Bat Out of Hell

by Bernadette Franklin

  Clifford snorted. “Typical small boutique drama. They’re trying to cut her hours so they won’t have to pay out insurance next year while changing her job position. Their next step will be to let her go and rehire her in a different capacity at twenty-nine hours just to be sure they don’t have to pay out.”

  The security guards sighed, and Yulan shook his head. “One of our new launch boutiques?”

  “Chosen specifically to get a closer look at Lee.”

  “She moved fast.”

  “Well, the harp had something to do with that, plus she’s matchmaking again.”

  “I have no idea why she’s matchmaking,” I admitted. “And I don’t see what the harp has to do with it. The Prada, that I can understand. Before the rats had trashed it, I’d really done a number on it.”

  “You improved the perfect dress, Lee. I saw the pictures. You took the perfect dress, and you made it better while turning it into a Halloween costume. You deserve your fate and employment opportunity.” Clifford pointed at the blue box tucked under Juliette’s arm. “Also, a gentleman bought you a matched set of jewelry that came in a blue box. That is not a casual gesture. And, knowing how many times Juliette has had to swoop in to rescue young men from themselves and their poor attempts at winning a lady, I have no doubt she went into panic mode. Juliette operates on anxiety half the time, and when she perceives someone she likes is having problems, she wants to make everything better. You’ll get used to it.”

  Juliette had anxiety? My eyes widened at the thought of someone like her being driven by anxiety. “Anxiety? Her?”

  “You should see her when she’s off her medication.” Yulan grunted. “Actually, don’t; it’s a clusterfuck. Please pardon the language. When she’s off her medication, we have to call in the big guns.”

  “The big guns?”

  “Her husband or son. They’re the only people who can calm her down. Juliette’s assistant takes care of the basics, including making sure she gets her breakfast, lunch, and medications on time. It doesn’t help that she also has some other issues, but you’ll discover those on your own.”

  I considered everything else I knew about Juliette, and enlightenment struck. “ADHD?”

  “She’s a poster child for it. She’s brilliant, but she has a short attention span when she’s off her meds. Add in her anxiety and work can be a roller coaster on a bad day. But on a good day?” The security guard smiled, his expression softening from affection. “That woman tries to change the world. It’s not all sunny days, but she tries her best even then.”

  “She looks so…” I shrugged.

  “With the program?” Yulan suggested.

  I nodded. “That.”

  “Appearances can be deceiving. You’ll find this company is what her dreams are made of. You’ll get used to it, even on the days where everything seems like it’s gone from weird to weirder. A word of advice, if I may?” Yulan walked with me to the elevator bank, where Juliette kept telling someone she had zero intentions of returning me.

  “Of course.”

  “When she’s having a bad day, treat her like every other day, even when your patience is frayed and you want to smack sense into her. Then contact her assistant and ask to have her medications checked. We’re all human here, and we all make mistakes. And herding Juliette? You’d be better off handling a hundred cats. It would be easier.”

  I bet.

  Chapter Ten

  The screaming match between Human Resources and Juliette started with a bang, and the Asian woman spearheading the initial assault went for Juliette’s throat with a stack of papers and math. Juliette countered with a rather logical and accurate assessment of my skills, which gave her opponent enough pause for Yulan to come between the women.

  “Ladies,” he murmured, using his bulk to force them to take a few steps back. “Naomi, however right you are, Juliette isn’t wrong to slip this one through the hiring freeze. Ask Clifford.”

  Clifford bowed his head. “Can I stay sidelined on this one? Please? I’ll beg. I don’t want to get into this tonight.”

  “Five minutes,” Naomi ordered. “Then you can run away while I continue to teach this woman the definition of a hiring freeze. That does not mean hiring spree.”

  “Two is not a spree, and we needed that new leatherworker. Needed. You even agreed with me after seeing her needlework.”

  Naomi heaved a sigh. “I’ll concede that point. Fine. Why do we need her?”

