“If I would’ve had more time, maybe there would’ve been a chance, but now—I’m not even trying to fool myself.”
“You need to let her go,” Dylan said, giving voice to the words that threatened to end me. “I know it’s going to be hard for you, but you’ve got to let her work through this on her own.”
“Except she won’t be on her own. She’ll be living with the guy she’s been longing for. It’s kind of hard to get past someone you’re actually living with.” Again, I downed more beer, wishing I could just forget everything.
“So, let me ask you this. Would you want her to be with you knowing she still had unresolved feelings for someone else? Or do you want her to come to you because you’re the only person she wants.”
I sighed in exasperation. “You already know the answer to that.”
“Then all the advice I can give is that you need to step back and give her all the time she needs. If she chooses you, then you’ll know you’re meant to have her. If she chooses him, then you know there’s someone else meant for you. And if that’s the case, don’t miss out on the girl who was meant for you because you want to wallow in misery over the girl you can’t have.” Leaning forward, he placed a hand on my knee. “It may not seem like it right now, but this is all going to work out somehow, I promise.”
“Can I ask a favor of you?” I stared seriously at him.
“Anything. You know that.”
“Can you stop trying to help me feel better and just get plastered drunk with me instead? I think that’s what I really need right now, a good old fashioned stone-cold drunk session.”
Dylan grinned. “Do I need to go downstairs and get more beer?”
“I have a case in the fridge. Let’s see what kind of damage we can do with that first.” I took another swallow.
“Nah, I think you need to go out instead. Come on. Let’s go down to the South Bend Bar. We’ll drink, eat bar mix, throw some darts.”
“Start a bar fight?” I asked, only halfway joking.
He shrugged. “If that’s what you really need, I got your back.”
“What I really need is to be eating dinner with a pretty blonde and making love to her all night long. But, instead, some other guy is there, eating my dinner and most likely doing my girl.” The thought made me completely nauseated. I stared at Dylan. “Do you think she will sleep with him, too?” I could hardly spit the words out.
Dylan shrugged and glanced down at the floor. “I don’t know, bro. But I’d like to think if I’d been missing for six years that my fiancée would happily welcome me back into her bed. I know that’s the first place I’d want to be. If she hasn’t told him about you, well, it would seem she’s holding out on him, wouldn’t it?”
“Shit.” I said, hating that he so readily confirmed my own worries. “And if she does sleep with him, I can’t blame her. Not without coming off like a complete prick.”
Dylan stood, grabbing the beer beside me and settling back into the chair. “On second thought, it might be best if we stay here instead. I think you need a little down-time.”
I didn’t say anything, simply continuing to drink as I stared blankly off into space, knowing Evie was going to sleep with someone else and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
***
It had been a week and I still hadn’t heard from her, but the news of Kory’s rescue was splashed all over every newspaper and television station across the country. Everyone was touting his return as a miracle—even Evie, her happy, teary face appearing beside his on more than one occasion, as she was repeatedly interviewed. Kory was being hailed the hero, even given a Medal of Honor.
While I was truly happy he’d been found and returned home, I couldn’t help staring at all the images of Evie. I studied them all in detail, thinking she looked happy, but there was also a hint of sorrow in her eyes. It was the only clue I had that she might be suffering as well.
Staring at my phone, I quickly typed out three words, but I didn’t hit send; instead, I stared at them, pondering the very short time we’d shared together. Her face was constantly in my mind, remembering the day I’d saved her, the first time I’d met her in her office, and how attracted I’d been to her.
Thoughts of her draped languidly across my bed after hours of losing ourselves in each other threatened to tear my heart to shreds. I hated knowing that she was wrapped up like that in someone else’s arms now.
True, I had no actual proof of that, but the more time that went by without any word from her seemed to be sending me a certain message.
“Text her,” Cami said, coming into the kitchen and finding me aimlessly staring at the unsent text.
I grappled for something to say, but it didn’t matter, she’d caught me. “I’m not sure she wants to hear from me. I’m thinking her silence is her answer.”
“It might be,” Cami snapped, catching me by surprise. “But she owes it to you to tell you in person, not to just leave you standing here guessing. If you ask me, this behavior of hers comes off as blatantly rude. She knows how serious the two of you were. She can’t just dump you like this.”
“Maybe she wasn’t serious,” I said, my heart aching. “Maybe it was only ever me. She tried to push me away on more than one occasion, you know.”
“Then she’s stupid,” Cami said, meeting my stare eye to eye. “Anyone who would let you go for someone else is too stupid to have you to begin with.”
I couldn’t help chuckling. She was really upset. “Tell me how you really feel, why don’t you?”
She didn’t laugh; instead, she placed Piper in her swing and wound it up. Coming to me, she placed her hands on either side of my face. “I love you so much, Russ, and so does Dylan. You’re our family, and I can’t stand to see anyone in our family hurting the way that you are right now.”
Gritting my teeth, I struggled with my emotions. “Am I that obvious?”
