alice, I promise ye that much. And when we live there, ye will see all there is tae love about Cadney. You will have the peace you need and deserve.”
“Thank you, Aithe. I cannot wait to begin a new life there. It sounds like the perfect place to exist and just be. I wish we could have been there years ago.”
Alice’s eyes started to drift before she could stop them. She was exhausted. The road ahead of them would be long and difficult. She needed to rest, and drifting into sleep, felt Aithe let out a long sigh. She wondered how exhausted he was and what his journey had been like.
To travel all the way from the mines, to go without money, clothes, food, all so he could reach her as soon as possible. The anger in Alice began to subside. Aithe had indeed done all he could do to reach her. She only wished the pain and heartbreak could have been avoided, for both of them.
Their journey to this point had been difficult. Even if the marriage was only of convenience, she knew they shared an unbreakable bond.
Alice felt her body start to unwind and all of the tensions from the carriage ride start to release. As she began to let go of her anger, her body faded into a numbness she so desperately craved.
* * *
Next to her, Alice was unaware of just how much Aithe wished he could be with her, be close to her body in the way they had been on their wedding night. Seeing Alice, feeling her against him, was driving him wild. He wanted so badly to give in to his animal instincts and make love to her right there as if it was their last night together. But Alice had been through so much already. Aithe needed to let her rest, and he too needed to rest as much as possible. For the journey ahead would be difficult for both of them.
* * *
Alice heard the birds twittering, just as the sun began to stream through the cracks in the old barn doors. She pried her eyes open carefully. It was still chilly, but Alice was much warmer than she had been. Aithe had taken the shawl off of himself and wrapped her tightly in it during the night. He held her so tight that Alice could barely move, but she was warm and had slept well. It was all thanks to Aithe’s noble and caring actions.
What would their day be like? Where would they go? Would they find a village? Alice hoped they would find one soon. She wanted to
get a horse and ride off as far away from the estate as possible… She needed to be safe… needed to get to Cadney. The very thought that they might be caught caused her throat to catch, and she struggled to breathe. She was a ball of nerves, and only upon reaching Aithe’s family would she feel calm once again.
Turning to Aithe, seeing his serene and sleeping face, Alice suddenly felt overwhelmed with a feeling of security. For once, in oh so many years, she felt safe. Her whole life had been filled with worry about doing the wrong thing, about moving through life in a way that would anger her uncle, but in that barn, she felt almost herself.
Aithe started to move, and Alice wondered if he would wake. But instead, he began to mumble. She hushed down and held her breath, hoping to make out the words he spoke.