  To spare Clifford from participation, I announced, “I improved the perfect Prada. But then rats invaded my apartment and peed on it. And since peeing on it wasn’t bad enough, they shredded it and turned it into a nest.”

  Naomi’s mouth dropped open, then she snapped her teeth together with a wince-worthy clack. She turned to Juliette and pointed at me without a word.

  Juliette shrugged and held her hands up in a helpless gesture. “I got on my knees and hugged her legs at the costume party. I cried, Naomi. She even had little felt bats on the dress, and a beautiful crystal belt. I don’t know what happened to that belt, but if it can’t be saved, I am paying her to make another one. It was brilliant, and I think we could build an entire New Age line around it.”

  “New Age and modern fashion don’t mix, Juliette,” Clifford muttered. “And we’re not rigged for full vegan sourcing yet. We’ve talked about this.”

  “We can establish a vegan-friendly line. I’ll just have to open a branch and build it from the ground up. And it’s not like people won’t pay high amounts for ethically sourced vegan goods. It will just raise the bottom line. We can do it during a strong year and buffer the initial losses that way.”

  Once again, everyone sighed.

  I set my painting on my feet so the frame wouldn’t be damaged by the floor. “If you’re going vegan, you may as well go all American, too. You’re already dealing with an expensive line, and if you appeal to patriotic pride, you create more jobs, you appeal to a new audience, and you focus on being ecologically responsible. I mean, don’t your clothes already cost a fortune? Are people who want to buy your clothes and buy into these lines already willing to pay high costs for it? Just add the differences in manufacturing to the bill. If you can work with local suppliers, then you have even better options, don’t you? It just means you need more people like Clifford, and that raises your bottom line.”

  “And you wondered why I want her,” Juliette said, taking her turn pointing at me. “Do you have any idea how rare common sense is?”

  Naomi planted her hands on her hips. “As I deal with you daily, I’m very aware of how rare common sense is.”

  Wow. “Most places I’ve worked, that would be a firing offense.”

  “You’ll get used to it,” everyone announced.

  Would I? I had my doubts, but I decided it didn’t matter. I’d do as I always did until I got a better feel for what, exactly, I’d get used to.

  Juliette patted my arm. “We have lines of professionalism, but I value honesty more than professionalism. Now, that said, we do not tolerate prejudices. We have clients of all shapes, sizes, and nationalities, and we do not engage in prejudiced behavior. Sure, I lose some clients because I welcome everybody, but I don’t want those clients anyway. They can keep their money. There are plenty of better people who will pay my price tags—and I have lines in the works for people on a budget. I’m hoping I can make use of local suppliers to create locally inspired lines. That’ll be a challenge, though, as I’ll have to spend a week in every area we do this in at a minimum.”

  “That sounds amazing,” I admitted.

  “Naomi?”

  “I don’t want to know.”

  “But you’re going to find out anyway.”

  “You’re going to tell me I’m releasing the hiring freeze for this as an exception, and I’m not going to like what you tell me, but I’m going to do it anyway, because you’re going to concoct the required fifty reasons to go outside of the hiring freeze, so let’s get to it. You have fi
ve minutes. Convince me.”

  “She would have to present a reason every six seconds to present fifty reasons to hire me. Is that even possible?” I realized I cut into Juliette’s precious seconds. “Sorry.”

  “That counts as five reasons,” Juliette announced. “Pause time a moment, please.”

  “I hadn’t started my timer, so it’s okay, and I’ll consent to the reason count.”

  I tried to figure out how my question could possibly count as five reasons. “I don’t think that’s how math works.”

  With a giggle, Juliette rubbed her hands together. “Fifty reasons is how Human Resources makes me justify a hiring. A reason can be a lot of things. So, what you said has a lot of reasons to make you a good hire. First, you demonstrated basic common sense. That’s worth two points because we value common sense highly. All demonstrations of common sense are worth two points. Correct math skills are worth a point, but you get an extra point for being able to do it as quickly as you did without a calculator. You also got a point for demonstrating a realization you may have overstepped and immediately addressed the situation. Technically, I should have asked for six points, as you demonstrated empathy for someone else.”

