Bat Out of Hell

by Bernadette Franklin

  Christopher smiled. “I heard. There’s a picture of you clutching it rather possessively. Anyway, the canvas was about thirty dollars, and I probably spent forty dollars on the paint. In retrospect, I wish I’d used a better canvas.”

  My eyes widened, and my mouth dropped open. I pointed at him and spluttered. When my tongue finally did what I wanted it to, I blurted, “You painted that?”

  “I did. You play the harp, I paint. Maybe sometime soon, you’ll play the harp while I paint. I think Juliette’s right, though. We do complement each other. To be honest, I sent the winter landscape on impulse. I was worried you wouldn’t like it since it isn’t really a Renaissance piece.”

  “But it’s beautiful. Of course I love it. You really painted it?”

  “I don’t really look like a painter, do I?”

  “I will admit, I didn’t check under your nails for paint.”

  “I’m very careful to keep my painting a dirty secret. I usually wear gloves to keep my hands from being stained.”

  “That’s incredible. Do you paint here?”

  “I have a room that is locked and closed off just for painting. It’s the room with the entry to the balcony, and I keep my painting supplies out of view of the window—or keep the curtains closed.”

  “I want to watch you paint.”

  He grinned. “I don’t have any errands tomorrow night, so you can watch me to your heart’s content. I usually paint for two or three hours in the evening when I don’t have to run any errands. I’ll just wait until you get here before I start.”

  “I will rescue my harp from Juliette tomorrow,” I swore. “I can play and watch you paint at the same time. I think.”

  “And even if you can’t, you can play for me later. I wouldn’t want you to hurt your fingers, and I saw how you’d winced at the park after playing for a while. In the next few weeks, I might do a restoration, and I like things quiet when I’m doing a restoration.”

  “You do restoration work?”

  Christopher pointed at one of the flower paintings on the wall. “I bought that one for less than ten dollars at an estate sale.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “It’s worth over a hundred thousand dollars now that it isn’t covered in a layer of filth and I’ve finished some basic restoration work on it. I’m picky about my paintings, so I had it evaluated both before and after restoration. The people running the estate sale had no idea what they had. I have seven other paintings from the estate sale, but I haven’t had time to do more than to put them in my painting room while I try to figure out what they are. They’re in awful condition. My appraiser laughed at me when I showed him the photographs and told me to come back after I got the grime off them. Once I have them cleaned, I’ll take them in to see what I have. I’m not even sure the one can be restored. While the canvas isn’t torn, it’s not in good shape.”

  “Is there anything you can’t do?”

  “A lot, including build healthy relationships with women. The instant they find out I’m obsessed with classical art, they run the other way.”

  “That’s stupid. I was trying to think about ways to pressure you into inviting me back.”

  “Using me for my paintings?”

  “Definitely.” I pointed at his prized Leonardo da Vinci sketch. “I want coffee or tea dates underneath that. We can sit on the floor and marvel at its beauty.”

  “I’m pretty sure I can manage that.”

  “It might have to be our morning ritual. We get up, make coffee or tea, and come in here to admire the artwork while we wake up.”

  “I have an entire parlor and a dining room, both of which are decorated with paintings.”

  “We can start here and move that way eventually. There has to be at least two or three months of admiration in your entry alone.”

  Christopher checked his watch. “Hold that thought until later tonight. If we don’t leave soon, we’ll be late for everything. I expect we’re going to need an hour at the store to pick up all the basics for you, and we’ll make some time to do more shopping tomorrow.”

  “Jonas bought me a laptop for Christmas, and I am happy to order everything online. I assume your fancy penthouse allows for delivery?”

  Christopher laughed. “And the guys downstairs will hold packages and help carry them up, too. Delivery works. I’ll make sure they know you’re living here, so you’re added to the list of people allowed free access to the building. Don’t tell Juliette this, but the only reason she got away with what she did was because I’d called downstairs to let them know she was coming and was up to her usual tricks.”

  “You played her, and she doesn’t even have a clue.”

  “Isn’t it great?”

  It was, which made me laugh. “I think you won this round.”

  “I know I did.”

  Christopher loaned me the sash of his bathrobe and a pair of sweats, which I swam in but refused to complain. He couldn’t prevent the walk to the elevator or down to the garage, but the security people didn’t spare us more than a glance before returning to work, and no one else was around.

  He owned a sports car and an SUV, and he gave his fancy, expensive car the kind of glare I planned to reserve for rats.

  “I don’t know what your car did to you, but if I were it, I’d be worried.”

  “It is ten years old, and its engine is on its way out the door. It starts, barely. I’ll have to have it towed to a shop. I got it because I liked this specific car in that specific year. I made an error of judgment. It’s a pain in my ass. I keep thinking I should replace it, but then a new painting I want crosses my path, and I have to pick between the car or the painting. Without exception, I choose the painting. Or, as is the case this week, some other worthwhile investment.”

  As he’d asked, I still wore the diamond and ruby jewelry. I still didn’t understand why he’d gotten them for me, but I’d solve the mystery one day, even if I had to ask him. For the moment, I’d do my best to pretend they were made of glass rather than precious stones.