“You’ve always pinned your heart to your sleeve. It’s obvious to everyone who knows you that you’re hurting.” Popping up on her toes, she kissed my cheek. “Get hold of her. I’m serious. It’s time the two of you got everything out on the table between you. She owes that to you.” Releasing me, she moved about the kitchen gathering things to make dinner.
I wasn’t sure if Evie owed me anything, but I did really want to talk and see what—if any—resolution had been made on her part. Glancing at my phone, I stared at the three words I’d typed.
I miss u.
Hitting send, I waited, wondering if she would reply at all or just ignore me. A few seconds later, my phone buzzed.
I miss u 2. Can we talk?
Name the time and place. I will be there.
Your place? Now?
My heart raced at her words and I couldn’t deny I was hopeful. I’ll be waiting, I replied.
Chapter Eighteen
Evie
I was shaking so badly I hardly managed to get my keys out of the ignition. Slipping them into my purse, I exited the car and stared at the tall narrow staircase that went up the side of the grand house to Russ’ apartment.
Truthfully, I’d been relieved to get his text, not knowing how he was feeling or how to approach this subject with him, again. It seemed so difficult a thing to do; but, once again, he made the difficult easy with just three simple words.
I miss u.
And those three little words nearly tore my heart to pieces. I had no idea when my life had become so dramatic, but I hated it. I longed for the simple days of living in one happy relationship with one happy man. I knew I could find that spot again, but the question that remained was which man would I be with?
Suddenly the door to Russ’ apartment opened and he was standing there on the landing, looking as handsome as ever in a pair of worn jeans, boots and a white wife-beater.
“You coming up, or you just gonna stare at the door all day?” he asked. The sound of his voice rippled through me—just hearing him caused goose bumps to rise on the surface of my s
kin. He didn’t wait for me to answer, instead disappearing back inside and leaving the door open for me.
That didn’t bode well. I expected he’d be upset—it was only natural. I’d left him hanging far too long while I mulled everything over. I needed to own up to my decisions.
Slowly, and carefully, I made my way up those steps, not really knowing what was waiting for me at the end of them. I found him sitting in one of his leather club chairs, rubbing his forehead as if he were in pain. Quietly, I shut the door behind me and slipped into the chair, across from him.
“You look nice,” he said finally, his gaze traveling over me and I could easily see the desire in his eyes. “I wasn’t really expecting you to answer me. At least not right away, since you’re normally at work right now.”
“I cancelled my afternoon appointments when I got your text. I decided this was more important.”
He nodded. “And this way he doesn’t know you’re here either, does he?”
“No. He doesn’t.”
“Does he know about me at all?” he asked, pain radiating through his voice.
I shook my head, feeling every bit like the awful woman I was. “I don’t know how to tell him about you.” There had been many opportunities, but somehow I couldn’t seem to utter the words. Even when Kory had asked me about the dinner I’d been preparing the night he came home, I’d brushed it off as a fun evening of pampering with a friend. I knew Kory thought I was talking about a girlfriend, and I didn’t do anything to change his assumption.
“He’s been missing for six years! Does he really think you just sat around twirling your thumbs while you waited for him?” He was angry. I didn’t blame him. He should be angry.
Tears filled my eyes. I hated hurting him. “He didn’t realize the others in his unit thought he was dead when they left. He’s been hoping for rescue this whole time, so yes, he believed I was waiting for him.”
“And you didn’t correct him?”
“It was true! Why would I correct it? I have waited for him . . . the whole time he was gone I was praying for this very miracle. If I would’ve had any idea that it was going to come true—.”
“You would’ve never jumped into bed with me,” he supplied, looking sick. “I get it, Evie. I really do. I just want you to do me the justice of telling me it’s over to my face.”
Letting the tears fall over the rims of my eyes, I stared at him, shaking my head. “I haven’t called you because I don’t want it to be over. I don’t want it to be finished between us. I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you. I do love you. I love him, too, though. I don’t know how to fix this.” The words escaped me, almost a hysterical sounding. “I have no idea what to do. I’m completely and totally in love with two different men. I want you both.”
Russ stared at me for several long moments. “Have you slept with him?” he asked, causing my heart to come to almost a full stop.
“I haven’t. Because I need to figure out what is happening with you before I make that commitment to him, again.” Dropping my gaze to my skirt, I picked off a stray hair that had landed there. “Kory hasn’t even been sleeping in the same bed with me. That’s been his choice. He has nightmares, and he’s clearly suffering with some form of PTSD, which is totally to be expected. He’s afraid he’ll hurt me, so he won’t sleep with me. He’s been on the couch since he came home.”
Russ’ face was a combination of both relief and frustration. “Don’t sleep with him, Evie. Please. I’m begging you. I know you have a past with him, but I believe you and I could have a future together. I don’t want to lose you.”
Sobs escaped me and I didn’t know how to answer him. “I know I prayed for this, but I never really expected it to happen. I miss you so much. I was enjoying discovering our new relationship and seeing where it would go. I’d be lying if I said being with you didn’t start a healing process for me. But I have no idea where to go from here, Russ.