  “I’ll consent to six points,” Naomi replied. “That still leaves you with forty-four reasons.”

  “Well, Lee? Game for seeing how many points you can collect for yourself in five minutes? Treat it like an introductory interview, one where you’re asked to present as much information about yourself as you can. Don’t be shy. If you think that it’s useful for our type of business, go ahead and say it.”

  “You’re evil, Juliette. I should tell you no just so you have practice at accepting that as an answer.”

  Naomi laughed. “I should consent to hiring you just for that. We usually have to train people to push back against Juliette. No wonder she likes you. All right. I’m not going to make you stick to the five minutes, as that’s a restriction she needs, else she would take an hour trying to concoct reasons I should hire you. Let’s call it fifteen minutes.”

  “Honestly, I have no idea why Juliette wants to hire me this badly. I adjusted my Prada because it was the only black dress I had. I saved up for years to earn that dress, but my friend had invited me somewhere, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or embarrass her, so I destroyed my dress.”

  “She improved a perfect Prada, Naomi. That’s the only reason I need.”

  “The rules are the rules, Juliette. Fifty reasons or you’d try to hire everyone in the entire state. Our profits are good, but they’re not that good, especially since you refuse to hoard money in a bank account. And don’t you complain to me. You’re the one who made the rules. And I’d like to remind you why we’re under a hiring freeze.”

  “We’re under a hiring freeze because we don’t have a full five years of employee salaries and company operations in our bank account, and we shouldn’t hire new employees unless we can guarantee we can keep everyone for five years. This is my rule, and I should abide by it. But she’s perfect,” Juliette whined.

  “Your opinion of her perfection is worth a single point and only a single point.”

  Juliette pouted.

  I could live for fifteen minutes of trying to come up with reasons I was worth the company’s attention. Most job interviews were at least that long. It was just an interview with a weird approach to how people were hired. I lifted my chin. “I don’t have a college degree because my family was too poor for me to go. Even if I had gotten financial aid, we couldn’t afford the student loan bill afterward, so I didn’t bother going to college. I entered the workforce right out of high school. I have done some customer service work, but I ultimately went into retail, and I’ve been working retail ever since. I’m not stupid, but I’m not educated, either.”

  Naomi and Juliette exchanged looks, but neither spoke. The rest of her employees shuffled their weight, and I wondered what they expected from employees and degrees.

  Most companies wanted someone who could finish college.

  “I’m good at budgeting because I have no choice but to be good at budgeting. Most weeks, I’m lucky if I have twenty dollars here and there. Honestly, I have no idea what’s going to happen at this point; I lost hours at the boutique, and I’m used to taking care of myself because there’s no one who can afford to take care of me. My parents can’t afford much, especially not a freeloader, so I can’t freeload. So, if you need someone who has already got a heavy dose of reality, I’m your woman. The only reason I’m going along with Juliette’s scheme is because I was told that I’d be paid a living wage. I’m not paid a living wage right now, but I have to make a living wage because I have no choice.”

  “I would like to say that thanks to the rat infestation of her apartment, she has been coerced into accepting an invitation with her second parents, so she is not nearly that bad off, but I expect she’s going to fight them over the rent. I’ve come up with a better alternative.” Juliette pointed at me. “And no protesting out of you. You will fight tooth and nail to pay your fair share of the rent, and I won’t let your stubborn pride come in the way of you and your perfect man.”

  “I’m not sure that’s how dating, love, and relationships work, Juliette.”

  “It is when I’m involved.”

  “You are a menace, but you’re too friendly. Stop being a friendly menace. It’s hard to tell friendly menaces no, but if you do something stupid, or this mystery man isn’t comfortable, I will tell you no.”