  His vehicle issues would provide a good distraction for a little while. “I know nothing about cars, so I’ll just say the SUV is probably more sensible. It can also hold more paintings and paint supplies. It can also hold my harp.”

  “I like your priorities. The last time I brought a woman down to my spots, she gave my car the glare because it wasn’t fancy enough.”

  “That’s never a good sign.”

  “No, it’s really not. I guess I should confess I’d installed cameras all throughout my penthouse since I was letting people in without me being able to supervise everyone. I may have reviewed the images you were in. Your eyes lit up when you saw my artwork. You even got Jonas to tag along while you admired everything. He looked like he wanted to jump off my balcony by the time he got you down to the entertainment room.”

  “Art is so not his thing, the poor fool.”

  “Don’t tell Juliette this, but I owe her a favor or three for bringing you back. I wasn’t sure how I was going to approach you.”

  “For coffee, as we’d discussed.”

  “Would that have actually worked?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes. But don’t worry. Even if you hadn’t asked for coffee, I would’ve concocted reasons to visit you. Your art collection is only one of your lures.”

  “Can I ask what the other lures are?”

  I considered, but then I shook my head. “I’m sure you will figure them out soon enough. I wouldn’t want to bereave you of a chance to learn my secrets.”

  “I feel I should warn you I can be quite competitive.”

  Good. “It’s important for relationships to have some spice.”

  “To go with your morning cup of chai?”

  “Honestly, I have no idea how to make chai.”

  “I do.”

  “Does Juliette know this?”

  “Surprisingly, yes. She’s been over a lot during the initial fittings; she came to me since I live so
close to her office. I usually make it from scratch. Working with spices is like working with paints for me. I find it relaxing. I am also a bit of a snob, so all of my teas are loose-leaf. I do have bags you can put the tea in if you must.”

  “Tea comes as loose-leaf?”

  Christopher unlocked the SUV. “Get in. I see I have a lot of work to do. Also, I’ll pay for everything you get tonight, and if you’re unhappy because you like being independent, you can pay me back after you get your bonus from Juliette. I’ll probably give her the receipt just to watch her meltdown. The thought of one of her employees going to Walmart for clothing will drive her crazy.”

  “She was going to take me to thrift stores,” I confessed, climbing in and buckling my seatbelt. “That’s usually my speed.”

  Christopher got into the SUV, and he took his time getting settled, buckling in, and starting the engine. “I’d be game, but most of them are already closed for the night or closing, so I have to go with what’s open.”

  “Walmart will have everything in one place. I’m good to go, but I don’t want to spend an hour in Walmart. That’s like visiting hell and being expected to stay.” I dug out my new phone, scrolled through the available apps, and found one that let me create a list. “You drive, I will make a list. I will then conquer the list in as expedient a fashion as possible.”

  “There’s a McDonald’s inside we can have for dinner. Not great cuisine, but we won’t get a chance to eat until after, so I recommend we grab something.”

  “I like their salads.”

  “Me too, actually. It’s one of my guilty indulgences.”

  “I think we have the important bases covered. What’s wrong with you?” I asked.

  “Nothing. I’m male perfection.”

  I laughed. “Jonas must be so sad you’re not gay.”

  “In his eyes, that is my greatest flaw. I’m unavailable for his enjoyment. And my art. For some reason, he’s just not a fan.”

  “He needs more help than even doctors can provide.”

  “That’s what I thought, but when I suggested that, he laughed at me. One day, he might learn.”

  “I find that highly improbable. This is Jonas we’re talking about.”

  “You’re right. Just be glad we’re talking about Jonas and not Clarissa.” Christopher regarded me with a raised brow. “You do know Clarissa is going to flip, right?”

  “She is? Why?”

  “I told her, to her face, that I like my crazy to be cultured.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand in a futile effort to keep from laughing. “She must hate you.”

  “I’m tempted to text her that I have you in my custody and have no intention of releasing you anytime soon. It would be enjoyable for one of us. By that, I mean me.”

  “She might come over wearing an inflatable dinosaur costume.”

  “I heard about that. Honestly, I’d pay good money for that sort of entertainment. I’ll text her, tell her when I’m dragging you back to my domain, and we can have some fun at her expense for a change.”

  “Rather than at mine?”

  “Yep.”

  “I’m viewing the Tiffany ring as the requirement met for the ring, the Halloween engagement party as the requirement for a serious relationship, and we’ll have to talk about future plans.”

  “Your list of requirements for indulging in sharing someone else’s bed?”

  “Precisely.”

  “I like children, but I’m up in the air on if I want to adopt. I’ve been leaning towards adoption, as I see zero need for my child to share my genes. That, plus I can’t imagine asking a woman to undergo that sort of discomfort when there are plenty of kids who need a family. I haven’t put in any serious thought beyond that, as I’ve been working fairly long hours and running errands. I’ll have to change my schedule.”

  “I haven’t thought about children at all, as I’ve never been able to afford them.”

  “I have no aspirations of moving, honestly. I’ve spent most of my excess money paying my mortgage off early, and I’ve been working overtime to make sure the only bill for my penthouse is maintenance fees and property tax. I’m about a year out from paying it off entirely, so I’d like to wait on any big moves until then.”