“I planned a future with him. We dreamed about the things that were in store for us—careers, children, and a house of our own. We had a future together, and we were both excited to live it.
“My future with you is uncertain. We never discussed those things because we never had the opportunity to get that far. What if you and I fizzle out after a couple months? Just because we are getting along good now doesn’t mean it will last. We barely even know each other. Don’t you see? I’m torn between what is a possibility and what was a sure thing for me. How do I risk that?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Evie, except that I love you. I don’t want to be your second choice. If you stay with me, I want it to be because you believe we might have a future together.”
“I love you, too.” He loved me. My heart soared and then crashed again. When did the world become so complicated?
Rising, I went to him, settling myself on his lap and taking his face in my hands. He slipped his hand behind my neck and pulled me toward him.
Kissing me deeply, I could feel both the tension and the relief in him as our mouths tangled together. I didn’t protest when he pulled the pins out of my hair, sinking his fingers into it.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he said, staring intensely into my eyes. “You have no idea.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” I replied, my eyes never leaving his face, all the love in the world captured in his gaze. I didn’t doubt his words. They were apparent every second he was with me.
He kissed me again, and it was hot and intense, his hands roaming over my body familiarly. I wanted to lose myself in him. I wanted to let him sweep me off my feet and carry me off to bed, but I couldn’t. Doing that wouldn’t be fair to Kory or him.
Pulling away, I tried to hide my tears as I straightened my clothes and gathered my purse and keys. I needed to leave before we crossed a line I would regret later.
Russ didn’t say anything, not even trying to stop me or force me to change my mind. Part of me was angry with him for it. I wanted him to fight for me. I wanted him to tell me that he couldn’t live without me and that my leaving would destroy him. But it never happened. He never said that.
“Goodbye, Russ,” I said, my words coming out forced, leaving a hole in my chest as I looked at him.
“You’re choosing Kory, aren’t you?” he asked, the pain evident in his voice as he stared at me. I wanted so badly for him to pull me back to him and make love to me, but I knew he had too much honor to do that. He’d respect my choice whether I wanted him to or not.
“I am. He’s the innocent victim in all of this. It’s not fair for me to leave him over something he had no control over.” I felt like the worst person on the planet, and my heart was breaking into so many pieces I was sure it wouldn’t ever be found again.
“I love you, Evie,” he said, his eyes full of intense sorrow and I wanted nothing more than to kiss away his pain.
“I love you too, Russ. I’m so sorry. Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” Quickly heading out the door, I knew this would be the last time I ever saw him. I hurried to my car, starting the engine. I couldn’t help myself, glancing one more time at Russ’ apartment. He was standing on the upper wide porch that ran across the entire length of the house, leaning against the railing.
“Don’t go.” He mouthed to me.
“I have to.” I mouthed back, allowing the tears to streak down my face as I put the car in gear and backed out of the driveway.
Chapter Nineteen
Russ
“Mr. Weston? Is that you?” I vaguely recognized the voice that called to me, but I couldn’t quite place it. Glancing around the bar, I tried to find who was speaking. A pretty brunette girl waved at me, and I smiled widely.
“Misty! What are you doing here?” I asked, turning to throw my dart at the board before facing her.
“I meet with some of the other secretaries once a week for drinks. I never thought I’d run into you, here,” she replied, smiling.
“My buddies and I come here sometimes because it’s close to w
ork,” I replied, again making note of how hot she was. “You want to come play with me?” I asked¸ not caring that I was totally plastered drunk and playing a game with myself at the moment.
“I don’t think I’ve ever played darts,” she said, glancing at the woman she was sitting next to.
“No worries. I’ll teach you,” I said, staring at her invitingly.
“Okay.” She seemed hesitant at first, but she got up and joined me. Her friend smiled as she watched the two of us, and I winked at her. She was cute, too.
“You want to learn?” I asked. “I have two sides. Plenty of room for you both.”
The woman laughed and shook her head. “No thanks. I’m just an observer when it comes to darts. Besides, I’m still waiting for some others to arrive.”
“Suit yourself, but if you change your mind, you know where to find us. By the way, I’m Russ.” I held my hand out to her.
“Marie,” she replied, taking my hand and shaking it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. How do you know Misty?”
I laughed, glancing at Misty. “I was sort of dating her boss—kinda. At least I thought we were dating. She might have just been passing the time.” I knew Evie wasn’t just passing the time with me, but the hurt words bubbled out of me before I could manage to stop them.
“So, it didn’t work out then?” she asked, sympathetically.
“Not even close.” I didn’t want anyone’s sympathy.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Me, too; but hey, there’s other fish in the sea, right?” I glanced back at Misty, thinking she was a pretty gorgeous fish. “You ready to play some darts?”
She blushed and I liked it. “I’m ready.”
“So, you just hold the dart like this, between your thumb and forefinger. Aim at the board and throw.”
“That doesn’t seem too hard,” she said, mimicking my movements. “Oh my gosh! Look! I almost got a bull’s-eye!”
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