  “This mystery man adores everything about you, but he’s an awkward little coward and has no idea how to approach you outside of making it look like he’s a stalker. Society has taught him men should show interest by buying things, and you’re not the kind who wants a man buying things for you.”

  “Are you a psychologist as well as a fashion designer?”

  “It’s a part of being a designer. I have to match the person with their clothes. I can’t make clothes that sing to a client if I don’t understand how my client thinks. Clothing is an expression of self.”

  “So, you should just tell him to see me, have him tell me he’s interested, and we’ll see what happens from there. But I will have questions.”

  “If I throw you in headfirst, you’ll swim. If I let you dip your toes in, you’ll have a wet toe and nothing else to show for it,” Juliette predicted. “My way will get the job done, and nothing lets two people get to know each other better than sharing the same roof. You’ll figure out if you have chemistry immediately, and you’re both the type to make it work if you have sufficient motivation. Living together will provide that motivation. I will not say what I think will be happening within a week, as there’s a pair of virgin ears in the room.”

  Yulan heaved a sigh. “I’m single, Juliette. That doesn’t mean I’m a virgin.”

  “You’re a virgin. I pranced a model in lingerie through the lobby and almost gave you a heart attack. I can’t prance models through the lobby when you’re on shift, as I don’t want to lose a good employee due to panty exposure.”

  “This is one of those situations where you tell her no and send her to her room to think about what she’s done, Yulan. Also, it doesn’t matter if you’re a virgin or not, and it’s none of her business, either.” I pointed at Juliette. “No. Leave him alone and behave yourself.”

  “I haven’t even gotten to sign your hiring agreement yet, and you’re already assertive.”

  “He’s like a gentleman-in-distress, and if you’re not controlled, you’re going to prance women in panties around him until he’s numb to their presence, then you’ll try to marry him to one of the models.”

  Juliette’s eyes widened. “I hadn’t thought of matchmaking one of the models. That’s a really good idea.”

  “Unless Yulan asks you to parade interested women in panties out in front of him, the answer is no. You do not marry people to each other because she looks pretty in panties, and he likes a pretty woman in panties.”

  “Al
l women are pretty in panties,” Juliette replied.

  “While that may be the case, Yulan might be an intellectual with an appreciation for women in pretty panties. Anyway, unless he specifically asks you to matchmake for him, the answer is no.”

  “But what if I meet the woman perfect for him?”

  “Tell her of his location, return to work, and don’t indulge in any unnecessary—” I narrowed my eyes. “No, I misspoke. Do not indulge in any kidnappings. Period.”

  “That did not take you long to figure out. I’m so proud of you. See, Naomi? That has to be worth fifty points alone. That said, you allowed me to kidnap you.”

  “You lured me into your SUV with a chai, and I consented to be driven to Manhattan, as I recognized you would not be happy until you had a chance. As this could result in the first time I might have a job where I don’t have to work miracles with my budget, I thought it was worth the risk.”

  “You could sell the Tiffany jewelry and be set for a while. I figure you could get a hundred thou for it without much trouble. I don’t think you will, but that’s okay. You could. And the painting with the flowers is easily worth a cool half a million if you didn’t mind selling to a museum. Maybe more. I’d have to check into the artist. While no Monet, that one’s still worth a pretty penny.”

  My throat dried, and my heart rate skyrocketed. “I’ve been carting around a painting worth how much?”

  “Me and my big mouth. See, that’s the problem with you two! He bought what he thought you would like, and he didn’t even think twice about the price. He thought you would like it, and that’s that. You know the value of money, and now you’re going to try to figure out how to give it back because it’s too valuable because you don’t think someone like you should have something so precious. But he’s right, and he has already decided your value, which is very high to him.” Juliette stomped her foot. “Hire her so I can marry them, Naomi! Also, I don’t know the value of your favorite painting. I’ve never seen that one before.”