  “Thus, the engagement party in a year?”

  “No, that was for the reasons I said. We both deserve to take our time thinking about it and getting to know each other better. I’m game for a year trial living under the same roof and figuring out how we tick. For some reason, I think we’ll be fine.”

  I thought he was right, too. “Is there space for a proper full-sized harp?”

  “I can make space. If you want a full-sized harp for the painting room, we can do that. I also have room in the main parlor for one. I see no reason you can’t have two full-sized harps. It’s a big penthouse, so we can arrange it for what works with us. I’m not going to say no if you want harps. I have a bedroom that we can convert into a music room for you, but I’m not sure about its acoustics. I’ll hire a contractor to go through the extra bedrooms and figure out which one is best. I might have the painting room redone at the same time. It could use some work. I’ve made a mess of it.”

  “You’re painting in there. You’re supposed to make a mess of it.”

  “Let’s just say you will want a cheaper harp in that room because it will get paint on it. I do splash therapy sometimes.”

  “Splash therapy? What’s that?”

  “I buy cheap acrylics, water them down, and fling them at the canvas. Aggressively. It’s messy. I cover the works in process with loose canvas, too. I’ve actually made some interesting pieces that way. Once, I cleared out all of my paintings, put a canvas down on the floor, and rolled on it while covered in paint.”

  “That sounds amazing. That also sounds like something I could do. Easily. While dressed in an inflatable dinosaur costume.”

  Christopher’s eyes widened. “We’re going to do that, and when we’re done, we’re going to sell it.”

  “We are?”

  “People love crazy art, Lee. And I’m going to record you while you roll around on the canvas and turn it into art. And so you don’t feel left out, I’ll join you, also dressed in an inflatable dinosaur costume. We can make new ones every now and then while wearing new costumes.”

  “Think Juliette will flip if I alter another perfect black dress, turn it into a witch’s costume, dress you up as a black cat, and roll around in paint and force her to watch it?”

  “Just don’t do it to the black dress you wore tonight. I’ll beg, just don’t do it to that dress. I really will beg but spare the dress.”

  “Like it, do you?”

  “On you, it’s perfection. I’ll try to find a replacement for your ruined dress and get everything you need to recreate it. I have pictures if you need to see them for reference. It’s a Prada?”

  “It used to be. It’s now a rats’ nest.”

  “I’ll contact Prada and ask if they can get a new one sent over in your size. I’m more than happy to replace the dress, especially as you intend to use it to teach Juliette a lesson.”

  I swallowed my pride, straightened my shoulders, and asked, “Can you ask for two? It really was the perfect dress. I’ll pay you back for it.”

  “Consider the second one a Christmas present. I don’t do the Christmas present thing all that well, so you’ll have to tell me what you want; otherwise, you’re getting art.”

  “How tragic, to receive art for Christmas? Whatever will I do?”

  He laughed. “Yeah, for some reason, I didn’t think you’d mind.”

  “I’ve never been able to afford much in the way of Christmas presents before, so expect me to go overboard.”

  “However will I cope? If you feel you must pay rent, I’ll apply it to the mortgage, and once there’s no mortgage, it will go into a retirement fund or to pay the property taxes. I do not expect the woman living with me to pay any rent, but I also refuse to be one of thos
e men who refuse to accept help. It’s a partnership.”

  “I’m glad we don’t have to have that fight. My income is based on twenty percent going to rent, so I will take twenty percent of my paycheck and apply it to the mortgage, property taxes, or a savings account.”

  “Retirement account.”

  I frowned. “Is there a difference?”

  “Yes, there are. I’ll explain it when we get to that point. If there’s one thing in this life I’m good at, it’s handling money.”

  “Painting. You’re definitely better at painting.”

  “I think you’re biased.”

  “Yes, I am. Deal.”

  He chuckled, backed the SUV out of its spot, and eased through the maze of luxury vehicles in the parking garage. “Okay. I’ll deal and I’ll even enjoy it.”

  I thought I would, too. To make sure we wasted as little time in Walmart as possible, I made my shopping list and wondered what the future would hold.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Unlike most bees and wasps, some species of hornets came out at night to play, and someone had disturbed a nest at the Secaucus Walmart in New Jersey.

  Two stings, three hornet assassinations courtesy of Christopher, and one hospital trip later, I became the not-so-proud owner of a medical bill, two allergy pens, and a drug-induced stupor. Then, because I couldn’t handle making Christopher late for his errand, we had our first spat over whether he should stay with me while the doctors waited to confirm my condition wouldn’t worsen.

  If I hadn’t told him about my allergy, things might’ve worked out a lot differently.

  I won the argument, sent him off with a promise I wouldn’t be going anywhere for at least six hours, and played on my new phone. It took me two hours to work up the nerve to confess the truth about my allergies to Clarissa, who, as expected, told everyone.

  My parents, my second parents, and my best friend showed up at the hospital while I twiddled my thumbs and waited to see if the hornets would win.

  “Since when have you been allergic to bees?” Clarissa shrieked.

  “Since birth,” my mother announced, and she glared at me. “What do you think you’re doing?”